Season 1, Episode 6, Part 3: "The Verdict"

David walks out of his room, lifting his pants a bit, and sighs deeply, mugging for the camera. This is the moment they've all been waiting for, the verdict from Jennifer. David meets her in the lobby. "Are you ready?" she asks. "Yeah," says David, trying to sound a bit tougher than usual. "Who's she?" asks Jennifer, pointing at Karen who stands by Dawn's desk. Doesn't she even get her own chair? The office is really cramped when you think about it. They don't even have cubicles. "I don't know," says David weakly. So - not only has he hired her without Jennifer knowing, he's not even going to tell her about it now? Hee, that's even worse than his usual stunts. When was he planning on letting her know? Coming to think of it, you can't say "secretary" without saying "secret", so it makes sense. Everybody in the office looks after Jennifer and David like their jobs depended on the meeting. And they do. Well, fear not, David's going to look out for you, troops. The employees' anxious faces tell us just how much they trust David. Even Donna looks worried. Isn't she just temporarily working there?

David looks serious as Jennifer starts telling him the news: "Firstly, I'm moving on." "You've been fired?" asks David. Yeah, because that's what it usually means. Why should she be fired? Jennifer laughs a bit as she tells him that it's the opposite: "I've been made into a partner." The camera zooms on David's face as it assumes a rather incredulous look. You can tell he's thinking: "A partner? And a WOMAN? This would not have happened in my Dad's day." He tries to play off the awkwardness by talking about names: "So that'll be Wernham Hogg Taylor Clarke? That's mental. We'll have to change the stationary." Yeah, that's his only concern with having a FEMALE partner in the firm. Jennifer says they can get a discount on stationary because they're in the industry. "40 per cent sometimes," adds David, because it's such an important piece of information, one that will surely interest the viewers.

Jennifer continues that as she's leaving a post open, the board wants either David or Neil to take it, and they voted 5-2 in favor of David. Which.. what? Why would 5 board members vote for this loser? He doesn't even work! He comes in to tell jokes and entertain! I had to think of this a bit, but I think it makes sense in the end. He's older than Neil and has probably been in the firm longer. If they haven't seen him in action, they have no way of knowing how bad he is, and probably some of the board members work even less than he does. Generally older employees are promoted after a while, unless they made some terrible mistakes, which David hasn't made... yet. Jennifer seems happy for David as she talks about it, but then I guess she hasn't been there enough to see his "work" "methods". David is, of course, gleeful about the result. "They voted for me 5-2? There's only seven in the board, so it's five out of seven." Yes, most of us can add up 5 + 2, David. Jennifer starts to say something, but David has to continue: "That's a landslide." He acts like it's a presidential election or something. "David," Jennifer has to interject again. I love how she always has to use her authority to keep him thinking of the matter at hand, instead of getting lost in his own thoughts.

David takes a facial expression that fakes attention, just like before with Tim. Jennifer starts with how David is "100 % committed to his branch". Umm... yeah, I guess so, if by "committed" you mean... hee, I can't even think of anything to fill that gap that would really mean something in David's case. Jennifer points out that if David takes the job, his branch will be downsized. "Yeah," says David and nods happily. Mr 100 % Committed only cares about his own promotion. He doesn't even try to pretend he cares about the employees, which I think I would do, because it really makes him look bad ON CAMERA. "I know you're very loyal to your family here," says Jennifer. David says "I'll be loyal to the whole family, it's one big family." Yeah. Because the definition of family is "whoever works under David Brent". I know I compared him to Joey on Full House, but he's not even on that level, because Joey at least cared about the family. Maybe I should find some annoying neighbor who constantly drops in and eats all the food.

Jennifer, however, still has some faith in his words, and she tries again with "I'm just sensitive to the fact that you have strong, let's say emotional ties to your team." David starts his bullshit generator, talking slowly enough to show he's making it all up on the spot: "Well, yeah, but theere iis thee emotion-as-good-in-business syndrome, sure, notwithstanding the cruel-to-be-kind scenario..." Hee, whenever he uses words like "notwithstanding" or "whilst", or anything in Latin, you know he's just lying through his teeth. If it even makes any sense, and in this case it doesn't. Jennifer feels the same way as she says: "I'm sorry, David, but you've lost me." David tries a very weird metaphor: "You're not looking at the whole pie, Jenny." Have we heard him call her Jenny before? It sounds a bit too colloquial to me, but maybe it's customary over there. "Wernham Hogg is one big pie, if they let me in charge of that pie I'll be in charge of the pie... and the people are the fruit..." He wanders off, obviously not knowing himself what he's saying. It sounds weird, because... is he planning on eating the company? And if people are the fruit, aren't they the filling? What is there in a company besides people? Maybe the dough is made of stocks and money and buildings. Also, in this metaphor, David is somehow outside of the pie. No matter what way you think of it, it doesn't work. Jennifer awesomely says: "I don't have time for the pie thing, David." Jennifer rocks. "Yeah, OK, I'll take the job," David says. Yeah, best keep it simple, because you always stumble on your own metaphors. "Good!" says Jennifer, as if she's relieved he doesn't want to stay loyal to his branch. She tells him to meet with the board, but David is busy calculating what 5 out of 7 is in percentage. "70 per cent," says Jennifer. "71.4," David says. "So..." So what? What does it prove? David obviously feels this validates him as a person. Jennifer tells him to call Susan and find out the details. "Congratulations and good luck!" David is busy staring at the calculator as if it's a picture of his girlfriend in a lame pop video that flopped. But I'm getting ahead of myself. "You don't need luck when you've got 71.4 % of the population behind you," he says. This is one of my favorites. "Board" becomes "population", because it somehow proves that so many people love him. Talk about fake statistics! Very David.

