Season 2, Episode 2, Part 1

People working. Oliver has set up in the number bods' table where Rachel was setting up last time, so I guess she found a place elsewhere. Suddenly David comes up to have a little chat with him. I'd like to believe his conscience got to him after last episode and told him to come up and apologize, but no such luck: he's really just showing off how tolerant he is in a "subtle" way: "Did you see that movie last night with Denzel Washington? Great actor." I bet he just saw the movie and thought: "Hey, that guy is black like Oliver! I'll mention this to him." Oliver agrees Washington is a great actor. David beams and concludes the conversation, because that's really all he needed to establish. It's like that episode of Seinfeld where George tries to show his boss he's not a racist by introducing his exterminator as his friend. It's not as elaborate as that, but it's equally transparent. Suddenly, after already saying "see you", David comes back and says, "He's not my favorite actor of all time, by the way." Oliver seems surprised, probably more by the fact that David comes back just to say that than by the content of his remark. "My favorite actor of all time is mr Sidney Poitier." He pronounces it right, surprisingly. This gets almost no reaction at all from Oliver. "Yeah, that's amazing," he says, but doesn't really seem to mean it. He doesn't look too happy after David leaves. Geez, I wonder why. David discussed a black-related topic with him, so he should be feeling right at home.

People working at their computers. Phones ringing. Phones seem to be ringing all the time. It would be a fairly stressful environment to work in, I think; not as stressful as my job (Gallup interviewer) but stressful enough anyway. So little space and so much noise all day long. Plus the work itself seems to suck, not that we ever see them working much. Cut to Tim and Gareth. Gareth is exercising with a thigh master type device, only with his hands. "Are you building up your wrists?" Tim asks him. Gareth says yes without looking at him. "When is the charity wank-a-thon?" asks Tim. Hee! Imagine. It would have more participants than charity runs, and people would probably pay just to see it. Gareth tries an amusing comeback: "I don't know, but you'd win it." Pretty good coming from him. "That's good," says Tim, impressed and amused that Gareth answered with a counter-remark for once. He asks why the training and Gareth says he's going "orienteering with the TAs". Tim furrows his brows like he still doesn't get it. I can't comment much, because I know nothing about orienteering. Gareth's hand-training still looks kinda funny though, as he's just working at his computer and keeps squeezing the mini-thigh master like it's a compulsive thing. Hee, thigh master. Maybe it just looks funny because he seems so serious about it.

Lee and Dawn walk in. Lee apologizes to Tim in a low voice. Before he says anything, he glances at the camera and then at Dawn, who looks at him like, "Oh yes you will." He's very embarrassed and it seems a bit like Dawn made him. He mutters an apology. "No, man, don't worry about it," says Tim. "No, I'd had a bad day, I was really wound up, so... shouldn't have done it," Lee says, coming across pretty likeable for once. Tim acts like it's no biggie, even if it was probably pretty embarrassing for him. They agree to put it behind them. Lee hands over a bottle in green wrapping. "Is that for me?" says Tim, which strikes me as unusually TV-esque dialogue, but at least he sounds like he's genuinely asking, not belting out, "For ME?", so it's not so bad. Bottom line of this scene: Lee is annoyingly macho, so he shoves people against the wall and then almost can't bring himself to apologize. Which is realistic male interaction, I think, but I'm still pissed off with this whole character.

The situation is slightly awkward as it is, but it gets worse when Gareth jumps in: "I'll put your mind at rest: there is nothing going on between them. Cos I would know, I've been watching him like a hawk. And I imagine you've been watching her at your end. So between us, we've got it covered." Wow. Mr Hawk has apparently missed the obvious flirtation right under his nose. And I'm sure Tim feels safe knowing Gareth is watching him so closely. No one replies, they just stare at Gareth, who has obliviously turned back to his computer and doesn't seem to realize that was a faux pas. Must be easy being Gareth. He's like a cat who's pushed away from bed in the morning and happily jumps right back on top of you and purrs. He's not malicious; he just doesn't get it. As Lee and Dawn leave without so much as saying hi to Gareth, Tim places the bottle between him and Gareth on the table. "Probably a bottle of something," says Gareth. "You reckon?" Tim asks sarcastically. "Look at the shape," says Gareth, still staring at his computer and practising with his wrist-size thigh master. He's awesome. Tim stares at him as if he didn't think even Gareth could be this stupid. Have I remarked on the toy planes on Gareth's computer monitor before? Well, whether I have or not: they are cute.

