Season 2, Episode 5, Part 3: "Dance Fusion"

And here it is, David's dance. Now, I realize this is one of the best-known clips of the whole show, and I'm not sure what to think about it. In one way, it's really funny. In another way, if someone only knows this clip and nothing else about the show, that's not necessarily a good thing, and I know Gervais/Merchant feel that way too. The real joke isn't that he looks funny dancing like that, but that he embarrasses himself because of his own stupid pride and hunger for attention. If you see the clip without the context, it becomes a simple physical joke of the kind this show doesn't usually do, and I don't like to think that some people get that idea. He does look funny dancing though, I can't deny that.

Neil and even Gareth look a bit embarrassed at David's bragging, but Rachel decides to put him to the test: "Alright then mate, let's... you know, show us your moves." Is she only trying to humiliate him? It's possible. After all, Rachel is one of Neil's employees, and after Bluto/Mr Toad and other events, she can't have a very high opinion of him. And now he's acting like Rachel and Neil's dance was basically nothing. Maybe he deserves to be tested then. "Nah, there's no beat, is there," says David, playing awkwardly with his tie. He didn't think he'd actually have to dance after saying he's so good at it. "Come on," says Neil who surely wants to see him humiliate himself. "You had music and everything," David protests to an ever louder sea of "Come on!" Jamie and Emma start clapping their hands and others soon join in. "Alright, just for charity," agrees David finally. He starts humming a song to the beat and others join in, and he starts with basic "swaying to the music" moves. What follows is a sad sign that he was lying. I feel inadequate to describe it because I know absolutely nothing about dancing, and it's hard to write about something that looks funny, but here goes.

He suddenly jumps into a near-squatting position and starts moving his arms like, um... a windmill? A robot? It's kind of a mix between the two. It's very dorky, but kinda impressive of Gervais. Funnily enough, it looks both badly improvised by David and well rehearsed by Gervais - he's touching one arm with the other, which seems to start a rotating movement from the elbow down. But that only lasts for a moment. He won't stay in one place for an instant, he's desperate to think of something new. He keeps jumping back and forth, and now he's shaking his chest while holding out his arms in a kind of limbo movement. Trudy, Neil and Jennifer start looking more and more incredulous as they clap, and the same is true of Tim (gaping with his mouth open) and Jamie (furrowing his brows). The humming starts to die down and David's own loud and desperate hoarse humming comes out louder. He's throwing his legs in the air like a cancan dancer, then he goes in the near-squatting position again, pointing at each employee at a time. Reaction shot from Oliver and Older Male Employee, who were so impressed with Rachel and Neil earlier. They now look embarrassed and incredulous. David does some spins near the ground - he really seems to think you have to get as near as possible to the ground while dancing, as if it makes it a cool and daring move if you're squatting. He does the robot/windmill thing with his arms again. My favorite is when he goes lower and lower as his shoulders go right and left as his arms under the elbows wave in the air... It's impossible to describe just how dorky that looks. He's biting his lip in desperation. Reaction shot from Jamie as he looks like "wtf?" David spins around once again and then points at the camera as he stops humming.

A very vague round of applause. "Great, Dave," says Tim, using a nickname apparently to seem more genuine. Sheila looks like she feels really sorry for David. Keith looks sad in his own expressionless way. Brenda actually seems to be smiling to herself a little. Is she happy that this annoying wheelchair-phobe humiliates himself? Everyone looks like they don't know how to react politely to the dance. "Give me a warning next time," says David, looking embarrassed. He's flushed and is grinning widely. So at least this time he knows he made a fool of himself. Gareth says, "We don't have to give a donation for that, do we?" While he's usually more brown-nosing than that, Gareth lacks the subtlety and tact of the others, so it's just typical Gareth, voicing what everyone was thinking. David, flustered, says, "Don't say it like that! All the money collected is for both dances!" Right, because it was collected before people even knew David was gonna dance. "Both were excellent dances," he says. "You know, if there is a difference, mine was impromptu. So..." So it was better than Neil's dance, even if it was pretty terrible, because you didn't have time to rehearse? You know, if anything, that makes it seem worse; if you say you dance "big time" and describe your dancing skills as David did earlier, you should be able to come up with something on the spot. "But I don't think you should get extra points for that, necessarily. Make your own minds up! Leave me out of it. I'm collecting for charity! Right? So..." He shakes the money bucket a bit and walks away with it. Everyone looks uncomfortable. Poor David, and yet.. heee. I love how he acts like he is so modest and doesn't care which dance they preferred, and it's all for charity. That dance was all for vanity.

