Season 1, Episode 2, Part 5: "Who Was It?"

Gareth has summoned Dawn and Tim into the Investigation and Meeting Room. He walks around the table and sits down importantly, muttering, “You too then.. Dawn and Tim.” Dawn asks him what he wants and almost bursts out laughing while saying it, amused at his pompous behaviour. Gareth says he's “been assigned to find out who did the picture”. Tim asks him who it was. “I don't know,” Gareth says, as if he couldn't possibly know anything about it. Tim asks if he will be fired if he doesn't find out. “Well, I'm finding out now,” says Gareth. “Was it one of you two?” Dawn says sarcastically, “Yes. Christ, you're good!” Gareth takes it seriously for a moment, “Was it?!” but when Dawn says no, he claims he knew it. He just doesn't get sarcasm. I think it's a part of his general lack of sense of humor. Tim and Gareth's little debate is so cute I think I will transcribe it all.
Gareth: “I'm not gonna fire you if you know anything, because...”
Tim: “You couldn't.”
Gareth: “I could.”
Tim: “How would that work?”
Gareth: “I would say, 'You're fired, clear your desk', and...”
Tim: “I would say you don't have the authority.”
Gareth: “Not true, not true. Because in this room, I have special...”
Tim: “Needs?”
Gareth: “No. In this room, I'm a special...”
Tim: “.. needs child?”
Gareth: “No, and that's not even funny. Alright? I won't have you fired, because..”
Tim: “You couldn't.”
Gareth (dejected): “That's all.”
I love how Gareth thinks he actually has the authority to fire others, and they're not taking any of it. David didn't even want him to have the room in the first place. Dawn just watches the guys and laughs.

David's office. Jennifer can't believe the warehouse guys' “total lack of respect”. Me neither, actually. David makes matters worse by telling her they gave him the mental image of “you naked on all fours, being quite literally done.. doggy style.” David, you idiot, shut up! You don't tell people those things. Especially your boss. Gareth has come into the room during this and he looks at Jennifer quite shocked. Jennifer is pretty shocked herself that he would say such a thing. Gareth tells them to go on – does he want more details or something? Jennifer asks him curtly what he wants. Gareth says he found the person who did it. “Did you indeed,” says David happily, obviously ready to show Jennifer what a good boss he is after all.Jennifer thinks this could wait, but David says there is pornography - “SEXIST pornography, which I hate” - seriously, what other kind is there? - circulating in the office. Jennifer is surprised to hear this. David asks Gareth who it was. “Surprise surprise, it was Tim,” says Gareth. David makes a sad face. “Shame, good man,” he says, as if he had hoped it was someone who doesn't laugh at his jokes or take this bullshit, like Malcolm. Gareth says he found “these pictures” - and he takes out a cute old-fashioned floppy disk – on Tim's hard drive. He puts the disk into David's computer. David says pompously, “After investigation licensed by” - pointing at himself - “carried out by..” pointing at Gareth. That cracked me up. It's not even full sentences. Gareth shows him the pictures. “I don't want you to see this, I don't want to see this!” he tells Jennifer. Yeah, because he hates pornography, of course. “That's worse than the one before! I hope there aren't any more,” he says, and then, “There are more..” His tone seems to suggest he does want to see more. David starts a pretty nonsensical babble about how “when the disciplining starts, the laughter stops, then starts again, rehabilitation, notwithstanding..” I don't think he even knows where that's going, so he asks Gareth how he found the pictures. Gareth tells David about a little thing called “site history”, which he is about to show on David's computer, but David suspiciously takes away the mouse and says he doesn't want to know how it's done. Then he asks if you can delete site history. Jennifer gets enough of this and reminds David that they're having a meeting. David asks Gareth if there was anything else. Gareth tells him Taffy called and he has another fun video for David. Oo, busted. “Thanks,” says David and gestures him to leave. Disgusted, Jennifer tells David it's a boys' club, “seedy little men with seedy little jokes.” She says she doesn't want to repeat her experience with the warehouse guys. “Don't go to the warehouse,” says David. Oh David, it's time to shut up now. “Don't tell me where I can and can't go in my own company,” says Jennifer angrily. “You're on very thin ice as it is, you've already lied to me...” David makes a face at the camera and laughs to himself. “What's that? You lied to me because you don't have the guts to do your own job!” David tries to laugh it off, which of course is the wrong tactic, but when she tells him he's not “man enough” to do his job, he decides to show her how he disciplines Tim. He takes the disk and asks Jennifer to follow him.

