Season 2, Episode 2, Part 4: "Pub Lunch"

The Pub. David carries three beers to the table. "Welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous!" he jokes. He wouldn't be David if he didn't ruin an already lame joke by getting serious: "No, purely social. I know someone who is an alcoholic, and it's no laughing matter. Particularly for his wife. And she's got alopecia. So... not a happy home life." For some reason, that last sentence cracks me up, probably because it sounds like he was asked for a review of their home life. "And their eldest is like that Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man. That's probably what turned him to it." Lovely. I'm sure he appreciates being talked about on TV. And how could the Swindon lot think David's not a good laugh? He's so exhilarating! Brenda is taking something to eat, but David pulls her chair back so he can squeeze past her and sit down. When he's settled at the table, he carelessly pulls the chair back casting only a quick glance at her. Brenda makes a cautious motion to grab the table. She could have hit it pretty hard. Now, David, would it have killed you to say "Excuse me, can you move your chair, please"? But no, she's an invalid, so you have to move her. It's such a condescending gesture and he just doesn't get it. With guys like that, you don't know whether to feel sorry for them or just be mad at them. I usually lean on sorry with David myself.

"So, looking forward to the weekend?" David says. Everyone just mutters "yeah". They look a bit uncomfortable, probably still thinking of David's alcoholic friend and his son who's like Dustin Hoffman. Or the way he's treating Brenda. Sheila and Keith are the only Slough..ites? Sloughies? Slugs? Slugs it is.. there. Brenda and two male employees are the only Swin..nies? Slugs and Swinnies, great.They toast. David starts talking about Courage, which is apparently a local brewery. He has beer in front of him, so he talks about beer. Wow. It's a bit like his blind date with the fat woman in the Christmas special. Brenda looks really bored when he talks, or maybe she's just annoyed at the bad treatment. She probably only came because he volunteered to push her chair, and didn't remember to ask her if she wants to be there or not.

David asks about the brewery in Swindon, but no one seems to know or care. He says the pub is nice and says there's a nice pub near where he lives. It's a really forced social situation, everyone seems nervous, including David. The two guys whisper something to each other and David wants to be in on it: "Uh?" "Just a private joke," says one of the guys. Then they do it again and David stupidly asks again. They're forced to explain that there's a guy in the pub who looks like someone they know. Yeah, it was worth telling the whole crew. David advises them: "OK, one at a time. Focus, yeah? You get more out of it in the long run. Promise you that. Umm..." Yeah, it was getting really interesting. The guys sit there straight-backed, looking at David kind of angrily. "Forgot what I was saying... That's what happens when you..." David mumbles awkwardly. Yeah, it's all their fault, isn't it? "Courage...," David says feebly, looking very sad. Silence falls.

I feel sorry for David, but it's his own fault, once again. Why did he think having lunch at the pub would bring them closer together? He could barely get a word out of his mouth in the meet and greet, so he's obviously not very good with new people. Or people he knows either, for that matter. And now that they told him they're bored and need more challenges, you bring them to the pub and bore them with small talk? A good boss would have taken that criticism as a challenge and really tried to motivate them and give them feedback about their work, and some kind of warmth could have generated from there. But if he really wanted to get to know them, why not start by talking about them? Ask them about their lives and be genuinely interested. The problem, as always, is that David isn't interested - he wants to impress them, he wants them to like him, and that's why he's unable to establish a real relationship with any of his employees. No one likes a show-off, especially when he has so little to show.

In the break room, Tim and Dawn are flirting like old times. Tim prepares to throw a dart and Dawn tells him not to throw it at her head. It all seems very natural and might well be ad libbed. "I could throw from here and still get 180," says Tim and sits down as far back as he can. Dawn laughs. At that very moment, Rachel walks in and sits down strategically next to Tim, so that it all looks like Dawn is the outsider. She invites Tim for a night out with her and her friends - and then turns around awkwardly and says, "And you Dawn, you can bring Lee if you want". The invitation to Dawn is polite and friendly, but seems very much like an afterthought. Dawn, sensing that she's only asking to be nice, mutters, "Oh... I... don't think we'd be able..." Without even letting her finish, Rachel turns back to Tim, "OK, but um... You can come?" She seems a bit shy, like you are when you ask someone out on the first date. The camera zooms on Tim and Rachel, so that Dawn is left out of the picture. Tim agrees to come, and Rachel looks a bit shy, like you do when someone accepts your invitation on a first date. The camera now zooms on Dawn, who looks pretty crestfallen. She plays with her fingers, because she feels like three's a crowd. Rachel decides to leave as soon as she's got the invitation out of the way, and as she slinks away to whisper "Yess!" and dance the victory dance in the bathroom - or so I imagine -, Dawn and Tim try to play it off. "It'll be fun," says Dawn weakly. "Yeah...Yes," says Tim, embarrassed. "Cool as a cucumber." Hee! They both look down. The connection they established earlier is broken again. It's really kind of sad.

Even sadder is the pub lunch. Keith has ordered a meal and eats it in his usual sluggish way. Everyone's just sitting there, waiting for him to finish, as he puts the fries into his mouth slowly. No one says anything, and the silence is broken only by the chime of the fruit game or whatever it is in the corner. Finally even Keith seems to realize the others are getting impatient, as he puts his fork down. David asks, "Good?" and gets a very Keith answer: "'twas OK." If you want help in lively conversation, he's definitely not the one to go to. Everyone stares at the table looking miserable. David says in a weak voice, "Yeah, I've eaten here..so... If you want a really good pie, the Gardener's..."

He looks at the others. No one makes a peep. Just like in the meet and greet, he chooses to voice his disappointment openly: "It's been a washout, innit. Dunno why I bothered, if no one else is gonna make the effort." Well, you invited them to pub lunch, you acted like it was going to be so exciting. It's your fault you had nothing planned; they don't owe you to become friends with you, they're your employees, so you can't really blame them if your personal chemistry doesn't match with theirs. "We have made the effort," says one of the male employees. "Uh?" says David, like he did when Neil thanked him for the speech in episode 1. The male Swinnie repeats it. David, with his voice full of disappointment and sadness, says, "Yeah, I don't mean you, it's just, obviously the best people haven't turned up and..." He mumbles something and tells them he'll go back to the office. The best people? Who would those be? Gareth? Tim and Neil are the best people, if you want natural fun, but I think he missed having his best man around to respond to his comments with war metaphors. Just like before, David pushes Brenda's chair out of the way without caring about the person sitting on it. He sighs deeply, takes his coat and walks away. The camera follows him as he puts on his coat while walking and gets out of the door. The Slugs and Swinnies alike stare after him. I hope they realize now what a laugh David is!

Cut to the office, where Neil is playing cricket with the employees. They're having fun. See, this is the difference between Neil and David: Neil engages them in the fun and doesn't simply expect them to adore him. That's why they like him. He acts like he's one of them. David walks into the office and goes up to Gareth, which proves my suspicion that he thought Gareth would have made the pub lunch fun. "What are you doing?" he asks. "Having a laugh," says Gareth. "Couldn't have a laugh in the pub at lunchtime? Selfish," says David. I love his one-word comments. "Selfish" is right up there with "Fact". Gareth seems confused, as usual. David asks everyone if it isn't a bit dangerous. Everyone stops to look at him. "You wanna work? Maybe you should work, cos it's quarter past two." I don't really get the work times. Their lunch is from, what? 1 or 1:30 to 2 pm? And they seem to finish the day around 6 pm. I do wonder what time they get in, as it all seems so late. But I digress. Neil says they'll just finish the game. David gets really angry now, probably more at himself than at Neil, but I doubt he realizes it. It's not because he's not fun. It can't be! He's fun! It must be Neil! Before Neil got there, everything was fine. And with this child's logic, David attacks Neil in front of the employees: "'Just finishing off'! Just wanna be popular as the new boss! 'Love me!' Pathetic!!" (emphasizing the c so it sounds funny: Patheticcc) and walks away. It's really childish behaviour. For one thing, his "Neil" voice is really whiny. For another, this type of thing you take up in private, if at all. It's really the worst way he could go about it, because instead of making Neil look bad, it makes him look bad and adds to the tensions in the workplace. David walks into his office and slams the door. Even the calm and professional Neil doesn't really know what to say, so he simply breaks off the game with a little nervous laughter in his voice - one of those mirthless laughters that says "this is really awkward" rather than "this is really funny" - and tells the employees to get back to work.

Neil walks into David's office. The camera follows them, but stays outside the office. We can still hear their voices really well though, which might be because they're all carrying microphones. Neil is polite and kind to David at this point as he says, "I'm confused. I don't know what happened there, but you obviously have a problem, what is it?" See, David, this is how grown ups sort things out. David can't reply, "I hate you because you are more popular, funnier, more handsome and more professional than I am" - and probably in that order - , so he uses work as an excuse: "No, time for work, wasn't it? Isn't that what you say, let's work instead of mucking about in the office?" We all know he doesn't mean it, because he couldn't care less about work. Neil is so much more mature than David. He tells David matter-of-factly: "Right, well you see, your attitude confuses me. You don't wanna tell me what the problem is, then fine, but don't speak to me like that in front of staff, OK? Because you're acting like a petulant kid." Thank you. "Young at heart," David shrugs. Well, yes, in the same way as Gareth is youthful - childish instead of childlike, with all the bad sides of a ten-year-old boy and none of the merits.

Neil looks at David quietly for a moment and then continues: "If you've got a problem, come speak to me, but don't stand out there and embarrass me and yourself, cos I will not stand for it, OK? I've been trying to be nice. I've been trying to deal with the situation delicately, because I was mildly embarrassed that we were equivalents and now I'm your boss, but that's the deal, live with it." I think Neil knows exactly what David's problem is, because he just defined it in clear terms. David is older than him and very nearly had his position, and now Neil is a daily reminder to him that he lost that position and has to continue at his old job. The part about being popular and funny is something Neil probably hasn't picked up on yet. Through most of this, David is baring his teeth, probably not a conscious move. Neil has one more thing to add: "I don't let anyone talk to me like you just did - not my staff, not my boss, no one, and certainly not you. Do you understand?" David has nothing to say but a feeble: "Yeah." He could say he's sorry, or that he overstepped his boundaries, or something. Maybe he feels a bit ashamed of the way he was acting. Expecting something stronger, Neil repeats: "Do you understand?" David shrugs, as if he already replied. Well, he did in a way. "Good," says Neil, even if he deserves an apology. He probably realizes he isn't going to get one.

This is the first time Neil has to act the boss with David, but not the last. But really, if David did his job and acted like a grown up around Neil, he would never have to. Neil's not the kind of guy who has to flaunt his authority and get others to kneel - no pun intended - in front of him. Coming to think of it, he does bring David to his knees, so maybe that's why he has that name. But compare Neil's behaviour in this episode to the Christmas specials - the coldness comes after David acts like an ass repeatedly and pretty much forces Neil to hate him. Neil obviously wants to be mates, because after he had to be tough, he now tells David kindly: "Look, you're a good bloke, Dave, and if there's a problem, I'd rather discuss it sensibly than have these little chats, alright?" The use of "Dave" is a clear attempt to come back to David's level, where Neil would like to be. David produces a short, insecure sound that sounds more like "hum" than anything else. "Shake on it?" suggests Neil and shakes David's hand. "Great, thank you," he says and walks out of the room to cover his own embarrassment at having to play it tough, and David looks after him with a look that says: "This ain't over". You can see in that look how inferior he feels to Neil and how he needs to demonize him, because if he doesn't, it's him that's the problem and he just can't handle that.

