Season 2, Episode 5, Part 1: Who Says Famine Has To Be Depressing?

Red Nose Day. The day David gets fired. Oh, this will be great.

Dawn's Desk. David says hi to the camera, adding, "Just another normal day in the office..." He turns away and as he turns back to the camera, he has a red nose on. "Just another normal day, so..." He turns to Dawn, who has more makeup on than usual. "What?" he says. "What are you laughing at? It's just..." and he launches into a crazy laughter. Dawn looks like she's had enough of Red Nose Day already. I love how David just has a red nose - no elaborate costume, no huge pranks on the employees, no big show (well, apart from his "dancing" later on). He's just an underachiever, even if being an entertainer is all he thinks he's about. He can't think of anything better than a red nose. That's, like, older than "man steps on banana peel and falls". David tells us it's Red Nose Day, which is "always a good laugh", and then he spots Keith and tells him to show himself to the camera. Keith comes in wearing a ridiculous yellow Ali G costume, complete with yellow sunglasses, a yellow yarmulke-type hat, and a sports shirt that has the number 05 on it. It's interesting, since Ali doesn't actually have a number on his shirt, at least from what I can remember. With his goatee, Keith actually does look kinda like how Ali G would look if he gained weight. "Ali G. Ali Keith!" laughs David. Keith looks uncomfortable. I do wonder if David just thought of the idea, brought the costume to work and made Keith wear it, because it doesn't look like Keith is very happy with this. He doesn't even smile. Well, he never does, so maybe that's not saying much.

Gareth hops in on one foot. "Look at this, just a normal day... what are you doing?!" he says with laughter in his voice. "Gotta hop everywhere," says Gareth. "Sponsored." Imaginative. I'm not surprised Gareth picked an activity that requires physical fitness. David laughs hysterically. He's really hyper about this. "On a serious note, it is Comic Relief, and we are raising money for people who are starving to death," says David and gets serious all of a sudden. He says "starving to death" with a severity that really doesn't suit the occasion, as he was laughing so hysterically earlier that it seems impossible he really takes this day as seriously as he should, even considering that it's charity that is supposed to be fun too. "If I make people laugh along with saving lives, sue me!" he continues, showing his true colors once again. This day isn't about starving people, it's all about him and his ability to entertain. He's such a philantrophist! He helps people by making them laugh! That's his contribution to the world. And you know, if it were someone who's actually funny saying this, it would make a lot of sense even if it's self-important - people who truly make people laugh have a great contribution to give to the world, but since David doesn't, it just shows him to be a pompous ass. I don't think making people laugh at you is a form of charity per se.

And from the starving people back to the fun: David tells Keith to "do it." Keith reluctantly turns toward the camera and says flatly, "Booyakasha." David laughs hysterically again. It's like he has this image in his head of Keith saying it exactly like Ali G, so it doesn't matter how he actually said it. David's humor somehow excludes others, because he always has to be the one to decide what's funny. That's the opposite of how real comedians work - to be funny to the audience, you need to know your audience and care about their reactions, not just amuse yourself. David, of course, assumes everyone finds him funny anyway, so why try harder? He's using Keith as a prop here, like he did with Dawn in the previous episode. Keith is just supposed to be an amusement to him and a sign of what this day is like. That impression is strengthened as David says from between his laughter: "That's the accountant! And this is the boss encouraging it! So what sort of day is it, is it normal? I don't think so!" Wait, wasn't this branch supposed to be all about having a laugh? So is David kind of admitting that they usually don't have a laugh?

"I've got the Slough Gazette coming down to take a photo", says David. "What time are they coming?" says Gareth, who, like David, is starving for attention. Maybe those two need their own charity drive. But instead of money, they'd be collecting laughs and pats in the back. David says it's "about fiveish", a nice evasive answer that shows he doesn't want Gareth there, but Gareth doesn't get it of course. "They're gonna love us," he says. Yeah, it's so hilarious to see the picture of a man standing on one foot! It's like The Ministry of Silly Walks! "It's just me," says David. Even more fun to see a man in a red nose! Hilarious! And it's really all about the charity and no selfish reasons behind it at all. "We could still be there though," suggests Gareth. "Not really," says David. He really hasn't thought about how it would look if just the boss from the office is in the picture and the article is about the whole office having a fun day. Shouldn't they come into the office and shows the employees and stuff? But no, as Gareth insists on being there, David takes off the nose to yell at him: "Stop trying to worm yourself into someone else's photo!" Wow, such a fun day for everyone! Again, David is excluding others from HIS spotlight, it's not about the office, it's about him. David looks at the camera like he realizes he got a bit too loud about that. Gareth, who is a pushover, doesn't try to fight him and just looks embarrassed. Awkward silence, and..scene. I love this show.

