Season 2, Episode 5, Part 4: "Showdown"

Wow, I didn't realize I took a whole month to write the previous chapter. I'm sorry about all the delays. Maybe it's on purpose so I don't have to stop writing about this show so soon. Only one more episode of the original series to go! I will do the Christmas specials and so forth, but it's not the same anymore. This original The Office series is ending and it makes me a bit sad.

But there's still time to see David make a fool of himself in many ways. This scene is a defining one for both David and Neil. It shows how David lives in his dreams and fails to live the life he has, which makes him ultimately lose it all. It also shows how Neil is a man of actions and not a man of words like David, and how he takes responsibility for his job even when it's difficult.

"They're waiting for me," says David smilingly for the camera as it follows him to his office. Obviously he has no idea that this is about actual work. As he walks into the room, Jennifer and Neil are talking. "Break it up! Put her down!" says David and laughs. These are your bosses, David, a little respect? "No, they wouldn't. She wouldn't. Her husband's loaded, ain't he?" Oh my god. That's the most sexist thing he's said to or about Jennifer yet. She wouldn't cheat on her husband just because he has a lot of money? Ugh. "He does OK," says Jennifer who looks a bit like she doesn't see what that has to do with anything. I wouldn't blame her if she kicked him in the balls or something. David sits down, saying, "Ooohh...dear, oh... What a day!" He laughs and points at Neil's dance costume. The others don't laugh. There's something awkward in the air, which David either isn't picking up, or is picking up and trying to disperse with his silly behaviour.

"OK, David, do you have that report?" asks Neil. The camera pans behind Neil and on David, who has a stupid grin on his face. It seems frozen there as Neil asks about the report which he obviously hasn't made. "Ah... Glad you brought that up," he says, because he isn't glad, at all. "That's why I'm here," says Neil in a voice that seems to be restraining something, perhaps frustration because he can hear in David's tone that the report is not done. "Yes, um... Formulating a lot of good ideas," says David and looks at Jennifer, even if Neil was the one asking about the report. Neil, sounding very tired, says, "No, David, I don't want to talk about a report, or the report we're going to do soon. I'm talking about the report we talked about four days ago that was definitely going to be done today." I love him. He just cut right through David's excuses, and it seems like it's not the first time either. David just sits quietly, looking busted. Neil continues that the report matters to him, and "I come in and I discover that this is the fruit of your labors." He gives David a sheet of paper. David starts flubbering about how Neil shouldn't come in and look through his things while he's out, and I'm not sure who's side I'm on in this. I mean, yes, I do think he has a right to privacy, but on the other hand, if there's a paper on his desk and he was going to turn in a report today, Neil might have a right to assume that's the one. "Please read the first sentence for Jennifer," says Neil in his best steady boss voice.

David looks at the camera, knowing he's going to be humiliated for this, then makes a face like he doesn't care and the paper is nothing, then looks at the camera again. Love Gervais' body language throughout this scene. Neil sighs and looks away from David, tired of seeing him stall and make faces at the camera. "Imagine a cross between Telly Addicts and Noel's House Party. You've just imagined Upstairs Downstairs, a new quiz show devised and hosted by David Brent." Hee! First of all, if the only way you can describe your show is by comparing it to other formulaic shows, maybe you're not being very original. Secondly, even if he pitches the idea, I'd think the network decides who hosts the show. I love how deluded he is. Neil says he doesn't understand. "The contestants run upstairs and they get a clue..." starts David. Hee! Neil cuts him off and says he doesn't understand "your constant negligence and failure to do what is asked of you." Yeah, that's a good point. David starts talking, and as usual, sounds like he hasn't really planned in beforehand what he's going to say: "Because you're... viewing my methods.. like there's something missing, like you're looking at it as the jigsaw that it is, but you're viewing it through a keyhole when really you should be..." He makes a keyhole gesture and then expands his hands, biting his upper lip. And that analogy was perhaps the worst ever from David. Viewing a jigsaw through a keyhole? Would it even be possible to see it? It doesn't make any sense. And, of course, it means nothing in this context. It's the worst strategy David could take. He should say, "I'm very sorry boss, this won't happen again, from now on I will change my ways." But since he's an idiot and thinks he's doing everything just right, he won't say it, and he causes himself more damage this way than with any other negligence.

