Season 1, Episode 6, Part 5: "High Spirits"

David interviews: "I don't see it as letting people down." OK, but usually the ones being let down are the judges of what is deception and what isn't. Besides, his agitated voice and red face imply that he's not being entirely honest here. Methinks the David doth protest too much. "If this is a family, maybe it's time to cut the apron strings, let them stand on their own two feet." Well, you showed them it's NOT a family, and even if it were, you'd be outside of the pie, so shut up. "Because you can be sure if they were in my position they would take the job and go: yeah, thanks. We're off. You know, thanks for the opportunity - and the GREAT jokes - but, you know, this. Is. A business. Alright?" Hee, the great jokes. Never forgets to mention his humor. Also note that in this fictional example, the staff is in David's position, so they're the leader, yet they're thanking him for "the opportunity" and the jokes. What opportunity has he, as their employee, given them? I'd also like to point out that this speech is pretty much the opposite of what he said at the end of episode 1, where he talke about the staff being more important than the business etc. Nice touch.

"I'm not doing this for an Esther Rantzen heart of gold or..." No, you don't want to be popular at all. Even if all the employees hated you, you wouldn't care, because you're all about business. "You know, if Esther's handing out awards, then... do it for my charity work!" As if Esther was just pushing that award in his hands there. "Five fund runs in two years," says David. "You know. Why don't you ask Philippa Norris or Simon Coleman at Mencap what they think of David Brent!" They'd probably reply that they don't know him, he's just one of the many contributors. And if you give to charity, yet betray the people at work... Doesn't speak all that highly of you as a person. In a rare action sequence, David suddenly jumps off his chair and comes back up again with a huge charity cheque for Mencap. Hee, he keeps that in his office? I think he's probably had it there before, only waiting for a chance to show it to the camera. It says, "Three Hundred & Four Pounds ONLY". Hee! Why does it say ONLY? I don't know much about charity cheques, so maybe the sentence continues offscreen, but that looks more like "That's all you're giving?" Also, I thought charity runs meant that you run, while someone else pays? Not to belittle anyone who did that, but if David wants to be known for his "charity work", I think he might wanna take a more active role. I think he's just one of these "I DID CHARITY!!!" people who will never let you forget they gave 20 bucks once to a collection box. David looks at the camera from behind the cheque so that his nose is hanging over it. He looks like a cute little troll that way.

The office party, back at the same bar they had the quiz. "Spirit in the Sky" plays and the DJ is none other than Keith! "It's the end of the financial year and spirits are in the sky," he says with his brilliant mono-tone. He's just standing there looking at the record. I can't think of a person less fitting for DJ'ing. The party is looking pretty dull. No one's dancing, everyone looks completely down, and the upbeat music seems to mock their sadness. But really, this song is about the afterlife, so maybe Keith picked it thinking of life after work. Nah, that's a bit too profound for him.

At a table, Gareth is drinking and telling Tim bitterly that it's easy for him because he was leaving anyway, but he should think of how badly Gareth has it: "The shit could be on the other foot." Eww! Tim says Gareth's going to be fine. Gareth says: "Well, yeah, I work hard, I earn my keep. Unfortunately, the history books are full of just people who... toil and... fight for worthy causes and the freedom of others and..." He's pretty drunk, and I don't think he knows what he's saying or where he's going with it. Because - what has he ever done for the freedom of others? He only fights for his stapler's right to not be put in jell-o. "That's the most profound thing you ever said," says Tim. Gareth ruins his own point by adding: "And with all that, it's only for foreigners or women or disableds to take advantage of." Tim says: "Can I withdraw my last comment?" Hee!

Gareth spots a cute girl with rasta braids, but Tim and Ricky both think she's out of his league. Gareth takes this opportunity to get drunkenly mad at Ricky: "No, smug! You're so.. just cos you got a bit of Donna, cos I played by the rules cos she was out of bounds!" Right, you asked David if she's legal and if he'd fire the person who did her. You respected Donna. That's why you didn't do her. To show how much he really respected her, he uses two misogynistic and gross phrases: "that'd be like shitting on your own doorstep" and "I don't do sloppy seconds." He's every girl's dream, how could Donna not see that? Tim butts in with one of his smart, women-respecting comments: "You see, it's phrases like sloppy seconds which make her out of your league!" That is probably the most woman-friendly way of defining "out of your league" I've ever heard. Way to go, Tim. Also note that Tim never gets so drunk he's totally out of control, like Gareth or David.

Lame, cheap-looking disco lights change shapes and colors as Keith plays another poorly chosen track: "Walking on Sunshine". In walks David Brent, grinning widely, mock-punching a few balloons. The balloons just emphasize how silly the whole party seems when everyone's sad. David waves hi to Angela, who doesn't smile at him, and Joan, who just looks at him sadly. Gareth's puppy eyes follow him as he walks up on stage and whispers something to Keith, who turns off the music. David grabs a microphone and starts talking in his best desperate-to-entertain tone. He welcomes everyone and says the raffle "is gonna start... later", as he checks his watch. Hee! "You can win a printer! Something I'd bloody love." The microphone makes a whining sound and people watch with quiet sadness as David babbles: "Although if I win it I'd probably just give the ticket back or give it to charity... but that's.. .No pressure, that's..." Why play at all if you're not planning on keeping the prize? I bet he thought people assumed he would rig the results so he gets the printer, or something. Way to undo your original point there.

"Good luck to Ricky who's pursuing his new career, starting Monday. Got a collection or a gift or something?" David says and looks around. You might have thought to ask that BEFORE you got up on stage and asked in front of everyone. "You haven't been in long. You should have seen what they got Pete Gibbons! Ooo! They can tell ya! They all... remember that...so..." It's so bad. Ricky probably wasn't expecting anything, but now that you mentioned it, you made it awkward for everyone. Also, nice of you to talk about a guy Ricky doesn't know and mentioning that he got a gift when Ricky didn't. It really makes him feel included, I'm sure. But then who cares? Cut the apron strings, I say! Two women we haven't seen before look at David, dead serious. There's a chilling silence. Even David's smile is beginning to fade a little, so he decides to get to the point.

"Just come from a meeting at head office, where I was officially offered the job as UK manager, and as you know, taking that job would mean a lot of you would lose your jobs." He gets very serious talking about it, as if he finally cares about the employees. "That's why I told them to shove the job up their arses!" he shouts. Dennis and Joan still stare blankly, but Malcolm, apparently the spokesperson for the employees, shouts out, "So you're staying here?" David shouts back: "Yes! We all are! We'll incorporate Swindon! So... you know... hip hip hooray for David Brent! Hip hip..." His voice sounds expectant, so some people dutifully clap and shout hooray, even if it's not particularly emphatic. "No, stop it, seriously..." David starts mock-modestly. Yeah, he really doesn't care. "Let's move on. Let's rock!" he laughs gleefully and tells Keith to spin the record to the rhythm of his hand movements, as if that's the coolest thing ever. Keith fails to get it right and David gets annoyed and says, "Clumsy." That's kinda mean, David. At least don't speak into the microphone when you say stuff like that. Also: If he had put the record down as soon as you made that hand movement, they still wouldn't think you're Fatboy Slim. Well, maybe if you took out "slim", they would.

"Sex Bomb" plays and everyone starts dancing. The anonymous young female employee looks like she's laughing out of joy. Dawn is chewing on a cherry from a drink and leaning on Lee. She has a sexy black dress on and her hair is curled a bit for the occasion. Gareth, probably after a few more drinks, walks up to the girl with rasta braids. He starts by touching her hair, a slightly too intimate greeting for my liking, but Rasta Girl seems to find it OK. At the bar, Lee walks up to Tim and drunkenly demands if Tim asked his girlfriend out, "what sort of bloke would I be if I let that go? Do we have a problem here?" He puts his arm around Tim's neck in a threatening gesture. Tim, panicked, says: "Lee, please, can I get a word in? When I asked her out it was as a friend, it wasn't as a girlfriend, it was a shoulder to cry on." "A soldier? What do you want a soldier to cry on for? Are you bent or something?" Lee asks. Tim suddenly realizes it's a wind-up. He gives a deep sigh of relief: "Don't do that, man!" Lee gives a rather sexist compliment to Dawn: "Wouldn't blame you tho, she's a good-looking girl." "Yeah, she is," Tim admits. Well, it's a nice thing to say, except that I think he said it just to show that he can get a good-looking girl, which is macho and annoying, like pretty much everything Lee does. He walks away with his hand around Dawn - clearly showing that he OWNS this lady, so hands off, blokes - but not before she gives him the stinkeye. Yeah, I wouldn't be too excited either if my fiancé did that. Tim looks around, embarrassed but trying to smile, as others snicker at his expense. Yeah, great fun. I wonder what they would have done if Dawn had gone out with him.

"Tragedy" by Steps starts playing, fittingly to Tim's situation. And everyone's on this show. The camera pans in the dancing crowd, where Stephen Merchant's Dad stands staring blankly at the camera. He's wearing a white shirt, but it's just that same motionless staring as it was in the office, and it's even funnier now because he doesn't look as out of place as he did in the office. On the other hand, he looks more out of place here, when everyone else is moving and not looking at the camera. Gareth shows Rasta Girl some moves, and I don't mean dance moves. At least I think it's not dance moves - he looks more like he's mimicking hitting someone, or blocking someone from hitting him, because he keeps motioning to his back. Rasta Girl flinches every time his arm comes near her, but he always stops it just in time. Gareth's facial expression says: "I'm the man. And I'm very, very drunk."

David is drunkenly talking something into Tim's ear, putting his hand on Tim's shoulder. Joan and anonymous male employee are dancing with their arms in the air, kind of hips against hips. It looks cool, and not something you'd expect Joan to do. Her blue sweater, however, is exactly what you'd expect her to wear. Gareth mimicks hitting Rasta Girl's face, and he seems to use more force than is necessary, because his hand stops just short of her face. Then he shows her something that involves pushing her forward, and he uses a little too much force and she falls on her back. Which was kinda predictable, but still made me laugh. Gareth is so good with women. He looks around nervously and puts his hand on his mouth. He might help her more if he tried lifting her up, or asking if she's OK, or something. It looks more like he's just worried about the camera catching all this and/or people wondering what's going on. Silly Gareth, you didn't have to play soldier to her right away. If anything, that would make me get away from him, but of course he showcases it as the best side of his personality.