Trudy is sitting at her desk, looking very bored. She has some kind of alien antenna thing on her head. Hilarious! Sheila has a Wonderwoman costume or something like that. It looks so obviously fake it doesn't even look funny. The "Sidekick" monkey on the clothes rack has a red nose on it. I bet no one ever even notices the monkey unless David points at it, so it seems a bit redundant. But it's really typical of David to put the red nose there. The monkey is an extension of him, so it must have a red nose too.

Back at Dawn's desk, David shows Dawn's contribution to the day: a sign saying "Kisses £ 1." Was this her idea or David's? It seems really sexist and degrading for Dawn, as if she isn't used as enough of a prop already. She's wearing way too much makeup, especially around the lips that just stand out from her face, bright red. Her hair is on small buns on the sides of her head - not quite Princess Leia like, but still. David, of course, thinks this is all brilliant. He launches into one of his wonderful blabs and shows his prejudice for a minority, once again: "Bit saucy! Selling kisses! To the lads.. or the ladies... if there are any ladies that like that sort of.. I don't think there are... any in this office... and if there are, good to luck to them, they're all welcome, we're all equal...now, so... It's different for girls anyways, it's more light-hearted. Lower risk." Lower risk for what? Aids? Because all gay guys get aids eventually? It's both sexist and homophobic to claim that lesbians are somehow less serious about their sexuality than gay men, and that it's therefore more ok to be a lesbian. Can't women fall in love with each other, or is it that their sex is less depraved? Also note how he said "we're all equal now", meaning we didn't used to be equal but it just happened lately that gays were elevated as equals. It's like "That was before racism was bad". It's cute how he thinks he's saying something accepting and open-minded, but it's really the opposite. Which is what people often do. Rule of thumb: if you accept gays, just be natural and say what you think, don't try to emphasize how open-minded you are. If you don't accept it, just admit it, because it will show anyway.

"Erotic," adds Gareth who's probably fantasizing about it already. "Well, not in this case," David says and points at Dawn as if she can't be thought of erotically. I think he might have meant it's not erotic because it's Red Nose Day and it's all an act, but it comes off as an offensive comment to Dawn, who looks suitably offended. "I mean it's not a sexual day," David says emphatically. I wonder what would constitute a sexual day for David. What is a sexual day anyway? "And if you thought that was bad," adds David, "here he is! Finchy!" I did think it was bad, but not for the reasons he probably means. However, Finchy is bad in every meaning of the word. He asks Dawn, "Do you mind kissing me on the nose?" Dawn offers to do it if he pays for it. Finchy grabs David's red nose that is still lying on Dawn's desk and puts it on his penis (through the pants, of course). "What would I get for a tenner?" he asks and starts making fake blowjob movements. "Squeal pig, squeal!" And he makes perverted facial expressions that I just can't describe in words and shows a hand movement that I guess imitates the movement of someone sucking him, and I think this is by far the crudest thing he's done on the show. Dawn looks disgusted, while David and Gareth cheer and laugh, because they're little boys and every mention of sex is funny and outrageous (in a good way, of course). And as always, they manage to look like they're only laughing because they think they should be, because Finchy's the cool kid, so even his bad jokes are good. Finchy does this for quite a while, but then he puts the nose away and says, "I'm not that desperate." David is laughing hysterically and shouts gleefully, "Who says famine has to be depressing?!" That is just so David. As if Finchy's show was all about famine, and as if that was even part of the red nose day thing. This show might almost be used as an argument against having a Comic Relief day at the office, at least if your boss is an idiot.

Despite Sheila's outfit and Ali Keith, everyone still looks gloomy as they work on their computers silently. Brilliant moment.

Gareth hops to his desk. Tim looks at him like he's about to say something rude, but holds his tongue at the last minute. We cut to a Timterview, where he says, "I have nothing against this sort of thing, it's a good cause..." We see a male employee from the back, and he has his shirt front and tie in his back. Must have been hard to put them on. "I just don't want to have to join in someone else's idea about wackiness. It's the wackiness I can't stand." I think Tim, who has a more refined and intelligent sense of humor, realizes the dumbness of a day like this in an office where the boss has the worst sense of humor imaginable, so that he's the only one who's going to have fun. When Tim says "someone else's idea", I'm quite sure he means David's. And David, of course, wouldn't get that from watching the show later on.

