Season 1, Episode 5, Part 1: "A Fresh Start"

Before I start, shout-out to Bismo. Glad to know someone's reading these recaps and enjoying them.

We cut straight from the credits to a Timterview, where he says he's not just thinking about leaving, he really is leaving. In retrospect, it's a bit sad to see these scenes, knowing he could have made something of himself and bailed out. I know it's realistic, but it's still a bit sad. The feeling of immobility in this show sometimes feels kinda suffocating to the viewer as well, which of course means that they got it right. Tim says he will "learn about something more than the price of Opti-Bright Laser Copy paper, you know." I love how they made these examples of paper brands. It sounds like a real type of paper, but how would I know? "298 a gram," Gareth shouts out. He's sitting on a sofa behind Tim eating a bag of cheese noodles. And he just has to interject with this unimportant piece of information that Tim just said he doesn't care about. "240 a gram, check the list," says Tim, and his smile to the camera tells us that he's only saying it to one-up Gareth. "Yeah, I thought you said something different," Gareth claims. Nice save. "What are you gonna study?" he asks, as if he cares. He's probably only saying it so Tim will forget about his blunder.

"Psychology," says Tim and gets serious. Gareth chuckles at this and asks why Tim wants to be a psychiatrist - "They're all mad themselves, aren't they?" I love how Gareth has embraced every stereotype he's heard as true knowledge. That's like the lowest form of social intelligence: being able to agree with everybody else on things you know nothing about. Tim says he wants to be a psychologist, but they're all the same to Gareth, of course. He seems to be threatened by the idea that Tim's going to university, because his next question is: "Alright Einstein, if you're so clever, what am I thinking about now?" Right, that's what a psychologist does. He closes his eyes really tight, which makes him look like a child playing hide-and-seek. Tim guesses, "You're thinking: How can I kill a tiger armed only with a Biro?" Gareth says no, but as Tim guesses again, he makes a movement up and down his Adam's apple, and you can tell he's really thinking of the question now. "You're thinking: if I crash down in jungle, will I be able to eat my shoes?" "No, and you can't," says Gareth promptly. Tim asks him what he's thinking. "I was just thinking, will there ever be a boy born who can swim faster than a shark," replies Gareth. But he talks kind of slowly and rolls his eyes a bit, so it seems like he's making it up on the spot. Tim's guess was really close. Maybe he really can read minds. Gareth eats up his last cheese noodles as Tim stares off into space looking really tired.

Malcolm and another older employee at their desks, taking calls. Malcolm's talking on the phone. He says, "It's faith." I wonder what that is in reference to. Malcolm is an interesting character. Maybe he's talking about faith in keeping his job, or faith in the management. Either way, if that's what it is, he's wrong to believe in it.

Donna walks into the office with the typical embarrassed posture of someone who's late. Dawn and Tim give her side glances, but Gareth, of course, has to comment: "Midday! You just getting here?" As if it's any of his business. Donna tries sarcasm: "No, I should be here in about an hour." Gareth chuckles in a forced way: "About an hour... you're already here..." I think he's just trying to laugh along when Donna makes a joke, but it comes off sounding like he's an idiot who has to explain the joke because he doesn't quite get it. Sarcasm seems to confuse him, and maybe Donna is already realizing that and using it against him. If so, she earns my respect.

David walks in and asks if he is [some reference I totally don't catch]. "Evening all," he says and points at his watch. "Brilliant," says Dawn sarcastically, and David grins and points at her, obviously thinking she liked it. Donna humbly apologizes for being late, but David doesn't seem to care. Of course he doesn't; that's work-related. His concern is that she didn't come home the night before: "Your parents have entrusted me with their most valuable possession - you." He points at Donna, and may I just say that I find the idea of one's child as a possession terrible, even if I realize he means she's valuable. She's not a thing. "Ipso...facto... trust received... responsibility given.. and.. taken." OK, that meant absolutely nothing, but it's hilarious when David uses Latin to show his nonexistant cultural knowledge. The Wikipedia entry for "ipso facto" is very confusing, but I'm sure David is using it incorrectly. He points at his body while saying "taken". He's leaning on the wall, which isn't the best position in this case, as it seems to emphasize his hanging gut. I guess he's just trying to look laid back, even if he's anything but. He says it's fine for her to stay out the night, but her friend's parents - of course he says her parents - could have called. Donna says his parents weren't in. How young is Donna supposed to be? She looks 20 to me, but maybe we're supposed to assume she's 17 or 18? Perhaps the point is that David is just treating her like a child when she's not.

David is obviously uncomfortable to hear it was a man, and he tries to play it off: "His parents, he's a bloke, so what? Come on... Chill out, shall we?" as if anyone else cares. Gareth is looking very serious, and perhaps jealous that Donna has someone else and isn't saving herself until she realizes what a hunk he is. David says it's ok to have a "friend who happens to be a boy", and offers a pretty inappropriate example: he could stay overnight at Dawn's sometime. "No, you couldn't," says Dawn, disgusted. David babbles: "Well, I could if I got off with...at the wrong... got off AT the wrong bus stop... I'd be on the floor." Oo, has he actually imagined getting off with Dawn? Leave it to David to make an example of men and women being just friends and revealing his sexual feelings for an employee in the process. Dawn looks suitably grossed out at the idea of David on her floor.