Coming out of David's office, Neil clears his throat. He doesn't seem like he enjoyed that little show of power, and I like him all the better for it. He gathers the cricket stuff with some embarrassment, says bye to the employees and leaves. Tim, Gareth, and Jamie stand around in a circle, looking sadly after Neil. David looks at them and realizes he needs to say something to put things right again. He could start with "sorry" and "Neil's a good guy, I was just having a bad day". But alas, he chooses the opposite way. He gets out of his office, comes to the guys, and whispers, "Did you hear the conversation there?" "No," says Tim. Yes, David, but the cameras heard, and the cameras can see you now, so be honest. I should really count the times David shoots himself in the foot by lying through his teeth on camera. David claims he had a fight with Neil: "He showed his true colors, didn't he." Tim isn't buying it, and good for him: "He's alright, he seems like a good bloke." David now resorts to "better not say anything then.. .Watch you back." Then he tells them Neil was "slagging you off", pointing at Gareth, who he knows has the weaker self esteem. Gareth is, of course, shocked: "What, me personally? Just me?" "Yeah," says David, but then adds: "And you," pointing at Tim. "What did he say?" says Gareth. "Just going, 'Oh yeah, your lot are rubbish...' I was going, 'If our lot are rubbish, you Swindon lot are shit!' " Our lot and you Swindon lot, because it's really useful to still think in those terms. Like I said, all the bad sides of a ten-year-old - this is the exact way kids at school turn people against each other. "He said this and that about you" is very often a lie.

Gareth asks if David hit Neil. Of course, he thinks the mature way to deal with things is through a fist fight. Silly Gareth, you would have seen it if he had! David's office has Venetian blinds on the windows! "If I had, he'd have come through that wall," claims David. Yeah, I'm sure. Tim still isn't buying it: "I dunno, he's pretty trim, mate." David, annoyed that he can't boast with his physique, tries to come up with some semi-credible fitness lie: "Yeah? Against karate?" Hee, it's like the last thing I'd imagine David doing. He really has the mind control thing down. Tim wants to hear what Neil actually said, but David can't even come up with a lie about that: "Just slagging you lot off..." Yeah, that's specific. And he's bound to believe that. Still talking in a little voice, because he thinks the viewers won't hear - try taking off your microphone - David continues about what he supposedly said, namely, "You Swindon lot are slugs! You're little slugs with no personality and you're just jealous because we're better at everything than you!" Hey, the Slough people are Slugs, don't ruin my new nicknames. And way to insult the new employees in the most vague and childish way imaginable. He's literally lying through his teeth, trying to sustain his volume. If Neil knew David is saying this, would he have fired him on the spot? Maybe it's not reason enough, but I'm sure he would have gotten the boot even faster, had Neil known about this little spiel.

David tells the guys to step out if Neil gets aggressive, "I don't want you lot getting hurt, it's not worth it." Listen, this makes it even less credible. If Neil were that dangerous, would they really let him be the manager? There would have been incidents before, the Swinnies would fear him, it's not even remotely possible that he's like David says. "I'll step in if you want," Gareth volunteers like it's some TA suicide mission. "This is big boys' shit, mate, but cheers," David dismisses him, patting him on the chest a bit with the back of his hand. Gareth gives him a great piece of advice: "Hit him really hard by the ears, cos a vacuum in the brain kills him instantly." Hee! Yes, I'm sure David wants murder charges. I wonder if Gareth is really ready to do something like that. I like to think he isn't, but really, who knows? He could be the silent killer of the office. "I wouldn't want him to die," says David. Well, that's good at least. "I'd like him, the little twat, alive with the shit I was gonna put on him." As if he could do something to Neil that was worse than death. Yes, I can just see that. He'd make Neil suffer! And with that, David walks away. Tim and Jamie furrow their brows and even Gareth looks a bit scared. They're not used to seeing David this mad. It would be a bit disconcerting if your boss went around slagging off his own boss and threatening to put him through fierce, yet ambiguous "shit". Though as a viewer, I can only laugh at David's antics. He's in way over his head here.

Season 2, Episode 2, Part 3: "Keith's Appraisal"

David's office. Keith sits there chewing on his gum still. He's staring at David with his vacant eyes, and I can't help but laugh already, even if he hasn't done anything yet. Actually, it's not what he does that is funny, it's the fact that he usually does absolutely nothing and looks like he doesn't think either. David is reading his form: "Under 'strengths' you've just put 'accounts'." "Yeah," says Keith. David seems to expect more, so he nods to emphasize it. Hee. "That's your job, I mean, that's just..." David tries to clarify. "Mm," says Keith and nods. I dunno how I can get through this scene, I'm already laughing almost too hard to type. Keith is just so completely oblivious. David is the smarter and more alert one in this scene, and somehow he seems more like Ricky Gervais than David Brent to me every time he gets to be the smarter one. That's the problem of seeing too much of one actor's stuff, you start seeing the actor instead of the character. David tries to get an answer out of Keith: "No, Keith, I'm sorta looking for skills within your job, so is there anything else I could put there?" Keith just shrugs and does the "I don't know" gesture with his hands. How did he even get a job if he acts like this when his boss asks him a question? He must be really good at math.

"Okay..." says David. "Under 'weaknesses', you've put 'eczema'." How can I recap this? I dunno how many times I've seen thsi scene, but I must say this is one of the funniest scenes in the series. Really it's a simple idea, but it's just... eczema? Heee. Gervais and McIntosh had trouble getting this scene done, as you can see from the bloopers. It's like they can't handle "eczema" either. Keith's supposed to say "In my foot" or "In my leg" or something, but they just can't do it without laughing. It's awesome. I guess I should dissect what exactly makes it so funny. Maybe it's because a rash can be seen as a weakness, if you think of it from a purely physical viewpoint. It's just that it's so much simpler than the type of answer you'd usually give in a form. It's like a cat's idea of "my weaknesses". I like that he didn't mention his weight, like that's just a part of who he is, not a problem he has to deal with. Actually, it would be out of character for Keith to think like that anyway. Which is one of the reasons why he's so awesome.

Male employees working. They look like reflections of each other because of the way they're seated. One of them is picking his ear. Hee! Cut to Rachel and Dawn in the break room. "And he had a fantastically welcoming buffet," says Dawn. Rachel laughs. "The wine was something else," she says. I'm not sure if they mean it was good or bad. Dawn is nervously playing with something small that's in her hand. Or maybe she's just picking at her nails. Rachel is playing with her necklace. They seem like they think they should be friends since they're female and around the same age, but they feel a bit tense around each other yet. There's a great deleted scene at this point about Gareth coming in and them pretending they were talking about lesbian stuff, but they cut it out for some reason. I wish they had used it. Rachel says Tim seems nice, and asks if he has a girlfriend. "Tim? No," says Dawn and chuckles a bit, prompting Rachel to ask: "Why? What's up with him?" "Nothing," says Dawn. I'm not sure if she's trying to make Rachel think there is something wrong with Tim, or if she just feels funny because they have a history. Rachel asks if Dawn would go out with him. "I'm out of the occasion," says Dawn and shows her ring. "Yeah, I know, but if you weren't, would he be..." Dawn pretends to laugh and repeats "If I weren't..." but she's clearly uncomfortable. Yeah, we get it. Dawn likes Tim. Tim likes Dawn. But Dawn is engaged to Lee. And now Tim likes Rachel. Let's move on with this, shall we?

Back at Keith's appraisal, Keith is still a blank slate, and David seems to be using the form as a way of having a structured conversation with him, because it's really impossible to get anything out of him otherwise. Sadly, he hasn't filled out the whole thing - he's left all the multiple choice questions blank. He says he thought David would fill them out. I bet he just didn't even bother to read them, because it's obvious they're meant for him when David reads the first question out loud: "To what extent do YOU believe that YOU have the skills and knowledge to perform your job effectively? And then you just tick one of the boxes: Not at all, to some extent, very much so, don't know. What would you take?" Keith chews on his gum for a moment and says: "Don't know." That would seem impudent from anyone else, but with him it's just the wind blowing through his brain. David looks like he isn't going to take that answer, but then decides to be patient: "OK," he says and ticks the box. The next question is about getting enough training to use his computer. David waits for an answer, but Keith, after a careful gum-chewing moment, wants to hear the options again. He unsurprisingly picks "don't know".

Now, I work as a Gallup phone interviewer, and my whole job consists of what David is doing here. There really are people who answer like Keith. We aren' even allowed to offer "don't know", because some people would only take that every time. And most aren't even motivated enough to listen properly to the questions or the options, so it gets really frustrating sometimes, because I'm not allowed to jump over any questions, and my status as a lowly phone interviewer stops me from making comments like "please answer by the options I gave you" or "for god's sake, listen to the questions". You need some patience. David, of course, isn't really known for his patience. He asks the third question, which is: "Do you feel you are given the flexibility to decide how best to accomplish your goals?" Wow, the jargon in that sentence is so thick you need to shovel a bit before you get to the bottom of it. Maybe he should start with something a little bit simpler, like: "What is your job? a) accountant, b) lawyer, c) paper merchant, d) don't know." Actually, I'm fairly sure Keith would still pick "don't know".

Keith wants to hear the options again and David wipes his forehead with his forefinger a bit, a gesture of frustration. Keith picks don't know, a bit faster this time, clearly not even thinking. He asks Keith what he would pick if there were no "don't know", and Keith asks to hear the options all over again. "Not at all," David starts in a voice that is quite agitated, then takes a little break to control himself and smiles to be more friendly and continues. "Very much so," says Keith. "Do you remember what the question was?" asks David. "Nah," says Keith. Hee! This is just priceless. It's the social faux pas thing - your boss asks you a simple enough question and you act like it's completely unimportant to you. David says: "We're gonna LEAVE that," as if it really is just an optional part of it all. Which is probably is, I doubt these self-evaluation forms are worth much. Incidentally, I wonder if Keith is on Gareth's "worst employees" list.

Employees working. I pay attention to the clear blue desktop in one computer - it seems so archaic now. The camera follows David as he walks up to the meeting room: "Giving the Swindon lot a bit of a... it's not an appraisal as such... There they are." The Swindon lot has gathered in the room and they are laughing, as Neil is showing them some photos. He's wearing his brown leather coat again. "Sorry, hi, just showing them..." he says to David. "Keeping them occupied until the main event," says David. "I hope you warmed them up better than last time." Wow. He still thinks that was Neil's fault? He pats Neil on the shoulder in an attempt to be playful with him, although I'm sure he hates him. One of the women is yawning, and David says: "Don't look like it, cos..." and points at her. The camera is behind the employees, and you can see quite a bit of Rachel's back when she leans forward. Neil leaves and they say bye to him warmly. They obviously like him a lot. Rachel is left looking after Neil, and I wonder if that's supposed to imply taht she might have a crush on him.

