Season 2 Deleted Scenes, Part 2

Deleted scene 6: Gareth Makes Small Talk

This is actually a fairly redundant scene, especially compared to the comedy gold of the earlier ones. We see Gareth chatting with Emma and Young Male Employee, who look very bored, especially Emma who does the stealthy "looking into another direction because I'm just trying to stay awake" thing. Gareth is apparently talking about his car, tin-eared as always to the people around him. He talks in a voice that suggests it's very impressive that he fixed it up all by himself. He makes eye contact while saying that and then looks down while saying, "Well, my uncle helped me a bit, but..." It's this perfect little boy act. I love Mackenzie Crook. While Emma looks away, YME asks Gareth how long he's had it. "Bout eighteen months now. And you know how much it's gone up in price since I got it?" YME makes this "don't ask me" noise, because really he couldn't care less. "About two grand," Gareth says proudly. "Two grand?" repeats YME because he has to. Gareth looks at Emma, so she feels compelled to say: "Are you gonna sell it?" Gareth says he might, and when he does, he'll get a Porsche. Hee. He could really get a Porsche with a car he fixed him up by himself? YME and Emma act impressed, but are probably calling bullshit in their minds. It's a good scene for dissecting Gareth's delusions, but I think the "I could beat you at this card game" act was a much better example. So no wonder they cut this one.

Deleted scene 7: David's Power

On Neil's first day, David's introducing "the old office" to him, still so cocky and sure of himself, unaware of what's to come. He tells Neil, "The good side of having the office here is that I can see everyone." Can he really? I mean, his desk isn't even that close to the window, and the Number Bods in particular are fairly far from his room. For some reason, David starts explaining: "That's not because I'm spying on them, they're spying on me, seeing if I'm in there having a laugh.. WITH THEM." Hee. I love how David's mind always goes directly into how people could misinterpret the things he's saying, so he keeps correcting his own metaphors and making them mean the exact opposite. If he's having a laugh with them, wouldn't they be there? David continues, "But they still know I'm hte boss. When I say jump, they jump." Eager to show his power to Neil, he tells Emma, who's copying something, to go get him some coffee. "Get it yourself," says Emma and walks by without even looking at David. Maybe he shouldn't have tested his power on a female employee by asking for coffee. It might sound a little bit sexist, but of course David wouldn't know sexism unless someone actually uttered the words "Men are superior to women". "Yeah, joking," David says to Neil. He looks at his watch: "She actually knows I wouldn't.. want one now." He chuckles a bit at the camera, then awkwardly moves onto "Sit down" and walks into the room, turning away from the camera to hide his embarrassment. Gotta love David, even if it's not the best scene.

Deleted Scene 8: Hot Lesbian Action

Continued from a scene that I'm not too fond of, Rachel is asking Dawn if there's something between her and Tim, "cos you two get on so well together." "I get on with everyone," says Dawn uneasily. She's not really even looking at Rachel. Rachel asks her to ask Tim if he likes her. Dawn asks if she should slip him a note: "If you like Rachel, check this box..." Rachel seems to have a sense of humor about it, and it's actually a pretty natural moment between them, which I like. Too bad it wasn't in the episode. But the best part follows as Gareth walks in. "Ladies," he says, and then adds, "Rachel." So I guess Rachel isn't one of the ladies? "Having a chat? Ladies talk. Don't mind me," Gareth says condescendingly. I think he's just trying to be friendly, but since he thinks women are kinda frivolous and good only for sex, everything he tells them becomes superior and annoying. He might as well be saying, "Sorry, am I interrupting your little chat about boys and makeup?"