"The Only Way is Up" plays as David drunkenly babbles to Gareth and Dennis, his warehouse mate who doesn't look too interested: "That's the thing about leadership. Sometimes you gotta sacrifice yourSELF for the ..." He is interrupted by Donna and Ricky, who come to say that he did a good thing. Which is really fair of them, considering how rude David has been about their relationship. David, of course, has to ruin it by talking some more about things that are none of his business. He says he'd prefer their individual respect. Donna says he has that. "I'd believe that a bit more if he hadn't jumped on top of you when my back was turned," says David and adjusts his tie. Confronted with such gross personal details, Donna uses the only tactic she knows: giving David a taste of his own medicine. "Actually I was on top," she says, but leaves it at that and says one more time they wanted to thank him. David doesn't even say he appreciates it, he just grins smugly and holds his tie. Maybe he's thinking of Donna jumping over Ricky. The warehouse guy fixes his gaze on Donna as she walks away - she's off camera though, so for all I know, he's staring at Ricky's ass. No, I can't say that, because all the guys on this show are DEFINITELY NOT GAY. "And they probably did oral," says Gareth unnecessarily, perhaps imagining Donna perform something similar on him. I'm sure that's just what David wants to hear. David's smile fades, while the warehouse guy nods and drinks some more beer, as does Gareth.

Some time later, David comes out of the men's room as Malcolm walks up to him. "Enjoying the party, Malcolm?" says David, points at him and laughs. Just a friendly laughter or laughing at his bald spot? Probably the latter. David is very drunk and acting juvenile. Malcolm is still in control of himself and wants to talk business. "Yeah, well, I've been with this nutty lot too long" - David touches a guy in a party hat who's walking by and doesn't register at all - "to sell them out for couple of extra quid a year, so... not interested." Malcolm says he talked to Alan's assistant Paula, who told him David failed his medical and was denied the job because of high blood pressure. David tries to keep his face calm, but he still manages to look busted. The familiar grin appears: "Well.. you gotta ask yourself, why did I get high blood pressure on the day of the medical?" Because you're middle-aged, overweight, and drink too much? He does his chin-rubbing movement again, like he always does when mock-thinking. He's got a huge ring on for the party, the kind of ring people wear to appear more rich and powerful than they really are. "Are you saying that you cheated science and faked high blood pressure so that you could remain in the job?" asks Malcolm. My problem with that is that you can cheat. Measuring blood pressure is not an exact science. You could, for instance, run up and down stairs a bit just before the medical. Your blood pressure would get higher that way. Do I think David did that though? No way.

David evasively says, "You gotta ask yourself that" and makes a "my lips are sealed" gesture. Yeah, well, he just got on stage and claimed he refused the job, so why would he have to fake a medical? Didn't he tell them shove it up their asses? Malcolm seems suspicious, so David blathers: "What's worse? Cheating medical science or cheating friends, yeah? The board of directors came up to me and they went, 'Oo, oo David you're the best man for the job, you've got to take the job, we won't take no for an answer.-Oh, you failed the medical? Alright, stay'.. You know." Yeah, sounds like an exact quote. I'm just wondering if that was ALL board members speaking, including the two who voted for Neil? Drunk David is a bad liar, so he continues: "They may or may not have said that to me." If you add something like that, it's like "believe it or not", it sounds like you're lying. "Did they?" says Malcolm. "They may or may not have," David repeats. Very convincing there. "So you faked high blood pressure in order to fail a medical test?" says Malcolm sarcastically. "Oh no," says David and winks, pretending to be lying. "See you later!" And then he just leaves, just like that, and starts dancing as he gets back into the party. Malcolm looks at the camera quickly and follows him. David is such a natural born leader. This is the second time in this episode when he just walks away from a difficult conversation.

The evening moves on and couples start dancing slow songs. Karen is dancing closely with some guy, leaning on his shoulder. They don't show David's reaction, but I'm sure he doesn't like this! Donna kisses Ricky. Their relationship seems natural to me - they like each other, so they got together, and it's as simple as that. That's what they should have done with Dawn and Tim. But alas, Tim is sitting there alone, looking sadly at the couples dancing. Anonymous Female Employee is dancing with Anonymous Older Male Employee, but it looks more like they're just friends. Their expressions look warm, but not romantically so. Dawn and Tim dance close to each other, and for once we see them interact lovingly: Dawn is saying something, clearly some lovey-dovey joke, and Lee smiles tenderly and replies something. That actually makes their relationship seem more real than most scenes. The camera zooms at Tim, who looks at them sadly, almost crying. Then his eyes move and he looks incredulous. The camera pans to reveal Gareth dancing with Rasta Girl, playing with her braids while holding her. You'd think they get tangled up that way, athough... are rasta braids supposed to be tangled up? Gareth looks almost tender, but it might just be because he's drunk and feeling generally soft. Behind him, Keith is bobbing his head and moving his legs to the rhythm, wonderfully expressionless.

The music is talking about Tim again: "Ooo, you wait a long time for me... Oo, you wait a long time... I'm not alone...So don't forget...It's just a silly phase I'm going through..." At that part, Dawn sits down next to Tim. She just sits there for a while, not even looking at him. She seems to be thinking of what to say. With her bare arms and shoulders, the engagement ring shows much better. And she looks really good - dolled up, but natural, not at all like Lucy Davis looks nowadays, all skinny and Hollywoodized. Finally Dawn leans closer to Tim: "So when are you leaving me?" It's one of those 'har har, like we're a couple' jokes that people make when they totally want you. Tim says he's going to stay for a while yet. Dawn asks if he's leaving in the fall, and I'm reminded that Brits call it "autumn". "Probably not," says Tim. There has been a change of plans. "Oh, right," says Dawn in a very delighted tone that is straining to sound nonchalant. "David's made me a senior sales clerk," says Tim. "Wow!" says Dawn, pretending to be happy for him, but her smile suggests she's just really relieved he isn't leaving. Dawn has to ask if he doesn't want to be a psychologist, but Tim says he can earn at least 500 pounds more per year, "and if I do a bit of networking, there's every chance I could be in David's chair in three years, so..." "And all that talk about getting on.. moving on in the world?" asks Dawn. It's funny how this scene mirrors the scenes between David and Jennifer, where Jennifer remembers his earlier words and tries to ask him why he seems to have changed his mind. Tim mimicks David in a scary way, as he says: "No, I said moving up. Moving up can mean... within.. an internal ladder... framework or... sdieways to external linear. You gotta look at the whole pie... vis-a-vis my current life situation, you know." I'm hoping he's just repeating David's words, but maybe the writers are trying to show how he's accepting his work at Wernham Hogg and the bullshit jargon that comes with it. "Vis-a... Pie!" says Dawn and chuckles a bit, trying to make some sense of his management talk. Tim looks Dawn in the eye as he says that his old job is available, "so have a word..." Dawn smiles at him openly, flirtatiously. Who knows what could happen if David didn't walk in just at that moment, belching out: "TimoTHYY!" with that same rising intonation he used earlier. He's wearing a silly party hat, which makes him look even drunker than he already is, and some guys dance in a ring, which looks kinda childish, but hey, it's a party. Dawn is left sitting at the table, staring sadly ahead. Which is actually a nice touch - we saw Tim pining for Dawn, now we see her pining for him.

And to end the first season, the very last David interview before season 2. I feel a bit sad realizing I just recapped the whole first season and only have one more to go. I want to savor it. David sighs as he says: "You grow up, you work.. half a century, you get a golden handshake, you rest a couple of years... and you're dead." He looks at the camera bulging his eyes a bit to mark that this is a profound thought, even if it's more "duh" and quite depressing at that. I guess that's what it is if you only think work-wise, though. "And the only thing that makes this crazy ride worthwhile is... Did I enjoy it? What did I learn, what was the point? That's where I come in." Ah, I see, so he wasn't talking about himself; he was talking about the employees who want to find some meaning to their dull lives, and they find it in him, David Brent. "You've seen me react to people, make them feel good..." Oh, OK. You betrayed your employees, head-butted and pretty much sexually harrassed your secretary, lied to your boss more than once, evaded all responsibility and made a complete fool of yourself. Well, I guess the employees had a good laugh though - at his expense. "Make them think that ANYTHING's possible," he continues and poitns at himself. So they could even become like him? A truly inspirational thought. He rubs his chin again as he says: "If I make them laugh along the way, sue me!" I love how he always says things like that, as if people find it so outrageous that he should make work fun for his employees. Which he, of course, doesn't do.

And his final thought: "And I don't do it so they turn around and go: 'Oh thank you David for the opportunity, thank you for the wisdom, thank you for the laughs...' I do it so one day someone will go: 'There goes David Brent. I must remember to thank him.' " So he doesn't want people to thank him - he wants them to want to thank him. It's like "don't think of me as your superior, but know that I am". And whatever David says about how committed he is to his employees, he can only talk about himself, and the only things he says about other people have to do with how those people think he's so great. Which is what makes his interviews so great. Another reason is that he never ever lives up to his words. Gotta love our fickle, back-stabbing, yet somehow clumsily well-meaning David.

The final image of the season: Tim sitting at his computer, still at work, still at the same desk. Nothing happens in this scene, absolutely nothing. It's awesome. It's like saying: "... and they all lived unhappily ever after in their dull, uninspired lives." I wish for Tim that he had gone off to study psychology, but I think the writers knew at this point that if they want a second season, Tim has to be there. So they left him in his purgatory, forever mousing through boring computer tasks and calling boring calls about the price of mat-coated paper. Don't worry, Tim. You're our hero.

Season 1, Episode 6, Part 4: "What About Us?"