David says he can't give an appraisal, "cos you've only been here for a week." It's been a week already? Wait, is the show set in real time - one week between each episode? That would be awesome. I never thought of it. David says he wants to hear how they're settling in, but of course starts by answering for them that the vibe is different: "Neil ruled with more of an iron fist." Hee, how would he know? He wasn't there and Neil certainly doesn't seem like an iron fist boss. "But uh... Settling in? Having a good time?" It seems like he has a hard time coming up with even that question. Everyone looks at the floor and doesn't seem to want to answer. "How is it different?" David asks. "More laid back, presumably," he replies his own question. Let them answer, David. He takes one male amployee, points at him and says: "Think it's more laid back? Yes?" He's still answering for them! "Yes..." the employee says tentatively. "Yes, then," says David before the employee can go further with his answer. I have a feeling he doesn't really want to hear how they're doing. "More laid back, more fun," says David. "Well...." starts Trudy, but doesn't continue, so David says, "Huh?" "Nothing," says Trudy. "Go on," says David with an inane grin on his face, as usual. "Well, we're actually used to doing stuff, like working hard and being motivated. There's not much dynamism out there, is there," she says and either Rachel or Brenda makes agreeing noises. "No, I mean people look like they're getting away with murder." To David this is, of course, a good thing, and he says, "Having a laugh, yes." He seems a bit offended, like he can't see how that's a bad thing. His grin has been on for so long that it has to be fake. "Well, I think quite a few of us are bored," says Trudy. Ouch! David's grin immediately dies, because getting away with murder, not being motivated to work hard? Not a problem at his office. But being bored? Now that's forbidden.

"What, you preferred Swindon?" asks David a bit sarcastically, clearly offended. "More of a laugh," says the male employee. Ouch again. "You're having a laugh saying that," says David. And then Ray Stokes shows up in his wig and glasses and says, "Is he having a laugh?" and the audience roars with laughter. At least in my head, every time I hear that sentence. "What's so good about Swindon?" asks David. "Neil?" "Yeah, for one," says the male employee. "What, you preferred Neil to me?" says David. The guy doesn't know how to respond, because David is obviously hurt by now. He stares at him for a moment, kind of frozen. David decides to ask them all a more specific question: "Who thinks Neil is more of a laugh than me?" Everyone raises their hand. "That's mental! Come on!" Hee, I love "That's mental", Andy Milman also uses it a lot. It's cute. David is seriously offended now: "Come off it! You just.. Youuu..." Aww, poor David. "We're gonna have a drink! Come for a drink with me and see who's more of a laugh. Yeah? Put your money where your mouth is. We'll go for a drink lunchtime. We're ... Right." And he just walks out just like that. It's such a childish response. He could have heard the criticism about not having enough to do and given them more work-related challenges. He could have taken teh criticism that he isn't funny and tried to be more laid back in the future. But to prove at lunch that he's laid back? Sad. And of course drinking is his solution to everything.

David walks out of the meeting room and goes up to some male employees, telling them they're going to the pub at lunchtime, "showing that lot what Slough lot are like." He doesn't stay to hear their response, just walks on to ask Keith what he's doing at lunch. Why Keith?! He can't even get a word out of his mouth with the people he knows! The employees look confused and then get back to work. So if you're wondering why more people didn't come, that's one reason.

Season 2, Episode 2, Part 2: "Keep the Dream Alive"

Dawn's appraisal. I like that there are more Dawn scenes in season 2. She's a great character and the David and Dawn scenes usually work well. She provides a good straight (wo)man to his moronic behaviour. It's funnier that way. We open with Dawn talking and David listening for a change, even if you can tell he's not listening very intently. The camera is behind David while Dawn talks, but you can tell that his eyes are moving and he seems to nod emphatically just for show. Dawn says that she used to be a children's illustrator, "and when people asked me what do you do, I said I'm an illustrator, but I work as a receptionist for extra cash. But then Lee wanted her to get a full-time job and she's too tired in the evenings to do illustrating, "and now when people ask me what I do, I say I'm a receptionist." She seems sad about this, and it really seems like she has modified her life to Lee's, instead of going after what she really wants. Which, sadly, is what many women really do. David is quiet for a moment and looks kind of bored, until he realizes it's his turn to talk now. "And a bloody good one," he says. Yeah, I don't think Dawn is that flattered to hear she's a good receptionist, because the whole point of her story was that she's not really happy with being one. "Ah," Dawn says, trying to sound happy, but the camera is on David now, so it's hard to tell what she's feeling.

"You'll always have the art, you know, keep up the doodling," David continues. Doodling? That is so condescending. Especially since his facial expression is so dismissing - lips curled down, eyes closed, and he's shaking his head. "Pipe dreams are good," he continues in the same patronizing tone. "...in a way," he adds so you know he doesn't even really believe it's good to have a pipe dream about drawing. "Well, I still hope it will happen," says Dawn, who seems a bit surprised and offended at David's attitude. "Keep the dream alive, because otherwise, one day you'll go, Ahh...could I have made it?" says David. Dawn's face lights up. "Yeah," she says in a tone that suggests she didn't expect David to see her point of view so well. Of course, he ruins it by continuing: "If you keep trying, at least then when it doesn't happen..." - and another dismissing gesture: he imitates wiping the opportunity off the table with his hands - "you know, you can go: At least I gave it a go. You know?" Dawn is left staring at David speechlessly. That was some pep talk.

David clearly has a problem with ambitious employees who want to move on from Wernham Hogg. Not just because they'll be leaving his "family", but because he can't move on himself. He's not smart enough to study, so he tries to make Tim believe it's too late to go back to university. He wasn't talented enough to be a famous musician, so he's dismissing Dawn's career as an illustrator - the career she saw as her primary one and still wants to get back to - as a silly pipe dream. It's clear that he feels inferior to anyone who's gotten somewhere in their lives and would rather believe that the high point of anyone's career is running a small paper merchants firm in a small town. It's really kind of sad.

Employees working. Seems to be the male employees they show the most in this episode. Jamie's furrowing his brows at something on his screen, and the older employee who isn't Malcolm is writing something on paper, bobbing his head as if he's hearing music in his head. Maybe he just enjoys the muzak of office phones ringing.

Tim and Rachel talking in the break room. She's smoking and apparently has an ashtray on the sofa she's sitting on. Are they allowed to smoke indoors at work in the UK? That would be disturbing for the non-smokers. On the other hand, smokers are restricted enough, considering it's an addiction. I feel a bit torn on this issue, since I hate cigarette smoke, but I also think we've gone too far in making smoking as difficult as possible. Either way, Tim asks Rachel how she's liking it so far. "Are you having fun?" She says "Um..yeah," and they both laugh a bit at how that's really the only polite answer to that question. "Well, fun... As fun as you can have at Wernham Hogg," Tim says. Hey, it's a fun place to work in! The boss is a chilled out entertainer. What more can you ask for? "Yeah, it's alright," says Rachel, picking at her teeth or something. It looks kinda unpleasant. Maybe I have OCD about people putting their fingers in their mouth. Tim asks how long Rachel was in Swindon and she says two years. She looks away, which might imply she's a bit uncomfortable, even if I think this scene is meant to set up their growing interest in each other.

Back at Dawn's appraisal, David asks Dawn to name a role model. Dawn asks if she means a historical person, but David says it can be anyone who's had an effect on her life. She picks her mother, which isn't very surprising. I think most women who have a good relationship with their mother would pick her as their role model, because it's such a strong influence on a young girl. I definitely would pick mine. Dawn tells David her mother is "strong.. calm in the face of adversity...God, I remember when she had a histerectomy..." David looks annoyed and interrupts Dawn there, as if he doesn't want to hear about any female parts. "If it wasn't your mother, though? It doesn't have to be a woman, it could be a..." "Man? OK, well, I suppose if it was a man, it'd be my father." Again, not surprising. David interrupts him again and says he's "looking for someone in the.. sort of work-related arena", and Dawn should really know where he's going with this, but she's still thinking of people she actually looks up to, so she names Tim. "Well, he's a friend, isn't he? Not a friend, someone in authority." Dawn suggests Jennifer. I think I would too, actually. She's quite inspirational. "I thought we said not a woman!" says David, a bit annoyed that he has to lead her this much. Maybe he should have started with the question "do you look up to me" or "have I had an influence on your life". Only one answer would have been possible. Dawn finally realizes he wants to hear he's the strong influence: "OK, well, I suppose you're the only one who..." David acts like she just spontaneously mentioned him: "Embarrassing, it's backfired, hasn't it... Ooh dear..." He grins stupidly, more to the camera than to Dawn, because this proves that his employees see him as a role model. "Very flattering," he continues. "OK, Tim then," says Dawn, who's obviously unwilling to name David as a role model. "We said not Tim. So should we put me or not?" asks David. "OK," says Dawn, not facing him. "So shall I put strong role model?" "OK," Dawn says again. Poor Dawn. Sometimes it seems like her job consists of soothing David's ego in various ways.

People are working boringly - until a fire alarm starts to blare. Rachel and Emma are holding their ears and people start leaving their desks. David tells everyone, "Just a drill - do not panic." Gareth runs for the door as if he's panicking. Hee! But he's only going there to prop the doors open so everyone can get out safely. Gareth, of course, uses this opportunity to use whatever little power he has, and he shouts at people to not panic and leave their desks, but I don't really see anyone panicking, plus they all know what to do, so it's a bit redundant. David keeps narrating to the camera: "I'd be the lats one out in these situations. Not because of my job description, just because that's what I do." Because he's the hero. I wonder how he would react in a real fire situation. Gareth is beginning to look impatient, and he motions people to get moving. David narrates: "I do this every couple of months, you know, of course we have to by law, but that's not why I do it. It's because even though I'm always cool in a situation like this, some people are not. So I try to make sure..." Yeah, well, everyone's cool in a fire drill. Who knows how he would feel if it were real?

He gets distracted as Oliver and New Male Employee walk Brenda to the door. "I'll do that," he says. Oliver would rather do it himself, but David says he'll do it and asks Gareth to help. He tells Brenda, "We're gonna get you out of here! Alright?" Wow, he's such a leader! Volunteering to help the poor handicapped girl! Of course, this is bullshit. If he considered Brenda's feelings for one moment, he might realize that she's probably more comfortable in the hands of people who know her and know how to deal with the chair. She probably does not want the extra fuss of David volunteering to carry her, and she can probably call his bullshit. Also, as we will soon see, David and Gareth simply aren't strong enough to carry the wheelchair all the way down, so it's an overall bad move on David's part. He needs to learn that if you want to be the fire drill Superman, you need to work out a bit so you have some strength in your arms. Brenda uses her arms to move the wheelchair, but David hurries to push it instead. You know, if she's already pushing it, she really doesn't need you to push it. Save your strength for the long way downstairs.

