Season 1, Episode 1, Part 5: "It's Not Company Policy"

In an interview, David admits they don't have a lot of ethnic minorities. Do they have anyone besides Sanj? Oh yeah, they must have "the other one", so two? That's not much. He says, “It's not company policy, I haven't got a sign on the door that says: White People Only.” He can say that. Or he could perhaps discuss why there are so few ethnic minorities. He tries to show his own anti-racist attitude, and of course manages to make yet another racist statement while doing it: “I don't care if you're black, brown, yellow.. Orientals make very good employees...for example...”

Tim invites Dawn out for a drink. Dawn is eager to go, but then her fiance Lee comes in and wants to go home. Dawn says she's not ready quite yet, and leaves Tim and Lee to have a very awkward moment together. Tim makes random noises with his mouth and goes, “ummm...” Then he asks Lee, “What's in the bag?” That's pretty much the dumbest random question you could ask anyone. Lee says he'll wait outside. “Alright, mate, take care,” says Tim, relieved. That was a nice moment there, very awkward and realistic. What I really like about this show is that they don't try too hard to bring the funny. Awkward can be funny on its own.

David is wrapping up the day with Ricky and tries to sum up the office: “We work hard..we play hard.. play hard when we should be working hard sometimes..partly down to me, sure.” Well, I'd say they seem bored, play pranks on each other to avoid that, and laugh at David behind his back. David turns the topic back to himself and says he is friend first and boss second. “Probably entertainer third.” It always cracks me up when he says "entertainer", because it really doesn't describe him at all. Can't think of a word that describes him less, actually. He says he lets people get away with murder and they do the same to him, and "the girls love me.. I mean not like that.." Again - what girls? Dawn knocks on the door and David takes the last opportunity to show Ricky how fun he really is. He tells him he will play a practical joke on Dawn, “don't give me away.” Dawn gives David a fax. David asks her to sit down, because he was about to call her anyway. “As you know there will be redundancies, and you've made my life easier..” Dawn is smiling at this point, but her smile fades quickly as David continues, “inasmuch as I'm gonna have to let you go first.” Inasmuch? David, always go for the simplest word choice. Dawn is shocked and asks why she's being fired. “Why? -Stealing. Thieving,” says David, obviously the first thing that came to his mind, and really, it couldn't be much worse as a joke. He keeps rubbing his chin and ear, and maybe that's a tip that he's lying and trying to come up with stuff, but of course Dawn takes it all seriously, because David does it with a straight face for once. Dawn asks what she has stolen, and David says, “Post-it notes.” That's ridiculous. No one could be fired for that, right? Right? Dawn says they're worth like 12 pence, and David asks Ricky, who's looking totally embarrassed, if he has his Bible with him: “Thou shalt not steal, unless it's only worth 12 p. You steal a thousand Post-it notes for 12 p, you've made... profit.” He can't count that in his head? Hee. Even I can. 12 000 p, so 12 pounds, if I've got the currency right, and I had C in maths. I wouldn't call that “profit”, either. Dawn asks why she would have stolen those, and David makes it even worse by saying she used them to roll joints with. “Caught you, drug addict.” Dawn says she never stole anything in her life. David says the good news is he doesn't even have to pay her because it's “gross misconduct”. Now would be a good time to stop, David. In fact, you could have stopped around the time Dawn came in with that fax. Completely understandably, Dawn breaks down in tears. David is really embarrassed now and says, “Aww, that ... that was just a joke... good girl... it's a joke we were doing..settling in...” We? Ricky probably thinks, but can't say, “Leave me out of it!” Dawn is covering her face, still weeping, but manages to say in a low voice, “You wanker!” “Come on,” says David. “You're such a sad little man,” says Dawn. David tries to play it off by saying, “Am I? I didn't know that.” Dawn puts herself together and leaves the room. Ricky is looking down. The scene goes on for quite long, which makes it

David“What is the single most important thing for a company? Is it the building? Is it the stock? Is it the turnover? -I'ts the people. Investment.. in.. people.” He brags with the time he increased profit by 17 %, but claims it's not his proudest moment. Instead, it was a moment when a young Greek guy, “first job in the country, hardly spoke a word of English”, came to him and said, “Mr Brent, will you be the godfather to my child?” And a smug look at the camera. I'm a bit sceptical about this story, because someone who hardly speaks a word of English couldn't work at Wernham Hogg, and he couldn't say a sentence that complex. But apparently David is talking about a real person, because he hilariously adds, “Didn't happen, we had to let him go, he was rubbish. He.. was.. rubbish!” That is an awesome end for the first episode, because it shows David's double standards so well.

In a final moment after the credits are almost over, Gareth comes into David's office with another stapler in jell-o. Hee! So David and Gareth have both learned nothing from the events of the episode. Nice wrap-up there.