David interview. "You've seen me entertain and raise money. But maybe I'd like to do that in the future for a living. You know, use my humor and my profile to both help and amuse people. You know, and if it's ideas for TV shows, game shows or whatever you want, I'm your man." I love that last sentence, because it kind of comes out nowhere - how do game show ideas save lives? I thought he was going to help people, not offer his game show ideas to big network execs who may or may not be watching the documentary. I think the game show ideas comment shows his true intentions - he's not genuinely interested in helping people, he just wants publicity, and game shows are an easy way of being pretty uncreative whilst getting lots of viewers and entertaining people.

"I'm already exploring the entertainment avenue with my management training, but I'd like to do that on a global scale." Maybe he should start with management training podcasts - it would surely amuse people around the world. "And that's not going, 'Oh look at me today! I'm entertaining whilst saving lives, aren't I brilliant!' It's going, 'If you think I'm brilliant, then give generously and help... save these guys who are starving... who are also brilliant.'" Right, so in the end, he is brilliant, but it's not about that, it's about helping others..and their brilliance. It's a bit like the time he said being a boss isn't about people thanking him, it's about them thinking they must remember to thank him - same difference, and equally lacking in depth, tho it might sound deep at first glance (at least to someone, um, brilliant like David).

As usual, he digresses even further into a thought process that isn't particularly helpful for his point: "Not as entertainers, you know... A lot of them can't even speak English, don't give them their own game show. But, um, save them from dying at least, and then maybe they could do something in their own country, on television, whatever, or whatever they have, the wireless, or something. Give them a job on the World Service or something." Hee! The only way of being brilliant and helping your country is, of course, performing on some kind of national TV or radio show and entertaining people. So the objective of saving people from starving is that they can also be entertainers. What a glorious prospect for those people! I'm sure there are lots of stand up comedians and talk show hosts in Africa just going totally to waste because they can't speak English, and they're also starving to death. What a tragedy! I don't think he meant to go in this direction; I think he just got caught up in the idea of how his brilliance will help and inspire others. It's kind of pathetic how he thinks brilliance equals publicity - just because you're a game show host, you're by definition brilliant. And that whole "don't give them their own game show" kind of sounded like he fears competition from brilliant starving people after their starving is stopped - they should at least stay in their own country and not take the jobs of brilliant Europeans. So he manages to show his xenophobia here as well. Brilliant, David. The red nose day really seems to resurface some of his entertaining dreams and hopes, which seems almost cruel especially thinking of the firing scene coming up. He's in for a rude awakening.

But first, Gareth's mates appear at Dawn's desk. They make "funny" faces at the camera and seem kind of hyper. They're wearing white doctor suits and stetoscopes around their necks, and they have a bloody-looking bucket in their hands. And one of them - Stephen Merchant. I love him. I'm glad he got more of a role in Extras, because he's a great comedic actor. We've heard him once before as the voice of the Oggmonster, and now we get to see him. He looks a lot younger as Oggy than he does in the Extras role, and I'm not really sure why that is. Jimmy the Perv - hee - rings the bell on Dawn's desk and says, "We're from the local mental hospital. Is Gareth Keenan here? Cos he's escaped!" "Cos he is mental," explains Oggy excitedly. Yeah, we get it. Jimmy makes weird hyper hand movements. They both act like they either had a few drinks or ate a huge bag of candy before coming in, so they're totally hyper. Gareth jumps up to them looking excited. "It's my crew," he tells Tim who's furrowing his brows. Gareth has a crew? It sounds like such a cute word choice. Gareth assumes the same "laughing just because I'm so excited" pose as the other guys and slaps hands with them a bit. Jimmy wants to buy a kiss for a quid, and he takes coins from his bucket o'blood. Dawn obliges and leans to him, but as he thrusts out his tongue kind of aggressively, she just gives him a quick kiss on the cheek and quickly turns away. However, Jimmy puts in another coin. The camera zooms in on Gareth who says, "My mad mates," looking around him to see if everyone is appreciating the brilliance and fun of his crew. Seriously. They are lame, all of them. I'm sure everyone else in the office can see through their "little boys" act. Dawn says, "Oh..." off camera, and we just know Jimmy's trying something again. Ewww. She laughs awkwardly. You know, the kisses for a quid idea is just an invitation for horndogs like Jimmy and Finchy to take advantage of her. Gross. We see Tim looking at the crew tiredly. A raspberry is blown off camera and the guys laugh. Seriously. What lame-asses.