The annoying alarm still blares as people walk downstairs in one of those claustrophobic shots above a staircase that continues indefinitely. Everybody's calm. Then we see David, Hero of the Handicapped, carrying Brenda with Gareth. With much difficulty. They really can't even lift the chair very high above the staircase, and Brenda looks uncomfortable. In a real fire situation, which is better: two averagely built guys used to handling a wheelchair, or one fat guy and one skinny guy who don't have any experience of wheelchair-carrying? The chair probably weighs more than Gareth. Big buff soldier, there. "This isn't worth it, it's stupid," David says and they put her chair down on one of those stop-gaps between floors. Well, I'm sure Brenda feels very valued by you right now. David says you can't use the lift in a fire situation, so they have to carry her downstairs, but now they'll just leave her here. Brenda asks if she can't use the lift, but Gareth says you can never do that even in a drill. So they walk downstairs without her and promise to come back for her later. Brenda is left waiting for them, looking quite helpless in the middle of the staircase, the alarm still blaring in the background. She looks up at the camera and then down again. That's just cold, leaving her there. For one thing, in a real fire situation, she would have burned. So much for David's heroic deeds. For another, she's just gonna sit there all alone and listen to the alarm until the drill is over? Idiots. All you needed to do was lift her out of the chair and carry her in your arms. She's a slim woman, they could have carried her easily. She's not glued to the chair, you know.

Outside, the employees are chatting while waiting for the drill to end. The warehouse guys are in the same pack, probably telling dirty jokes. It's funny how there is such a pecking order within the company - the warehouse guys don't even really talk to the office employees, apart from Lee, but even his girlfriend is the lowest-ranking office employee, and he has no interaction with the others really. Dawn, interestingly, isn't talking to Lee, but rather to an older male employee. But she isn't listening to him; she's looking at Tim who's talking with Rachel about Santa Claus, and Rachel laughs in a spontaneous, yet kinda flirtatious way. They seem to be hitting it off, which Dawn doesn't like, and all I can say is yawn. Which rhymes with "the love triangle between Tim, Rachel, and Dawn".

Gareth interviews in his usual dramatic style: "I don't know if you're aware of the situation that's arising here." Hee, arising. It's not like war is imminent - even if Gareth is probably always ready for that possibility - so a little less drama, please. He claims he usually doesn't flirt in the office, which I believe, because no one wants to flirt with him. "There is someone I've got my eye on... I won't say who. I don't know what Tim's playing at, moving in." Yeah, I totally can't guess who it might be. Actually, even if he hadn't said that about Tim, it would be glaringly obvious. There are only six women in the office. Sheila, Emma, and Trudy are not attractive enough for the superficial man, and Brenda is in a wheelchair, which clearly puts him off. He's not interested in Dawn, who is taken anyway, so that only leaves Rachel. I'm usually not a big fan of "the girl everyone's attracted to" plots, but I'll let this one slide, because it seems believable that two young single guys like Tim and Gareth would find the same woman attractive. Gareth thinks Tim is in trouble, since he already made a fool of himself in Dawn, "so this can only end in tears". Hee, he really doesn't think Tim could be attractive or charming in the eyes of women. That's probably because he doesn't respect women, like Tim does, and doesn't understand them. Hilariously, he claims just the opposite: "I can read women." Maybe he just needs new reading glasses. He says you need to be aware of the woman's wants and needs, "and that could be anything from making sure she's got enough money to buy groceries each week to... making sure she's... gratified sexually after intercourse." After or during? These two examples give a good idea of the two things Gareth things women are for: food and sex. So it's really about satisfying his own wants and needs, rather than the woman's. Sometimes I'm surprised that male writers can write this type of stuff, because they really seem to understand about sexism. And Gareth is the office sexist numero uno, second only to Finchy.

Fire drill. Some guy in a jeans jacket is making fake punches at Keith, who's holding out his hands to protect himself. He just stands there perfectly still and holds his hands out. That's so Keith. The jeans jacket guy is talking to a third guy. He won't stay still for a moment. Plus he's a lot shorter than Keith. It's an interesting contrast, like a big calm St Bernard and a small feisty terrier. Sheila is talking to a male employee, but you can't really hear what she's saying. Brenda is still sitting between floors, holding her head in her hand, obviously very bored. Aww, poor Brenda. Hey, are they making us feel sorry for the disabled character? I can't decide if Brenda is a good or bad character, tolerance wise. At least she's not crying or anything. The drill ends and everybody walks back inside. Dawn walks up to Tim. "I see you used all your best lines on Rachel," she says half-jokingly. "Best lines?" says Tim and laughs. "I was just being friendly." In the same tone as he said "I was asking you out as a friend." "Friendly?" says Dawn. "A bit more than." "More than?" "Friendly." The timing is just impeccable between these two. I love the clipped sentences, they seem realistic. Dawn especially seems to do these slow, short deliveries that seem very realistic to me. Maybe I talk that way myself.

Season 2, Episode 2, Part 1

People working. Oliver has set up in the number bods' table where Rachel was setting up last time, so I guess she found a place elsewhere. Suddenly David comes up to have a little chat with him. I'd like to believe his conscience got to him after last episode and told him to come up and apologize, but no such luck: he's really just showing off how tolerant he is in a "subtle" way: "Did you see that movie last night with Denzel Washington? Great actor." I bet he just saw the movie and thought: "Hey, that guy is black like Oliver! I'll mention this to him." Oliver agrees Washington is a great actor. David beams and concludes the conversation, because that's really all he needed to establish. It's like that episode of Seinfeld where George tries to show his boss he's not a racist by introducing his exterminator as his friend. It's not as elaborate as that, but it's equally transparent. Suddenly, after already saying "see you", David comes back and says, "He's not my favorite actor of all time, by the way." Oliver seems surprised, probably more by the fact that David comes back just to say that than by the content of his remark. "My favorite actor of all time is mr Sidney Poitier." He pronounces it right, surprisingly. This gets almost no reaction at all from Oliver. "Yeah, that's amazing," he says, but doesn't really seem to mean it. He doesn't look too happy after David leaves. Geez, I wonder why. David discussed a black-related topic with him, so he should be feeling right at home.

People working at their computers. Phones ringing. Phones seem to be ringing all the time. It would be a fairly stressful environment to work in, I think; not as stressful as my job (Gallup interviewer) but stressful enough anyway. So little space and so much noise all day long. Plus the work itself seems to suck, not that we ever see them working much. Cut to Tim and Gareth. Gareth is exercising with a thigh master type device, only with his hands. "Are you building up your wrists?" Tim asks him. Gareth says yes without looking at him. "When is the charity wank-a-thon?" asks Tim. Hee! Imagine. It would have more participants than charity runs, and people would probably pay just to see it. Gareth tries an amusing comeback: "I don't know, but you'd win it." Pretty good coming from him. "That's good," says Tim, impressed and amused that Gareth answered with a counter-remark for once. He asks why the training and Gareth says he's going "orienteering with the TAs". Tim furrows his brows like he still doesn't get it. I can't comment much, because I know nothing about orienteering. Gareth's hand-training still looks kinda funny though, as he's just working at his computer and keeps squeezing the mini-thigh master like it's a compulsive thing. Hee, thigh master. Maybe it just looks funny because he seems so serious about it.

Lee and Dawn walk in. Lee apologizes to Tim in a low voice. Before he says anything, he glances at the camera and then at Dawn, who looks at him like, "Oh yes you will." He's very embarrassed and it seems a bit like Dawn made him. He mutters an apology. "No, man, don't worry about it," says Tim. "No, I'd had a bad day, I was really wound up, so... shouldn't have done it," Lee says, coming across pretty likeable for once. Tim acts like it's no biggie, even if it was probably pretty embarrassing for him. They agree to put it behind them. Lee hands over a bottle in green wrapping. "Is that for me?" says Tim, which strikes me as unusually TV-esque dialogue, but at least he sounds like he's genuinely asking, not belting out, "For ME?", so it's not so bad. Bottom line of this scene: Lee is annoyingly macho, so he shoves people against the wall and then almost can't bring himself to apologize. Which is realistic male interaction, I think, but I'm still pissed off with this whole character.

The situation is slightly awkward as it is, but it gets worse when Gareth jumps in: "I'll put your mind at rest: there is nothing going on between them. Cos I would know, I've been watching him like a hawk. And I imagine you've been watching her at your end. So between us, we've got it covered." Wow. Mr Hawk has apparently missed the obvious flirtation right under his nose. And I'm sure Tim feels safe knowing Gareth is watching him so closely. No one replies, they just stare at Gareth, who has obliviously turned back to his computer and doesn't seem to realize that was a faux pas. Must be easy being Gareth. He's like a cat who's pushed away from bed in the morning and happily jumps right back on top of you and purrs. He's not malicious; he just doesn't get it. As Lee and Dawn leave without so much as saying hi to Gareth, Tim places the bottle between him and Gareth on the table. "Probably a bottle of something," says Gareth. "You reckon?" Tim asks sarcastically. "Look at the shape," says Gareth, still staring at his computer and practising with his wrist-size thigh master. He's awesome. Tim stares at him as if he didn't think even Gareth could be this stupid. Have I remarked on the toy planes on Gareth's computer monitor before? Well, whether I have or not: they are cute.

The number bods working. Keith seems to work the same way he speaks: he leans back in his chair sideways to the computer, slowly clicking a button now and then. It doesn't exactly look like he's working hard, but with him, it's hard to tell if there's even any brain activity.

David's office. He tells us he's doing staff appraisals today. He says some people feel nervous, "because they think they're walking the long march with their head on the block, which is wrong." He does the mouth-twist thing again. Hee, I suppose their head isn't on the block until they've finished marching. Frankly, I doubt anyone takes staff appraisals that way. David says they fill out a form in advance, and Gareth, who's sitting on the other side of his desk, shows the form to the camera with that facial expression people have in videos like "This is how you plug in your computer on the train". It's that exact eyebrow-cock and serious expression. It always amuses me, because it's like your face is imitating an exclamation point. Or arrow: "look at THIS." And you know, Gareth, it's a form, we know how it looks, so there's really no need to show it.

David continues: "They're doing it to sort of list their strengths and weaknesses, but also mine as a boss. It's a chance for them to tell me where WE are going wrong." Not where you are going wrong? I wouldn't expect him to be very receptive about the criticsm. He continues: "And we can... you know, it's very much an opportunity to..." Gareth fills in: "Separate the wheat from the chaff." David says: "No, that sounds bad." Worried about how it will look on camera, I'm sure. "It's not a witch hunt," says David (just like he said in the previous episode). "We're not trying to find out who the worst ones are." Gareth interjects: "We know who they are already! I've written them down in my form." Hee! If this were jail, he would be the snitch. It's just... who writes a list of the worst employees on their own evaluation form? "You shouldn't have written them on your form," says David, who worries about what the viewers might think. "I've underlined the worst ones," says Gareth and shows him the list. "Well, you're missing the point," says David, but then looks down the list and nods: "Yeah." Hee, he's so unprofessional! He could have refused to discuss the other employees with Gareth altogether and just stuck to his appraisal.

Appraisals. First off is Tim. "Here he is, Tim Canterbury, good man," narrates David mainly to the camera, which is behind him. "The Canterbury Tales. By Chaucer." David looks at the camera with a grin, then turns back to face Tim. "Yeah," agrees Tim. Then David turns back to the camera and adds: "And Shakespeare" with the same grin. You just know he added that because he doesn't know which one it was and doesn't want to seem stupid and uneducated in case The Canterbury Tales really was written by Shakespeare. His first instinct is right, though, and he manages to make a fool of himself because Chaucer lived way before Shakespeare's time. I think it's one of those references everyone knows and therefore a good way of signaling lack of education in a character. Tim furrows his brows a bit and his expression says, "Umm..ok", but he doesn't correct David.