Gareth walks into David's office. David adjusts his pants again - buy some pants that feel comfortable, David - and sits down. "So you're definitely leaving then?" says Gareth, trying to sound casual. "It would appear so," says David uber-formally. "What about us?" Gareth asks. "Nothing going on between us," says David quickly and glances at the camera. "No, not like that," they both say quickly, because THEY ARE SO NOT GAY! Not one bit. So don't go getting any ideas. "You know, but we're a team," says Gareth. They repeat the assistant (to the) regional manager bit, which imo isn't funny anymore, even if it serves to highlight Gareth's pathetic need for any power he can get. Gareth asks if he can still be David's assistant. Hee, does he really think the assistant part will stay on when David leaves the office? Is it even something official? David doesn't seem to think so as he says he will get "a proper assistant.. a PA." "A lady?" suggests Gareth. "Hopefully, yeah," David says. "Not for that," he adds as he remembers the camera is there. Well, for what, then? Because women are naturally better at being assitants and secretaries? Better than having a female partner in the firm, at least!

Gareth asks, stammeringly because he's about to cry, if he can be Neil's assistant. That strikes me as particularly desperate, and I suddenly feel sorry for Gareth. David had the second season scene where he begs to keep his job. This is similar. This is Gareth's Very Sad Moment. David tries to cheer Gareth up by telling him Neil's assistant, "Terry something", used to be in the army. However, it backfires when Gareth finds out it was the army army, not territorial army. His eyes are red and his voice falters as he asks for the guy's rank. "Sergeant, I think," says David softly and uneasily. "What are you?" "Lieutenant, sir," says Gareth. He's crying now. David casts a side glance at the camera and looks down. "Anyway..." he says. He really can't handle a grown man crying next to him, and he's not particularly good at comforting people, as we saw from the "Dawn, you're fired" scene. Of course, he was causing the crying that time, but he doesn't seem any less embarrassed here.

"That's it, then, is it? The old team on the scrap heap. It's all gone," Gareth says, crying. Aww, poor Gareth. Assistant to the regional manager was all he had. He's looking down and his face looks utterly miserable. I feel it's almost cruel the camera team is still there filming it, which bodes well for the realism in this situation. "Gareth, come on," says David, looking at the camera a bit. He seems annoyed more than anything that a man is crying on camera in his office. "You're a soldier. Yeah? Eh? Stiff upper lip and all that!" Yeah, that really sums up Gareth. "The Dam Busters! Squadron never dies, does it?" Gareth says he has the movie on video. David acts like that should take all his worries away, which... It really doesn't have anything to do with their situation, because the movie is about the British army attacking the Nazis. However, it seems to be a fairly good way of getting Gareth to stop crying - not particularly comforting, but soothing nonetheless. I'm surprised David thought of it.

"And before he goes into battle, he's playing with his dog and everything," says David excitedly and mimicks petting a dog. I love Ricky Gervais' body language. "Nigger," says Gareth, smiling through his tears. David quickly explains that it was the dog's name, and "it was the 40's, so it was before racism was bad." The reason that racism is bad, of course, is that it's a social faux pas, not because it's discrimination or anything. David's comment just makes things worse, as if he approves of racism in the old days. Gareth adds, "The dog's name was Nigger" like a little kid who's still trying to comfort himself. "Don't keep saying it," says David, concerned that the viewers at home will see them as racist. I wouldn't worry about it at this point; we already saw a whole season of their attitudes on minorities and women, and it ain't pretty.

As soon as this topic is dealt with, Gareth starts weeping again. There's always something little boy-like about him, but crying makes him even more childlike and vulnerable, and it makes my heart melt for him, even if I know he's a sexist, racist, homophobic, clueless asshole. I can't bring myself to hate him when I've seen him cry like this. David looks like he doesn't know what to do, then he tells Gareth to take something from his office: "A memento from me to you. Take something, anything you want." His smile at the camera reveals that he thinks he's making a very generous offer. But when Gareth wants the guitar, David tells him to pick "stationary or something I can reorder". Wow, heartwarming. Nothing says "I'll miss you too" more like stationary.

Gareth picks the hole puncher, "that's always handy." It is, even if you'd think he already has one. David picks up the puncher and presents it to Gareth ceremoniously. He glances at the camera again, just to show that he, David Brent, made this great gesture. Seriously, he looks like he's presenting an award. "Bloody good one, that," he says and makes a few hole punching motions with his hand. Hee! Gareth, still weeping a bit, opens the puncher from the corner for no apparent reason. Some of the paper bits drop on the floor. David actually used that thing? Probably just to file his game show ideas into one big binder. "Oh! like confetti," says Gareth and starts picking it up. David looks a bit annoyed that he's spreading paper bits in his office. "Could be used as confetti, yeah. Check with a priest first, always," says David. Hee! I'd like to think he's just humoring Gareth, but more probably he actually considered using it as confetti. "Don't get it on the carpet, Gareth," he says in an annoyed tone. Gareth picks up the paper bits.

This whole scene has a funny dynamic, like David is the older teacher leaving the school and Gareth is the sad student that nobody likes but the teacher, and who will be lonely when he leaves. Sadly, it kinda is like that, because Gareth sees David of all people as a mentor and probably the only person in the office who truly likes him. I suddenly feel very sad.

Season 1, Episode 6, Part 3: "The Verdict"

David walks out of his room, lifting his pants a bit, and sighs deeply, mugging for the camera. This is the moment they've all been waiting for, the verdict from Jennifer. David meets her in the lobby. "Are you ready?" she asks. "Yeah," says David, trying to sound a bit tougher than usual. "Who's she?" asks Jennifer, pointing at Karen who stands by Dawn's desk. Doesn't she even get her own chair? The office is really cramped when you think about it. They don't even have cubicles. "I don't know," says David weakly. So - not only has he hired her without Jennifer knowing, he's not even going to tell her about it now? Hee, that's even worse than his usual stunts. When was he planning on letting her know? Coming to think of it, you can't say "secretary" without saying "secret", so it makes sense. Everybody in the office looks after Jennifer and David like their jobs depended on the meeting. And they do. Well, fear not, David's going to look out for you, troops. The employees' anxious faces tell us just how much they trust David. Even Donna looks worried. Isn't she just temporarily working there?

David looks serious as Jennifer starts telling him the news: "Firstly, I'm moving on." "You've been fired?" asks David. Yeah, because that's what it usually means. Why should she be fired? Jennifer laughs a bit as she tells him that it's the opposite: "I've been made into a partner." The camera zooms on David's face as it assumes a rather incredulous look. You can tell he's thinking: "A partner? And a WOMAN? This would not have happened in my Dad's day." He tries to play off the awkwardness by talking about names: "So that'll be Wernham Hogg Taylor Clarke? That's mental. We'll have to change the stationary." Yeah, that's his only concern with having a FEMALE partner in the firm. Jennifer says they can get a discount on stationary because they're in the industry. "40 per cent sometimes," adds David, because it's such an important piece of information, one that will surely interest the viewers.

Jennifer continues that as she's leaving a post open, the board wants either David or Neil to take it, and they voted 5-2 in favor of David. Which.. what? Why would 5 board members vote for this loser? He doesn't even work! He comes in to tell jokes and entertain! I had to think of this a bit, but I think it makes sense in the end. He's older than Neil and has probably been in the firm longer. If they haven't seen him in action, they have no way of knowing how bad he is, and probably some of the board members work even less than he does. Generally older employees are promoted after a while, unless they made some terrible mistakes, which David hasn't made... yet. Jennifer seems happy for David as she talks about it, but then I guess she hasn't been there enough to see his "work" "methods". David is, of course, gleeful about the result. "They voted for me 5-2? There's only seven in the board, so it's five out of seven." Yes, most of us can add up 5 + 2, David. Jennifer starts to say something, but David has to continue: "That's a landslide." He acts like it's a presidential election or something. "David," Jennifer has to interject again. I love how she always has to use her authority to keep him thinking of the matter at hand, instead of getting lost in his own thoughts.

David takes a facial expression that fakes attention, just like before with Tim. Jennifer starts with how David is "100 % committed to his branch". Umm... yeah, I guess so, if by "committed" you mean... hee, I can't even think of anything to fill that gap that would really mean something in David's case. Jennifer points out that if David takes the job, his branch will be downsized. "Yeah," says David and nods happily. Mr 100 % Committed only cares about his own promotion. He doesn't even try to pretend he cares about the employees, which I think I would do, because it really makes him look bad ON CAMERA. "I know you're very loyal to your family here," says Jennifer. David says "I'll be loyal to the whole family, it's one big family." Yeah. Because the definition of family is "whoever works under David Brent". I know I compared him to Joey on Full House, but he's not even on that level, because Joey at least cared about the family. Maybe I should find some annoying neighbor who constantly drops in and eats all the food.

Jennifer, however, still has some faith in his words, and she tries again with "I'm just sensitive to the fact that you have strong, let's say emotional ties to your team." David starts his bullshit generator, talking slowly enough to show he's making it all up on the spot: "Well, yeah, but theere iis thee emotion-as-good-in-business syndrome, sure, notwithstanding the cruel-to-be-kind scenario..." Hee, whenever he uses words like "notwithstanding" or "whilst", or anything in Latin, you know he's just lying through his teeth. If it even makes any sense, and in this case it doesn't. Jennifer feels the same way as she says: "I'm sorry, David, but you've lost me." David tries a very weird metaphor: "You're not looking at the whole pie, Jenny." Have we heard him call her Jenny before? It sounds a bit too colloquial to me, but maybe it's customary over there. "Wernham Hogg is one big pie, if they let me in charge of that pie I'll be in charge of the pie... and the people are the fruit..." He wanders off, obviously not knowing himself what he's saying. It sounds weird, because... is he planning on eating the company? And if people are the fruit, aren't they the filling? What is there in a company besides people? Maybe the dough is made of stocks and money and buildings. Also, in this metaphor, David is somehow outside of the pie. No matter what way you think of it, it doesn't work. Jennifer awesomely says: "I don't have time for the pie thing, David." Jennifer rocks. "Yeah, OK, I'll take the job," David says. Yeah, best keep it simple, because you always stumble on your own metaphors. "Good!" says Jennifer, as if she's relieved he doesn't want to stay loyal to his branch. She tells him to meet with the board, but David is busy calculating what 5 out of 7 is in percentage. "70 per cent," says Jennifer. "71.4," David says. "So..." So what? What does it prove? David obviously feels this validates him as a person. Jennifer tells him to call Susan and find out the details. "Congratulations and good luck!" David is busy staring at the calculator as if it's a picture of his girlfriend in a lame pop video that flopped. But I'm getting ahead of myself. "You don't need luck when you've got 71.4 % of the population behind you," he says. This is one of my favorites. "Board" becomes "population", because it somehow proves that so many people love him. Talk about fake statistics! Very David.