Donna says they spent some time on the floor too. David looks uncomfortable, but he tries to play it off. "For good reason! More room... Go free, come on, Jesus..." David looks at the floor like he's really embarrassed to be talking about this. Behind him, Dawn smiles at Donna mischieviously. David tries to continue his terrible example of "boy/friend" and if he slept at Dawn's... "You couldn't," says Dawn firmly. I love Dawn. "You could stay at mine if you wanted to," interjects Gareth, who is either secretly gay or completely oblivious of the sexual connotations of this whole conversation. "I don't wanna stay at yours," David quickly refutes. Because he's NOT GAY. At all. And sleeping at someone's is still just a sign of being friends, even if a straight guy totally couldn't stay at another guy's house.

"The point is if I did stay at Dawn's..." and David looks at Dawn, who cringes... "there'd be no funny business, there was no funny business, fine..." Donna cuts off his babble: "Apart from all the sex, but we'll do it at your place next time, so you don't have to worry." David tries to smile, but he looks like a father who has to face the fact that his daughter is having sex. And he wouldn't be David if he didn't make things worse with a completely inappropriate question: "It wasn't... someone in the office, was it?" Donna gives David what he deserves: an honest answer. "It was, actually. I slept with somebody in the office, everybody!" she says in a loud voice and looks into the camera. Yeah, I wouldn't much enjoy David discussing my sex life in front of the camera either. David laughs and pretends it's all an act. Dawn seems amused by all this. "It's not even... she's not even..." David babbles and looks at his watch for no reason. Then he does his trademark embarrassed "Awww..." As he walks away, he tells Dawn seriously: "I'd let you stay at mine." Dawn looks like she finds David utterly pathetic. And she probably does.

The camera shows the office, looking unusually busy with people on the phone, through the Venetian blinds of David's office for a moment. David walks into the lobby saying, "I'm getting a secretary, because um... well, I need one." The pause after the word "because" suggests that he does not, and the real reason is something that dare not speak its name in a documentary. I'm actually pretty sure that he wants a pretty young thing in the office, so he can finally have a love life. He probably expected only women to apply for the job. Young, good-looking women. And the fact that this scene is right after the "I could stay at Dawn's" scene seems to suggest that Dawn doesn't fancy him, so someone else must take that job. Knowing David, he probably believes that secretaries are really mainly for sex.

"The lucky.. contestants," grins David as the camera zooms on two applicants chatting with Dawn on the sofa. Their names are Stewart Foote and Karen Roper. David shakes hands with both of them, but as Dawn introduces "Mr Brent," David says to Karen: "I don't know a Mr Brent! Call me David." Karen chuckles politely, and David points at her and says to Dawn: "She'd brighten up the place, wouldn't she?" like they were picking out a plant for the office. He realizes what he just said and starts to babble: "IF she gets the job.. They're both equal...No foregone conclusion. Based on interview and... and merit. I mean, it is up to me ultimately, but good luck." David-English translation: Don't let the door hit your ass on your way out, Stewart. Stewart seems to realize this, as he looks pretty disappointed already. I love how David says the name of his band there. Dawn plays with her hair nervously and looks really tired of David. "Nurse, the Polaroid," says David and chuckles inanely. He asks the applicants to sit down on the sofa and they do. Dawn prepares to take a photo of each of them, but David snatches the camera from her: "I'll do it!" He compliments Karen's smile, hair, and eyes, using the word "lovely" like five times. It's so wrong, but she takes it bravely. He keeps looking at Karen and smiling at her when he points the camera at Stewart: "Let's take one of you too." He pushes the button without even looking at him. Stewart is wiping his eyes as he takes the photo, obviously thinking it doesn't matter how he looks because David won't look at it anyway. He hangs his head in frustration.

David is still staring at Karen as Dawn reminds him: "We'll do Stewart first." David wakes up from his rapture and says: "Yeah, let's get him out of the way", and again, very impartial, David. They walk into his office and sit down. David says "Good". And after that - nothing. He just stares at Stewart grinning at him. Stewart looks confused, as I would be. The job interview from hell: sitting in front of a boss you know won't hire you. Especially if he doesn't even bother to talk. David is leaning back in his chair, trying to look laid back, but he ends up looking more like he should go up a coat size. It looks like the coat just barely fits him, and yet the look on his face says: "I look HOT." Every time he tries to look young and cool, he ends up looking fat and old. It's a nice touch.

"Stewart Foote," David says. He smiles as if he's thinking, "Hee, foot." Stewart looks uncomfortably at the wall, and he sees a printout that says:
"Money don't make my world go round
I'm reaching out to a higher ground."
It's just a white paper with those words on it. Obviously printed out by David, because he thinks it's so inspirational and philosophical. Stewart asks David what it is, and David reads the words out loud. He sounds like it's the most profound thought he ever heard, and it probably is. "Is that a philosopher?" asks Stewart. "Des'ree," says David, nodding. So Des'ree is a philosopher? Hee. Stewart recognizes that she is a singer, and David suddenly starts singing the song:
"Money don't make my world go round
I'm reaching out to a higher ground
To a warm and peaceful place
Ai-ai-ai- I can rest my weary face..."
He sings with his eyes closed. He bobs his head. And he taps the rhythm on the desk. It's really lame. Of course, he gives the camera side glances as if this will make him look cool on TV. Stewart starts so say, "I don't think that -" but David cuts him off by singing more:
"Cos we're living, we're living, in a crazy maze!" And then he launches right into a question: "Wh d'you wanna work here? Shoot." That is brilliant. Way to humiliate your job applicant right from the start and use his interview showcase your singing "skills" on camera.