David begins the appraisal by saying he's "pleased with you, very proud. A new leaf, et cetera." He continues with this bullshit: "Trust, encouragement, reward, loyalty... satisfaction." He makes hand movements like he's baking and then a "draw-it-all-together" gesture in the shape of a heart. Wow. David's words are the perfect anti-communication. Unconnected strings of words that really don't mean anything in this context. But that's what management jargon is. "Probably wondering WHY I'm so generous with encouragement," David says, but Tim's expression tells us that he wasn't thinking that. "Trust people and they will be true to you. Treat them greatly and they will show themselves to be great," David says. Yeah, really genuine and from the heart, he obviously thought of it himself. Even if he had, it's still more praising himself than Tim, because he was the one to give Tim this great opportunity.

David asks Tim if he's happy about staying at Wernham Hogg. Tim starts to say that he still plans to go to university, but David won't let him talk: "No point, no point, no point. Sure, 18-19, go to university, get it out of your system, you know... Waste time getting drunk, mucking about, getting up at midday..." Yeah, he's got us students pegged. I just finished my thesis which I spent two years writing, and yeah, all I ever did was get drunk every day and scribble a few pages the night before I had a meeting with the supervisor. Now I'm gonna graduate and I have to figure out how to stop drinking and change my sleep cycles. If only I had had a 9-to-5 job all this time, I would know what life really is. "Having casual sex," Tim fills in. I think they're confusing "university students" with "Finchy". David says they're in their 30's, but Tim doesn't agree: "I'm only just 30. You're... 39?" David puts an end to the speculation by saying: "We're both in our 30's. It's the FACT." Hee, he loves that word. And I suppose if you're still 39, you'd technically be in your 30's, but if the age difference between him and Tim is really almost ten years, it's a fairly selective fact. Or maybe Tim's just focusing on the wrong number - he should look at the 3, not the 9. David makes a gesture with his fingers that could imply "name tag" or "sign" or something similar, but I certainly wouldn't associate it with "fact". "Yeah?" he says. Tim nods solemnly.

David says that Tim could be "in the hot seat" in a few years - and he makes a ridiculous gesture, pointing at his chair with two hands accompanied with a smug smile, eyes closed, and biting his lower lip. It sounds dull in writing but it looks hilarious, and I know they did a million takes of this because they both cracked up all the time. Of course, Ricky Gervais needs multiple takes of everything, so maybe that's no indication. "When I'm nearly 40?" Tim tries, unwisely. "Well, we're both in our 30's at the moment, so...you know... just chewing the fat, you know, but..." He stares at Tim for a moment, not knowing how to continue. You know, David, you could take it as a compliment that your staff sees you as older and wiser. Of course, Tim didn't say wiser, and David isn't. But some bosses might actually accept the fact that they are older to their employees and therefore entitled to a certain respect or admiration that age brings. David, who just wants to be everybody's cool best friend, can't handle the idea. Which is one of the reasons why he's so sad.

After a moment's silence, David puts his hands together as if he's going to say something wise and says: "If.. we're facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking." He says it like it's the wisest thing he ever said.. and it probably is. "You're quite a philosopher," says Tim, and I can't tell if he's sarcastic or not. He's so good at saying sarcastic comments that sound genuine. I think that's what happens when you work with Gareth long enough. David has another brilliant aphorism to offer: "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." Wait, what does that have to do with Tim? He keeps looking at a paper on his desk, and Tim figures out what's going on: "Are you reading these?" "Am I what?" David says, trying to make it sound ludicrous. "Reading the quotes," says Tim. "Sort of," admits David. Hee! Wouldn't it be better to use your own words, no matter how inane? Tim takes a look at the notes. "Confucius... Bernard Shaw..."

David pushes Tim's hand away: "It doesn't matter who said them first, I am passing on my wisdom to you..." Well, it's not your wisdom if someone else said it first. Just the thought of David passing his wisdom makes me chuckle. And remember how possessive he was about "his" jokes (like "wank you very much") in the first season? Yeah, I bet he'd love it if others used his quotes without crediting him. "And don't tell the others I've been reading them... it's an insult..." He should have memorized the quotes if he wanted to read them without others noticing. It's not Tim's fault. David seems upset and Tim tries to calm him down: "It's cool, it's cool, I'm not gonna." David puts the note into a desk drawer to make it less obvious. Hee, just screw the notes, David. It's supposed to be a personal appraisal, not a rehearsed speech. It wasn't such a big deal for Tim, so he seems a bit taken aback that David was so annoyed with him for finding him out. David puts away the paper and looks at Tim, still looking busted. Great appraisal, Tim has certainly learned many valuable things.

Season 2, Episode 1, Part 5: "Cramping My Style"

Rachel, Gareth, and Tim are standing by the snack table still. "Ssnackss," says Gareth, because he can't think of anything else to say. If it's gonna be just casual observations, maybe he should shut up. "So when did you come up?" asks Tim, who has better social skills. "Saturday," replies Rachel. "Ssaturdayy," says Gareth in a way that tries to be cool. It's the lamest possible way of keeping himself in a conversation without actually coming up something to say. It's like a child who will answer everything you say with something about themselves. Where a child would say: "I already lived here," Gareth just says "Ssaturdayy." Sad. Tim tries to find out if she has a boyfriend by asking if it was her Mom or her boyfriend - spoken with the tone of "listing possible contacts" - that drove her there. Rachel says it was her brother. Tim asks if she has "a lot of ties in Swindon". It's pretty obvious what he's trying to do. Rachel says she'll go home on the weekends. Gareth, who has been listening intently, blurts out: "So have you got a boyfriend or not?" She looks away for a moment and laughs a bit at the awkwardness of the moment. "Um, no I haven't," she says. Tim also looks away in annoyance. Gareth just doesn't get it. He just stares at her with his big eyes. Rachel makes an excuse to leave, claiming she left her glass elsewhere.

When she's left, Gareth tells Tim: "I know you don't mean to, but you're sorta cramping my style a bit." Tim can't believe he just said that. He just says, "What?" "I'm kinda planning to get off with her," Gareth says. Wow, Mr Subtle himself. "Gareth, what if I liked her?" asks Tim incredulously. "I saw her first, mate," says Gareth. "And how does that work?" Tim says slowly, like he's trying to figure out what Gareth is even talking about. Gareth shows puts two fingers on his eyes as shows a "looking across the room" gesture. "So you've won the argument doing that? Yeah, of course. That's won the argument," says Tim. He seems a bit mad at Gareth, and I suppose it is frustrating, dealing with someone that stupid who actually thinks dating is a big game of finders keepers, not a mutual agreement between two people. He just doesn't even think of the option that Rachel might want to choose who she dates - or not date any of them at all?

Photocopier upclose, spewing out paper. I love the copier shots, because they act as a kind of "turning the page" scenes between two events. The employees get back to their desks. Sheila, Keith, and Emma sit down, still chatting happily. Well, except for Keith, who's still just chewing his gum. Tim walks by Dawn's desk and she tries desperately to make small talk: "They came for their package. No problem." As he walks away, she calls him back by saying: "I'm so bored. Do you want to wind up Gareth?" Tim isn't into the old game anymore; he's important now with a new position: "I don't think we should, he is kinda busy." "So what?" says Dawn, stretching her arms on the desk and giving him a flirtatious little grin. She's really cute. "So am I, and so should you be," replies Tim and walks away. Wow. He's really giving her the cold shoulder now. Dawn looks after him with her arms still outstretched.

Rachel is setting up at the number bods' table. She's leaning on her chair with one leg, playfully. Her pink shirt is kinda tight and short and she's wearing a tight skirt. It annoys me that everything she does looks so flirtatious, but maybe it's just because I see her as a part of the triangle drama of Tim/Dawn/Rachel, which I find annoying. Some people at the TWOP forums were debating about who is prettier, Dawn or Rachel, and I will say that while I think Rachel is prettier, Dawn is cuter and definitely more my type. I don't think there's any point in putting down either one of them; they simply represent different body types and facial features, Dawn being more chubby-cute and Rachel more skinny-cute. To each his own. Interestingly, Tim seems to find both attractive, which is cool. He doesn't just abandon Dawn because Rachel is prettier; their relationship is strained as it is and he just wants to move on. It's respectful to women who look like Dawn, and I really like that. It's also realistic.

People at their computers. Everyone looks so bored. One guy is stretching his arms as if he's just trying to keep himself awake. David is leaning back in his chair, looking sad. The camera is looking at him through the window and he's not noticing it, and I feel like this is his true face: sad, aging, insecure and generally clueless. He's had a rough day, no one laughed at his jokes and he got scolded twice. He brought it upon himself, but I still feel sorry for him.

Dawn stares sadly at Tim, who's working at his computer. He feels her stare and looks at her, but she looks away. Finally Tim gets up and shows Dawn his calendar: "There's a 20-minute window here for 'wind up Gareth with Dawn'. Should we do that?" Dawn smiles cutely, Tim finally noticed her. She looks happy and relieved, and it's very natural-looking. These two actors have a great chemistry together. Off-screen, we hear Gareth shout out: "Oh no, not now, please, I'm working!" And it's a bit mean, but he deserves it for having Tim listen to "Oggy oink oink!" and "Stop! Move away from the cookie jar!" Tim asks him: "Did you see that film last night, Gaylords Say No?" Gareth says flatly, "No," which makes Dawn giggle like a little girl. Hee! That joke was in the unaired pilot, but it was made a bit longer. I think it works better here; in the pilot Tim tells Gareth: "That means you're a gaylord", which frankly is not necessary for understanding the joke. I'm glad they made it more subtle.

David is still in his office, looking sad. We return briefly to Tim and Dawn, who are openly flirting at Tim's desk. That's when David decides to get out of his office and do something about the negative vibes. People gather round as he asks to talk to everyone, though "I'm mainly talking to the Swindon lot here." Way to single them out and make them feel welcome. "Some of you seem to have got off on the wrong foot with me. Yeah?" Fair enough for a start, but then he shows he doesn't take any of the blame: "You got to chill out, yeah? Trust me. This is what I do. Alright?" Offend people with prejudiced jokes? Actually, that is what he does, so right on. "You'll never work in a place like this again. This is brilliant. FACT. Yeah? And you'll never have a boss like me who is basically a chilled-out entertainer." Hee! "Fact." How can he tell where they will work and what kind of bosses they will have in the future? Maybe he's right, though - could there really be another boss as self-centered and ignorant as David Brent? "Some of you maybe didn't understand the jokes and misinterpreted one and went to Jennifer." I think they understood completely and that's exactly why they complained. And if he wants to make up with them, so to speak, shouldn't he be hearing them out and accepting some of the responsibility? If I were them, I'd be pretty annoyed that he comes out accusing me of misunderstanding him and not being chilled out enough. Obviously he doesn't want to change, so that's not a good sign for future complaints.