David keeps stretching his arms wider, which is hilarious, like he's trying to buy some time. "David, some words would be useful here," says a tired Neil. "Oh, I think actions speak louder than words," David says, adjusts his tie and winks and smirks at Jennifer as if she's automatically on his side. Yeah, I'm sure she really appreciates how terribly you treat Neil. He really thinks he can beat Neil just by using more impressive words, even if he just said actions speak louder than words. It's not a rap battle, David. It's a work situation, you need to shape up. And I really think it's that smirk, that triumphant look on his face, that makes Neil take action. Even after all the stupid things David has said and done, he is still smirking and thinking he's better than Neil. He just doesn't have any respect. "You're on a warning," Neil says sternly. "That's the action I'm going to take. It's a verbal warning, obviously three strikes and you're out, and things have got to change." David's smirk fades.

There's an awkward silence and David just stares at Neil angrily for a moment. "Fine," he then says in a voice that suggests this is all very trivial and he couldn't care less. "Give me all three now then," he adds rebelliously, "because oooh, I'd love to see you run this place without... You'd have a mutiny on your hands for a start, cos they would... But if that's what you want, come on, let's bring it on!" It's a warning from your boss, not a challenge to a duel, David! He points at Neil, and then at his door, when he says "they would..." The reason he doesn't continue is, of course, that they wouldn't do anything out of the ordinary and he probably knows that. He just has to act like this doesn't shake him because the company needs him and they would die without him. "No, David, that's not what I want," says Neil tiredly. "I want to see this place run with you doing your job." David makes faces like "Who knows what his next whim will be?" He's making the faces at Jennifer, which is incredibly rude and unprofessional, but then I'd expect no less from our dear old David. Why do I like him so much? Sometimes he just acts like an ass. Neil asks him to take the verbal warning, and he says something back but alas, without subtitles I can't tell what it is; Neil repeats, "Take the verbal warning and let's move on." David looks sheepish again, like he's just now realizing that Neil really gave him a warning.

But in a David interview, we learn that he has learned nothing. "Neil makes me laugh" is the first thing he says. "It's his timing! Going on about, he wants some report today... It's Red Nose Day!" He's like me in seventh grade, when the biology teacher informed us that she wants us to take notes when we watch a video, because she will be asking questions, and there might be a pop quiz. Everyone groaned, because video = fun, not learning. It seems like David makes the same assumption, which isn't professional at all for a guy his age. Neil had fun on red nose day, but he also works, and this is something David obviously hasn't learned to combine. "What's more important? You, Neil, with your 'report'" - he makes quotation marks with his fingers, which reminds me of when he said sarcastically "Listen, 'Tim'..." - "or some starving children? Ooh, I don't know..." He rubs his chin with his finger, like he always does when fake-thinking. Neil's report probably doesn't benefit Comic Relief, but it's not like David works for Comic Relief. He works for Wernham Hogg, and if WH needs that report, then it's his job to provide it, regardless what its significance is on a global scale, or compared to global issues like starvation. Or, say, entertainment and game shows. Those save the world!

"What would Lenny Henry say? I think we know. Imagine him going out the door on Comic Relief day, and Dawn French is going, 'Where you going? You haven't done the washing up! You haven't put the rubbish out!'" He gives the camera the finger, apparently as Lenny Henry, and seems like he's really angry and about to lose control. He's even shaking. "Do it yourself, I've gotta save some Africans!" Then he calms down a bit, obviously remembering where he is and what he's doing. I can't really comment on his choice of people for the example, because I'm not British and I'm too lazy to do research right now; suffice to say that they are married British comedians, so I guess he's just assuming Dawn French nags at Lenny Henry about trivialities, which... yeah, kinda sexist. Also, stupid stupid David for giving this interview. It's not like Neil didn't notice his anger before, but it's just plain dumb to give an interview to a camera crew probably willing to use any negativity they can to spice up a boring documentary. I'd say the rule of thumb is that if you're really mad, don't say anything to the camera crew that will ultimately show it to the whole world long after you calmed down. Of course, David feels like he has to defend himself and trivialize Neil's warning, but even if he was going to do that, he should have done that later when he was calmer. He just doesn't get it. He needs to suck it up and take the humiliation, because it's already happened, and learn from it so there will be no further humiliations for him. Kicking and screaming won't do.