As Jennifer walks out, David walks behind her looking gleeful. "She's still here," Jennifer whispers to David, pointing at Karen. David just shrugs. He's so lame. The employees start leaving their desks. One of the guys walks with his hands in his pockets and strots along as if he's just going to get some coffee. That's nice acting. People are asking David how it went. "Fine," he says evasively. "What's the damage?" says Malcolm. "It's complicated," says David. No it isn't. You'll get a promotion and they'll lose their jobs. "Are you going to tell us?" asks Malcolm. "Yeah," says David and walks into his office, closing the door on them. Wow, that's an ass way of shutting them out. David Brent - when leadership is needed, don't come a-knockin'. Malcolm calls after him but he doesn't care. Malcolm has to actually go and KNOCK ON HIS DOOR and tell him they want to know now.

David, who obviously wasn't planning on telling everyone just yet, reluctantly comes out and tells them the news. "There's good news and bad news," he says. Great, start off with a lie, that's always good. "The bad news is Neil will be taking over both branches and some of you are going to lose your jobs." People gasp and put their hands on their faces. Keith leans his neck far back and just stares at the ceiling. Aww, no matter what he does, it's just cute and endearing. David tells the employees that those who want to stay will have to move to Swindon. "I know, gutting. You should have seen me..." Yeah, you put up quite a fight there, Braveheart.

David makes a pretty sad attempt to raise the mood by telling them: "On a more positive note, the good news is, I've been promoted. So..." He grins inanely and looks around him. Malcolm looks appalled. Angela is dead serious. Keith furrows his brows as if he's trying to figure out what the good news was. Hee! One of the male employees - whose name might be Jamie - stares angrily with his mouth open. Tim looks like he should be happy for David, but he's not sure why. "Every cloud...." David says, still grinning, but nobody congratulates him. "You're still thinking about the bad news, aren't you?" he says. Yeah, I think I would be too if you had just told me I might or might not lose my job in the near future. "There's no good news, David. There's only bad news and irrelevant news," says Malcolm bitingly. "That's not a phrase though, is it?" says David. "I couldn't come out and go: Oh, I've got some bad news and some irrelevant news." Hee! You didn't need a phrase, you just needed a little sympathy for your employees.

"You should have just told us about Neil, kept your promotion to yourself," says Malcolm. A choir of "Yeah"s is heard off camera. David still doesn't get it: "I should have told you the good news first..." Wow, I think that would have been even worse. "I've been promoted! And by the way, you're all losing your jobs." "There IS no good news, David!" Malcolm says angrily. "Hmmm, I think a promotion is generally considered good news," David says sarcastically. He plays with his chin and stares up to indicate mock-thinking. Hee! The employees are mad at this point and they start talking over each other. One man's voice is heard clearly: "We're gonna lose our jobs!" David acts offended that everyone's so focused on their own job instead of his exciting promotion news. "You're not all gonna lose your jobs! God..." he says and starts pointing at employees: "YOU're not gonna lose your job, YOU're not gonna lose your job... You know..." When he comes to Malcolm, he skips him and goes to the next person. Ouch. Maloclm hangs his head sadly. "Let's get it in perspective, yeah? Come on," David continues. Yeah, they're not looking at the whole pie!

David makes one more incredibly dumb attempt to change the topic back to himself: "You know there's only 7 members on the board, yeah?" His mouth opens to form a word, but it doesn't come out; he realizes he's dropped in the eyes of his employees, and he turns on his heels and walks back into his room, closing the door behind him. The employees are confused and angry. "When are the rest of us gonna find out?" they call out after him, but he doesn't answer. Wow. That was one scene where I realize I didn't feel sorry for David at all. Did he expect the employees to be happy for him? Or congratulate him? Forget about their worries just because HE got a lucky break - that incidentally took away their jobs in the process? He's so selfish.

In a rare segment, we get to hear how three employees feel about this. It's nice to see talking heads from someone who isn't David, Gareth, Tim, or Dawn. It's not a very long bit, but I liked it. It makes it seem a bit more like a documentary that doesn't only focus on two or three people. A younger female employee (who I first assumed might be Karen from the credits, until I realized that must mean David's secretary Karen) says: "I can't believe it. After all the things he said, it's just... I'm in shock." She looks like she's on the verge of tears. The older male employee who isn't Malcolm - I'd check his name but they won't show him all that much later on - says, "He sold us out." Behind him is a very cute picture of a baby girl laughing, which contrasts oddly with his mood. Angela only has one word to say, an ice cold "Wanker". After seeing her meek and smiling earlier, it has quite a strong effect.

Cut to Gareth, oblivious as always, saying: "What? David Brent's leaving?" Hee! Yeah, coming to think of it, he wasn't there when the verdict was told. But it makes me wonder where he was. In the meeting room, shredding smaller and smaller pieces of paper silently? I wouldn't be surprised. Gareth smiles a bit and then looks around him nervously, as if he's trying to pretend the news doesn't affect him, when he's really devastated. People often try to keep an indifferent expression when they feel especially disappointed, sad, or upset. Even Gareth knows a little about keeping a face on camera. The bags under his eyes are so black and so deep, like the pit of despair he's in when David Brent is leaving. Hee, I can't talk about Gareth seriously, no matter how sad he gets.