Tim goes on to say that he finds there's a dignity about someone collecting money for cancer research, "and that's what today is all about..." We hear loud commotion, as Tim is, for once, interviewed at his desk. He turns to look and the camera turns too, to reveal David and a bunch of other male employees taking one of the older male employees off his chair and pulling down his pants. It's totally not fun for him as he shouts, "My wife and kids are gonna see those!" I suppose meaning his balls, but hasn't his wife already seen them, technically? He shouldn't worry as there's censorship over his balls and penis, but still, this is a really stupid way of having "fun". It's typical bully behaviour, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was Finchy's idea. The guys laugh until they're near tears. Keith makes an Ali G like finger snap. David's reaction to all this? He jumps up and down while laughing like a little boy. He's really childish. For some unintelligent people, "humor" means basically the same as "anything I found fun at age 10". Which might also be why some intelligent people look down on humor and comedy and find them childish. We cut back to Tim as he says, "Dignity... Always dignity." Yeah, David's all about dignity. I liked this scene, but it also seemed a bit staged, since they don't usually give interviews at their desks. It would have seemed more realistic if they had cut back and forth from a Timterview in the room where they usually do these bits.

Photocopier spewing copies. A box of SHARP is lying next to it. Does that have some deeper significance? I'll let you be the judge of that.

Dawn's Desk. David's still explaining the meaning of Red Nose Day: "Sure there's people watching this now going, 'Oy, Brent! Why do you still bother with Comic Relief? They're always doing it and there's still people starving.'" I love the 'Oy, Brent!' stuff. Especially when he makes a fake megaphone with the red nose still in his hand. It makes it look particularly ridiculous. "That's why I'm doing it," he continues. OK, so he starts with the idea that some people assume Comic Relief is useless since it hasn't worked before, and goes on to say that he's doing it for that very reason? Once again, I get what he means - he's doing it because people are still starving, but he managed to make it sound like he knows it doesn't make a difference but he's still going to do it for the fun of it. Then he asks the camera guy if they should "put a number up there, if people want to make donations". There is no number, yet he's showing the place where the number could be with his hand, which of course makes him look like an idiot. Maybe he could have taken this up after they shot that scene? The cameraman doesn't answer and there's an awkward silence. Hee!I bet they wanted it to be even more awkward and therefore didn't answer. The camera people seem to have fun with this stuff, which I love.

After the awkward pause, David goes on, imagining how viewers are now saying: "Oh, no! All the money goes to hungry foreigners!" Um, I thought that was the whole point, since there's no famine in the UK. "Not true! A lot of it stays in this country, goes to, you know, homegrown problems." So he claims to be raising money to help starving people, but really he thinks the British problems are more important? I know Gervais/Merchant have done some charity skits, and it seems like they're making a bit of social commentary: people are starving to death and you don't want to help because they're foreigners?

And now, as if the homophobia earlier wasn't enough, David shows once again how prejudiced he is. "Aka, the disableds!" he says cheerfully and yanks Brenda's chair closer to the camera, making Brenda clutch the handles, looking frightened and indignant. So he's saying what? That disabled people are a problem? And he acts like Brenda is an inanimate object that he can just move around, which might be because he only sees the chair, not the person sitting in it. Another example of him using an employee as a prop. "A lot of money goes to these fellows, I mean I'm not saying it goes to you, you don't need it, do you, you're working, but if you do claim for... You might want to claim it for other stuff, and that's up to you." Yeah, I'm sure Brenda feels really comfortable discussing this with you out of the blue and being treated as a charity case that needs help from others, even if she very clearly is self-sufficient and independent.

Gareth hops in and this can only mean disaster. David, of course, never ends when he's still making sense, and he continues with another gem of ignorance: "As long as you don't abuse the system, you know. Sadly a lot of them are." And he points at Brenda while saying it, even if he just said she doesn't need benefits and has a job. Now, how would David know if disabled people are abusing the system or not? He surely has so much experience with people who live on benefits that he can make this claim. I think it's interesting that so many people believe that benefits are only going to lazy liars and/or making people passive, which makes us give less benefits to those who need it, which leads to an escalation of problems, which in turn leads to people thinking that the benefits caused these problems... OK, I won't make this a Party Political Broadcast on Behalf of the Liberal Party, but I do think David's attitude is very common.

