I love this episode. It's the beginning of David's inevitable downward spiral, but before the following two episodes and the Christmas special where David is really going down, we still get a glimpse of him triumphant, thinking he aced his motivational speech. He makes a complete fool of himself, but he thinks he's doing great, and this is the last episode where this happens. He's about to become brutally aware of his problems. Now he's still happy in his delusions of his own popularity, coolness, youth, and entertaining skills. Poor David. On the other hand - heeee.
The opening scene shows Tim and Rachel snogging - let's use that word, since it is a British show - in the office. They've gone from flirting to open... well, snogging. It's really annoying when someone does that at work. Really, really annoying. Ditto school. I remember this couple that used to snog in the library. They sat on one of the tables, holding each other and kissing. It looked so intimate, and people were just walking past to get books. I can't understand why the librarians didn't tell them to quit it. Inevitably, Dawn almost bumps into them. She bursts out with a "Sorry!" so awkward that Tim is left looking after him, probably still pining for her. Tim, make up your mind and stick with it. Rachel pulls Tim by the tie. David must be rubbing off on her.
Employees working. Trudy has survived her experience with Finchy and is browsing through some papers. Jamie tells someone on the phone, "No problem. No problem. In... half an hour?"
The first Brent scene of the episode mirrors the first episode where David's mugging for the camera by Dawn's desk. He walks into work - again, definitely not the first one to get there - and says, "Another day another dollar." He seems to think this is very witty. He's wearing the brown cheap jacket. And in his left ear? An earring. It looks so preposterously awful on him that it's hard to take him seriously at all, if you ever did. "Any MAIL?" he asks in a 'funny' voice as he leans on to Dawn's desk. He moves his head to the right so Dawn is sure to see the earring. As she hands him his mail, Dawn is so shocked that she can't help but say, "That's... an earring?" Hee! It sounds really unrehearsed and spontaneous, something she wasn't meaning to say out loud but did anyway. Great work from Lucy Davis, as always. "Whatever, get over it," says David as if it's no biggie. Yeah, you totally weren't showing it off or anything. He also grins at the camera like, "Can't a guy have an earring without everyone making a big fuss about it?" Dawn asks him how long he's had it. "Too long, baby," David says in a 'cool' way. Dawn observes that it's bleeding. David decides to drop the act and admits it "really stings". "Was it an old one?" Dawn asks. "But they heal over!" Yeah, maybe David didn't know that. "I had to push really hard, so I opened a sore..." he says. It does look bloody. David sticks his fingers into it. Eww! Don't you know never to touch a wound like that? You'll get infected! Well, he probably doesn't know. He probably made that hole himself with a rusty pin, without boiling it, because it's rock'n'roll to get infections! I think the effect is a little younger than he was hoping for. Bad ear piercings are more common in the 11-13 age group than the early 20's. David looks at the blood in his fingers, then remembers the camera and gives it an embarrassed look. Didn't quite work, did it?
In a fit of unusual attentiveness - or perhaps to make everyone forget his ear troubles - David asks, "What are you looking at?" and looks in the same direction as Dawn. Where Tim and Rachel are, not snogging, but flirting by the photocopier. "I'm not looking at anything," says Dawn. You know, we get it, thank you. Tim and Rachel together, Dawn jealous. Moving on... David starts telling Dawn about Ray and Jude. "I know," says Dawn, because you know, she met them first. "We know they do sort of training seminars," says David. We know? If she knows, why are you telling her? "Yeah, they use expert speakers, don't they," he says. "Yeah," says Dawn, looking kinda bored. "They're using me. My..." "Expertise..?" suggests Dawn. She seems a bit reluctant to ask about it, like she's hoping David will go sooner if she doesn't encourage him. "Yeah," says David, happy that Dawn thinks he's an expert. "Well, the good news for you, young lady, is: you're involved." Ugh. Anyone who says young lady to me get their asses kicked. I know I'm a young lady, you don't have to call me that; using that phrase is annoying and condescending. Also note that he's already decided she will be there, without asking her, and this isn't a job thing directly related to Wernham Hogg. He's basically using her as his personal PA.
Dawn is surprised to hear she will be involved, and David explains he's going tonight, and brags about the money again. "I need someone to just carry my bag and.. organize..." Well, as we can see later on, I really don't think he does.
In fact, I think he's only asking Dawn because
a) he wants someone from the office to see him in action and spread the word;
b) he wants to show off his status by bringing an underling to assist him;
c) he secretly has feelings for Dawn and wants to impress her.
d) all of the above is also possible.
