Season 1, Episode 4, Part 5: "Being Dumped"

In the conference room, Rowan has finished his lunch and looks like he's deep in his thoughts. He's probably wondering how he can get through the afternoon without killing David.

In the office, Donna still won't shut up: "Being dumped is the perfect excuse to do all the things you ever wanted to do." Dawn says again that she wasn't dumped, and mentions that she's thought of leaving. Tim, who's reading a paper - with the headline "I'll Stand by Becks" and a picture of David Beckham on it, which somehow amuses me - jumps in asks Dawn how long she's been considering this. At this point, Gareth walks in and has to know who's leaving. In his polite way, he tells Dawn: "That's just stupid. You've got a job here for life." Dawn says that's the problem: she wants to do more in life than "answering phones at some crappy sub-branch paper merchants'." I can imagine. Her job seems really boring, and no one in the office, including David, seems to have any fun doing their job. Gareth, of course, has no ambitions and doesn't understand anyone who does: "Work hard and you could be answering phones at the head office. Or a better paper merchants'." I love how he talks like there are no jobs available in any non-paper-related industries. "Gareth, she don't wanna waste her life in paper," says Tim. Gareth gets defensive and says Jeff Lamp, apparently a paper sales rep, is 42 and has his own Porsche. I think it's telling that Gareth thinks a fancy car means someone has gotten ahead in life. Tim asks Dawn again how long she's been thinking about leaving, and the scene cuts off. Both Tim and Dawn are looking kind of tired in this episode, which is understandable since Tim IS tired and Dawn has been crying through most of it. Tim has a little five o'clock shadow, and it seems like he's decided he won't groom himself for a job he hates. I love how British shows dare to show things like this instead of having them all in flawless make up like American shows would.

In the conference room, Rowan leans on the projector, looking really tired and bored with his life. I never realized before how much thought they put into the character of Rowan. He's in the conference room all alone, whereas the people having lunch in the office have each other to talk to. He's stuck spending the day with David Brent who won't let him do his job. He has to repeat the same redundant stuff to employees in different firms even if they're not listening. His life sucks, just like everyone else's on this show. Nice touch.

David and Gareth walk in, as the camera is zooming on Rowan's face. The moment David walks in, he closes his eyes as if to spend one more moment without talking to David. Gareth asks David if he's going to send his music somewhere. David says he has a 10-year-old demo that needs to be enhanced to send out, "add some drum and bass shit, some sampling..." Yeah. He has to make the same stuff everyone else is making, so he'd have to "modernize" his music, even if it seems to be really generic rock already. Gareth asks him if he needs a manager if he's going on tour. Rowan walks in and apologizes for the interruption, but David tells him to wait and listens to Gareth instead. Way to be professional there, David. Once again. Gareth wants to be David's manager, but David wants to manage himself. "I could be your assistant manager," suggests Gareth. "You could be assistant TO the manager," says David. Nice. Best to decide the manager issue right away, before he even has a record deal. Or a proper demo to send out. To show his power, David now tells Gareth to wait and points at Rowan, "Shoot." Rowan says the people aren't back yet and they've got "a lot to get thru". David tells Gareth to ask the others back in. Gareth asks, "Do you want me to discipline them?" Hee! How is he gonna discipline them? I bet he carries some kind of army weapon with him that he could use for that, actually. Maybe his pencil has a knife inside it. As Gareth leaves, David points at him and laughs a bit as if to say "he's a piece of work, but what can you do?" It's a sad little gesture, because it seems to be meant to emphasize his power over Gareth. Both David and Gareth are sad, hanging on to any little power they can get. David tries to bond with Rowan by making fun of a portrait hanging on a wall, but it backfires: "Imagine him in a band. Bald old git." Then he glances at Rowan, who is balder than the man in the picture. "The glasses," he quickly adds. I love how David is so lookist, even if he's not the most attractive man himself. He tries to get away from the embarrassing moment by changing the subject: "What's the vibe in the second half, cos..." He makes obscure hand gestures, snaps his fingers, and seems to start walking around aimlessly. If you want to make people forget your latest screw-up, try body language that is even more embarrassing. Works every time.

As the employees file back into the conference room, an anonymous man is asking Rowan how he got into the job. Rowan still has his arms crossed, which makes him seem nervous or rejecting. The guy says his job seems interesting, and Rowan says, "Is it?" like he's not convinced about that. In the corridor outside the room, Tim stares out the window as if he's had enough of this job. Which he has.

"TEAM BUILDING", says another lame pictureless slide. Rowan tells the group that the next exercise has to do with "forward planning and team work". He needs to devide the employees in pairs - never a good sign if you ask me - and he decides to have Tim and Gareth as one pair, which makes Tim groan, "Oh god." Gareth angrily mutters that he wouldn't want to be "in a situation" with Tim either. Tim asks him sarcastically who he would like to be on a desert island with, and Gareth of course thinks he's serious. His reply is Daley Thompson. Tim just stares ahead with a "I give up" look on his face. I really feel for him in this episode. Well, all episodes.

