Season 1, Episode 4, Part 1: "Training Day"

In an unusual opening scene, we see Lee and Dawn fighting. Dawn is crying and saying that she has a right to change her mind, and the fight really doesn't make much sense to an outside spectator, as I believe the writers have intended. It seems quite natural, and I'm not sure if it's ad libbed or scripted. It's always hard to tell on this show, which is a good sign.

Cut to an interview with Gareth, of all people. As our relationship expert, Gareth tells us that it might be better to split up, because long-term relationships always mean that the sex gets worse. "You constantly have to find new and erotic ways of spicing things up in the bedroom." Right. Because sex is the most important part of a relationship, and it's bad if you have to be more adventurous. I can just imagine Gareth's sexl.. Actually, I'd rather not imagine that. Moving on.

In a big conference room, Dawn is putting up chairs, while David is talking his usual gibberish to the consultant. He's explaining how he's really good at this stuff, because he was trained in it and he got even better, but he was already good to begin with: "It's a gift AND training." Dawn is still weeping to herself. She's wearing a nice baby blue shirt and a baby blue hair pin, which makes her look prettier than usual. David introduces Rowan, the consultant, to the camera and tells us that he does a couple of these training days a year. David says "It's good to have an outsider now and then to... keep an interest..." He turns to leave, but when Rowan tells the camera he has an MBA in this, David starts blabbing about his own skills again: "I'm trained in it too", even if I doubt he has an MBA. He offers to tell the viewers what today is all about. "I can do that," Rowan offers, but David cuts him off by saying awkwardly, "Well, it's my... thing..." He tell us it's "customer care really. Investement. In. People. I.e, the staff." Wait, I thought you said it was about the customer. David claims that if someone from the staff has a problem, it's his problem. At that very moment, Dawn starts weeping out loud again and runs away from the room. Rowan looks after her, concerned, but David just makes an amused face at the camera that seems to be saying, "Oh, those hysterical women!" Then he goes straight into a stupid analogy: "It's like if you're cleaning a floor and you're up against it, then come to me and I'll help us clean our floor together. So... not literally." Yeah, I can really see him doing that. Rowan just looks at him wide-eyed. Oh, Rowan, you have no idea what you're in for.

People are taking their last calls before the training and leaving their computers. Dawn sits on the sofa, weeping. Aww, poor Dawn. Tim's voice is heard comforting her. The camera zooms out and we see that Tim is sitting there, talking to her calmly and kindly, with a very small voice. He says that Lee and Dawn should be together, and if Lee doesn't see that, he's mad. "Tell you what, if he doesn't see that, I'll marry you." Ah, the "I'll marry you" joke. It's a sure way to tell who really has feelings for you. There's always a joke like that somewhere, half-serious.

Keith leaves a message in his answering machine. His tone is so incredibly monotonous, I don't know how Ewan MacIntosh manages it. I doubt I could be this monotonous if I tried. The message is simply: "Hallo, you're through to Keith. I'll be at training all day today. Please call me .. or leave a message.. and I will call you tomorrow."

Dawn tells Tim he's so lovely. "No, I'm not lovely, you are," Tim says. Oh, get a room you two. Dawn says she's snotty from the crying. "I'll marry your snot," says Tim. Well, that's... both eww and aww, actually. Dawn laughs a bit and seems to be doing better. Of course, Gareth picks this moment to walk in. "You upset? It's about Lee, isn't it?" he says redundantly. Duh, Gareth. You know, maybe if you see someone closer to her already comforting her, you could just leave it? Gareth gives her the biggest compliment he can think of: "You know Monkey Alan down from the warehouse - he fancies you, even if no one else does. So..." Yeah, problem solved. If Lee leaves her, she can immediately hook up with Monkey Alan, whoever that is. I'd hardly be flattered by someone called that "fancying" me. Especially if he's a friend of Gareth's. And the words "even if no one else does" never make the compliment very credible. Dawn bursts into tears again and runs away. Gareth the sexist assumes that it's just because women are so hysterical: "You just can't say anything when they are like that, can you." I'd hate him if he weren't so pathetic. Tim awesomely tells him, "No, YOU can't. I was doing OK." Thinking about it, Tim is the only guy on the show who isn't a total sexist. Well, Neil might not be as bad as some of them, but even he laughs at Finchy's terrible jokes. Tim tells Gareth that Dawn doesn't need to know about Monkey Alan. "Even the name... I don't even know who that is. I'm betting that Monkey Alan..." Gareth cuts him off to tell him who it is: "You know, he's that little bloke..." Tim decides Gareth isn't worth talking with and tells him, "Go away, please. Go over there." Hee, like he's talking to a dog. Gareth doesn't have any objections. He sulks away quietly. I wonder what he's feeling - embarrassment? Anger? Or just his usual "Huh? What went wrong?" I wonder if it's liberating to be so socially clueless.

After a brief establishing shot of the employees walking to the conference room, we see them sitting in a circle. Quite few people, considering - seems to be less than twenty employees. Joan the cleaning lady is, for once, not there. Rowan introduces himself. He comes off as quite a smart and nice guy, especially comparing to David, who's standing next to him and smirking in his usual fashion. When Rowan says he will be "leading" them, David has to add, "Under me." He keeps nodding and shaking his head depending on what Rowan is saying, as if to stress with his body language that he approves of this message. He just can't stand someone else being the center of attention. Dawn is absent-mindedly tapping her knee with her pen, while Gareth is already taking notes, and seems to be writing down every word Rowan says, which cracks me up.

Rowan says they'll watch a video first: "It's a bit cheesy and a bit 80'ish" - David chuckles, always ready to join in the laugh with the others even if he doesn't get the joke - "but I think a lot of the ideas are still pretty valid." David adds, "A good idea is a good idea... for EVER." Wow, that's deep. For him. Actually it's not even deep for David. Just pathetic. Rowan is like, "Ookayy..." and I bet he's already wishing David wouldn't keep cutting him off with inane comments. David looks at Rowan, smirking like he's said the most intelligent thing in the world. "Philosophy," he adds. Hee! I love these little interjections. He's going to do a couple more in this episode. I think he just uses them to underline his "point" - or rather, how brilliant the point supposedly is. You know, in case someone might miss his brilliance.