Dawn and Rachel react to this in the best possible way. As Gareth bites into a peach, Dawn starts carefully, "So, what do you think about it, because I have seriously considered lesbianism." Rachel, who's immediately in on it, says, "Great, so have I!" The camera zooms in on Gareth who looks very uncomfortable all of a sudden. As the girls pretend to plan a sex meeting, you can see Gareth looking shifty as if he's peeping on them. Rachel suggests they go into a hotel, "just in case I get a bit carried away, cos I am likely to go pretty berserk." Gareth actually makes a noise, he's so uncomfortable. He shifts his position a bit on the chair. "I need a... spoon," he mutters, planning an obvious escape. Dawn asks, "Gareth, what are you doing tonight?" "I'm busy," says Gareth quickly and walks away with his back hunched, as if he's sporting a huge boner. "It's as easy as that," says Dawn as soon as Gareth leaves. "Oh my god," says Rachel and laughs. This was a great, hilarious scene. I wonder if they cut it only because it's so risqué. Maybe BBC didn't want to show lesbian references and women cock-teasing men. I loved it. And not just because I'm a lesbian. It's probably the only non-Tim-related funny moment between Dawn and Rachel, where they actually work together instead of being rivals. I think there aren't enough moments like that on The Office.

Deleted Scene 9:
Gareth walks into David's office and asks if he's leaving then. "Moving on," David corrects. "Time for celebration, not time for tears! I don't want you getting upset." As he's not even looking at Gareth, it seems more likely that he's talking to the camera and showing off how much his employees love him. It's an understandable thought considering Gareth's reaction to him leaving in season 1. However, this time Gareth was thinking of something else: "I'm worried if Tim gets your job, that would be unfair, cos I've been here a lot longer than him." It's interesting that Gareth seems to realize he's not regarded as highly by Jennifer and Neil as Tim is. David gets offended that Gareth only cares about the job: "I'm leaving, you're not upset about that." Gareth says he is. "Good! You should be!" says David and looks at the camera like, "Can you believe this ingratitude?" even if he just said he doesn't want him upset. I guess it's one of those subtle differences, like he doesn't want people to thank him, he just wants them to think they should thank him. Or Gareth's "don't think of me as your boss, but know that I am."

Gareth reassures David that he really cares, but then he looks out of the office at Tim and David notices that. "You're still thinking about getting the job, aren't you?" says David angrily. "If I'm being honest, yeah," says Gareth. I love this little exchange between them:
David: "I can't believe it!" *looks at the camera*
Gareth: "Well, it's in my head, I can't get it out."
David: "Get it out! -Please. Because... Of all the people, you're the mercenary. You're the one that... I'm disappointed."
Gareth: "At least I'm honest. One of the things you taught me in business is 'strike while the iron is hot.' So... you know."
David: "Did I teach you that?"
Gareth: "Yeah."
David: "What else?"
Gareth: "Lots of stuff."
David: "Lots of stuff. What, specifically?" *looks at the camera with a smug grin. Then looks at Gareth. Then, as Gareth is taking his time, David turns to the camera with the smug grin again.*
David: "You're thinking of getting the job again, aren't you?"
Gareth: "I just think I'd have to swap stuff around. I'm left-handed, so..."
David: "Don't wanna hear it! Do I!" *turns to the camera to signal indignation to viewers*
David *looks at Gareth angrily*
Gareth *awkward silence; looks away*

I love this scene. It just shows so well what they're like and what their relationship really is. Gareth is a suck-up, not a true friend; he's hardly an apprentice like David seems to think he is. Gareth is the kind of guy who will take advantage of whoever has the power; by sucking up, he can gain more power, and he's probably been waiting for this chance all through his career. David, on the other hand, is just as selfish. He sold out his staff in the first season, only to return because he had to; now he's leaving, not to move on, but because he's not a good boss, and he doesn't seem genuinely saddened to leave any of them, because he doesn't have any kind of relationship with his staff outside of "look how brilliant and amusing I am". Maybe he took Gareth's sucking up to be friendship, just like he takes Finchy's mean jokes to be friendship. He's dumb enough to surround himself with "friends" like this, and it results in his utter loneliness in the Christmas specials. I think for David, the pegging order is Finchy-David-Gareth, and he's offended to see Gareth change places with him. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Great scene anyway.