Dawn is reading a travel brochure in the break room. Behind him, Ali Keith is staring blankly ahead as usual. He's sitting in a position where he can look at her the whole time, which would bother me, and also seems to bother Dawn as she doesn't really look at him once. I think I'll transcribe a part of their brilliant little dialogue.
Keith: What are you reading?
Dawn: (sighing deep, as if she was hoping he wouldn't ask) Holiday brochures.
Keith: Why's that then? Going on holiday?
Dawn: Possibly, yeah...
Keith: (interrupting her) Where to?
Dawn: The States.
Keith: (muses with a sideways smile and his eyes closed, then asks:) United States?
Dawn: Uh, yeah. (Lifts her head from the brochure in surprise, tho not facing Keith)
Then Keith mentions the Annoying Love Triangle that I'm getting tired of even mentioning in the recaps. He treats it with Keith-like anvilism, of course: "I don't know if you've heard the gossip, but Tim's going out with Rachel... Cos he used to fancy you, didn't he? Oh yeah, yeah, he did and ... now he's found someone better." Ewan McIntosh's delivery is just gold. It's always the same monotonous tone, and I don't understand how someone can be that monotonous that long. However, I did edit out the Dawn responses, because she's just trying to act like she doesn't care, and it annoys me that that's practically all she gets to do throughout season 2, apart from her scenes with David. It's a waste of a great actress. However, props to the writers for making all the idiots - Lee and Keith - around Dawn act like Rachel is so much better than her because she's better-looking, in the conventional sense. Of course we're not meant to side with Keith.

Tim's desk. Gareth hops in. It looks kind of labored. He sits down and reaches for his phone while Tim sighs deep, I guess because of the hopping. But there is no phone to reach for! He turns to Tim: "Seen my phone?" "Huh?" says Tim a little too quickly. "Where's my phone?" "Mm," says Tim as if he's not surprised at all. "Have you got it?" he says, but Tim interrupts him again with "Uh?" Gareth asks where he put it, while Tim makes eye movements that imply surprise and idnignation that he's being blamed for this. Gareth hops around trying to find his phone, but doesn't find it. "It's for charity," Tim says. "What else did you take? -Where's my tiny tanks?" Tim laughs out loud gleefully like a schoolboy. Hee, tiny tanks. Maybe they and his tiny ego have been stashed in somewhere. "How am I supposed to work?" Gareth says angrily. "You'll just have to hop to it," says Tim.

Keith and Dawn continue their "conversation". The way it's intersected with the Tim and Gareth scene, seems a bit like there's been a long pause - too long for a polite, normal conversation. But can you have one with Keith anyway? Keith just lacks all social skills. Sadly, his conversational skills are not that far exaggerated from some types you meet at offices, who always want to talk to you but can't think of anything to say.
Keith: Lot of crime in America.
Dawn: Right, well, I'll be careful.
Keith (solemnly): Word of advice. Keep your traveller's checks in a bombag.
Dawn: T-thanks, I'll buy one.
Keith: What, when you get there?
Dawn: Yeah.
Keith: (sighs, closes eyes and shakes head) Word of warning then. Out there htey call them fanny packss. Cos fanny means your arse over there. (nods solemnly) Nott. Your minge. (bites Scotch egg).
Dawn (lifts her eyes from the brochure in disbelief, but still doesn't look at Keith.)
This was just brilliant. Keith with his duh knowledge, talking about minges to a woman he barely knows. Dawn never once looking at him. Keith's closed eyes and head-shaking. Brilliant.

Tim is very focused on his work as Gareth hops back. "Where is.. God, you're so immature!" he exclaims. The camera zooms out to show an empty desk with nothing but a mouse on it. "Right, I demand that everything..." Yeah, because he's team leader, so Tim had better do as he says! "Gareth stopped hopping, everyone!" Tim shouts, and Gareth starts hopping again just for that. Hee! Tim really knows what strings to pull. It's not like Gareth has to prove that he will hop forever if that's what it takes. "How am I supposed to do any work?" asks Gareth. "I've told you, it's for charity," says Tim pretending to be meek and gentle. "It's not for charity, is it? It's for you winding me up," says Gareth. Wow, even he knows what it's about. "Gareth stopped hopping again," Tim says. Gareth gets annoyed and starts with a low voice, but then continues to everyone: "I don't have to hop all day! It's just when I'm moving." "Where does it say that in the rule book?" says Tim. I love how Gareth always acts like he has to defend himself with these mundane little things. He finds something that's his, but the camera moves to Dawn who's really amused at what's going on, of course. She's shyly giggling to herself, which is cute. "Gareth, stop hopping around. Have a seat, you've been on your foot all day," says Tim. Hee, foot. Also - yeah, he's winding him up, of course. Sure enough, we soon hear Gareth shout: "How do you hide a chair?!" I must say Tim is very skilful at this. Maybe this should be his day job, he would feel much more accomplished in his life.

Even if Sheila walks by the working men in a Superwoman costume, it's still as dull a workday as any. Red nose or not, the work at Wernham Hogg goes on in the usual monotonous way.