I don't think he's really given this much thought, and I don't think he realizes how annoying it is for Dawn to be notified on the same day that she's going to do this with him. I think I would have flat out refused, just thought of a quick excuse to get out of it. I've developed a knack for it. I think most gallup poll interviewers do, when the boss comes around to ask about this Saturday and Sunday. Dawn, of course, is working 9 to 5 and doesn't need this skill, so her hedging is ineffective. She starts with, "Oh, I don't know..." and David immediately - and desperately, I might add - jumps in: "100 quid for an hour's work." Dawn is immediately more interested: "Hundred for an hour? That is a lot." David regrets the offer and backpedals: "Eighty." Hee, you can't just change it! Start low, move higher. If you started with 100, you can only go up. "You just said a hundred," says Dawn. "Ninety," David offers. "You just said a hundred," says Dawn. Good for you, Dawn.
"Alright!" says David, a bit annoyed. "Get there early then tonight, cos that's..." Well, she doesn't even know where he's going to do it, does she? "Sharing the wealth, see?" says David to the camera in his ongoing attempt to show what a philantrophist he is. "Looking after... That IS silly money, a hundred for that. I should have..." Oh David. You say that inside, not out loud. It's not like Dawn's going to offer to give some of it back. This reminds me of the scene in Extras where Andy is forced to give the homeless guy who recognizes him 20 pounds, because he doesn't have change. And he ends up grumbling and the homeless guy gives it back. Priceless. Maybe Gervais has some personal experience in this kind of thing. David is left staring at Dawn a bit angrily. Dawn looks at her hands. I think that between this, the seminar, and "Froze your tears and made a dagger / and stabbed it in my cock forever", Dawn has well deserved her hundred pounds.
David's office. "Very exciting," he says to the camera. "It's what I've... you know, I've always wanted to do, it's that working..." Yes..? I'm not really sure how he would have continued with that. I don't think he does either, because he trails off and shows business cards he made for the occasion. And I realize it wasn't always going to be just a one time thing, but still. Business cards? You make those for your job, not for a little seminar. It's not like he's hosting it or anything. The card says: "David Brent - assertiveness and guidance training in business. If it's in you, I'll find it." Nice little Brentism without being way too silly - what is it, and is it a motivational speaker's job to find it? "That's actually what I do. I go along and I point out what you've already got, I'm like a spiritual guide!" Yes, really. I always think of him as a spiritual guide to his employees. In a time of dire need, he's always there with a joke or imitation. It really lifts their spirits. And a spiritual guide is really there to just "point out what you've already got", not give you guidance in spiritual matters or something. "The reason I've put if it's in you is because... if I waste good time and money looking for it and I can see it's definitely not in you, I don't wanna be sued cos you haven't got it. So you know... You're not gonna... get me on that." I love this. First of all, he still hasn't specified what it is and how he intends to find it (and have people pay for it, apparently). Secondly, the whole point of motivation is to make people find strengths they didn't realize they had - if you suspect they might not have it before you even tried to motivate them, it's not a good start. Thirdly, I love how he's already getting ready for potential lawsuits before he's even had one 15-minute speech. And finally, that earring really strips him off any credibility he had. The talking heads in this episode seem all the more ridiculous because of it. He just looks so stupid, and yet his expression says he thinks he sounds very wise. That's actually true of the motivational speech too, so it's fitting.
Tim and Rachel, obviously unable to work, are having a sneaky snog in a corner. Gareth walks by, first without stopping, but then comes back as if he just now realized what's going on. He comes to them like a police officer: "What's going on here?" Yeah, they really have to answer to you, Gareth. "What's it look like?" asks Tim with an expression that says he knew this was coming and prepared for it in advance. "How long has this been going on?" says Gareth, seeming totally dumbfounded. Oh, Gareth. Didn't you notice how they flirted at the party? I know you did, because you were preying on them from the bushes. Did you really think your impressive Top Trumps skills would turn Rachel away from Tim and to you? "When were you gonna tell me?" he continues. Well, he's got a point there. He likes Rachel, so if she starts dating someone, he really should know. He saw her first! He basically owns her now. Rachel seems suitably pissed off. She doesn't look at Gareth. "I can't believe that you get off with a bird that I fancy," says Gareth to Tim. Being more cosmopolitan than his father, he knows to use the PC word for women, which apparently is 'bird'. Good to know. It's interesting that he's more mad at Tim than he is at Rachel - apparently he thinks women are so weak that they will be with anyone who shows them any interest.