The dumb exercise has to do with a farmer, a chicken, a fox, and a bag of grain. I believe that everyone who's been through the school system has had to do this exercise. This time Rowan has a visual slide for us, but it's only a crude drawing of a body of water, a boat sailing on it, and the aforementioned three things that need to be transported over the river by the farmer, "not pictured," as Rowan says and chuckles a bit. There is a big question mark next to the boat. As Rowan says the boat is only big enough to take one thing with him at once, David lifts one finger and says "one.. at a time.." When Rowan is done, he starts to say: "Remember.. you ca.." but Rowan cuts him off, knowing at this point that David can't have anything worthwhile to add. "Five minutes," Rowan says and David just grins and says, "OK?" David, go back to your seat and let Rowan do his job. Also - how is this a team building exercise? What is "team building", anyway? It sounds like management jargon to me.

Jamie says, "You can't take the fox first, because the chicken will eat the grain." His pair is nodding. David walks in, looks at them grinning and says, "Hi." Jamie just looks up at him. David pats both guys on the shoulders and walks past them, so that they have to give him some room. Is he pretending to be the teacher? Note that Rowan isn't going around listening to the pairs, even if he assigned the task. It's a tiny scene, but it still shows how childish David is.

Tim and Gareth are working on the task. Tim explains matter-of-factly how you can't take the grain because the fox would eat the chicken. "The fox and the chicken together? Blood bath!" says Gareth as if Tim is proposing that. "I know. And you can't leave the chicken with the grain," says Tim. "Ah, hello, I'm the chicken! Thank you Tim for giving me with my favorite food!" says Gareth. He does this amazing facial expression, like he's mocking Tim, which I guess he is. How clueless can a guy get? Of course, he proves to me instantly that he can act even more clueless, as he starts to ask questions that are completely irrelevant in solving the task. They include:
-Is the chicken as big as the bag of grain? (Tim's response: "It's a super chicken." Someone put this clip up at YouTube with the title "Super Chicken", which cracked me up.)

-"What's the farmer doing with a fox? Fox is a farmer's worst enemy. He should just drown the fox in the river." That's actually a good point, even if he's taking the task way too seriously. The fox is weird. A dog might work better, if we can assume it's a dog who's not reliable at all and might eat his chicken while he's away. Wouldn't the fox attack the farmer.. Oh god, I'm thinking like Gareth. Shoot me now.

-"What are we learning from this?" I bet Gareth is the kind of person who always wants to know if this will be on the exam. It's that kind of question. Tim explains tiredly that it's just a puzzle to be solved and they will learn nothing.

-He says the grain could be left leaning against a wall. How would that stop the chicken from eating it? Tim says there is no wall. "What, there's no wall? There's nothing, just a farm and a river? Get his wife to help." Tim says he hasn't got a wife. "All farmers have wives," says Gareth. Umm... "Except this one, he's gay," says Tim. Hee! "Well, then he shouldn't be allowed near animals," says Gareth. Just when I thought he couldn't get more ignorant.

A few more establishing shots that show that the other teams are actually trying to solve the puzzle. In the corridor, Dawn and Lee make up. The camera zooms on them through the window on a door as they hug. Aww. Even if I hate Lee and their relationship, that still seemed kind of cute. And also exactly the type of thing a documentary group would be shooting.

David asks Rowan if he wants him to tell the answer. Rowan says he can do it. David claims they're more "receptive" to him. What? Why does he even hire outside help if he's so sure that the employees only want him to talk to them all the time? Rowan tells them the answer: Chicken across first, then the fox, but on his way back he takes the chicken back with him, then takes the grain across and then comes back with the chicken. The whole task is so artificial. David keeps motioning to the projected slide and mouthing words as Rowan talks. As Rowan says, "I'm sure you all got the answer," David adds, "Easy", grins and nods his head stupidly. Rowan says the point is they "all worked as a team." Riight. Gareth raises his hand: "Some questionss." He says it so slowly and emphatically, it sounds ridiculous. It sounds like he thinks he's smarter than Rowan, which he probably does, and like this task is somehow so important to him. He apparently made two pages of notes and needs to go through them to ask his questions, as he flips through his notebook. Priceless.

The window is shown again, as a plane with happy passengers going far away from the dreary life in Slough is reflected onto it. Inside, Rowan and David are standing up in front of a circle of bored employees. David is still trying to beat Rowan at his own job. Rowan starts with how he hopes this task showed them that "in a team, every member must.." "follow the leader," adds David, which is extra silly, because there were no leaders in that task. "..well, yeah, but know their place within the structure.," corrects Rowan. He even tries to make David's babble make sense: "Some may be leaders, but..." David stupidly interjects again: "He knows best.. or SHE." Rowan, again, tries to make it work: "Whoever is in charge..." "May be a woman," adds David redundantly, always eager to show non-sexist he is. "Obviously may be men or women, but ultimately..." "Can't stress that enough," David continues. "No, absolutely," says Rowan way too politely. He continues to say something that makes sense, but David interjects again: "Unconditional trust is returned in the leadership." What does that have to do with anything? Rowan tries to ignore him and continue: "It's important that you know your place..." "As a little cart in a big wheel," interjects David. Rowan rubs his face and says they'll move on now, and David interjects, "Move on, OK?" Might this scene be implying that David does NOT know his place and is always trying to show his power in the wrong place, thus making people respect him less? I think it might.