As Jennifer walks out, David walks behind her looking gleeful. "She's still here," Jennifer whispers to David, pointing at Karen. David just shrugs. He's so lame. The employees start leaving their desks. One of the guys walks with his hands in his pockets and strots along as if he's just going to get some coffee. That's nice acting. People are asking David how it went. "Fine," he says evasively. "What's the damage?" says Malcolm. "It's complicated," says David. No it isn't. You'll get a promotion and they'll lose their jobs. "Are you going to tell us?" asks Malcolm. "Yeah," says David and walks into his office, closing the door on them. Wow, that's an ass way of shutting them out. David Brent - when leadership is needed, don't come a-knockin'. Malcolm calls after him but he doesn't care. Malcolm has to actually go and KNOCK ON HIS DOOR and tell him they want to know now.

David, who obviously wasn't planning on telling everyone just yet, reluctantly comes out and tells them the news. "There's good news and bad news," he says. Great, start off with a lie, that's always good. "The bad news is Neil will be taking over both branches and some of you are going to lose your jobs." People gasp and put their hands on their faces. Keith leans his neck far back and just stares at the ceiling. Aww, no matter what he does, it's just cute and endearing. David tells the employees that those who want to stay will have to move to Swindon. "I know, gutting. You should have seen me..." Yeah, you put up quite a fight there, Braveheart.

David makes a pretty sad attempt to raise the mood by telling them: "On a more positive note, the good news is, I've been promoted. So..." He grins inanely and looks around him. Malcolm looks appalled. Angela is dead serious. Keith furrows his brows as if he's trying to figure out what the good news was. Hee! One of the male employees - whose name might be Jamie - stares angrily with his mouth open. Tim looks like he should be happy for David, but he's not sure why. "Every cloud...." David says, still grinning, but nobody congratulates him. "You're still thinking about the bad news, aren't you?" he says. Yeah, I think I would be too if you had just told me I might or might not lose my job in the near future. "There's no good news, David. There's only bad news and irrelevant news," says Malcolm bitingly. "That's not a phrase though, is it?" says David. "I couldn't come out and go: Oh, I've got some bad news and some irrelevant news." Hee! You didn't need a phrase, you just needed a little sympathy for your employees.

"You should have just told us about Neil, kept your promotion to yourself," says Malcolm. A choir of "Yeah"s is heard off camera. David still doesn't get it: "I should have told you the good news first..." Wow, I think that would have been even worse. "I've been promoted! And by the way, you're all losing your jobs." "There IS no good news, David!" Malcolm says angrily. "Hmmm, I think a promotion is generally considered good news," David says sarcastically. He plays with his chin and stares up to indicate mock-thinking. Hee! The employees are mad at this point and they start talking over each other. One man's voice is heard clearly: "We're gonna lose our jobs!" David acts offended that everyone's so focused on their own job instead of his exciting promotion news. "You're not all gonna lose your jobs! God..." he says and starts pointing at employees: "YOU're not gonna lose your job, YOU're not gonna lose your job... You know..." When he comes to Malcolm, he skips him and goes to the next person. Ouch. Maloclm hangs his head sadly. "Let's get it in perspective, yeah? Come on," David continues. Yeah, they're not looking at the whole pie!

David makes one more incredibly dumb attempt to change the topic back to himself: "You know there's only 7 members on the board, yeah?" His mouth opens to form a word, but it doesn't come out; he realizes he's dropped in the eyes of his employees, and he turns on his heels and walks back into his room, closing the door behind him. The employees are confused and angry. "When are the rest of us gonna find out?" they call out after him, but he doesn't answer. Wow. That was one scene where I realize I didn't feel sorry for David at all. Did he expect the employees to be happy for him? Or congratulate him? Forget about their worries just because HE got a lucky break - that incidentally took away their jobs in the process? He's so selfish.

In a rare segment, we get to hear how three employees feel about this. It's nice to see talking heads from someone who isn't David, Gareth, Tim, or Dawn. It's not a very long bit, but I liked it. It makes it seem a bit more like a documentary that doesn't only focus on two or three people. A younger female employee (who I first assumed might be Karen from the credits, until I realized that must mean David's secretary Karen) says: "I can't believe it. After all the things he said, it's just... I'm in shock." She looks like she's on the verge of tears. The older male employee who isn't Malcolm - I'd check his name but they won't show him all that much later on - says, "He sold us out." Behind him is a very cute picture of a baby girl laughing, which contrasts oddly with his mood. Angela only has one word to say, an ice cold "Wanker". After seeing her meek and smiling earlier, it has quite a strong effect.

Cut to Gareth, oblivious as always, saying: "What? David Brent's leaving?" Hee! Yeah, coming to think of it, he wasn't there when the verdict was told. But it makes me wonder where he was. In the meeting room, shredding smaller and smaller pieces of paper silently? I wouldn't be surprised. Gareth smiles a bit and then looks around him nervously, as if he's trying to pretend the news doesn't affect him, when he's really devastated. People often try to keep an indifferent expression when they feel especially disappointed, sad, or upset. Even Gareth knows a little about keeping a face on camera. The bags under his eyes are so black and so deep, like the pit of despair he's in when David Brent is leaving. Hee, I can't talk about Gareth seriously, no matter how sad he gets.

Season 1, Episode 6, Part 2: "I Am Leaving"

Karen sits down in David's office. David is sitting on the sofa and tells her to make notes, which, like many other actions David takes, seems rather unnecessary, but whatever. Tim sits down next to David. He's wearing a blue shirt today, which seems unusual. David asks him if it's OK if Karen sits in "just to learn the ropes". Hee, ropes-Roper. But really, what ropes? How to leave the company? I suppose David thinks he's going to teach her something profound about keeping employees motivated, but he's going to fail miserably, of course. "What are we doing?" says Tim, confused. David says he wants to talk about Tim's plans to leave, and like in the interview in last episode, Tim corrects that he really IS leaving. "Sure, sure," says David, not believing him. "I don't want you to stitch anyone up, but it's nothing I've said or done, is it?" Tim says no, and David says: "Put that down, no way..." I can already see how much Karen is going to learn from this. I wonder how David would have reacted if it really were something he has said or done, because he thinks he's perfect. The camera shows Karen's pen and notebook, and she's actually writing something. I wouldn't be surprised if it were something along the lines of "Note to self: browse the Internet for secretary jobs. There's got to be something better out there."

"I don't wanna put words in your mouth, but what kind of boss would you say I am?" asks David. That's one of those phrases people never mean. It's like "I don't mean to intrude but..." or "It's none of my business but..." or "Don't take this personally, but..." It's almost always an apology in advance for doing just what you say you're not trying to do. David helps Tim a bit more: "I'm a..." "Good boss," Tim fills in dutifully. David tells Karen to make note of it. "I mean, you're a great boss," Tim adds. I'm not sure how sincere he's being here. Obviously he likes David on some level, more than some employees seem to; he's not a brownnoser like Gareth, but I think he has some genuine sympathy for David. It's just the job he hates. He tries to start talking about it, but David cuts in with another question: "It's not because you asked Dawn out in front of everyone and she said no, is it?" Tim starts self-defending again that he meant as a friend - "put down friend", he tells Karen. Dude, all you need to say is that you quit BEFORE you asked Dawn out. He came back in to say it, so obviously that's not why he quit, and it doesn't make any sense to assume that. David should remember because he was there, but you know, he's David.

"So... why the move?" says David, sighs deeply, and closes his eyes. He seems to be listening intently, but when Tim starts talking, he cuts him off with, "Go on, go on" and "sure, sure". He really won't let him talk. But when Tim says he doesn't like the work, "it feels a bit like I'm wasting my time", David starts paying attention. "Life is too short," offers Karen. "Yes, thank you," says Tim. "I want to retire with stories to tell." "Not just about paper," Karen agrees. David gets defensive and says he could tell her stories about the paper industry "that will crack you up, so..." Yeah, I don't think that was really Tim's point. "That's true," admits Tim, "they are hilarious." "Hilarious, put down hilarious," says David happily. Because the worst insult he could possibly get is that the work he does isn't funny. And it is, albeit unintentionally so. "Do you want me to go on?"Tim asks, but David says: "What have you got?" as if he's heard enough already.

Timterview. He tells us: "It's like an alarm clock's gone off and I've just gotta get away. I think it was John Lennon who said: 'Life is what happens when you're making other plans'. And that's hwo I feel." He thinks for a moment and adds: "Although he also said 'I'm the walrus, I'm the egg man, so I don't know what to believe.' " I liked this a lot, because it shows the difference between Tim and David when using quotations. The quote Tim chose actually described his situation. He credited the right person for it. And in the end, he shows he can still take good quotes with some criticism, even if it's not an entirely serious comment. David thinks using quotations makes him seem smarter and deeper, while Tim knows quotations are best used with consideration and don't serve to prove a point, but only to emphasize it. Nice touch.