"Why can't you believe that, Gareth?" asks Tim. "Well, I can't believe there's a bird that fancies you over me for a start," says Gareth with a hurt voice. I can't believe I feel for him a bit, even if he's being a total macho bullshit sexist and offending both Rachel and Tim. Rachel actually manages to look a bit amused at all this. "He's a weird little bloke! Look at him, his cartoon face and his hair, he looks like a Fisher-Price man!" Gareth says to Rachel. It's kind of amusing to hear Gareth complain about someone else's hair. His is way too short at the top - the shorter layer rises so high in the back it's almost nonexistent, and in the front it's drooping over his face. It looks like a wig, and probably is, because judging by the documentaries, Mckenzie Crook doesn't wear his hair like that. "His rubbish clothes," continues Gareth, and Tim looks down at his clothes, offended. They all have basically the same clothes. Is there a difference between a white shirt and a white shirt? If there is, I don't want to know. "Makes me think there's something wrong with you, for a start," Gareth continues. "But yeah, in my head I'd still do you, so I'm confused." The fact that he'd even tell her this is... Hee. So he'd still do her even if there's something wrong with her? Maybe she doesn't want to do you, Gareth. Ever thought of that? Tim looks at Gareth with anger and disbelief.
Gareth asks Rachel: "Is there anything that could happen between us while this is still going on?" If she were that easy, would she admit it in Tim's presence? Is he used to girls who will do two guys at once, both of them knowing? On second thought, I don't want to know. Gareth's sex life, like David's, is something I'd rather not think about. "Like what?" asks Rachel. "What, specifically?" says Gareth. "Yeah," says Rachel. "A handjob?" Gareth offers in a sad little voice. Tim and Rachel look suitably grossed out. "Don't answer it, think about it," Gareth says and leaves with another disappointed sigh at them. Tim asks if he really looks like the Fisher-Price man. Rachel says yes and melts into a laughter. "Do I? Don't say yeah!" laughs Tim. I can imagine those two talk about Gareth at home and laugh at him. A lot. I feel sorry for Gareth, again. He doesn't realize how awful he's being. It doesn't excuse his behaviour, but Tim and Rachel will always have their brain, their knowledge of proper decorum. They'll be respected. Gareth will just be a lonely, sad little wanker, literally.
An arrogant-looking guy is working at Tim's computer. Dawn informs Tim that his "favorite computer geek is here". "Jesus," says Tim. This right after Gareth's treatment? Not his best day. Tim goes to the guy and we find out his name is Simon. Tim asks him how he's doing, but since he doesn't get a reply, he asks instead what Simon is doing at his computer. "It's not your computer, is it? It's Wernham Hogg's," says Simon rudely without even lifting his eyes to meet Tim. Tim way too politely asks him what he's doing at Wernham Hogg's computer, then. "You don't need to know," says Simon. Wow. This almost reminds me of my clients. "No, I don't need to know, but could you tell me anyway?" asks Tim. I admire his self discipline. I think I would have angrily sulked away from Simon. Of course, I work in a field where I can just hang up on the really difficult people, so maybe my "sucking up to morons" skills aren't the best.
Simon's installing a firewall, and Tim asks what that is. He doesn't know? I realize this is an old show in computer time, but still, a young guy like Tim should know what a firewall is. Simon rattles off a long list of what it protects his computer from - hey, he called it "your computer", way to undo your own rude sarcasm there - and asks, "any more questions?" as if it's completely stupid to even ask that. And I know I just said Tim should know, but if someone asks you a question, that's about the rudest way to answer it. I'll give him half a point for answering the question anyway, but he did sound like he was reciting something he memorized somewhere and not like he was genuinely trying to make Tim understand the issue. Tim asks how long it will take him. "Why, do you want to do it yourself?" asks Simon. "No, I can't do it myself. How long will it take you, out of interest?" says Tim. "It will take as long as it takes," says Simon. Oh god. People with this attitude really annoy me. It can be about anything - being the only woman at the car repair shop will give you this experience; applying for a loan at the bank might do it too. Sometimes people just get this attitude like, "I know everything and you know nothing, so shut up and let me do my work." They act like you're in their way, even if they're supposed to be serving you. It's really annoying, but what are you going to do? You either take it or take your service elsewhere, where you will probably get the exact same type of service.
Tim rubs his eyes in frustration, but still tries to get a straight answer from Simon, starting with, "How long did it take last time..." "It's done," says Simon. "Now I'm gonna switch it off. When it comes back on, it's gonna ask you to hit yes, no or cancel. Hit cancel. Do not hit yes or no." He actually makes Tim repeat it. And after all that, Tim still thanks him. Some computer nerds have this attitude, and I wonder why. Because almost everyone has a computer nowadays, but few people know much about how it works? Does that give them a feeling of infinite superiority? And it's not all nerds - in fact, I think it's only male nerds with a certain illusion of superiority. I can imagine Simon online posting insults at all the n0085 bc they're so damn 5t00p1d. If he even lowers himself to have conversations with anyone other than equally superior nerd guys. Some fans were asking Gervais and Merchant why they didn't write more scenes with Simon, but I actually think this one and the one with Gareth are all that's needed. I've already written three paragraphs about this short scene because people like this really piss me off. Simon, like Finchy, is an unlikeable character, and they've wisely kept his appearances short. It works well in small doses.
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