Season 1, Episode 1, Part 2: "The Number Bods"

Part 3: “The number bods”

David shows Ricky the accountants, “the number bods”. The office seems so tiny and cramped

Five or six people are working at the same desk, they each have a computer of their own, but that's it. I can imagine feeling really annoyed at that office. They don't even have cubicles to work in, and it seems like the only ones to really have any space are David and Dawn. David tells Ricky how the accountants are really mad – Sheila smiles awkwardly at him from her desk – and points at Keith saying, “Especially that one. He's mental.” Keith stares back blankly. Gotta love Keith. David adds to Ricky, “Not literally, obviously, that wouldn't work. Last place you'd like someone like that is in .. accounting..” I like to think he felt he add that because of how Keith is just staring at them, so Ricky might take “mental” the wrong way. Making jokes about mental health can always be made worse by talking about where mental patients don't belong.

David next introduces the recycling bin, which frankly doesn't need an introduction, and Ricky acts a bit bored. David makes a crack about how they “make a lot” of paper, and “it doesn't grow on trees”. Ricky's laughter sounds very strained. “Cos you know, pulp,” says David, and somehow I feel sorry for him there. You make a bad joke, don't make it worse by elaborating your obvious point.

Tim and Gareth. Gareth is using a big ruler to push things over to Tim's side of the desk. Tim interrupts a call to attend to this. Gareth claims he can't concentrate if something is coming onto his desk. “One word, two syllables: demarcation. All right?” I love how uneducated he is. Tim rubs his temples.

David goes behind a plant and says, “David Brent, I presume?” It's even dumber than it first looked to me, because he's not supposed to say his OWN name, is he? He awkwardly says that he uses it to “cheer this lot up”. He uses the plant for that? Ricky looks really embarrassed, and apparently David is too, because the grin never leaves his face. He launches straight into a sexist remark about how they send “the girls” plants to make them happier, “because they can sometimes get a little bit..” Huh? What girls? The girls of the office? That didn't even make sense. There's a Billy Big Mouth Bass on the wall, which David is happy to see, because he thinks he can show Ricky something really fun. But the batteries are dead and he tells Sheila to go get some and take it out of petty cash. It's kind of heartbreaking to watch how his attempts to amuse Ricky are failing one by one. To brush off the awkwardness, David blabs, “Can't put a price..on comedy..”

Tim and Gareth have resorted to schoolboy behaviour. Tim is calling Gareth names in an annoying voice and Gareth is pretending not to listen. “You're a cock, you're a cock, you're a cock,” Tim repeats, while Gareth tries to keep a nonchalant face. He looks kind of angry, though it could just be a sad brooding face. It's a bit hard to tell because he always looks so sad.

To show Ricky the laughs they have at the office, David shows him the bulletin board with a cartoon. “'Does this make my ass look big?' It's not sexist, that's the bloke saying it – at LAST,” says David, making the joke, if possible, even more sexist than it already is. Also, just because they have a few cartoons pinned on the bulletin board does not mean they laugh a lot. And I'm pretty sure David put those there himself. “All for that, all for that in a workplace..” David mutters. Ricky doesn't look too impressed.