Deleted Scene 10: Gareth Cares

Dawn and Tim are giggling at the copy machine. "We're very excited," Dawn tells the camera, "because we've just found an invention from the mind of Gareth Keenan. 'How to Get Disabled People Out of a Building in Case of a Fire.' He's drawn one of those shutes that work when you dump rubbish in the skip." Tim laughs so hard he has to lean on the copier. Dawn reads on: "Note: Make sure there is a normal person waiting to stop them flying off the other end!" Her eyes go really round at "normal person", and Tim does his wide-eyed shocked expression. "Normal," he repeats and laughs. "Here's my favorite bit," says Dawn and reads: "Wheelchair to be picked later by the fireman, in case it's hot." Tim is so amused by this, he does a little dance and half-whispers, "In case it's hot!" They conclude that he really gave it some thought. Gareth's drawing, by the way, looks just like he's spending half his time making drawings of tanks and bombs and armies attacking each other. Which he probably is. Awesome scene. It's not even very long, so I don't see a reason to cut it. It shows us a nice, natural friendship moment between Dawn and Tim to balance out all the awkward moments.

Deleted Scene 11: Gareth's Dilemma

Gareth walks into David's office and apologizes for being insensitive earlier. David seems fine with it, even if he seemed furious earlier. Gareth picks his ear as David says, "Human nature I'm afraid." I wonder if he had time to think things thru and realized that if he can sell out his staff, maybe Gareth can focus on the idea of getting his job. Gareth decides to hug David, and David is very careful to keep his arms on his side to show he is not returning this hug. He even explains to the camera: "It's just two guys being sorry through physicality, it's not ... you know." Gay? I love how David's biggest concern is that someone will think he's gay. It says a lot about his idea of gays and masculinity. While still hugging David, Gareth asks who's going to get the job. "Get off me!" David says angrily and pushes him off. "Sorry," says Gareth. Hee. David gets indignant again and straightens his tie several times, like he does when he's upset. "I've got a lot on my mind, women troubles," says Gareth. "Well, go home if you're not well," David says. Hee! He actually thought men can have women's troubles? Does he know what they actually are? I guess not. Hilarious.

Gareth explains his problem: "I've got two birds on the go at the same time." David is immediately interested and acts like he thinks much more of Gareth because of it. Which he, sadly, probably does. "No one here, is it?" he asks. "No," says Gareth, and the way he says it implies that he thinks everyone at the office is undoable. Even if he was trying to hit on Rachel. Gareth explains that one of the girls is "an absolute stunner." David looks at the camera, smiling knowingly, and asks Gareth to define that. "Well, he looks like Nelly Furtado, so..." David makes an accepting smile and nod at the camera. "One of them is a bit..." and Gareth puffs up his cheeks. "Great tits tho." Because the camera is there, David exclaims, "Gareth! Sexist!" Gareth corrects: "Well, nice knockers." Yes, because it was the word that was sexist, not the idea of comparing two women only based on their looks or implying that the fatter one is somehow inferior and only has good breasts to make up for it. It's so telling that Gareth thinks you can just replace a word and make it less sexist.

"NICE BREASTS!" David almost shouts, and has to say to a woman off-camera: "No, not yours, I..." Judging by the look on his face, she walked away angrily. "Better than hers," says Gareth, leaning over to look at her. "It's not a competition, Gareth!" David exclaims in a fake voice and looks at the camera. He really thinks he's superior and less sexist than Gareth; he realizes you shouldn't talk about women's breasts. His look at the camera is a little too long, and then he turns to Gareth who looks down, embarrassed. Awww, poor stupid Gareth. He means well, he just doesn't respect women at all. And nor does David. I'm loving it.

OK, so the Christmas specials next! I'm not going to say when, because it always seems like it takes longer than I promise, but coming soon.