"Sorry about this, this is my mad mates," Gareth tells Dawn. He's not sorry, at all; he thinks it's great and they're the funnest thing that ever happened in the office. Jimmy has more coins handy, and I have to wonder if Gareth didn't tell them about kisses for a quid and how they can kiss a pretty girl all they want as long as they bring the money. Jimmy leans toward Dawn with his tongue half out, and Dawn looks like she's had enough of this. "Snog him," says Oggy excitedly, and it's even more hilarious if you know it's Stephen fucking Merchant, who is very intelligent and mature and would never act like this out of character. Love it. David walks in to have his share of the fun. "They've finally come to take you away then?" he says and giggles at his own joke. "Are you MAD as well?" Jimmy the Perv asks him. "Guilty," says David and laughs toward the camera: see how cool and fun and hip he is? "He's the boss," says Gareth. "Oh, give us a job!" begs Jimmy jokingly. "I've already got one [wrecked?] mate, thanks very much," says David who, so far, has been able to joke on the same level, but is about to blow it. Gareth introduces them: Jimmy the Perv and Oggmonster, the names I've already been using because it's easier recapping wise. David shakes hands with both of them. "Bloody hell," he says when he sees Oggmonster. "What's the weather like up there?" Merchant really is freakishly tall. He's more than a head taller than Gervais, so they look funny together.

Oggy seems to take this in stride, but as David takes it a bit further and jokes that his parents went: "Let's grow ourselves a lanky goggle-eyed freak!", he takes offense. And really, who wouldn't? It's an awful thing to say, even jokingly. I know guys like rough humor at each other's expense, but come on. Thisa is one reason why I don't think David would be a success as an entertainer. He always takes it too far, and even if he can't take a joke on himself, he will always make fun of others. Oggy points out that he didn't call David fatty, which is a bit uncalled for, but understandable in this situation. "I was just joining in the..." David tries to explain himself. Well, no one else was giving personal insults for looks, so is that joining in or is that starting a whole new line of mean jokes? "And don't have a go at the eyes, because that is astigmatism that I've had since the age of five, so that's what makes them a bit bulbous." Aww. Still, hee at bulbous, it's a funny word. I can't take this seriously knowing it's Merchant. His eyes don't look the same way on Extras, so I think they were using some kind of contact lense here.

"I didn't call you like the Whale Man, or the Blubber Man..." Hey, he's not that big. David says, "I don't go around calling myself the Mongboy." "I don't either, I call myself the Oggmonster." Interesting that David can't remember the nickname he was told just a moment ago. "I'm not gonna call you the Oggmonster," says David, as if not using his self-chosen nickname proves that he's OK to David. "Well, that's my name, so..." says the Oggmonster. "No it's not. What's your real name?" says David. "Nathan." "It's a good name," says David and looks at the camera. "Is it?" says Oggy almost in tears. "I'll call you Nathan," says David in a soft voice. "I didn't call you fatty, so..." says Oggy/Nathan, bursts into tears and walks away quickly. "What's the matter with him?!" says David indignantly, as if he was being wronged here. Yeah, you can really take a joke, Bluto. Dawn, Gareth and even Jimmy the Perv look awkward. Jimmy's fingering his stetoscope like David often touches his tie (he's not doing it now though). Tim stares with his mouth open, then looks at the camera. Ahh, the awkwardness. I'm loving it.

Life goes on as usual, even if it is red nose day, and everyone looks pretty bored. After the few seconds of work, we see Tim walking around with a sponsorship form. He says he's decided "to enter into the spirit a bit more" - by "hiding Gareth's belongings", as he explains to a laughing Oliver. Anonymous Swinnie Male offers him "two quid for the lot". I haven't noticed this before, but now I wonder if he isn't getting back at Gareth for letting his mates humiliate Dawn like that. If so, this is a very nice way of making Gareth pay. And scene. We'll see more of that later.