The number bods working. Keith seems to work the same way he speaks: he leans back in his chair sideways to the computer, slowly clicking a button now and then. It doesn't exactly look like he's working hard, but with him, it's hard to tell if there's even any brain activity.

David's office. He tells us he's doing staff appraisals today. He says some people feel nervous, "because they think they're walking the long march with their head on the block, which is wrong." He does the mouth-twist thing again. Hee, I suppose their head isn't on the block until they've finished marching. Frankly, I doubt anyone takes staff appraisals that way. David says they fill out a form in advance, and Gareth, who's sitting on the other side of his desk, shows the form to the camera with that facial expression people have in videos like "This is how you plug in your computer on the train". It's that exact eyebrow-cock and serious expression. It always amuses me, because it's like your face is imitating an exclamation point. Or arrow: "look at THIS." And you know, Gareth, it's a form, we know how it looks, so there's really no need to show it.

David continues: "They're doing it to sort of list their strengths and weaknesses, but also mine as a boss. It's a chance for them to tell me where WE are going wrong." Not where you are going wrong? I wouldn't expect him to be very receptive about the criticsm. He continues: "And we can... you know, it's very much an opportunity to..." Gareth fills in: "Separate the wheat from the chaff." David says: "No, that sounds bad." Worried about how it will look on camera, I'm sure. "It's not a witch hunt," says David (just like he said in the previous episode). "We're not trying to find out who the worst ones are." Gareth interjects: "We know who they are already! I've written them down in my form." Hee! If this were jail, he would be the snitch. It's just... who writes a list of the worst employees on their own evaluation form? "You shouldn't have written them on your form," says David, who worries about what the viewers might think. "I've underlined the worst ones," says Gareth and shows him the list. "Well, you're missing the point," says David, but then looks down the list and nods: "Yeah." Hee, he's so unprofessional! He could have refused to discuss the other employees with Gareth altogether and just stuck to his appraisal.

Appraisals. First off is Tim. "Here he is, Tim Canterbury, good man," narrates David mainly to the camera, which is behind him. "The Canterbury Tales. By Chaucer." David looks at the camera with a grin, then turns back to face Tim. "Yeah," agrees Tim. Then David turns back to the camera and adds: "And Shakespeare" with the same grin. You just know he added that because he doesn't know which one it was and doesn't want to seem stupid and uneducated in case The Canterbury Tales really was written by Shakespeare. His first instinct is right, though, and he manages to make a fool of himself because Chaucer lived way before Shakespeare's time. I think it's one of those references everyone knows and therefore a good way of signaling lack of education in a character. Tim furrows his brows a bit and his expression says, "Umm..ok", but he doesn't correct David.

David begins the appraisal by saying he's "pleased with you, very proud. A new leaf, et cetera." He continues with this bullshit: "Trust, encouragement, reward, loyalty... satisfaction." He makes hand movements like he's baking and then a "draw-it-all-together" gesture in the shape of a heart. Wow. David's words are the perfect anti-communication. Unconnected strings of words that really don't mean anything in this context. But that's what management jargon is. "Probably wondering WHY I'm so generous with encouragement," David says, but Tim's expression tells us that he wasn't thinking that. "Trust people and they will be true to you. Treat them greatly and they will show themselves to be great," David says. Yeah, really genuine and from the heart, he obviously thought of it himself. Even if he had, it's still more praising himself than Tim, because he was the one to give Tim this great opportunity.