Season 2 Deleted Scenes, Part 1

The deleted scenes of season 2 are, again, superb. None of them is totally lame or totally useless. They're all funny. They've all been done in a finished look, there's no time running at the bottom of the screen or anything. So I don't really get why they cut these, except to make room for the Tim and Dawn storyline, which is sad, because that story wasn't that funny or that original, and I know I'm always griping about it, but look at what we lost because of the Tim/Dawn storyline! So many great Gareth scenes, and a couple of funny Dawn scenes as well. Thank God for DVDs, is all I can say.

First we see Ricky Gervais watching some scenes and laughing in his trademark childish way. Then he turns towards the camera and says he's watching "some of the deleted scenes from the smash series The Office, and if you bought this dvd of the smash series The Office, I thought you'd like to see some of the scenes not good enough to make it into the final cut. Enjoy it." His laughter seems genuine, which is disturbing. Can he just turn it on and off? The speech seems rehearsed, but the laughter seems to come naturally from wherever Ricky's insane creative mind is on at the moment. Creepy.

Deleted scene 1: Gareth Asks Dawn For Advice
(the titles are mine by the way, just to make it easier to read this recap.)

Dawn is leafing thru a paper on the sofa where she spends her breaks, and where she never gets to be left alone. Gareth shows up. And by show up, I mean "reads over her shoulder, presses himself against her side and nudges her". Eww. Dawn makes a suitably uncomfortable face, and leans back in the sofa, perhaps to avoid Gareth's arm from touching her back. It's just such good acting just with facial expressions. Lucy Davis rocks. I know she went to Hollywood, lost too much weight and got an awful tan, but I respect her as an actress, a lot. Also, my gross drunken neighbor once came just that close to me on the bus stop, and it bugged me so much that I couldn't even say a word to him, even if all he said was "Hi". Lesson of the day? Don't lean right next to someone, it's disturbing. "Dawn, I was wondering if we could have a word about a delicate matter," Gareth says. "Ookay?" says Dawn, and since she knows Gareth, she's probably wondering if he wants to discuss his private parts or something gross like that. If it were anyone else, it might be work-related, but not with Gareth.

Gareth begins: "Basically, I've got two women on the go at the same time." He says it in a kind of singing rhythm, and I must say I also admire Mackenzie Crook as an actor, a lot. He can do such a pathetic, despicable, yet somehow likeable Gareth. I know I've said all this before, but in some scenes it just strikes me. He continues: "Got off with them both at Chasers" - of course, since he never goes anywhere else - "..they both want me..." Dawn, who's already tired of the bragging, decides to ask him straight what the question is: "Should you be cheating on them both?" But Gareth shrugs it off: "No, I don't care about that."

It's such a Gareth problem, but he says it so seriously, so I'll transcribe it all here: "Basically, one of them is an absolute cracker, alright? Real fox, not much upstairs in the brains department. And I need intellectual stimulation as well as" - points to his crotch and makes a "krrrk" sound - "downstairs. I mean, sometimes I have to tell her not to talk during.. IT. Stupidity puts me off my [streak?]. The other one is... you know, she's lovely, clever, A levels, a right laugh... bit of a bloater." Dawn does her absolute best to stay with the conversation in a respectful way, going "Right..." and "Sure", even if she obviously thinks it's TMI and sexist besides. Her conclusion: "Nice that you're thinking of choosing brains over beauty." But tha's not what Gareth meant: "No, I'm not... Can I ask fatty to lose weight? I'm not even sure if that's a proper solution, because I don't know if she's got a pretty face, difficult to tell." Dawn looks like she didn't expect anything this bad even from Gareth. But no worries, he plans on being discreet: "I wouldn't just ask her straight out like that, lose weight" - he points at Dawn - "you know, I'd send her an email or something." Hee! Dawn gives him the stink-eye, but I think he's too dumb to notice it.

It's just so outrageously wrong it's hilarious. Of course, any "fatty" should dump a guy who asks her to lose weight, and any man who doesn't want to be with a fat girl should just not be with her in the first place, instead of trying to change her. What's awesome about this scene is that the writers realize that and it's not an offense to fat girls. I wonder, however, if they were told to cut this scene because it offends fat women or women in general. It doesn't offend me at all, because the joke is on Gareth.