Back in David's office, Tim is telling David to listen to him, but David interrupts him, "No, no, you listen to me, 'Tim'!" He does the quotation marks with his fingers. Seriously, David, "Tim" is a really common nickname and I don't see any reason to mock it. He gets so much more juvenile when he's angry, and here it's especially obvious because he has no reason to be. "When you came in you didn't know anything about... the... paper industry... I showed you the ropes, I nurtured you, I gave you a good job..." He's acting like a father who's just heard his son has dropped out of school and he's just disappointed. Karen interjects that Tim didn't want the job. "Didn't ask you," says David. You did ask her to sit in and take notes, though. "Well, you did ask me," says Tim in an infinitely more mature way. "You asked me how I felt and I'm telling you." "I don't wanna know now," says David. "This has been a waste of time." Wow, mature. Tim is flabbergasted and says, "What do you mean?" a couple of times, but David decides the conversation is over. Karen tries to say something, but David says, "Why don't you both go and do some work instead of WHINGING?" You asked him, David. You wanted to talk about it. It's so silly to get mad when you hear the answer.

"I don't want you to say out there what you've said here, apart from the part of being a good boss if you want to," he continues as Karen and Tim, both looking suitably offended, get up to leave. Yeah, I'm sure Tim will be telling everyone what a good boss you are David - sorry, not just good, GREAT. "I don't want you spreading your bad vibes around my office! Do that at the party, that'll be fun!" Wow, he's really hurt. He tells the camera, "You try and do a good deed..." Yeah, well, I'm sure Tim is happy about the job experience at this firm, but does it mean he has to be there his whole life?

The bad side of David's "we're all a big happy family" mentality is that he's so offended when anyone criticizes the work or the office in any way. Of course, the good side is that you can come in late and he won't care; you can get a job without credentials; and you can basically just sit around doing nothing as long as you laugh at his jokes. Not so good for the company, of course, which will be touched upon more in the next season. I think the point here is that to be a good boss, you should be able to take it if someone doesn't like the job, or indeed you, and David has problems doing that. He has yet to exhibit any truly good leadership qualities, perhaps apart from the fact that he shows up for work every day and tries to be nice to people. Not that he always succeeds.

Cue awkward Tim and Dawn scene. Dawn asks Tim if he's coming to the "paartee". He says he is, she says she is too. They both look at each other awkwardly and Dawn touches his shoulder and says "See you later". Tim looks after her when she walks away and might or might not be looking at her butt. I think Dawn is trying to kind of apologize for brushing him off, but she doesn't quite know how to say "I do have feelings for you but I'm too chicken to leave my fiancé, because that would be messy and I don't know how things are going to work out with you. So how about we still flirt like old times instead?" Tim remembers the camera and directs his gaze at the computer. He stares at it looking tired and depressed.

Dawnterview. Is this the first one ever? We could use more of them. She says she hopes she get fired, "because then I might actually get off my arse and do something. I don't think it's many little girls' dream to be a receptionist." She has no clear plans - I think they hadn't thought of the "children's illustrator" thing at this point - but it should be "a career move and not just another arbitrary job. Tim's advice is that it's better to be at the bottom of a ladder you wanna climb than halfway up one that you don't." That's a nice piece of advice, but in hindsight, he didn't follow thru with it, and nor did Dawn. She says she doesn't want to be "treading water" and then realize five years later: "Shit, done it again!" It's cute how she says that, with a little "oops" grin. I think her real problem, however, is that she has to think of Lee, which could be used as an argument against getting engaged too young, but maybe I shouldn't get quite that political. If Lee had more modern views on what his wife should be, she could find her own way in life, but he doesn't, and she needs to be the one to break away from this relationship. As soon as she realizes that, she will be fine.

Tim and Gareth's desk of endless irritation. Gareth is shredding papers with a very loud shredder, which is one of the most unpleasant noises in the office. In a hilarious move I hadn't noticed before, he carefully tucks his tie inside his shirt. Hee, he's worried about it getting caught. Tim, who looks even less motivated after his little talk with David, politely asks Gareth to stop. Gareth asks if he should just hand over the papers to their competitors, but of course fails to see the point that he could do this somewhere ELSE. Donna walks up to his desk and asks him to keep it down, because it's so noisy. Gareth immediately obliges and starts shredding long strips of paper off himself. He looks after Donna as if this is finally going to redeem him in her eyes. Newsflash, Gareth: she still won't sleep with you, no matter how many papers you rip.

Season 1, Episode 6, Part 1: "Redundancies"

I can't believe I've written so many recaps already, and we're at the end of season 1! I've had so much fun doing this, and I can't wait for season 2. After that, I still have the Christmas special, Microsoft clips, and documentaries, so I should be doing this for a while. Hope you hang around and continue to enjoy it. So let's get to work on this episode then!

The series began in David's office with him saying: "I don't give shitty jobs." Now we're back there with the same guy he hired in the beginning. I'm gonna save my own time by calling him Alex, which we won't know until David talks to Malcolm later in this same chapter, but whatever. David says, "This is the worst part of my job. I do NOT wanna lose a good man" - and he does the same finger-pointing thing he did in the first episode. "But.. you know.. it's out of my hands... and even if it were in my hands, my hands are tied so..." Hee, that made no sense at all. It's very David though, mixing metaphors. He's talking in a little voice and you can tell he hates doing this. Alex doesn't want to hear it and asks why he's being fired. David says he isn't, it's redundancy. What's the difference? Don't you lose your job either way? "You are one of the unlucky ones.. or one of the lucky ones, in my opinion," David says looking at the camera and chuckles a bit. Hee, don't try to lighten up the mood when you're firing someone, especially with jokes THAT bad. A guy in a green shirt is fixing David's computer under his desk and he surfaces for a moment to get a tool. Alex just stares angrily at David, who plays with his tie awkwardly. He seems so guilty. Yeah, you might have thought of this when you gave him the forklift driver's job without any experience. And claimed there would be no redundancies at your branch.

Alex asks if Anton, the little person, is being kept on because he's disabled. David doesn't think Anton is disabled. "He's a midget, David," says Alex angrily. "Yeah, but you're not disabled if you're a midget, are you? That's not a disability, that's just small. Ronny Corbett doesn't get special treatment, does he?" Hee, Ronny Corbett. I just saw him on Extras, and it was hilarious. Alex points out that Anton is much smaller than Ronny Corbett, only 3'4''. That is indeed small. David makes a very bad point: "So are some children. Children don't get special treatment..." Yes, they do, plus they grow out of that. And he's kind of saying that disabled people SHOULD get special treatment. So bad point there. "I guess children are disabled," mocks David. Yeah, that's exactly what Alex said, brilliant observation. David says it doesn't matter whether Anton's a midget or a dwarf, but Alex says he's not a dwarf. David wants to know the difference. "A dwarf is someone who has disproportionately small arms and legs." David makes a "tiny arms" gesture, looking like he thinks it's funny, and I'm sure he doesn't realize how offensive that is. He even does a "big head" gesture, which... hee. He's openly mocking dwarfs without realizing it. "It's caused by a hormone deficiency," the guy says. "Bloody hormones," says David, as if they're to blame for everything.

The camera pans to Gareth, who asks, "So... what's an elf?" Leave it to Gareth to always think of the least relevant question. Also, what is he doing there? Wouldn't it be awkward enough to fire someone without both Gareth and the computer fixing guy? Gareth is just leaning on the window sill, as if he's supervising the proceedings. "Do you wanna answer that?" says David to Alex, as if it's a valid question. Alex looks suspiciously around him as if he's suspecting candid camera. Not unthinkable, considering the first episode with the "fired" prank. Gareth stares at him seriously and looks like a little boy. "An elf is a supernatural being. Sometimes they're invisible, they're like fairies," Alex says. David nods earnestly and looks at Gareth. "But they don't actually exist, do they? In real life," says David and looks at Gareth, who's nodding and looking like he's thinking hard. I love how David asks that as if he's not quite sure. David looks to his left, and the computer-fixing guy is staring at Alex.

The office. People working hard and looking bored. Behind Tim, Stephen Merchant's Dad opens a door and comes out in a blue overall. He's carrying something - looks like big rolls of tissues or something similar - and he just stands there and stares at the camera. It's hilarious. He looks quite a bit like Stephen. I feel like I already recapped this scene, but if so, it's because there are several identical scenes with him just staring, and I love it. It's like Stephen wanted his Dad to make a cameo on the show, but the Dad didn't want to do any acting. Tim turns around and looks at STMD, who just stands and stares.

Back in David's office, it's getting heated. "What do you want me to do.. Do you think I enjoy doing this? This has been imposed upon me," David self-defends. "This has been imposed upon me," mimicks Alex. Twice. It's getting kind of childish, but it's understandable in this situation. What isn't understandable or acceptable, however, is David's totally defensive behaviour: "What do you want me to say? Ooh, I'm sorry I gave you a job..." He's being really childish here. "Yeah, I want you to apologize and stop passing the buck!" He pronounces it like "book". David insists that it's not his decision. It is, though. He had to fire someone and for some reason, he picked Alex. And he wouldn't tell him WHY it was him, and he wouldn't admit it was his decision. He's such a terrible boss. Alex's behaviour could, of course, be seen as healthist: he thinks that if someone should be fired, it should without a doubt be Anton, because he's shorter. He blames David for positive discrimination, while his own attitude could be seen as the negative variant.

David asks mockingly if Alex gonna go above his head. "Yes, I will go above your head," he says. "Good luck. It's your prerogative." "Yeah, it is. It's my prerogative, yeah." Then they just stare at each other. And the computer-fixing guy stares at Alex too, as if he's somehow in David's position. Awesome. Alex looks away, looking like he's gonna cry soon. Gareth: "So is a pixie the same as an elf?" Even David realizes that this is not the time for that question. He just says, "Gareth", quietly. "What? I just wanna know how come he knows so much about midgets," says Gareth. I love how he can't let go of a thought. Once it's entered his head, he just has to work it through. David and Computer-Fixing Guy look at Alex expectantly. He gets up and leaves, saying, "It's called an education." David looks at him leave, then glances at Gareth. "So what's a goblin?" asks the Computer-Fixing Guy. "How long you gonna be, mate?" says David. Look, David, you could have fired the guy without two other people in the room. That might have had more dignity. I also wonder if this chapter is called "Redundancies" not only because of Alex losing his job, but because they're being totally redundant about the midgets, elves, etc.

