Season 2, Episode 2, Part 3: "Keith's Appraisal"

David's office. Keith sits there chewing on his gum still. He's staring at David with his vacant eyes, and I can't help but laugh already, even if he hasn't done anything yet. Actually, it's not what he does that is funny, it's the fact that he usually does absolutely nothing and looks like he doesn't think either. David is reading his form: "Under 'strengths' you've just put 'accounts'." "Yeah," says Keith. David seems to expect more, so he nods to emphasize it. Hee. "That's your job, I mean, that's just..." David tries to clarify. "Mm," says Keith and nods. I dunno how I can get through this scene, I'm already laughing almost too hard to type. Keith is just so completely oblivious. David is the smarter and more alert one in this scene, and somehow he seems more like Ricky Gervais than David Brent to me every time he gets to be the smarter one. That's the problem of seeing too much of one actor's stuff, you start seeing the actor instead of the character. David tries to get an answer out of Keith: "No, Keith, I'm sorta looking for skills within your job, so is there anything else I could put there?" Keith just shrugs and does the "I don't know" gesture with his hands. How did he even get a job if he acts like this when his boss asks him a question? He must be really good at math.

"Okay..." says David. "Under 'weaknesses', you've put 'eczema'." How can I recap this? I dunno how many times I've seen thsi scene, but I must say this is one of the funniest scenes in the series. Really it's a simple idea, but it's just... eczema? Heee. Gervais and McIntosh had trouble getting this scene done, as you can see from the bloopers. It's like they can't handle "eczema" either. Keith's supposed to say "In my foot" or "In my leg" or something, but they just can't do it without laughing. It's awesome. I guess I should dissect what exactly makes it so funny. Maybe it's because a rash can be seen as a weakness, if you think of it from a purely physical viewpoint. It's just that it's so much simpler than the type of answer you'd usually give in a form. It's like a cat's idea of "my weaknesses". I like that he didn't mention his weight, like that's just a part of who he is, not a problem he has to deal with. Actually, it would be out of character for Keith to think like that anyway. Which is one of the reasons why he's so awesome.

Male employees working. They look like reflections of each other because of the way they're seated. One of them is picking his ear. Hee! Cut to Rachel and Dawn in the break room. "And he had a fantastically welcoming buffet," says Dawn. Rachel laughs. "The wine was something else," she says. I'm not sure if they mean it was good or bad. Dawn is nervously playing with something small that's in her hand. Or maybe she's just picking at her nails. Rachel is playing with her necklace. They seem like they think they should be friends since they're female and around the same age, but they feel a bit tense around each other yet. There's a great deleted scene at this point about Gareth coming in and them pretending they were talking about lesbian stuff, but they cut it out for some reason. I wish they had used it. Rachel says Tim seems nice, and asks if he has a girlfriend. "Tim? No," says Dawn and chuckles a bit, prompting Rachel to ask: "Why? What's up with him?" "Nothing," says Dawn. I'm not sure if she's trying to make Rachel think there is something wrong with Tim, or if she just feels funny because they have a history. Rachel asks if Dawn would go out with him. "I'm out of the occasion," says Dawn and shows her ring. "Yeah, I know, but if you weren't, would he be..." Dawn pretends to laugh and repeats "If I weren't..." but she's clearly uncomfortable. Yeah, we get it. Dawn likes Tim. Tim likes Dawn. But Dawn is engaged to Lee. And now Tim likes Rachel. Let's move on with this, shall we?

Back at Keith's appraisal, Keith is still a blank slate, and David seems to be using the form as a way of having a structured conversation with him, because it's really impossible to get anything out of him otherwise. Sadly, he hasn't filled out the whole thing - he's left all the multiple choice questions blank. He says he thought David would fill them out. I bet he just didn't even bother to read them, because it's obvious they're meant for him when David reads the first question out loud: "To what extent do YOU believe that YOU have the skills and knowledge to perform your job effectively? And then you just tick one of the boxes: Not at all, to some extent, very much so, don't know. What would you take?" Keith chews on his gum for a moment and says: "Don't know." That would seem impudent from anyone else, but with him it's just the wind blowing through his brain. David looks like he isn't going to take that answer, but then decides to be patient: "OK," he says and ticks the box. The next question is about getting enough training to use his computer. David waits for an answer, but Keith, after a careful gum-chewing moment, wants to hear the options again. He unsurprisingly picks "don't know".

Now, I work as a Gallup phone interviewer, and my whole job consists of what David is doing here. There really are people who answer like Keith. We aren' even allowed to offer "don't know", because some people would only take that every time. And most aren't even motivated enough to listen properly to the questions or the options, so it gets really frustrating sometimes, because I'm not allowed to jump over any questions, and my status as a lowly phone interviewer stops me from making comments like "please answer by the options I gave you" or "for god's sake, listen to the questions". You need some patience. David, of course, isn't really known for his patience. He asks the third question, which is: "Do you feel you are given the flexibility to decide how best to accomplish your goals?" Wow, the jargon in that sentence is so thick you need to shovel a bit before you get to the bottom of it. Maybe he should start with something a little bit simpler, like: "What is your job? a) accountant, b) lawyer, c) paper merchant, d) don't know." Actually, I'm fairly sure Keith would still pick "don't know".