"Why are you asking me?" says Dawn. "Basically, I want a woman's perspective, and you're the only woman I know that I don't fancy. Yeah, don't be offended, if you came around to my house begging for it, I'd still do you, but..." Wow. Gareth just lives in his own little world where women come to his doorstep to beg for sex. He really thinks he's so attractive, any woman's dream, when really all he can attract is dumb chicks from Chasers. And I don't believe that "bloater" is that intelligent - or that fat - anyway, if she wants to be with Gareth. Of course, Gareth thinks the biggest compliment you can give a girl is "I'd do you." Dawn gives a little uneasy laugh that sounds like she's stifling a need to punch him in the face. "It's nice to know," she says. I think the only way the women can deal with Gareth is by saying sarcastic things in a serious tone, so he doesn't get they don't mean it.

Deleted Scene 2: Gareth's Biking Gear

Dawn's at her desk as Gareth walks in wearing a super-tight blue biking shirt and super-tight black biking shorts. He looks ridiculous. Dawn starts laughing hysterically, one of the most difficult things for an actor. It doesn't seem entirely natural, but she does the whole "laughing silently" thing, which works better than a stream of "hahahaha". "Childish," says Gareth. He starts making stretches against the sofa, and Rachel walks out of the kitchen at that moment. Gareth's crotch stretches right in front of her. She sounds baffled and shocked: "Oh...bit...tight, aren't they?" Gareth explains: "I'm in training. I'm in the army." Rachel politely starts: "Oh, you're in the terri...torial...", but Gareth stretches again and it gets her off track. "Territorial army," says Gareth. Yes, emphasize the army part, not the territorial part. He asks what Rachel is up to. Rachel was "just making... a cup of....tea." The outfit really seems to throw her off. "Good, fluids," says Gareth. "Did you know you're supposed to drink a litre and a half of fluids a day to avoid dehydration?" This is like when he tried to woo Donna with that health and safety and duh training. Rachel, who's seen more of Gareth's physique than she ever wanted to, is too appalled to respond.

"Excuse me," he says and Rachel happily stands aside. He starts lifting himself up on a rail that's apparently on the kitchen doorway. "I try to do twenty of these a day when I'm training," he says. Rachel leaves. "Situps and squats too." He turns around, but there's no one there. I love scenes like that. Only the camera witnessed how Gareth tried to impress a girl with his fitness training, and failed. Also, he looks totally scrawny in that outfit, so it's not really a very good testimony of what great shape he's in. Not saying scrawny guys can't be in shape, but if you want to impress with it, people usually expect some kind of display of visible muscles. Embarrassed, he pretends nothing happened, blows air out of his mouth and pats his outfit a bit. Then he walks away, casting one last insecure glance at the camera.

Gareth interview: "The thing about me is...I love to look good. You know, I work hard, I spend my oney on myself.. that's my reward. It means that in the end of the day, I can look at myself and say, 'Yeah, I bought and paid for everything that I'm wearing.'" Too bad he doesn't have a very good taste, judging by his biking outfit. Also, this is much more than anyone who doesn't work out can say. Can I just add that if someone doesn't work out, they'd spend less money on gym passes, exercise outfits and stuff, so they'd actually have more money to spend on themselves. Of course, as he is wont to do, Gareth gets off topic: "Not socks, they were a Christmas present from my cousin. Which I sorta paid for in a way, cos they only cost a fiver, I saw them in an offer. I bought her 15 quids worth of Body Shop vouchers. That's the good thing about vouchers, actually. She can see exactly how much I sent on her. And, most probably, this year she'll buck her ideas up." It's a positively Brentian babble, because who cares about the socks, and his cousin must be happy to see this on TV. Of course, he cares more about money than the sentiment of the gift, tho I must admit socks are THE faux pas gift for a guy. But still. Cousins aren't usually even very close.