People working. The camera seems to be on the floor. Cut to David and Karen walking in the office. Karen is wearing a pretty flower shirt. David says he probably looks like an imposing figure "with my..." and he snaps his fingers. Hee, I doubt she sees you that way, David. She's seen you red-faced and drunk, babbling about how she'll love you soon. "But when you get to know me, you'll see I'm mad." I think if you replace the m for an s, it's a bit closer to the truth. David chuckles and points at a Flat Eric toy over the coat rack. It has its foot in its mouth - clever, because David always puts his foot in his mouth. "I bought that in, so... " David says proudly. Karen forces a chuckle. I love those little stuffed toys. They are so not funny, and yet David seems so proud of them, like they're what makes the office a fun place to work in. I also love his trademark "So..." that never goes anywhere.

David spots Malcolm and walks up to him. "Oh here we go... MalCOLM!" he says in a squeaky, annoying voice. David introduces Karen, "my new secretary... Though you can all...use her... oh, as an actor said to a bishop..." He always says that when he realizes something he said sounds a bit dirty. "Use" is a poor choice of words. Malcolm politely shakes hands with Karen, but then turns to David and asks him quite sharply why he's hiring new staff when he has to fire "people like Alex this morning". It would have been nice to know Alex's name from the get go, though. David doesn't know what to say, and he closes his eyes, then looks away from Malcolm and talks really slowly: "Different people different jobs, right? To wit the answer... to the QUESTION... is it... people or task... is well... you know... people." Except that that wasn't the question, was it? Obviously the decision to hire a secretary was really bad and he can't even think of any lie to cover for it.

He plays off the embarrassment in his usual style: With inappropriate humor. "Like this person. Kojak!" He says and pretends to shine Malcolm's bald spot, complete with idiotic sound effects and "Who loves you baby?" It's really annoying. I think I'd punch him if I were Malcolm. And what is it about David and bald guys? Malcolm looks pained, but contains himself and asks David very matter-of-factly when they will know who's fired. Finally David calms down - though he lays his hand on the bald spot for a moment - and says, "Good question." Yeah, it is. You could have attended to it earlier. "Jennifer is coming in midday today, Greenwich Mean Time, she'll have the verdicts then, OK? I'm just trying to.. keep the troops happy." You mean you're trying to amuse yourself by making fun of others? "They'd be a lot happier if they knew they've got jobs," says Malcolm somewhat sarcastically.

David awkwardly plays with this tie and then looks at Malcolm, the camera, and Karen in turn with a weird stilted grin. Then he says he's trying to think of other famous bald characters. David! Focus on the job! I can just imagine him at school trying to "entertain" others while the teacher was talking. And I'm pretty sure they thought he was a dork even back then. Karen, sadly, helps him out by suggesting some bald guy on the Benny Hill Show. David excitedly taps Malcolm's bald spot. Now Malcolm loses his cool and pushes his hand away. David and Malcolm look in different directions awkwardly. Karen bites her pen and looks like she's sorry she said anything. David, you're an idiot, and this is the worst possible way of lightening the mood on a time like this. Well, at any time, if your way of "keeping the troops happy" is making fun of them.

Karen and David walk up to Tim's desk. David says Tim is thinking of leaving and "he's feeling bad right now" - actually, you'd think he feels good, because he knows he can get out of this boring job - "I'll have a little chat, make him feel good about himself, turn it around." Right. You can really tell he's trying to impress Karen with his leadership skills, despite - or maybe because of? - the fact that she's already seen him
a) act like a horny teenager at her job interview;
b) babble drunkenly and treat another woman like an object;
c) make fun of a bald employee when it was time to talk about redundancies.
I doubt she thinks he's Boss of the Year. And if Tim hates his job, what is David gonna do? Shouldn't he, in fact, support Tim's decision and let him go if that's what he wants?

He does the same voice thing he did with Malcolm: "TimoTHYY!" It sounds incredibly dorky. Tim is kneeling by someone else's desk for some reason. David asks him to come and "have a quick word - walk this way", and then, you guessed it: he starts walking funnily and making funny noises. Karen, walking behind him, looks at him with an expression that shows clearly what she thinks of his humor, and it isn't anything good. David is, of course, oblivious about this, and he looks at the camera like he did something brilliant there. He looks back at Karen, and Karen forces a friendly smile. "Always start with a joke," David tells Karen as if she's her protegé now. Yeah, great way to do it. I think he should let his actions speak for him, because he really shows what bad humor can do for a leader. Tim walks behind them, looking a bit confused, as he often is. He has that confused "Hmm?" face, even if he's the most intelligent character. He just permanently looks like just got out of bed, which is endearing.

Season 1, Episode 5, Part 5: "Chasers"

A disco ball near the ceiling throws lights in various colors across the room. The music blares. The camera shows people dancing, drinks being poured into glasses, a big-chested girl dancing and smiling at the camera, a guy making faces at the camera while dancing. "Chasers", say the letters above the bar. With a little bottle symbol next to the name. Classy. The pub is very full.

Finchy walks up to a blonde at the counter and opens with: "Who wants a bit of Finch?" When the girl pretty much has to ask what he meant, he introduces himself and "my very good friend, Sir David of Brent!" "Hiya," says David. They both look kind of sweatty. "The only knighthood he's got is a condom," says Finchy unnecessarily. "Knight..hood," says David. "Condom, see?" says Finchy. "I'm saying, the joke works," David says. The blonde looks as annoyed as I would be if someone came to chat me up and used those lines. Especially if they were 40 and acted like 15 and drunk. Gareth, of course, makes it worse by awkwardly butting in: "Condoms come in all different flavors nowadays. Like strawberry and curry.. do you like curry?" he asks a brunette. It's very Gareth, kind of cute in a pathetic way, yet sexist and annoying. The brunette and her blonde friend - not the same blonde though - both look grossed out. Tim pushes his way to the bar and looks really tired and out of place. Wouldn't he have any girls chatting him up? He's not that bad looking. Finchy asks the girls their names. Blonde 1 is Lorna, Blonde 2 is Lindsay and Brunette is Heather. "Nice to meet you, nice to meet you.." says Finchy to the others, and seedily adds: "And VERY nice to meet you" to Lorna, kissing her hand. Lorna actually looks flattered. "Nice to meet all of you, anyone's fine," says David quickly, as if to say that he's not picky. It's sad yet funny, but if I were any of the girls, I'd just walk away from these seedy old men with their very obvious intentions.

Kylie's "Lucky Like This" plays as Finchy is sandwiched between Lorna and Lindsay on the dancefloor. And seriously - why? He's 40, not all that goodlooking, and obviously only after one thing. Sure, he doesn't look as old as David, but Lorna and Lindsay look around 20. David stands in the crowd and seems to shout something at the camera or mouth the words of the song, which doesn't look anywhere near as cool as it did in his head. His hair is messy and he's looking drunker than before. Tim is dancing with his bottle, still alone, it seems. David shows Gareth the camera and smiles, but Gareth just looks awkwardly at the floor. This is clearly not his scene. He looks like he's getting pretty drunk himself.

Some more dancing people later, Finchy and David stand at the counter drinking more beer. David compliments Finchy's shirt and he says, "Cheers. Ciro Citterio." He makes Italian words sound very British. He sounds like he's really getting drunk. A girl needs to pick up something from the floor near him, and he does his, "While you're down there love" joke, which I hate. "Well, you know what they say, one up the bum no harm done," he says to David, who laughs a bit too much. "Have you not heard that before?" "Yeah," says David. He'll laugh at any of Finchy's jokes because he wants to show how cool he is. And because he's really drunk. Finchy spots Donna sitting by the bar and shouts at her, "If you're looking for a seat, love, you can sit on my face!" Eww. Has that line ever worked? It sounds like the grossest possible opening, even worse than "who wants a bit of finch?" David laughs loud again but when he sees it's Donna, he tells Finchy it's fine to do it to other girls, but not her. So it's not about respecting women, it's about not getting involved with this particular one. Finchy continues with the appalling "If that chair is too soft for you, I've got something harder you can sit on". It's funny because he actually thinks it works, but still gross. Donna stares ahead steely-eyed and pretends not to hear him. Finchy finally stops as David begs him to leave her alone.

Gareth is trying to dance, looking around him very awkwardly. He's wearing his "gunholster" straps, which certainly doesn't make him look more hip. A pretty woman walks up to him and whispers something, and she dances energetically and sexily, wiggling her boobs at him as he moves his feet clumsily and looks around him again, smiling this time. I wonder if it's the camera or if Gareth really feels this awkward at the pub. He interviews that they go there every Wednesday night. "And it's a fun place, but it's full of loose women. My only problem with that is venerial disease, which is disabilitating, especially for a soldier." And he points at himself. So that's his ONLY problem, in other words he wouldn't mind sleeping with a bunch of loose women, as long as they don't carry VDs. Not that hard to believe, but I think he meant it to sound more responsible than that. He also acts like the women are just lining up to sleep with him. He continues with a particularly bad army metaphor: "You're in the jungle, there's a soldier down, he's wounded, gangrene's setting in... Who's used all the penicillin? Oh, Mark Paxton sir, he's got knobrot off some tart." I find that really hilarious for a variety of reasons. For one thing, he's got a name ready; for another, the situation is so unrealistic even as a made-up story. Wouldn't they have spare penicillin or something? And I thought the VD itself was disabilitating, not the gangrene of some other soldier. Thirdly - knobrot? Heee. Well, I hope Gareth has his condoms with him as he faces all the loose, dangerous women. Back at the pub, we see the woman making her moves on Gareth very fast, dancing closer and then leaning in for a long, passionate kiss. Gareth, clearly new to the situation, doesn't know what to do, so he looks away and takes a drink of beer. The song playing is Shamen's "Ebeneezer Goode", which contains a great deal of "muahahaha", and I'm not sure if that's supposed to be aimed at Gareth.