The next redundant slide shows us a drawing of two dogs that are tied into the same leash that leads nowhere. The dogs are going after bones that are in opposite directions. Rowan asks the employees what the lesson is. "Dogs?" suggets Gareth. "Say what you see, Gareth," says Tim and we hear someone laugh off-screen. "Give the dog a bone?" Gareth guesses, as if they're playing charades. "I don't believe it," says Tim. He says it's not Roy Walker, a reference I had to check on Wikipedia, but apparently "Just say what you see" is one of his catchphrases. I've learned a lot of new things about British entertainment through The Office. And Gareth does sometimes act like someone put stupid in the tap water. He asks Tim what it is then, and Tim, by now slouching in his chair and looking like he's about to fall asleep, sarcastically says, "If we pull together in the same direction - it's better for all of us!" His voice rises as if he's delivering the lesson in a kids' show. Gareth says they might be fighting over the bones, but Tim points out they're smiling. "Maybe in the picture, but in reality..." says Gareth, making it obvious that he doesn't get metaphors. How did he even manage to graduate?

Rowan looks at them incredulously and then tells them the idea: "If the team is focused on its objectives and those of its individual members, then it's easier for everyone to achieve their goals." Wow. And what better way to teach that than through a boring projector slide? David, of course, can't shut up, and has to offer us a pearl of wisdom that he's stored under "dogs and bones" in his brain: The fable of a dog that has a bone, sees his own reflection in a lake, thinks the "other dog" has a better bone and tries to reach for it, but ends up losing his own bone. Rowan tiredly asks what it has to do with this. David tries to think of a forced connection: "It's what Gareth was saying about.. if we've got our.. bones.. don't go for other people's bones.. fighting cos you'll lose your own." His voice falters and it's really obvious he doesn't know himself what he's saying. Rowan asks what it means. David just stares at him awkwardly for a moment. He then tries the most childish tactics possible: "Oo..don't you know? Thought it was..." He plays with his tie, but more slowly than usual, so you can tell he's embarrassed. "Bones," says Gareth and points at the projector slide. Wow. I think Gareth's mind might actually be more vacant than Keith's when it comes to puzzles.

Tim has had enough. He suddenly speaks out that he's so bored and rubs his face. "So am I," says Rowan suddenly. Tim says he meant the job. He apologizes to David: "No disrespect. This is a waste of time." David says they should go on with the training, "We're nearly finished now." Tim says he can't take "any more of this nonsense" - and he points at Gareth - or boring phone conversations about paper. He says the name of some paper, and Gareth corrects him. "You're a twat, OK? Shut up! Shut up!" says Tim. David tries to calm Tim down and offers to have a drink with him and talk further, but Tim has made up his mind. "We'll work out my notice later, right now I'm going. Goodbye." He just leaves. At least he mentions the notice and is still at work in the next episode. In many American shows, all you do is say "I quit" and just walk out. Just like you can just tell someoen to "cover for me" and run out to meet your lover or whatever. I liked how they were more realistic here. Tim has obviously been thinking of doing this for a long time, but it still comes as a surprise to everyone, and perhaps to himself. David grins at the camera and says, "He'll be fine", as if he's on top of the situation. Rowan walks out too, saying, "A waste of time - always a waste of time." I feel for him. But he only had to work with David for one day, while Tim has had to work there for a while, so he can't be quite as fed up with it.

The employees just stare at David as he says, "Ooh, you see, pressure. Not as easy as it looks. Sometimes experience" - and he points at himself - "outweighs the" - and he makes gestures like he's flipping through a book. Right. Experience is more important than education, just like we learned earlier in the quiz episode. David is either completely oblivious to the fact that Rowan got tired of him or tries to hide it from his employees. Tim walks back in, interrupting David, and tells Dawn, "Now you've split up with Lee, would you come out for a drink with me?" Dawn looks shocked as she says with some difficulty that they didn't split up. Tim backpedals awkwardly, "No no, I meant as a friend.. I .. I did mean as a friend..." As he walks away, David grins at the camera some more. Dawn lifts her hand to her face, obviously feeling overcome by emotion. David says to Gareth, "Go and get the guitar." He points at Dawn smugly. Yes, he will save the day. And it's really only for Dawn. As Gareth goes to get the guitar, the camera pans behind David. "I'll probably write a song about this one day," he says. I'd like to hear that song. It would probably hail him as the hero who got Tim to continue working there and cured Rowan of his stress problem.

As credits roll, we hear David sing the theme song with the help of his trusty guitar. He's trying to sound really cool again. It's a nice touch.

In the after-credits joke, we see David with his guitar telling the others: "We used to have a political reggae one, called Equality Street." Did he name it after Quality Street candy? Somehow the idea of David singing reggae seems even more ridiculous than the rest of his "rock star" stuff. Great episode.