Keith wants to hear the options again and David wipes his forehead with his forefinger a bit, a gesture of frustration. Keith picks don't know, a bit faster this time, clearly not even thinking. He asks Keith what he would pick if there were no "don't know", and Keith asks to hear the options all over again. "Not at all," David starts in a voice that is quite agitated, then takes a little break to control himself and smiles to be more friendly and continues. "Very much so," says Keith. "Do you remember what the question was?" asks David. "Nah," says Keith. Hee! This is just priceless. It's the social faux pas thing - your boss asks you a simple enough question and you act like it's completely unimportant to you. David says: "We're gonna LEAVE that," as if it really is just an optional part of it all. Which is probably is, I doubt these self-evaluation forms are worth much. Incidentally, I wonder if Keith is on Gareth's "worst employees" list.

Employees working. I pay attention to the clear blue desktop in one computer - it seems so archaic now. The camera follows David as he walks up to the meeting room: "Giving the Swindon lot a bit of a... it's not an appraisal as such... There they are." The Swindon lot has gathered in the room and they are laughing, as Neil is showing them some photos. He's wearing his brown leather coat again. "Sorry, hi, just showing them..." he says to David. "Keeping them occupied until the main event," says David. "I hope you warmed them up better than last time." Wow. He still thinks that was Neil's fault? He pats Neil on the shoulder in an attempt to be playful with him, although I'm sure he hates him. One of the women is yawning, and David says: "Don't look like it, cos..." and points at her. The camera is behind the employees, and you can see quite a bit of Rachel's back when she leans forward. Neil leaves and they say bye to him warmly. They obviously like him a lot. Rachel is left looking after Neil, and I wonder if that's supposed to imply taht she might have a crush on him.

David says he can't give an appraisal, "cos you've only been here for a week." It's been a week already? Wait, is the show set in real time - one week between each episode? That would be awesome. I never thought of it. David says he wants to hear how they're settling in, but of course starts by answering for them that the vibe is different: "Neil ruled with more of an iron fist." Hee, how would he know? He wasn't there and Neil certainly doesn't seem like an iron fist boss. "But uh... Settling in? Having a good time?" It seems like he has a hard time coming up with even that question. Everyone looks at the floor and doesn't seem to want to answer. "How is it different?" David asks. "More laid back, presumably," he replies his own question. Let them answer, David. He takes one male amployee, points at him and says: "Think it's more laid back? Yes?" He's still answering for them! "Yes..." the employee says tentatively. "Yes, then," says David before the employee can go further with his answer. I have a feeling he doesn't really want to hear how they're doing. "More laid back, more fun," says David. "Well...." starts Trudy, but doesn't continue, so David says, "Huh?" "Nothing," says Trudy. "Go on," says David with an inane grin on his face, as usual. "Well, we're actually used to doing stuff, like working hard and being motivated. There's not much dynamism out there, is there," she says and either Rachel or Brenda makes agreeing noises. "No, I mean people look like they're getting away with murder." To David this is, of course, a good thing, and he says, "Having a laugh, yes." He seems a bit offended, like he can't see how that's a bad thing. His grin has been on for so long that it has to be fake. "Well, I think quite a few of us are bored," says Trudy. Ouch! David's grin immediately dies, because getting away with murder, not being motivated to work hard? Not a problem at his office. But being bored? Now that's forbidden.

"What, you preferred Swindon?" asks David a bit sarcastically, clearly offended. "More of a laugh," says the male employee. Ouch again. "You're having a laugh saying that," says David. And then Ray Stokes shows up in his wig and glasses and says, "Is he having a laugh?" and the audience roars with laughter. At least in my head, every time I hear that sentence. "What's so good about Swindon?" asks David. "Neil?" "Yeah, for one," says the male employee. "What, you preferred Neil to me?" says David. The guy doesn't know how to respond, because David is obviously hurt by now. He stares at him for a moment, kind of frozen. David decides to ask them all a more specific question: "Who thinks Neil is more of a laugh than me?" Everyone raises their hand. "That's mental! Come on!" Hee, I love "That's mental", Andy Milman also uses it a lot. It's cute. David is seriously offended now: "Come off it! You just.. Youuu..." Aww, poor David. "We're gonna have a drink! Come for a drink with me and see who's more of a laugh. Yeah? Put your money where your mouth is. We'll go for a drink lunchtime. We're ... Right." And he just walks out just like that. It's such a childish response. He could have heard the criticism about not having enough to do and given them more work-related challenges. He could have taken teh criticism that he isn't funny and tried to be more laid back in the future. But to prove at lunch that he's laid back? Sad. And of course drinking is his solution to everything.

David walks out of the meeting room and goes up to some male employees, telling them they're going to the pub at lunchtime, "showing that lot what Slough lot are like." He doesn't stay to hear their response, just walks on to ask Keith what he's doing at lunch. Why Keith?! He can't even get a word out of his mouth with the people he knows! The employees look confused and then get back to work. So if you're wondering why more people didn't come, that's one reason.