David, more and more drunk as the night advances, comes through the crowd shouting: "Coming thru!" He goes up to Karen and screams, "Ha-haa!" Karen flinches, as would I, because it's a pretty creepy way of saying hi. Karen's eye is black and blue. "Don't worry, I haven't got any balls," says David. Hee, word. "Vodka and Coke, right?" says David. Karen laughs in a forced way. "What am I drinking?" David asks. "Lager?" suggests Karen. "Pint thereof," says David and shows his mug. Yeah, usually it's a pint, not a shot glass. Karen looks away in disgust as David guzzles more beer. It's funny that David apparently drinks quite a bit, yet he gets so drunk from a few beers. And does he think this is a good image in front of his new employee? Oh wait, of course he does - he's "fun", "cool", and "laid back". He goes to the pub just like you and me! And of course he expects his employees to socialize with him outside of work, because he wants to be their best friend. Boss from hell. His hair is looking really sweatty and unkempt at this point.

Under a blue light, Gareth is sitting on a sofa with the woman from earlier, and she's kissing his neck. Gareth looks awkwardly at a heavyset man sitting next to the woman - kind of fat, but also strong-looking, someone who might easily beat Gareth in a fight. The man nods at Gareth, looking like he approves of what's going on. Gareth nods back like he doesnt' know what to think. And he doesn't look all that excited about the kissing. It seems like he's trying to get into the mood, but he keeps turning his head away a bit, which suggests he finds the woman's behaviour a bit pushy. As would I.

David is drunkenly leaning on Karen's shoulder and babbling about himself as a boss. Karen stares ahead looking very uncomfortable. David talks about redundancies and how "they'd bend over backwards for me - and not because they're scared of me - but becasue they love me and I love them, you know? You're going to love me as well, because of what I am, not in a sexual..." He's so drunk that his eyes keep blinking and almost closing, and he seems to have trouble speaking. David, I wouldn't tell other people how they're going to love you. It's not very charming behaviour. Karen looks like she already regrets getting the job.

Finchy's talking to Donna and she actually seems to like him. What the... He's gross! Don't any of these women see it? Ricky walks up to them and kisses Donna immediately, which I think is the romantic equivalent of peeing on a tree to mark your territory. Donna doesn't seem to mind. Finchy looks away like "bloody hell, when did he do that?" His expression reveals that he feels old, tired, and like he's losing the game. But all I can think is "Serves him right". Usually it's harder to get 20-year-olds when you're 40. That's why most people try to settle down before that age. Gareth sees Ricky and Donna and goes, "David David David David!" like a little school boy. "Yeah, yeah, yeah," says David in a tired tone. Ricky and Donna kiss some more, and Gareth drinks his beer as the woman ruffles his hair. David tries to chat her up: "What bike have you got?" "A Matchless 500," she replies. "What's that, a Harley Davidson? I'll level that," says David and does a motion that looks like turning up the gas on a motorbike. And I don't know anything about this topic, but I think Matchless and Harley Davidson are separate brand names. I think David just doesn't know any others and tries to appear like he does. Gareth gets possessive and tells him to leave her alone. I don't think he has anything to worry about though. Gareth looks skinny and sad, yet younger and more fit than David, who's looking particularly puffy and red-faced at the moment. I don't want to sound shallow, but I doubt he's going to get anyone home with him tonight.

Timterview on Slough's night life. There are two night clubs: Chasers and New York, New York: "They call it 'the nightclub that never sleeps'. That closes at one," Tim says with a cute little grin. There used to be a theme club called Henry VIII. "This was incredible. They had the Anne Boleyn alley." Hee! He says there was a sign that said "Don't mind your head," and someone had written under it: "Don't get your Hampton Court." I'm not sure I get that. Maybe I should do a few more history courses. "It's not there anymore, but there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about it," Tim continues. Perfectly straight face. I love Timterviews. The dry sarcasm is awesome.

"Oops, I Did It Again" plays as Gareth asks who the guy is. "Oh, have you not met me husband Paul?" says the woman as if this was the most natural thing in the world. The woman asks him if they can take Gareth home with them, without asking Gareth first. Gareth, however, is appalled. "Husband? No way, I don't... no, not interested, no. I'm not having another feller involved, another girl maybe, not another bloke. I wouldn't even want him watching." Exactly, because Gareth is sooo not gay, and he would never want another guy in the same room or even within the premises, because IT might move while looking at a guy, and that would be a disaster. He gets up and walks away from what is probably a rare chance to get laid. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to admire his principles or laugh at his homophobia. I suspect it's the latter option.

"Tainted Love" plays as Tim looks tired at the bar counter and Finchy and Lorna are getting to know each other better. Can't have Donna, so he goes to Lorna. The heavier Lindsay is left with David and looks utterly bored, as David is too drunk or just too stupid to make conversation. Gareth seems to be looking at Lindsay as well, but her steady gaze ahead implies that she's not interested in either one of them. Finchy and Lorna lean in for a kiss. Eww. I somehow wish women just slapped him in the face, but obviously some people actually find him attractive.

Tim sits next to Karen, who's drinking not Vodka and Coke, but orange juice. Donna and Ricky walk up to them and Tim seems happy to meet them. They certainly make better company than the extremely drunk David and Gareth who watch on from the sofa. Gareth looks like he can barely hold his head up at this point. Donna tells David, "So now you know." She wipes her nose a bit, which might suggest she's been sniffing something, but maybe I'm reading too much into it. Donna asks David if he has a problem with Ricky, and she seems kind of confrontational this time around. "No, sleep with everyone in the office," says David. "He's not even a permanent member of staff! I'd prefer you sleep with Gareth." That's terrible. For one thing, none of his business, and for another - who cares who's a temp and who's David's best man? It's so silly. "Wouldn't happen," says Donna. "Why, because he hasn't gone to university?" says David mockingly. Aww, so threatened by educated people. "No, because he's a little weasel-faced arse!" says Donna, and I should find it hilarious, but somehow I just find her mean here. Maybe because she's making fun of his appearance, and also because I somehow feel sorry for Gareth who is so sad. "You could do worse than Gareth. He hasn't missed one day of work because of ill health," says David. Why should that matter? It's not like Donna has to pick her partners based on their work performance. And not being off sick doesn't even make you a good employee, it's just good luck. "And don't call my second-in-command an arse-faced weasel!" he continues. Hee, second-in-command? And he got it backwards. Donna corrects him, but he just says, "Same thing." "No, it's not," says Donna and asks Gareth: "Would you rather have a face like an arse or like a weasel?" Gareth, whose eyes seem to be going in two different directions, says, "Weasel probably," as if that were a sincere question. "Anyway, fuck this, don't tell me who I can and cannot see!" says Donna, and here I like her standing up to herself, and yet feel she's a bit out of line. Maybe it's because she's stooping to David and Gareth's level and it makes me think less of her.

She sarcastically tells him she hopes he won't sleep with anyone tonight "because you obviously find sex so disgusting." Finchy, who never misses an opportunity to laugh at his 'friend', says, "He couldn't pull it at a brothel!" "I could and I have," says David, as if he has to defend his chances of getting sex in a brothel, and outing himself as someone who buys sex. "And yes I will take her home with me tonight if I want to," pointing at Lindsay without even looking at her. Wow, way to get her interested, treating her like a thing you can take home with you from the store if YOU want to. "I don't wanna go home with you," says Lindsay immediately. "She doesn't wanna come home with me. I don't want you to come home with me," David continues to babble. "That's a waste of an hour," he adds and adjust his tie because he's embarrassed. "So the only reason you've been talking to me is because you want to shag me?" says Lindsay angrily. "Yeah, and from behind, because your breath stinks of onions, but I didn't tell you that, did I?" says David like he had been such a gentleman for not saying that out loud. It's just the kind of thing you say while drunk, but it's still pretty arrogant from someone who's not such a catch himself. Lindsay slaps him in the face and looks away, looking indignant. "Oo, one in the bum, no harm done," Finchy laughs. "No, not up the arse," says David unnecessarily and closes his eyes. He nods his head to the music and seems to be musing to himself with his arms crossed. He's almost drunk enough to pass out. And the slap was nice, but I still wish someone had slapped Finchy. Either he's just good-looking enough to be forgiven, or he just doesn't get as drunk as David and say such dumb things. Tim has his hand on his mouth and Karen looks appalled at David. He really gave a great first impression.

And now, David will offer us a poetry reading with commentary: "Slough" by Sir John Betjeman. "Probably never been here in his life," he adds. I think I'll write his comments first and add mine then.
"Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough
It isn't fit for humans now.
Right, I don't think you solve town planning problems by dropping bombs all over the place, so he's embarrassed himself there. Next:
In labor-saving homes with care
Their wives frizz out peroxide hair
And dry it in synthetic air
And paint their nails.
They wanna look nice. What's he got.. Don't he like girls?
And talk of sports and make of cars
In various bogus-Tudor bars
And daren't look up and see the stars
But belch instead.
What's he on about? What, has he never burped?"
OK, firstly, that's hilarious. David's utter lack of deep reading shows he's never had a literature course in his life, and doesn't realize that poems might have more than the obvious shallow meaning. Yeah, it's really just a gay anti-belching poem about town planning. Got it. But the real genius of this scene comes out when you read the whole poem. I think I'll actually copy it all here:

Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough!
It isn't fit for humans now,
There isn't grass to graze a cow.
Swarm over, Death!

Come, bombs and blow to smithereens
Those air -conditioned, bright canteens,
Tinned fruit, tinned meat, tinned milk, tinned beans,
Tinned minds, tinned breath.

Mess up the mess they call a town-
A house for ninety-seven down
And once a week a half a crown
For twenty years.

And get that man with double chin
Who'll always cheat and always win,
Who washes his repulsive skin
In women's tears:

And smash his desk of polished oak
And smash his hands so used to stroke
And stop his boring dirty joke
And make him yell.

But spare the bald young clerks who add
The profits of the stinking cad;
It's not their fault that they are mad,
They've tasted Hell.

It's not their fault they do not know
The birdsong from the radio,
It's not their fault they often go
To Maidenhead

And talk of sport and makes of cars
In various bogus-Tudor bars
And daren't look up and see the stars
But belch instead.