They go up to Tim's desk where he's working. “Busy at work?” says David in a demanding way. “Is there a problem?” asks Tim. David shows him the disk, but Tim doesn't know what it is, and he gives a little laugh. David mimicks him and says, “A dirty picture with my head on it. As a sex object.” A sex object?! To be a sex object would require that someone wants to have sex with you, David, and I don't think I have enough imagination to picture that. David says he likes a laugh, but “porno laughs are not funny”, and he's disappointed in Tim. Is he coining new words now just for this situation? And if porno laughs aren't funny, then what was that down the warehouse? Tim asks if David thinks it was him, and David just says, “Case closed”, without even letting him defend himself. “Shouldn't I say that cos it was my investigation?” says Gareth. This isn't a detective show! You don't get to say the lines! Tim is now offended, calling Gareth “Columbo” and saying, “Hey, of course I must be guilty if you had your best man on the case!” David tries to act tough because of Jennifer and tells him to “stop trying to be funny for one second, Tim, and stop taking advantage of my good nature.” You mean your complete lack of authority and pathetic need to be liked by everybody? He threatens to fire Tim, “like every other boss in this situation”. Maybe some other bosses might have taken it with a bit of humor?

Tim tells David that it was Chris Finch, who used his computer. “He said he's your best mate and you'd find it hilarious.” David's face has frozen and he stutters, “Oh.. no, it is! Don't get, oh, that was never a question.. I think it's bloody hilarious, you're missing the point..” Well, he just said it's not funny. Dawn asks him, “Are you going to .. apologize.. to Tim?” “The thing about families is you don't have to,” says David. Oh, now it's a family again? He awkwardly plays with his tie. “Are you going to apologize to Tim?” repeats Dawn. “I HAVE, in a way,” claims David. What way? “Are you going to apologize NOW?” says Jennifer with her best boss voice. David has no choice now. He leans to Tim and forces out the quietest, tiniest “sssorry” you can think of. “You were involved as well but you covered for him, that's what I like”, he says. Huh? Dawn says he wouldn't want to be there when he tells Finchy off. “You won't be, it's not fair,” says David. Oh, it's fair for Tim though? “Nor will you,” he says to Jennifer. Malcolm asks him if he doesn't find it offensive anymore because it's Chris Finch. David says they shouldn't dwell on that and continues, “Let's stop degrading women! Let's have a laugh with them, not at them. Let's have a laugh... AT work...WITH women.. AT us!” That made absolutely no sense, plus he's making dorky hand gestures while he says it. He acts like an idiot when he's embarrassed. Jennifer tells him to fire Chris Finch. “Yeah, that's a good idea, I'll get rid of a good rep because he played the joke,” says David, but Jennifer won't have it. “David, don't even start,” she says icily. David really fell in her eyes during this episode. He realizes this, pretends to call Chris, and delivers a very bad mock telephone call: “Yeah, Chris? It's David here. Bad news, we're gonna have to let you go, we can't use you anymore.. (beat) Yeah, cos of the joke. (beat) Yeah, I've got a sense of humor, but that was offensive towards women... and I can't tolerate that.. I have to pass on...” The pauses he makes last like one second, no one would have a chance to say something between them. Also, Chris apparently immediately guesses why he's being fired, instead of saying, “What?!” like I would say if it came out of the blue like that. Jennifer, of course, realizes this and presses the “speaker phone” button. David's still blabbing when we hear a machine announce the time. “Pathetic,” says Jennifer and walks away. “Is it?” says David kind of desperately. Oh yes, David, it is. Dawn walks away with a smile on her face and goes to a filing cabinet. Gareth checks his watch, a detail I didn't notice until recently. Mackenzie Crook mentions in the documentary how that was ad libbed, because it just seemed like a Gareth thing to do. It shows he's really in character while playing Gareth. After Jennifer and David leave, Tim says, “Sorry, has anybody got the right time?” After the credits have rolled, we see Tim on the phone with his eyes closed going, “Mmm .. mm hmm..” and looking like he's going to fall asleep. His screensaver reads, “Gareth is a Benny.” I don't get it, but it still sounds funny.