There's a Flat Eric toy on a clothes rack. Without saying a word, David points at it and looks at Ricky with a huge open-mouthed grin like “THIS is gonna make you laugh”. It doesn't, so he just awkwardly moves on to introducing Tim. Then he spots Gareth and thinks this is going to be a lot of fun. “Ooh! Careful! Watch this one! Gareth Keenan in the area.” He asks Gareth to introduce himself, and Gareth says he is “assistant regional manager”. David corrects, “assistant to the regional manager.” They do this several times over the show. I think it's just meant to show how Gareth likes to feel important, like the “team leader” stuff. David says Gareth is immediately “beneath me.. oo, as an actor said to a bishop!” Which is David's lame way of making a gay joke. But of course he has to make sure Ricky knows it's a joke: “No, he's not.. I'm not..” David asks Gareth to tell Ricky about his car, which.. who cares? Gareth apparently thinks people find it interesting, because he starts talking about it and even offers to show photos. But alas, his drawer has a stapler in jell-o in it, and he forgets all about his car as he jumps back as if it were a bug. David says smugly, “Solomon's here”, which cracks me up. Gareth shows him the stapler. It's sitting on a plate with yellow jell-o around it. It looks really funny. Gareth says it's the third time Tim has done this. David asks why he'd do it. “Because I said I don't like jelly. I don't trust the way it moves,” says Gareth. It's cute how he thinks of everything in terms of war or survival – jell-o is his enemy! And yeah, they call it “jelly”, which is kind of cute. David says Gareth should know that people pounce once you show them their weakness. Hee! David asks what it is. The jell-o is totally see-through, so if he can't recognize a stapler when he sees one, maybe he needs to work a little harder. Gareth starts taking the stapler out with his bare hands, and David tells him not to do that, because there are people starving in the world, “which I hate”. Well, we didn't think you'd love it, David. He's looking at the camera while he says it, and it's obvious he's trying to establish that He Cares. I personally think using starving people against someone who is playing with food/eating too much/eating too little is always a bit shaky, because what does it even have to do with them? You can't help the starving by eating the jell-o with your stapler in it.

David asks another obvious question: “How do you know it's yours?” Gareth shows him his name's on it. David tells him not to eat the jell-o, because it has chemicals from the marker. Because jell-o is so organic. Gareth demands an official warning for Tim and calls Ricky his witness. Way to engage the new guy on his first day. Tim asks Gareth how he knows it was him, whilst taking a big bite of what appears to be a jell-o bar. Gareth asks if David can't discipline Tim. “Oo, kinky,” says David in a high-pitched voice. He looks at Ricky to see if he'll laugh, but he doesn't. He looks at Gareth, still laughing nervously, and then goes serious when he realizes how offended Gareth is. He tells Tim that with practical jokes, “you gotta know when to stop as well to start, and now is the time to stop putting Gareth's personal possessions in jelly. Alright?” He mostly looks at Gareth while saying it though, so it doesn't seem entirely genuine. When Tim tells Gareth “it's only a trifling matter”, David goes back to giggling mode. He's thrilled to be able to show Ricky how much fun this workplace is: “Here we go, always like this.” Ricky says, “You should put him in custody”, which I didn't get right away. He means “custard”. David is extatic and says, “He's gonna fit in here.” Gareth looks like a bullied schoolkid as he looks down and pouts. “I'm more worried, really, about damage to company property, that's all,” he says. Sure he is. David is still thinking of “trifling”. There's a bit of silence and he says, “I'm just trying to think of other desserts”, as if the dessert jokes were really witty. Both Tim and Ricky seem to contemplate on it too. Hee.

Gareth interviews that “people do sometimes take advantage because it's so relaxed”. He claims to like to laugh “as much as the next man”, which everyone thinks of themselves. But Gareth lacks a sense of humor and that's the reason Tim likes to tease him. If he laughed it off, Tim would have no joy of doing it. There are people who can't resist someone who takes every joke literally and always gets offended. It has nothing to do with the workplace being relaxed. It's because of how Gareth deals with it. Of course, he mentions the territorial army and says it was one of the rules that they couldn't mock about. I love how Gareth acts like the territorial army is a reference point for any issue.