Gareth's working at his computer, but not sitting down, still stretching, his hand on his back. And he's got the outfit on still. Tim walks in and starts needling him instantly: "Veery nice!" Gareth tells him, "Don't look at it if you don't like it." Well, you're standing right in front of him, so he has to look. "Do like it! Do like it. Could I have one like that, could you arrange for me to?" says Tim. He makes it sound totally gay. David walks in, saying, "Mr Keenan!!" in one of his lame imitation voices. His tone is completely at ease and jovial, but as Gareth turns around and he sees the tight clothing, he gets very embarrassed and keeps his eyes firmly on Gareth's face. He says, elegantly enough, "Have... Oh...You... What... Huh?" He turns to Tim to get an excuse not to look at Gareth. "No, it's... uh..." He leans on the desk for a moment, but then realizes he's too close to Gareth's body now and mumbles something like, "Don't wanna do... What... um..." Now he's just staring off into space, and he points at Gareth's waist without looking at it. "Are you gonna get changed?" Gareth says yes and starts to say something else, but David just interrupts him with "Good," turns away and leaves. Heeee. It's a nice scene - quite long, not overdone, the kind of social embarrassment Gervais does best. It's kinda hilarious that David's first reaction is always to avoid looking gay. Tim looks behind him with a shocked expression, but he's holding a ruler and puts his fingers on it, looking at Gareth. As an oblivious Gareth continues working at his computer, Tim puts his fingers forward on the ruler, looking at the number and Gareth in turn in total shock. That's one of the most risque things they've done, I think. I'm not even sure if he's genuinely shocked or if he's trying to annoy Gareth.

Timterview: "You see, I don't like doing this, but he drives me to it. I know it's my problem, but everything he does winds me up! He is the most annoying man on God's Earth. The way he talks, the way when he's reading a newspaper, he laughs out loud, like it's a great article and I've missed out on something." My brother used to do that with comic books when we were kids. He'd laugh out loud, and if I didn't ask what was so funny, he'd laugh louder, and so forth, until it sounded really desperate. I can totally see Gareth doing that. "OK, do you know his favorite band of all time? Could have had anyone, fifty years of popular music. It's Mike and the Mechanics. That's who it is." He feels his neck for his pulse. "Blood pressure's up... That's just thinking about him, OK? So the only way I can get thru my day is to fight fire with fire, be even more annoying than he is." I loved this. Why wasn't this included on the show? Maybe GervaisMerchant thought it was a little too obvious why Tim does this, and it doesn't need an interview.

I love how Tim, who's a mature person, loves being a total child with Gareth. But really, as nice as he is, the mean thing about Tim is that he punishes Gareth for annoying him, not for being sexist, rude, lewd, selfish, pedantic, and so forth. In the end, it's little things like liking Mike and the Mechanics that make him put staplers in jello. It's not necessarily Gareth's fault that he does this; he might not be consciously pushing Tim's buttons. They just have zero chemistry and are forced to work together every day. And maybe this is what makes most people hate their jobs - being forced to share their work space with people they are annoyed with, people who might not bug so much if you didn't see them every day. I know Americans hate their cubicles, but an open office like this is much worse. They actually share the same desk. I'd hate Gareth too if I had to work with him, even if I just kinda pity him while seeing it on TV.

Deleted scene 3: Simon the Computer Geek Strikes Again

Gareth's desk. Simon is there, talking to him. "One of the most amazing things about Bruce Lee was, do you know The Trembling Hand?" "Oh yeah yeah yeah," says Gareth in a child's agreement voice, like an "I want to agree with you because you're cool" thing. "Do you know how he did it?" asks Simon. "Yeah, I do do. Tell me again," says Gareth. "All he did was he concentrated all his mind and power in his body via the mind into one hand until it's trembling with power." Heee! That's not only physically impossible, but also stupid. Really, really stupid. Of course, it would impress Gareth, as all stupid and macho things naturally do. "And then, all he did was, he'd touch you in the chest" - Simon puts his hand near Gareth - "and he'd burst every blood vessel in your body, you'd die at once." That's hilarious. It's just, seriously, how could anyone swallow this kind of bullshit? Gareth, of course, can: "Bloody hell, it's brilliant. You... Could you do that?" Who does he think Simon is? Some kind of magician or Superman who can do anything? "I'd never try it on anyone, just in case," says Simon. With great power comes great responsibility! "Test it out on stray cats or something," says Gareth. Tim laughs out loud, intentionally loud just to alert Simon that he may be fooling Gareth, but not anyone with a brain. Simon glances at Tim, as does Gareth. Simon looks annoyed that Tim's bringing him back on Earth from his little ego trip with Gareth.