In labour-saving homes, with care
Their wives frizz out peroxide hair
And dry it in synthetic air
And paint their nails.

Come, friendly bombs and fall on Slough
To get it ready for the plough.
The cabbages are coming now;
The earth exhales.

First of all - what David fails to see, perhaps because he'd rather not see it, is that his life is just as sad as this poem says. He lives in a really small circle, work -Chasers, work-Chasers. He doesn't know anyone outside the office. His life is as lifeless as tinned beans and tinned milk. He belches instead of seeing the stars, because seeing them would make him realize there's more to life than paper merchants and beer. But when you read the poem more closely, you see the idea of "the cad", and here I think the writers are referring to Finchy, even if there's talk of double chin, because David never wins really. Finchy's the true sexist who really makes people sick, even if he's not as bad as the guy in the poem. "Stop his boring dirty joke and make him yell". Isn't that what the viewers want to do? "Bogus-Tudor bars", like Henry VIII mentioned earlier. Men like Tim who have tasted Hell - not made of persecution or war, but the Hell of a life that goes nowhere and has no meaning. Women dolled up to be picked up by guys like Finchy. The lack of education. It's all there in this episode. The whole show could be read as a criticism of today's work environment and people's lives in general - the identical cars and sad grey walls in the opening theme, the photocopiers spewing out papers, everything. The poem really sums up that message.

During the reading of the poem, we see the guys leave the bar. We see the lady who seduced Gareth get up on her motorcycle, driven by the husband. As they drive away, we see Gareth looking embarrassed in the side-cart - so after the humiliation from Donna, he had second thoughts? Hee. Finchy is leaving with Lorna. Lorna, I'm really disappointed in you, you seemed to rightly despise him at first. Lindsay leaves alone. You're better off without guys like Finchy and David, Lindsay, so don't worry. David is leaving with Tim. "Where are we going?" asks David. "Well, I'm going home," says Tim. "One more drink, one more drink," says David. Tim says he's going home. David starts singing Des'ree's Life. "Life! Ooh life!" he sings drunkenly and lifts his arms in the air. "Shut up, shut up," mutters Tim. I really feel for him. But then he tagged along, so maybe he's partially to blame too. "This is my favorite," David says. He just doesn't want the party to end - maybe because he doesn't want to go to his boring home all alone.

To wrap up the episode, David comments on the poem some more:
"Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough
to get it ready for the plough.
The cabbages are coming now,
the Earth exhales.
He's the only cabbage around here." Hee!! After the credits, we see David dismissing the book: "And they made him a knight of the realm. Overrated." It's pretty hilarious how superior David has to act to keep away a feeling that Betjeman has a point about the lives of the people in Slough. Maybe that's also why he drinks so much.

Great episode, again. And only one more of season 1 to go!

Season 1, Episode 5, Part 4: "Genius At Work"

I apologize for the delay with this episode, but I've been working on my thesis, which will soon be ready. My goal is to put up all the recaps for one episode per week, but I'll have more free time soon, so it might pick up from there. Anyway, without further ado, part 4 of episode 5.

People working, and one person in particular yawning widely. Everyone always seems so bored at the office. Gareth is working at his computer, staring at the screen intensely. Ricky walks in and asks him about some invoices, but Gareth lifts up his finger and continues typing for a little too long to be polite. He won't even look at Ricky. There's a note on his desk that says "SILENCE! GENIUS AT WORK", and his computer screen has a note on it too - the printout of some comic with big-nosed people (fitting). He finally finishes typing, leans back and asks Ricky what the problem is. Ricky asks where he should file the invoices. "Don't know," says Gareth and turns back to his porn site or army forum or whatever he was typing at. Ricky thanks him and looks at the camera like he's really tired of Gareth's antics. I thought at first Gareth was doing this because Ricky was with Donna, but he doesn't know it yet, does he? Probably he just wants to show his power to the new guy, which is still an ass thing to do, especially since Ricky is on the same level as Gareth, albeit a temp.

Donna is talking to a co-worker. He's dangling a link of chains and makes a "whip" movement with it with sound effects. Donna laughs a bit. On the other side of the room, Gareth stares at them with his big sad eyes. He's sitting in a fixed position just staring. Gareth, try to make your one-sided office romance a little less obvious. You're making a fool of yourself... oh wait, too late for that warning.

In David's office, David is working (?) at the computer, while Gareth is leaning over his desk, playing with his pens. David takes the pens away from him as they talk about Donna. Gareth says she isn't his daughter, but David says it has to do with respect. "Showing a bit of respect," says Gareth and sighs deeply. David's side glances at him suggest that he doesn't like Gareth leaning on his desk and playing with his calendar or whatever he's doing. He opens his mouth and you expect him to tell Gareth to knock off, but instead he says: "And while she's under my roof, she will obey my laws." Hee, she just showed today she doesn't. Besides, what laws? No sleeping with boys? "Showing respect by obeying the laaw," says Gareth in a ridiculous voice that seems to aim at sounding cool, but fails, as usual. In his subtle way, he continues: "She's legal though. When cherries are red they're ready for plucking, when girls are sixteen they're ready for..." "Gareth," says David in a warning tone. "You've heard that one before," says Gareth. Everyone has, and it's one of those gross sexist things you sometimes hear, tho funny in this context. I can imagine Gareth worrying about the age of consent, as his own mental capacity is so young that he's probably more likely to attract teenagers than grown women. The dynamics between David and Gareth make David appear like his Dad in some way, and suddenly you find that David is being the more grown up one. It's hard to believe, but there's someone who can make even David look smart and mature.

Gareth continues by asking if David is going to fire the person "she shagg...with.. slept with?" Hee. David says he can't do anything about that. It would be one weird reason to fire a guy for, and I doubt David wants to hear about it from either Jennifer or Donna. Gareth seems to think that if the person won't be fired, he could have a shot: "So you wouldn't fire him as such?" He's so obvious. Does he think David is going to give them his blessing? And after Donna gave him the cold shoulder earlier. Of course, he could be thinking that if David fires the guy who sleep with Donna, she'd have less choice, so he could have a chance. Which is funny and sad at the same time. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't sleep with her if they were alone on a deserted island. "I wouldn't look upon him favorably, let's put it this way," says David. What does that mean exactly? He has no right to treat the employees differently whether or not they slept with his... protegé? I guess protegé suggests that she would actually look up to him, which.. not likely at this point.

"Or her, could be a woman," offers Gareth. Donna did say it was a man, but I must give Gareth a tiny point there for thinking she's not necessarily heterosexual. David, like all good homophobes, finds it unthinkable that someone he knows could be gay. "I think I knew if someone living under my roof liked to roll around with other women," he says. Roll around?! There were many appropriate phrases to pick from, and he went with that? It's funny how David thinks he could actually recognize a lesbian. Many heterosexuals think they'd know a homosexual coming a mile away, yet when you come out to them, they act like "OMG, really?!" They always seem to beat themselves for not noticing. Either way, Gareth stares dreamily into space as he's imagining Donna rolling around with other women, which is a bit obvious, but I still love it. "Don't you, Gareth?" says David, and Gareth nods reluctantly. I think he'd love to watch if Donna were to like such things. I wonder if she has a sister?

Enter Chris Finch. I must admit I hate him, even if I can't say that bout any of the other characters on the show. He's well written, well acted and well thought out, but he's just despicable to me. Sexist, homophobic, lookist... you name it. He seems to treat everyone like shit and he only cares about himself. Yet he somehow works really well on the show, because he brings out an even more juvenile side in David. In this scene, we see Finchy tell a terribly unbelievable macho story, while Gareth and David giggle and sometimes glance at Tim, who looks like he doesn't buy the story or find it impressive, and amen to that. The story is as follows: Finchy went to Chasers at 8 pm. There was a girl there who was 19, and Finchy compares her to a Ferrari or something and adds, "fantastic set of shelves and legs up to her arse". Ferrari? "Shelves"? He kinda lost me there. I think I have to update my "Dictionary of Sexism". Or just spend more time in seedy pubs. The girl came on to Finchy, as did a friend of hers, and "muchos tequilas later" - hee - they were in a cab where both girls "got the action on the old single-barrel pumping gear". Ewww. "His nob," interjects David. Yes, we get it, thank you very much. After that Finchy got back home, got two hours of sleep, and met one of the girl's husband at work. "He said, you look knackered. I thought, Oh yeah? Well you look like you had pot noodle and a wank, mate." David keeps making ridiculous faces while Finchy talks, ranging from open juvenile admiration of his luck with girls to an "oo, trouble" face when he met his girl's husband. Gareth and David have been chuckling inanely the whole time, and David says, "Unbelievable" when it ends. No kidding. "I shit you not, I shit you not," says Finchy. If someone says that, they're almost always lying. It's like "believe it or not". David asks if Finchy wants to come down to Chasers tonight with them. "Defi-NATE-ly," says Finchy. "You coming, jobless?" he asks Tim. "Yeah, yeah, if only for the conversation," says Tim without a hint of sarcasm in his voice. I hope Finchy got what he meant. David and Gareth are still thinking of the story. "Pot noodle and a wank!" laughs David. Yeah, brilliant.

Tim voice-overs that Finchy is a sophisticated guy, and the camera zooms on Finchy's face, which suddenly looks kind of sad and tired. I think he lives for these moments with David and Gareth, because he needs the admiration. Maybe he's just... Oh what am I saying? I don't feel sorry for Finchy. I don't want to. He sucks, so it is and forever shall be, amen. Moving on. Tim is being completely straight-faced still as he calls Gareth a "culture vulture" - heee! - and ponders on whether they're going to the opera, the ballet or what. Royal Shakespeare Company is in town, too. On the other hand, at the Chasers, it's "wonderbra get in free night". Hee! That just says so much about the quality of the pub. And this is, what? The third time within 5 episodes that they go down to the same pub with the same people there, in the same tiny place. You'd think Finchy has already slept with all the girls and wants to move on.