"A little bit annoyed that you thought you could go to Jennifer and not me," he continues, clearly personally offended by the complaints. "Who was it that complained? And this is not a witch hunt," he quickly adds. Noo, not at all. Feel free to tell him who it was, bonus points to rats. Brenda and Trudy raise their hands. David decides to ask the one who's not in a wheelchair - what a shock - why she went to Jennifer. Trudy replies, "Cos I don't know you and I don't like the kind of jokes you're telling. And I don't think somebody in your position should be laughing at black people." Good answer. David is offended, though. "It's funny that ... only the two of you... thought that...out of everyone, but you know..." He's basically trying to make them look like tight-asses who don't have a sense of humor. And I've noticed that men often use this tactic when women complain about a joke they told or an attitude they have. It's a subtle kind of sexism at play here.

A male employee interjects, "I didn't like it either." David immediately turns this against all of the Swindon employees: "Right, proves my point. Swindon. You're new, you don't know me." Way to make them feel welcome. And his point was that it was only two of them. Suddenly I'm reminded of a fight I had with someone at the fan forums I frequent. Basically there was an inside joke gone too far between her and another poster, and some of us politely asked that they stop telling it in every single thread, because it's not funny to others. Her initial reaction was an offended "I'm not hurting anyone", and as six other people said it does annoy them, she turned it into "It's funny that you are the only two people that are bothered by this, you just have something personally against me, leave me alone." It's funny how similar that was to this. But I digress.

Dark-Haired Employee chimes in: "I'm not new and I found it quite offensive." David takes Oliver as his witness again: "But he didn't, so..." Oliver doesn't look too happy about it. Trudy asks what he has to do with all this. "Well, if he doesn't mind us laughing at him, what harm's been done?" asks David and points at an increasingly uncomfortable-looking Oliver. And he basically just admitted that the joke pokes fun at black people. "But why is it that only black people should be offended by racism?" asks Trudy. That's a really good point. Men can be offended by sexism, straight people can be offended by homophobia, and white people can be offended by racism. In fact, I think that this is part of being prejudiced - the idea that as long as a person who represents the minority or other oppressed group finds it funny, it's not offensive and everyone who wants to complain is wrong. I also wonder about Oliver. Is he simply playing along because he's the only black guy in a white environment? Does he feel like he has to laugh at the racist joke or he can't fit in? Does he pick his battles and only fight back when it's truly hateful?

David realizes that Trudy is right, but can't think of anything to defend his own comment, so he just says, "Good point. First sensible thing you've said all day. Because... I say, come one, come all, we are all the same... Let's..." Trudy isn't having it: "Is that why you've only got one black guy in the whole organization?" David quickly exclaims: "Wrong!" It's not the first time today that he's used that particular defense. He goes on to say that there's an Indian guy at the warehouse and another one who used to work in the office - would that be the one we saw in the first episode? - "lovely chap, he left, didn't like it. Up to him!" He talks really fast and defensively. Then he points at Oliver again and says, "If I had my way, the place would be full of them." That just sounds like he's talking about bugs or something. It's really degrading, even if he's using it to show he's tolerant. "Wouldn't it, Gareth?" he asks his only ally in the office. "Yeah, or half and half," says Gareth diplomatically. He's probably worrying about discrimination against white people in that situation. "Yeah," says David as if that was the same thing he said. "You're half and half, aren't you?" he asks Oliver. That's not the same thing Gareth said, and it's none of his business! "I'm mixed race, yes," says Oliver. "My favorite," says David. That's such a misguided way of showing your tolerance. You're not supposed to have a favorite ethnicity - and if half and half is your favorite, that could imply you like it because it's half white. Oliver looks incredulous at David's ignorance. David, of course, doesn't notice it, because he only thinks of himself and his own feelings. "The melting pot...please!" he says and puts his fingers together. "So there's your racist!" He looks at the employees for a moment, smiling like he won the argument with that. Everyone just stares back at him. He nods and leaves.

As David walks past Dawn, her face has the perfect look of disgust and disbelief. She has her eyes closed and her mouth open and just looks like she can't believe even David would say things like that. The employees slowly get back to work, and you can hear people talking to each other in lowered voices. Oliver just looks after David. I wonder how many jobs like this he's had where the boss used him as a way of showing tolerance. Tim and Dawn are laughing. "He said melting pot," says Tim. "He didn't actually do the fingers," says Dawn, laughing. He did do the fingers though, didn't he? "Come on, let's get on, please," says Tim. "Let's just.. let's love each other!" He starts singing the song about the great big melting pot and grabs Dawn to dance with him just as Lee enters the office. He walks right up to Dawn and Tim and grabs Tim, shoving him against the wall. Then he just walks away. That's one of the most powerful unspoken confrontations on the show, I think. Dawn looks flustered and scared, and she glances quickly at the camera before running after Lee. "Dawn..." says Tim, but she's already gone. He looks around and remembers the cameras. "Alright," he says and laughs a bit. He settles in his chair and seems to need a moment to calm down. "Whew," he sighs in an exaggerated way and laughs at the camera. And credits.

The last mini-scene after the credits shows Dawn picking up the trash after the meet and greet. She picks up a round thing with foil around it and some sticks with food sticking out. She acts like it's toxic, touching it very carefully. You know, I'm sure it's still edible and not some foul garbage, Dawn. A bit prissy there. I think this scene is just meant to show us how Dawn gets to do all the 'dirty' work and boring stuff around the office while others party. But she did get her share of the drinks and snacks.

Great episode. I notice I had a lot to say regarding discrimination. I just like how the writers made this episode show that discrimination is subtle and not simply a matter of "evil racist vs. good tolerant people". Everybody wants to be tolerant, but often we aren't, and it's usually hard to tell until we actually meet a person who is "different". I love recapping this show, because the reactions of the characters are so realistic. It's like recapping a well-made reality show, because these type of people and attitudes really exist, so I can just basically comment on real life while I recap.

Season 2, Episode 1, Part 4: "The Joke"

Why isn't this part entitled "The Black Man's Cock"? Maybe they thought it would have been too offensive. But they did have "Large Inflatable Cock" in the first season, which was funny. Maybe the difference is that it was white and therefore more PC.

David comes up to some men who are standing around and talking. They're not facing him, but he gets their attention with a sad "Hi." He then sighs deep: "Ahhhh." Aww, he still looks so sad and disappointed. "Lunchtime gigs, their worst, aren't they." Hee! Ever the professional comedian. I don't think they do many lunchtime gigs at stand up clubs. David, of course, blames Neil for everything; he didn't warm them up enough: "He's not a professional comedian." And you are? It's awesome how he acts like Wernham Hogg is paying him to entertain, not to run the branch. "He was funny, though," says a male employee honestly. "Often an amateur will stitch out a professional," says David. And yeah, that's the complete opposite of what he said earlier about Neil not warming them up enough. He adjusts his tie in a nervous gesture. I should learn to read his tie-adjustments. "David has spoken"; "nervous and embarrassed"; "aren't I funny?" etc. It's like a baby's communication system: different cries for different purposes. David starts telling the black man's cock joke again. And he tells it wrong - dinner becomes lunch, and Charles and Philip change places. I don't think it really affects the unfunny punchline, but it's a nice touch. People tend to tell jokes differently from what they heard them, because we all remember a bit differently. I'm wondering if "Is it something I can put in my mouth" was a line Charles was supposed to say because it's Camilla who's thinking of the cock, but I don't wanna get too deep into it.

Just as David gets to "and the Queen goes, is it a bla...", a black guy walks in. It's Oliver, "the office black guy", as David will call him in the Christmas special. I don't know about this character. He's portrayed as smart and matter-of-fact, not having any particular black stereotypes... and yet I feel like his character is there only to emphasize how ignorant David is. Isn't it the same thing as having a black guy just to show how tolerant and non-racist every white character on a show is? As long as it's a peripheral character whose one dominant trait is black skin, I think it's just doing the same thing in reverse. Which is a shame. The same is true of Brenda, the woman with CP on Extras, and so forth. I was hoping Oliver would develop some sort of storyline or personality, but he's just there to be black, which is disappointing. It doesn't make the scenes with him any less funny though.

David says, "Hiya," but doesn't continue the joke. Oliver asks if he was telling the joke. "No, that was it," says David and just grins at the others. They're confused. "What did the Queen say?" asks a new guy with grey hair. I'm getting confused myself with all these anonymous new people. David shrugs. "Dunno," he says quickly with lips pursed to form an idiot's grin. Oliver gets curious about the story. Grey Hair But No Name tells him that it was about the royal family playing 20 questions. "It's not the black man's cock one, is it?" says Oliver. David, flustered: "It might be but... it's bad..." Dude, you were just telling it! You can't just say it's bad. You chose to tell it. He adjusts his tie, and I think this particular adjustment signals "embarrassed/busted". Oliver disagrees, though: "No, it's alright. It's funny." David relaxes: "Harmless. Well done." Well done?! Wtf does that mean? He's a good sport about the racism, so that's big of him? Maybe he shouldn't tell jokes that make him feel uncomfortable around black people. The "embarrassed" tie adjustment continues in slow motion as he tries to think of something else to say. And he manages to put his foot in his mouth again straight away: "Have you all met... this little lady.. this lady..?" he says and points at Brenda. Little lady? Wow, I'm sure she appreciates that particular introduction. Because it's endearing, not at all condescending. It's like he's thinking: "Little people, isn't that what they like to be called?" He grins inanely at Brenda in an attempt to be friendly to the poor wheelchair-bound little lady. Everyone's collectively embarrassed, so they all sip from their drinks. Sheila and Anonymous Female Employee With Curly Hair And Glasses just look down. That's not a good nickname. OK, Imdb identifies a female employee named Emma, but there is no picture. Let's agree that this woman's name is Emma, for the sake of the argument.

David's office. Jennifer wants to have a talk with David. Neil and Gareth are also there. Note how Jennifer is standing by David's desk and Neil is sitting in a chair next to it, creating the feeling that they are the owners of the office, even if they're not sitting behind David's desk in his chair. David and Gareth sitting on the sofa seem like they're schoolboys in the principal's office. Jennifer, obviously unhappy to have to talk about this at all when there's a meet and greet going on, says: "I'm sorry this had to happen on Neil's first day, but I've just got a complaint from one of the new intake." David asks what the complaint was. Jennifer, standing with her arms crossed accusingly, says: "I can't believe that you think a way to welcome people is by telling racist jokes." David, who looks embarrassed to be scolded like this on camera, says: "Wrong." Hee, that will really make her see your point of view. "He'd heard it before, and he thought it was funny, so I dunno why he's complaining now..." "HE? It was a woman," says Jennifer. I'm sure she's especially sensitive to people using the generic "he", even if that isn't the case this time. David mutters: "I ... assumed it was the.." - and he motions painting his face or something! That's so inappropriate - "..new guy..." He can't even say black guy! What a racist. Even if he's not hateful, he's certainly not OK with Oliver's skin color. I've been to the UK and they have lots of black people there, at least in London (more Indians, though, which surprised me a bit), and you'd think a British person would be a bit used to ethnic variety, but obviously not. "Whoever it was... is wrong... cos it isn't racist..." Yeah, well, racism is subjective. Who decides if a joke is racist? The new black guy or a female employee who also heard it?