Brenda gets annoyed and asks what David means by that. "A lot of people are... abusing... the system," says David. Yeah, I'm sure it's mainly the disableds who do that, because who needs wheelchair ramps and homecare and stuff like that? Everyone should take care of themselves. I don't think that's what David is saying exactly; I think he's just echoing what he's read or heard elsewhere (possibly from Finchy or some other ignoramus), and he just hasn't given this very much thought. The fact that he'd even bring this up in the company of a disabled person means that he probably thinks it's self-evident common knowledge stuff that this is happening. Which makes it even sadder. Tim is furrowing his brows at all this. Gareth weighs in: "You wanna make sure that people that say they're crippled..." "Disabled!" David jumps in quickly. Ooo, don't say the big bad words! Let's be PC now, since we're so open-minded and tolerant. "...actually are...," continues Gareth. "...disabled," David fills in.

Brenda asks Gareth, "Are you suggesting that people are pretending to be disabled in order to claim money off the DSS?" Yeah, it's a pretty ignorant and dumb claim. One thing about disabled people that certain able-bodied people don't realize is that they do not want the pity. It feels awful to be pitied. It feels awful to be seen as "sick", "disabled", "abnormal". Some disabled people try their hardest to seem normal and feel bad when people try to help them. So for a healthy people to pretend to be disabled just to get money would mean that they wilfully take that role. Who does that? And don't you need a doctor's note for getting the money anyway? I do think it'd be pretty difficult to cheat on that. Gareth says, "I don't know". Like David, he obviously hasn't given this very much thought. "I'm just saying there should be tests, that's all." Tim says, "God. What tests?" Gareth replies, "Well, stick pins in their legs. See if they react." And he says that with such confidence, like it's a completely normal thing to say! Tim furrows his brows in an expression of disbelief. Yep, every time you think Gareth can't get any more ignorant and offensive, he'll surprise you.

"That is not gonna work, I have feelings in my legs, I just can't walk," says Brenda. I like this little touch. It shows the writers know that there are different kinds of people in a wheelchair. Gareth obviously doesn't know that. He has the nerve to seem annoyed at being corrected like this. Gareth, you moron, if you're talking about something she knows more about, you have to accept that she won't take your view as the absolute truth. "Alright, I'm just saying there should be tests," says Gareth, offended. "We're all ears, Gareth," says Tim, still looking like he can't believe this.

Gareth is now forced to say something and he tries to come up with something on the spot, interestingly reminiscent of the fire drill some episodes ago: "I dunno, when they go to DSS to pick up the check, they should set off a fire alarm, a fake fire alarm, everybody legs it out of the office, leaving them there. If they're fake they'll be up and running with you; if they're real, they'll be left there screaming...for help!" That's the dumbest and cruellest idea ever. Besides, some of the disabled people who can't work might actually be able to walk in case of emergency, including some of the ones who prefer to be in a wheelchair because it hurts like hell to walk, or something. Of course, Gareth doesn't realize this is possible. Tim looks at Gareth with even more disbelief and glances at the camera quickly. "Then you can come back and say, 'Don't cry, it's just a test, you passed, it's alright, here's your money!'" Yes, that makes everything OK. How fair and caring. David seems to agree with Gareth and continues in a condescending vein: "Spend it on whatever you want, one of those little blue cars or whatever..you want... another..." One of those little blue cars? Does he mean scooters? They're not for joyriding, people use those to get around. And I'm sure the check is for a huge sum, so you can buy whatever you like and not, you know, groceries and bills. "It's just one idea," says Gareth, who seems to sense that Brenda and Tim aren't very convinced with his thoughts. "Yeah," says David. I hope they realize what asses they are.

David gives an awkward look at the camera. Then he points at the glittery horns Brenda has on her head and says, "Ha ha, she's joining in too..do you want to put the nose on?" Why would she want to put the nose on? The nose is lame, David. And that was really patronizing. "No, I don't!" says Brenda angrily. "You don't, OK. It's up to you." Then David makes it obvious he's really talking to the camera: "Up to her. Her own decisionss." Yes, you really respect Brenda's independence. Gareth is just standing around like a schoolboy who's been caught doing mischief. They're both very, very pathetic. Brenda looks at the camera with a very serious look on her face, but says nothing more. I like how she wasn't all raging and fanatic about it, but she could have said a bit more or, I dunno, direct her chair on David and Gareth's toes or something. They would have deserved it.