Dawn is at her desk, looking bored, as Tim comes in and says, "Dawnie..." It's still awkward between them, and as Tim gives her a letter to deliver and asks if she's alright, she just smiles and says, "Yeah, are you?" It sounds friendly, but distant, like there's a barrier between them. Lee comes in. He brings Dawn her sandwich - "prawn and avocado", he reads from the label. It's one of those sandwiches you can buy readily packaged. They don't taste like anything, but it's a typical working lunch. Dawn wants Lee to stay for some reason, maybe to show Tim she has a happy relationship just like him, but Lee has to get back. She stops him halfway to say she's made 19 pounds, and Lee stops to look at the coin jar. "Any of it going to English kids, or is it all going abroad I suppose?" asks Lee selfishly. It's the kind of attitude David was talking about earlier when he assured the viewers that British people are also getting some of it. Tim doesn't seem to like his attitude either. "Well, will you please.. stop moaning and give her a quid for a kiss," he says. "I'm not paying for it, mate," says Lee, making Dawn sound kind of not worthy again, even if he doesn't mean it. I think. "Them's the rules," says Tim half-jokingly. Lee obliges. He puts a bill in and says, "What do I get for that?" Then he draws Dawn close to him over the counter and kisses her in the neck.It's a kind of tenderly aggressive gesture, if you can say that. Dawn seems like she doesn't really like it - she tries to pull herself away - but pretends to smile afterwards. Tim looks awkward at this display of "affection". I think Lee's just marking his territory there, as usual. Lee's the only one who laughs.

Tim puts in a pound and says, "My contribution." "Where do you want your kiss?" asks Dawn, but Tim tries to get out of it - out of respect for her, no doubt, even if it seems more like he's rejecting her. She says it's the rules, then pulls him closer and kisses him passionately. And he returns the kiss. And then they both disengage, looking frightened at what just happened. Tim walks away after an awkward moment, while Dawn is left to look after him longingly. And yeah, it's a nice naturalistic moment where two people kind of let their guard down. If you want to write fanfic about what happened at that one office party where they both had too much to drink and Lee couldn't come, go ahead. Also, it seems like Dawn is the dominant one in their relationship - also later on when she leaves Lee and finally takes action. Tim never plays the neanderthal. He doesn't try to beat Lee up or fight for Dawn; he doesn't try to impress her with childish bragging. He simply lets her make her decisions. There's a lot of respect there.

Tim is spinning a pen in his hands, staring at it intently, and trying to pretend he's working. Gareth is setting up his old-fashioned monitor. I shouldn't say anything because I still use a similar monitor, but it's huge and the wires look so dated. Computers age faster than anything else. Rachel walks in wearing a tight blue shirt. And yeah, it looks good on her, but I'm also a little tired of seeing her in tiny shirts. She sits on Tim's desk and closes his calendar and some other book he has open, saying, "I'm very, very, very bored." Tim acts like he doesn't really want to see her. And I think I'd find it rude of a girlfriend to just put away my work like that. There are better ways of engaging my attention. Rachel's being kind of dominating in this scene - she just sits on his desk like that, decides that they're going to talk now instead of working. Gareth says, "Excuse me! Desk procedures, chairs are for sitting on." Rachel jokes to Tim that Gareth's jealous of the view Tim's getting. It's kinda rude of her to ignore a polite, if condescending, request to sit down on a chair. I guess I can't blame her for wanting to piss Gareth off, but as much as I despise Gareth (or at least his behaviour), I must say I'd feel disturbed too if a lovey-dovey couple were sitting that close to me at work. Couples who have just fallen in love are annoying, even if I fell in love myself not long ago. I don't coo in front of strangers, because it's just rude.

"Wrong," says Gareth in his usual blunt way. "I've got the arse this side, so... I'd only want to sit where he's sitting if you was wearing a skirt and I could be looking up there... at itt." Eww! Not much of a tit man, I guess. It's hard to hate him because he's so sad, but I wouldn't take comments like that if I were Rachel. Tim laughs a bit, a laughter of disgust and disbelief, and Rachel jokes, "Aren't you going to defend my honour?" Tim acts shy and Rachel teases, "He's getting a bit embarrassed by his new girlfriend!" Tim just weakly says, "No I'm not." He's smiling, so it's not totally rejecting, but he does seem absent-minded and somehow not with it. Rachel picks up on that. "Are you OK?" she asks softly. Tim says he is. She kisses him on the cheeks and gets up from the desk. Tim smiles awkwardly. "We cool?" Rachel checks again. Tim just puts his thumb up. Ouch. He really doesn't feel it anymore, because he's in love with Dawn and can't just turn it off. He picks up some kind of brochure or magazine and starts browsing thru it, but you can tell he's distracted and embarrassed by the presence of the camera.