Jennifer asks to hear the joke. David says evasively that it won't be funny anymore, as if she just wants a good laugh. "I don't care. What's the content?" says Jennifer, like she's talking to a naughty schoolboy. OK, that sounded a bit dirty. David starts telling the joke again. When he says Camilla is thinking of a black man's cock, he shows a length between his thumb and forefinger. Gareth bursts out giggling because he said cock, tee hee. David laughs a bit too. Doesn't he realize that Gareth's giggling is childish and inappropriate? Jennifer looks disappointed and annoyed, while Neil looks uncomfortable that he has to deal with this on his first day. Gareth keeps nodding as David tells the joke, as if he's overseeing that his joke gets told in the right way - David still confuses Philip and Charles, but Gareth doesn't seem to notice - and at the end of the joke, he starts to giggle again. David joins in, saying: "And he's heard it before, so... that's the sort of..." David looks kinda proud of the joke, stupidly enough. Now, David, is the time to admit the joke is bad. Like you did when the black guy walked in? Jennifer and Neil look on incredulously as David and Gareth giggle on as if they can't control it. I think it's another case of the nervous laughter, because they can see they're in trouble.

"I can see how someone would find that offensive," says Jennifer. "It's not racist though, I didn't say anything BAD about black people," says David in a voice that sounds like: "God, you can't say anything nowadays!" Jennifer says incredulously: "It's about a black man's cock!" You might wanna elaborate on that, you're dealing with two morons here. David claims it could be a white man's cock just as well. "No, you're using the ethnic stereotype that all men have large penises, because you think that makes it funnier," says Jennifer. Thank you. David stares at her, furrowing his brows like he just doesn't get it. David claims it's more of a compliment than an insult, which is similar to Gareth's idea that Dutch women should be rewarded for having big boobs in season 1, episode 2. Jennifer is too smart to miss the condescending tone of David's remark, and she sounds quite offended by it when she replies: "So what you're saying is that black people should be flattered that their only achievement in this world is having oversized genitalia?" Jennifer is lightyears ahead of David in intellect, education, and tolerance. It's so obvious from all of their interactions on the show, but this scene is the most obvious example. Note how she says people instead of men, even if no one is claiming black women's genitalia is oversized. I think this is the second indication of gender-conscious thinking here - using 'people' instead of 'men' when referring to someone whose gender isn't specified. Except that in this case, it is. "I'm saying they shouldn't be ashamed of them!" says David in a voice that sounds a bit offended. He still sounds like there is no issue and he doesn't understand why anyone would complain. He holds his hand out around his crotch, a kinda inappropriate gesture.

"It's a MYTH," says Jennifer angrily. Gareth decides to butt in: "I don't know Jennifer, I could show you a magazine where literally..." and he holds out his hands so wide that I really can't and don't want to imagine a penis that big. I think he, like unfortunately many others, uses "literally" to signal emphasis, not that what he's saying is literally true. Which is the opposite of what the word means really. But I do think Gareth believes that black men literally have huge penises. "Could you?!" says Jennifer, getting even angrier. She looks at Gareth like she just now realized that he's a class A moron. However, she doesn't realize how much of a moron he really is, because she actually expects for him to pipe down. Gareth, who doesn't understand sarcasm, says, "Well, I haven't got it with me, but when are you next in?" And he's still holding his hands in that same position! Jennifer stares at him with her mouth open. Yeah, I guess she mostly deals with people slightly more intelligent than this. David suggests that he could tell it differently - "just say big cock", and he runs his hand along the imagined penis Gareth is still gesturing. That is so inappropriate, yet hilarious. And telling the joke with just a big cock... would still be offensive to the royal family and women in general, I think. There's a certain misogynistic vibe to it that David is missing, as usual. In fact, I doubt he knows what "misogynistic" means. "Well, you could, or you could save those jokes for your free time and not tell them in the work place," says Jennifer. Gareth puts his hands down, because even he can hear how annoyed Jennifer is with the joke. "It was his joke, he told me it," says David, which is perhaps the most childish thing he's done in front of Jennifer yet. Take responsibility for telling the joke in the wrong occasion, David, and in fact for telling it at all. Jennifer decides that there's no point in continuing this: "Whatever, David, you've heard my opinion of the matter. Now shall we go back outside?" She gets up to leave, because she's had enough, and if a 40-year-old guy doesn't understand that a joke about a black man's cock is offensive, she can't help him. Note how Neil didn't say a word throughout all this, but he heard every word, and I'm quite sure he began to see David's inadequacy for the job right then and there. Brilliant scene.

At the door, David tells Neil in a low voice: "You might wanna be careful, because some of them might be a little sensitive. So..." Neil asks: "Sorry, who can?" David says: "Some.. some people might take things the wrong way." I'm almost sure he means some women who are oversensitive to discrimination, and I think he also means Jennifer. "Oh! As an actor said to a bishop!" he continues in his dumb 'gay' voice. Neil doesn't laugh. David gets defensive: "And that's not a gay sterotype." Isn't it? "I'm not saying it's the wrong way, I'm saying it's a way." You are saying it's the wrong way! That's how you came up with it. "Some women like it the wrong way, and they're straight!" Eww, so he means anal sex? I didn't even get it from the 'joke'. Maybe I'm just so innocent. Neil rubs his neck uncomfortably. Yeah, I don't think he wanted to have a conversation about anal sex first thing at his new job. "It doesn't matter if you're straight or gay," David continues his 'I'm so tolerant' speech. "One in ten, apparently. I mean, that seems a bit high, isn't it?" Oh, so you think there should be less gays? "But I mean... you might be g... if you are.. .good luck to you! Just make sure it's legal and be safe. OK?" Neil is wisely silent as they walk out and David puts his hand on his shoulder. He is so condescending. "Just make sure it's legal and be safe", as if he cares, or it's any of his business! This scene proves that David hasn't learned anything from the talk with Jennifer. He still thinks you're only a racist if you openly say "go home n***ers" or something similar, not for harboring prejudices about other ethnicities. And as long as you say "I'm not a racist", as long as you don't mean anything by it, you're not a racist. And this right here is the problem with all prejucides: people never realize they're prejudiced until they truly hurt someone, and even then their first defense is usually denying it all. More intelligent people than David do this - in fact, I think we all have - but he's just more obvious because he doesn't realize this at all.

Gareth interviews about "what words are acceptable and what words aren't", something he says people can't keep up with. And yeah, he's an idiot for thinking the words are just interchangealbe and don't carry different implications, but it's a real problem. You can't just re-badge things and make them more widely accepted. Every time someone calls me "big-boned", I get offended, because why would they even say that if they didn't think being fat is a bad thing? It's like making a bad thing sound ever-so-slightly more acceptable, but at the same time you are implying you find it negative. However, the point that both Gareth and David are missing is that there's a difference between political correctness and tolerance. They both seem to think that the bad thing is getting caught using the wrong words, not what you're implying with them.

"Take my Dad, for example. He's not as cosmopolitan or as educated as me..." I can never watch this without laughing. Those are perhaps the two words that describe Gareth the least. Cosmopolitan? He lives in Slough! I doubt he's even been very far from there, to be honest. And educated? Yeah, whatever. Having a job is not education per se. "It can be embarrassing," says Gareth. I find it hard to believe that he can actually get embarrassed for somebody else. His Dad must be an older, even dumber and more prejudiced version of him. "He doesn't understand the new trendy words." Oh, so now it's just a trend, not even an issue of tolerance. Yeah, maybe this whole equality trend is gonna go out of style soon. With any luck, we should have public gay burnings and black slaves again in another twenty years. Can't wait! Gareth lists some of the mistakes his father makes with the terms: "He'll say 'puffs' instead of 'gays', 'birds' instead of 'women', 'darkies' instead of 'coloreds'..." That last one sounds pretty shocking to me, but it must be quite common over there. Gareth is left thinking of more names his Dad might confuse with the trendy PC terms as we go back to the party.

Rachel is shown talking to a guy and Gareth looks at her piningly from another side of the room. Seeing him from the side, his hairdo is really funny-looking. It's got two layers, the top one shorter than the bottom one, and the top layer is cut in this weird pattern that rises at one point in a way that makes you wonder if he cut it all by himself. It's like a little boy's hairdo. Rachel gets more snacks and Tim comes to the snack table. Keith is staring into space with a glass in his hand, but he says: "Alright, Tim?" without looking at him. "Yes, thanks, Keith," says Tim. He accidentally pushes Rachel a bit and apologizes: "You haven't got a t-shirt that says 'pop my pink' on it". It's a pink shirt, but I must admit I don't get the joke. "Play snooker?" asks Rachel, and Tim stammers: "Not like that..." and Rachel seems to realize she implied something dirty, but I totally don't get it. I'm just too innocent. "So it's Rachel...?" Tim says. "Tim," says Rachel and points at him. "Gareth Keenan," says Gareth and stretches his hand to her, so she's forced to wipe it on her pants and shake his hand. Can I just say that I detest the way she licks her fingers and then takes more snacks from the common bowl? She's getting her germs in there! I'm not a germophobe or anything, but it grosses me out. Keith suddenly says, "Keith" in a loud voice. They all turn to look at him. I've seen this scene many times, and it seems like a faux pas and I can't put my finger on why. Maybe it's because he was absolutely quiet until now and didn't even seem to notice the others, and now he's suddenly chiming in. Or maybe it's the dull lifeless tone of his voice that makes him seem a bit robot-like.

Jennifer is talking to the same group of people David was telling the joke to earlier. "Thanks very much, good luck," she says warmly. See, this is why I like Jennifer's character - she's not a typical ballbreaker at all, which shows that the writers actually respect female bosses. It's subtle things like this that make Jennifer human. "Heyyy," says David, grinning stupidly once again. "So you've met Oliver?" "Yes," says Jennifer and looks down, knowing where this is going. "Good lad," says David. Really? They only just met. "We were having a laugh earlier, weren't we?" Ooo, he's having a laugh! OK, that phrase is forever ruined for me after seeing season 2 of Extras. Oliver has to think a bit, but then he remembers it. "Did you like that joke I told about the royal family?" "Well, yeah, it was funny." You can see Jennifer working hard to not yell at David. She purses her lips and closes her eyes for a moment. "David, we've talked about this. Now I think I've made myself perfectly clear," she says in her matter-of-fact tone. "I'll see you later. Goodbye!" she says to the other men and walks away quickly so that she doesn't blow up in front of everyone. That's showing good self discipline. David just doesn't get it. He already established that Oliver wasn't offended by the joke, but it. Is. Still. Racist.

As Jennifer leaves, David, who feels like he's been humiliated in front of other guys by a woman boss scolding him, starts joking about her now: "She should chill out a bit more, shouldn't she?" He makes smoking gestures: "Maybe a little bit of the old ganja." He even makes sucking sounds. Nobody's laughing and the guys look uncomfortable. David really needs to learn how to read a room. He's one of those guys who continue the joke until you laugh, so he goes on with a lame impression: "Yes, David, I've called this meeting, cos I want you to go to the 24-hour garage and get me some Hob-Nobs!" He starts giggling like a schoolboy again. His giggling seems to be inversely related to how much people laugh at his jokes. "Munches," he says and shows the imaginary joint again. He doubles over laughing as the guys look down and Oliver smiles at him with the friendly, patient smile of a parent whose child just told the dumbest fart joke in the world and can't stop laughing. He continues with stuff about Scooby-Doo, and I must admit I never watched it, but still: "Scooby-Doo has those Scooby snacks, cos he's got the munchies... Scooby-Doo, dooby-dooby-doo..." He pretends to inhale again and makes an idiotic impression of a cartoon voice. He's so childish.