Back at their desk, Tim is using Gareth's stapler when Gareth walks to the desk – from the interview perhaps? So he felt he had to vent right after the incident? That's so cute – and sad. Gareth takes the stapler from Tim and says: “It's got my name on it!” “It says Garett, actually,” corrects Tim. Gareth can't spell his own name? Hee! Gareth says Tim should ask for permission and Tim says that he always says no. Gareth says that's why he should ask. That doesn't make any sense, but of course Gareth doesn't see it. Tim says it was just there, and Gareth says “that's his home, leave it”. It's a he? I can see why Tim loves to tease him. Tim leans back in his chair and gets up to leave – but then he snatches the stapler and runs to the window with it, Gareth chasing him. Tim holds the stapler out of an open window, thrusting his hand through the Venetian blinds. Dude, that stuff wrecks them. Just pull them up first. No one on TV has any respect for Venetian blinds. Tim threatens to drop it, then pulls his hand back in without the stapler. Gareth, who is upset, can't think of anything sensible to say, so he says, “What if it kills someone?” Tim says then Gareth will get the blame as his name's on it. “Why would a murderer put his name on a murder weapon?” says Gareth, even now taking it totally seriously. “To... stop people from borrowing it?” suggests Tim. Gareth calls for David. “I hate that you bring me down to this,” says Tim to Gareth. As I said, I can see why he does this, but I also think he could control himself if he wanted to. I'm not too impressed with Gareth either. David isn't Tim's babysitter, and if he acted like a grownup, they could have a talk about it. Or he could just stop being a pedantic twit. They're both acting like schoolboys here. Gareth, humiliated, barks at the accountants for laughing, but Tim tells him to leave them alone. The woman – Angela? - is totally cracking up, while Keith just looks amused, yet immobile. Keith's deadpan expressions are just awesome.

Dawn is taking a break and enjoying a book and some cheese. Of course, David comes and ruins it. He asks Dawn what she's reading and rudely checks the cover while she has the book bent. Let her be, Brent, it's her time off. “Popcorn by Ben Elton. Is it good?” “It's alright,” says Dawn with her mouth full of cheese. David tells her he had a scare earlier. “I thought I found a lump,” he says and touches his balls in one of the most hilarious yet disturbing scenes of the episode. David just totally doesn't understand that it's not OK to tell female employees about things concerning his testicles. Maybe he missed that part of management training. He says he checks regularly, but it's “terrifying... testicle cancer.. cancer in your testicles...” I love how he just rambles on about it completely tin-eared. Dawn's expression is horrified. She stops eating. David asks what the food is. “It's a bit of brie,” she says, unable to swallow the piece she has in her mouth. “What, from down the cafeteria?” says David, I suppose to act like he cares about Dawn's life, since he just shared something way too personal. Then he just walks away. Dawn puts away the cheese. Maybe she thought she could leave work without the mental image of her boss's testicles.

Gareth is calling a calculator company, because he has gotten a complaint from a “very important client” that his calculation is wrong. He didn't consider that he might have miscalculated? Employees are asking David about the redundancies. David says, “I don't know what source your little bird... is... from...” He always has to add something that changes the whole meaning of the sentence. Gareth tries out a calculation and the calculator gets it right. Yeah, I don't think you're gonna get your money back from the company, Gareth. A female employee asks David to be straight with them. “I am being straight with you but I can't..tell you at the moment..” says David unconvincingly.

Tim is having enough of Gareth, so he starts piling files on the space between their desks. Gareth tries to make him stop by saying it's a matter of “health and safety”. Tim asks Gareth how it's against health and safety, “Crushed by cardboard or..?” Gareth has a reply ready: “Number one: blocking out light. Number two...Misuse of company files.” Hee! The show has many moments where people are using “company policy” as an excuse for something, and it very often seems to be Gareth doing it. Tim acts like it's bullshit, which it is, and says this is why he doesn't care if he gets fired. He says he will slit his throat if he has to watch Gareth all day, and he makes a “cutthroat” gesture horizontally. Gareth, who looks like an emu sticking his head above the files, says Tim can't do it like that: “Get the knife in behind the windpipe, pull it down..” He demonstrates with his hand. That is pure Gareth. Tim looks at the camera, smiling, as if to say: “See what I have to put up with?” We hear you, Tim. Then he says, “I could just apply for another job."