I can kinda see why they didn't want to include even more Simon in that one episode, though it would have been fun to see the character more in subsequent episodes. Perhaps they felt that the other stories, like the Way of the Dragon/Enter the Dragon thing, had more subtle commentary on male power relations than this shorter bit. Good stuff anyway.

Deleted Scene 4: Keith's Appraisal Continued

David puts away Keith's appraisal form: "Done. Good." And of course, he simply gave up on it because Keith wasn't cooperating. "Lots of objectives," David says, putting it very nicely. "Main one, of course: work on your communication skills." Keith replies with his deadpan expression and gum-chewing. "Okay?" says David gingerly. Keith closes his eyes and stops chewing for a second, then resumes. David smiles desperately at the camera before asking: "Is that a yes?" Keith says, "Yeah." It's awesome that Keith communicates more with minimal body language than with his minimal speech. David puts two thumbs up. Reciting a wisdom again, looking up at the ceiling so it's obvious he's reading it from memory: "I'm gonna leave you with this, Keith: In life... Never be afraid of moving forward slowly... Only be afraid of standing still." That's actually kind of rude, because obviously David's implying that Keith is slow. Words just aren't enough to express how funny Keith's chewing is in response. Absolutely no reaction. David looks at Keith with a kind of concerned expression. Obviously he's not sure if the message went thru, or if he should beat it into his head with a hammer. Keith's a mysterious, effective character. What's going thru his head? Is anything? They should have kept this scene.

Deleted Scene 5: Dawn's Appraisal Continued

David tells Dawn to "keep up the doodling", with a facial expression that shows scorn for a silly hobby like drawing. I mean, seriously! Who could imagine making a living a drawing? Children can draw. Not my thoughts, but clearly what David is trying to say. Dawn looks shocked by his rudeness. "I've seen your stuff, and it's... okay..." His face, again, says it's bland and he has nothing particularly good to say about it. "Got one criticism, it doesn't..." And he slaps his own chest. "...smack you enough?" suggests Dawn. "Yeah, doesn't... Arrrrr..." He puts up his fists. "Doesn't, excuse my French, doesn't grab me by the bollards, Dawn." He makes a weird "grabbing" gesture in the air, luckily not around his, er, bollards. "No message." Dawn looks disgusted at the mental image of grabbing David's nuts. She mouths, "Message.." but doesn't say it out loud. David nods. But isn't Dawn a children's illlustrator? Why should children's illustrations grab you by the bollards? Shouldn't they be child-friendly and preferably non-shocking?

David can't talk about anything for too long without bringing up himself and his own talents, so he gets to the point, which is his own drawing experience: "I did this drawing once when I was about fourteen. And it was of a human ear, perfect anatomical drawing of a human ear" - and he draws an ear in the air. Of course it was perfect - it was drawn by him! "And it was in the middle of the page. And around the page was a dog barking, and a kid screaming, and a gun going off and a plane taking off, and a TV blaring, you know. And the human ear was exploding into a thousand pieces. Message!" He keeps making gestures to illustrate the noises on his left and right, and in the end he makes an explosion gesture, albeit rather slowly for effect, so it doesn't really look like an explosion. It's a very typical David Brent "artwork", too - it doesn't have anything new or original, and it sounds a bit too "educational" and in your face, like the work of someone who wants to make a spectacle of himself rather than truly send a message. "Loud noises hurt your ears?" suggests Dawn, who looks like she's trying very hard to keep herself from commenting on it further. "Damage them. Permanently, sometimes," says David and looks into the camera with a "This is serious. Listen to this" look that is just awesome. This isn't a health show! Kids aren't going to take advice like that from David Brent! "And that was.... Medical." I love when he uses the one adjective instead of a sentence. I should make a list of all the quotes where he uses that. "Medical" has to be my favorite at the moment, it's just so silly to describe your own message that way. It's like this review someone made of a comedy movie - "It was very comical." Well, I suppose so, since it was a comedy. Lovely misuse of adjectives. Dawn looks at David with a familiar mix of pity and shock. Awww, Dawn. I wish they'd kept more of her bits.