Cut straight to the camera looking into David's office through the Venetian blinds (which he never seems to close, so they present the perfect opportunity for camera espionage). He's alone with Jennifer and Neil now, and he's standing against his desk in a defensive position, while Jennifer and Neil are standing close to him, crowding up on him. "I was not advocating the use of drugs!" David says, really offended and annoyed now. "I was talking to someone on their level, cos I can communicate with people from all walks of life." Right, so you weren't showing your own drug opinions, just agreeing with what you assume are the liberal drug stands of your employees. That's an offense to the employees, really. Are they all pot-smokers in his eyes? It's not a college, it's a bunch of mid-30's and early 40's guys in an office. They're more likely to be caffeine addicts. The scene ends here, because the point was really made earlier. It's just a funny little reminder that David has learned nothing and that he will continue making inappropriate jokes. I wonder if the person who complained mentioned that the joke was actually about Jennifer. We only see Jennifer from the back here, while Neil is resting his hand on his chin, with his forefinger leaning on his forehead. It looks like he's making a mental note to put David under observation.

Season 2, Episode 1, Part 3: "A Few Words"

Here we go then, the speech. It might be painful to watch, I really feel for David in this scene. But Neil goes first. He acts self-confident and relaxed and his speech is well-received. Mind you, I didn't think all of his jokes were that funny, but it might be easier to laugh at them because they don't seem as rehearsed as David's. It's not a standup act, it's just a friendly little talk to the employees he knows, which is exactly what David should have done, but he didn't.

"For those of you who don't know me, my name is Neil Godwyn. For those of you who do know me - keep shtum!" The employees laugh. "I'm a man of simple pleasures. I don't need fancy cars, beautiful girls or classy restaurants - so it's a good job I moved to Slough!" Most people laugh - though I see Keith furrowing his brows as though he's offended for Slough - and Neil himself laughs along happily and unselfconsciously. This is the natural touch that's missing from David's speech. "No, it's great to be in Slough, really it is... I just spent a year in Beirut!" No offense to any viewers from Beirut, I guess. Everyone laughs. Neil leans to David and says his name - at this, David gets up and gathers his notes, but as Neil keeps on talking, he looks embarrassed and sits back down - but he's not introducing him to speak; he's simply saying that David has a lot of new responsibility with the new employees, "he'll now have to delegate twice as much work!" That's actually kind of true. The camera shows David grinning from his chair as if he finds all this hilarious. "But there will be perks for him - I'm sure he's looking forward to having a whole new group of MEN underneath him!" The employees laugh and "wooo". Ugh, gay jokes, so old and macho. I know Neil has a macho side to him, and it annoys me. David looks a bit offended at the gay insinuation, but he tries to laugh it off. "Anyway, here's the man at the top of the pile - David Brent!" There is applauding and the employees are in a great mood to welcome him. Except for Keith, who just looks bored and blank. Aww, lighten up, Keith. You're even cuter when you smile.

David gets up nervously and starts talking. Sadly, the first thing he says is an explanation of Neil's joke: "You know how he was saying I'm at the top of the pile... like saying I'm gay. Alright, I'm not gay. In fact, I can honestly say I've never come over a little queer." He makes a little hip movement and giggles childishly. OK, first of all, he didn't have to defend himself against what was obviously a very silly joke. Secondly, that is so not funny. The employees look a bit flustered; some, like Rachel, are actually smiling, while others, like Keith, are just furrowing their brows. David gets visibly nervous that nobody's laughing, and he babbles: "Get to the real stuff.. that's just to what he... he's putting me off..." Yeah, all Neil's fault. He starts reading from his notes. Nothing wrong with having notes if you're having a speech in front of a big audience or something, but lose them in a situation like this. It just looks amateurish and embarrassing.

He begins his actual speech, sounding really nervous. He talks like he's out of breath and doesn't know what to say next. "Welcome to Slough to the... the... the new people..." His face is all red. Aww, poor David. "My name's David Brent. And... I've always been in the paper industry, haven't I? My parents owned a paper shop...until it blew away." No reaction, so he tries to explain it: "Paper? If that wasn't then.. OK." In the background, Neil gives a little friendly smile to recognize the joke. But it's really old and really lame. Plus it's not his own. You know, at least use jokes that you made up. "Yeah... I'm not... I'm not used to public squeaking, I piss-pronunciate a lot of my worms!" David grins and waits for a response. Some of the employees force a little chuckle. David seems downright offended that they didn't laugh: "Do you not... that's the Two Ronnies, that's classic stuff!" And at that, the audience bursts out laughing uncontrollably, because my god, it's the Two Ronnies, how could they miss that. Side-splitting fun.

He's taking too many breaks between the jokes, the speech seems to have no flow at all, and the crowd is getting a bit bored. Someone's cell phone rings. "Turn the... phone off... that's part of it... you're not concentrating... you're not gonna enjoy it as much. Focus. OK." Yeah, it's the phone that rang after those three unfunny jokes that made the person not laugh. Blame your audience when it goes badly, that's always the way to engage them. David takes a deep breath to calm himself down. Then he tries another lame joke, trying an approach similar to Neil's: "Anyway, it's good to have you arriving from Swindon. I heard they dropped an atomic bomb on Swindon! About 15 quid's worth of damage!" This time people look downright offended. Yeah, you don't really joke about that stuff, David. And somehow it's more ok to make fun of Slough where they've just arrived than Swindon that they were forced to leave. It seems a little rude. "OK.. that's.. right," David says and anxiously goes through his notes again. His desperation is getting so painful to watch.

It's not working, so he brings up Eric Hitchmough. Oh god. At least pick TV characters or something people are bound to recognize. Eric Hitchmough isn't exactly a world-class celebrity. And some jokes are never as funny if you weren't there to see the actual event. Ever tried to explain Seinfeld episodes to someone who hasn't seen them? Impossible to bring the funny. "And then Kramer and Darrin take this big ball filled with oil and it falls on Jerry's girlfriend and she's slippery as an eel, so they joke about it." "So..?" "So, that's it. Um, it's really funny when you see it." Coming to think of it, telling them The Office jokes would be even worse. But even if I have tried that, I wouldn't try bringing up Eric bloody Hitchmough.

David starts with, "It's a good thing Eric Hitchmough isn't here! Cos you know what he'd say? 'I don't agree with that in a workplace!'" Nobody laughs. Dawn is biting her nails and Trudy looks like she has no idea what David is on about. David, flustered, starts talking faster and bringing in Columbo and Basil Fawlty, without saying that these are Columbo and Basil Fawlty imitations: "Imagine if Eric was a Los Angeles detective. Be a bit weird, wouldn't it? 'Um, yeah.. One final thing, my wife loves you.. and I don't agree with that in a workplace!' What's that, Eric? You've given up being a Los Angeles detective and started running a hotel in Torquay? 'Yes! Don't mention the war! I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it and I don't agree with that in a workplace!"

No one's laughing and David gets even more desperate, as he launches straight into what looks like a "Ministry of Silly Walks" impression while saying "I don't agree with that in a workplace!" The people in the front row flinch away from his legs, which are indeed flailing dangerously close to the audience. Behind him, Jennifer is starting to look embarrassed. She puts her hand on her mouth like "god, what a disaster". David asks the crowd: "Do you not know who Eric Hitchmough is?" This is just embarrassing. Just let it go and try something else, please. "Who's been to the Coventry conference?" One guy has. David asks him if he doesn't know Eric. The guy says, "Well yeah, but I didn't know he talks like that." Ouch. "Talks exactly like that!" says David. Now he turns to Gareth for confirmation, but Gareth says he prefers the stuff about his hand. "I don't do stuff about his hand," claims David. "Yeah, you do - the Wanking Claw," says Gareth. Oo, busted. The employees look kind of appalled and offended at that. Tim furrows his brows in a cute way. Some male employee shakes his head in disgust.

David tries his final, desperate impression. "Has everyone heard of Harry Enfield?" he asks. He has to ask twice, because they all seem pretty reluctant and unresponsive at this point, but they finally say yes. "Then who's this: I do not believe you wanted to do that! Only me!" I've seen Harry Enfield's sketch shows, and the tone David uses is something like Harry's "funny voice", but a bit too exaggerated to really be spot on. Plus he makes this eye-bulging/grimace thing that is meant to make them laugh, but it fails. Everyone just stares at him quietly, and you can see pity on some faces. David stays in the position for a while just so they'd get it, and the humming sound of air conditioning in the background is just so cruel. In the tradition of truly professional comedians, David sits back down and openly voices his disappointment: "Oh come on! You try so hard and that's... ahh."

Neil waits for a moment, then thanks David. "Huh?" David says. "Thanks," says Neil. David replies eloquently: "Whatever. Just..." Aww, he is so disappointed and sad he can't even really speak. He folds up his notes that didn't help him at all. I feel so sorry for him. He leans forward on the chair and just stares sadly at the floor as Neil tells the employees to get some more wine and snacks. Are they having wine at lunchtime? Wow, that's odd. Is this customary in the UK? The camera is still on David as the employees leave the room. He stares straight into the camera, looking so sad. I can barely watch this. Poor David who just wants to be liked.

More mingling. Someone is saying "It wasn't that bad", and I'm not sure if that's in reference to David. Dawn is sitting on the couch, playing with her hair and talking to Brenda. Gareth walks in and can't think of anything better to say to Brenda than: "So you've got a wheelchair." "I have, yeah," says Brenda a little too kindly. I don't know if I'd even answer that if I was in a wheelchair. I'd probably just shoot an angry look at them like I do if people ask me, "Have you put on a little weight?" There's questions and then there's impolite observations that are best kept to the observer. Dawn looks annoyed and embarrassed at Gareth's behaviour. She puts her hand to her temple as Gareth says, "I have a mate who's got a wheelchair. Well, he's not my mate, I don't like him actually." Where did he get that? "Wheelchair Small Talk For Dummies"? "Oh, great," says Brenda, tho she doesn't sound very interested. You know, you could perhaps talk about something other than the wheelchair, like ask about her coming from Swindon, ask her name, or something. But of course you can't, because she's special. Sadly, I must admit wheelchairs make me a bit self-conscious too. I wish they wouldn't, but they do. Still, I wouldn't actually bring it up. Or the fact that I don't like the other guy who's in a wheelchair who has absolutely nothing to do with this situation.

Keith, who is lacking in social skills, is standing on the outskirts of some group still chewing his gum. He's really tall and seems to be a head bigger than everyone else. He's chewing slowly, staring ahead, and I have no reason to believe he's changed the gum since earlier.

Tim and Jennifer are sitting on the sofa, and Jennifer is admiring Tim's suit, which "looks very smart" and "gives the right impression". I like how Jennifer is both powerful and warm, not one of those "get out of my way, I hate men" career women on TV. Tim checks his watch and calls out to Dawn, who looks happy that Tim is paying attention to him. Sadly, he only wants her to check the messages in case someone has called while she was off reception. Again, he acts polite, but Dawn looks sad and rejected as she leaves. It's not just the fact that Tim isn't interested in her anymore, I think; it's the master tone he's assumed, like she works for him now. He no longer sees them as equals, and she's not happy.