David asks Tim if he's happy about staying at Wernham Hogg. Tim starts to say that he still plans to go to university, but David won't let him talk: "No point, no point, no point. Sure, 18-19, go to university, get it out of your system, you know... Waste time getting drunk, mucking about, getting up at midday..." Yeah, he's got us students pegged. I just finished my thesis which I spent two years writing, and yeah, all I ever did was get drunk every day and scribble a few pages the night before I had a meeting with the supervisor. Now I'm gonna graduate and I have to figure out how to stop drinking and change my sleep cycles. If only I had had a 9-to-5 job all this time, I would know what life really is. "Having casual sex," Tim fills in. I think they're confusing "university students" with "Finchy". David says they're in their 30's, but Tim doesn't agree: "I'm only just 30. You're... 39?" David puts an end to the speculation by saying: "We're both in our 30's. It's the FACT." Hee, he loves that word. And I suppose if you're still 39, you'd technically be in your 30's, but if the age difference between him and Tim is really almost ten years, it's a fairly selective fact. Or maybe Tim's just focusing on the wrong number - he should look at the 3, not the 9. David makes a gesture with his fingers that could imply "name tag" or "sign" or something similar, but I certainly wouldn't associate it with "fact". "Yeah?" he says. Tim nods solemnly.

David says that Tim could be "in the hot seat" in a few years - and he makes a ridiculous gesture, pointing at his chair with two hands accompanied with a smug smile, eyes closed, and biting his lower lip. It sounds dull in writing but it looks hilarious, and I know they did a million takes of this because they both cracked up all the time. Of course, Ricky Gervais needs multiple takes of everything, so maybe that's no indication. "When I'm nearly 40?" Tim tries, unwisely. "Well, we're both in our 30's at the moment, so...you know... just chewing the fat, you know, but..." He stares at Tim for a moment, not knowing how to continue. You know, David, you could take it as a compliment that your staff sees you as older and wiser. Of course, Tim didn't say wiser, and David isn't. But some bosses might actually accept the fact that they are older to their employees and therefore entitled to a certain respect or admiration that age brings. David, who just wants to be everybody's cool best friend, can't handle the idea. Which is one of the reasons why he's so sad.

After a moment's silence, David puts his hands together as if he's going to say something wise and says: "If.. we're facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking." He says it like it's the wisest thing he ever said.. and it probably is. "You're quite a philosopher," says Tim, and I can't tell if he's sarcastic or not. He's so good at saying sarcastic comments that sound genuine. I think that's what happens when you work with Gareth long enough. David has another brilliant aphorism to offer: "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." Wait, what does that have to do with Tim? He keeps looking at a paper on his desk, and Tim figures out what's going on: "Are you reading these?" "Am I what?" David says, trying to make it sound ludicrous. "Reading the quotes," says Tim. "Sort of," admits David. Hee! Wouldn't it be better to use your own words, no matter how inane? Tim takes a look at the notes. "Confucius... Bernard Shaw..."

David pushes Tim's hand away: "It doesn't matter who said them first, I am passing on my wisdom to you..." Well, it's not your wisdom if someone else said it first. Just the thought of David passing his wisdom makes me chuckle. And remember how possessive he was about "his" jokes (like "wank you very much") in the first season? Yeah, I bet he'd love it if others used his quotes without crediting him. "And don't tell the others I've been reading them... it's an insult..." He should have memorized the quotes if he wanted to read them without others noticing. It's not Tim's fault. David seems upset and Tim tries to calm him down: "It's cool, it's cool, I'm not gonna." David puts the note into a desk drawer to make it less obvious. Hee, just screw the notes, David. It's supposed to be a personal appraisal, not a rehearsed speech. It wasn't such a big deal for Tim, so he seems a bit taken aback that David was so annoyed with him for finding him out. David puts away the paper and looks at Tim, still looking busted. Great appraisal, Tim has certainly learned many valuable things.