Deleted Scene 6: Keith is Ready to Make His Move

The welcome party. Tim's telling a story and Rachel is laughing, and Gareth is standing between them pretending to laugh. Tim says "that day I did" and "It was all wonky". I have no idea what he's talking about, but as usual, it sounds like a realistic snippet of a conversation, which few TV shows have pulled off convincingly, coming to think of it. We don't need to hear the whole story, just enough to make it credible that somebody's telling one. "What other stuff is there?" asks Gareth as the laughter wanes. Hee, so inane. It's like he's pretending it was his story and he's going to tell another one. "I don't know, Gareth," says Tim, always ready to mock Gareth's stupidities. "Just trying to think," Gareth says. Don't think out loud then, silly. Rachel says she needs to go to the bathroom and Gareth offers to join her, "I'll show you where it is," he adds to not make it sound like he's coming in with her. "Splendid Gareth, don't make it too blunt or anything," Tim mumbles as they leave. "When she comes back here, make an excuse and leave her, I'm going to move in," says Keith suddenly. Hilariously, he makes this "thrust" movement with his hips and pants a bit. Heeee. Everything Keith does is awesome. They should have kept this part. Tim seems shocked by his bluntness, and he looks away. Keith does it one more time, more slowly. Tim puts his hand out as if to stop him doing that in company and on camera. Loved it.

Season 2, Episode 6, Part 5: "The Question"

Tim's sitting at his desk, pondering. Dawn walks by and touches his neck just a bit. Tim chuckles a bit, but then just looks at her, confused. It's an interesting scene because it seems to suggest Dawn has the upper hand, choosing to touch Tim a bit and just walking by. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but either way, it's a little touching even for me that their obvious mutual love has turned into awkward little worldess gestures, since neither of them can do anything about it.

Timterview. He says he didn't ask Dawn out as a date, which we've all heard before. He claims he was trying to make her feel better because of the fight with Lee. Right, because he did say "Now that you broke up with Lee," which totally means, "Since Lee's giving you a hard time, can I make it up to you?" He continues, "Under different circumstances, sure, something might have happened but..." Then he fumbles his way thru the sentence "You can't change circumstances", stuttering and not seeming to know what he wants to say. He makes one of those "I'm disappointed but I'll try to look like I never wanted this anyway because I'm a good grateful boy"-poses, not facing the camera to mask his true feelings. It seems like season two Tim is this completely resigned guy who stayed at Wernham Hogg because he's too coward to go to university, and he's too coward to be honest about his feelings in front of everyone, so he'll date Rachel who attracts him on a superficial level, and then just as he dumps Rachel, Dawn's leaving and it's too late. I can sort of see why it leads to the desperate leap he makes now.

Suddenly Tim just gets up and says, "Excuse me." The camera wobbles as it follows him down the hallway. He asks Dawn into the meeting room and takes off his microphone. And then they talk, and the camera follows them from behind the Venetian blinds. Sure, we've seen Brent behind his Venetian blinds, so it's not something completely new for the show, but it does give a nice documentary feel that they can just choose to take off the microphones and have a life outside of the documentary too. Tim talks. Dawn looks really sad. They hug for a long time, and Dawn looks away longingly. Tim walks away without looking back and Dawn looks after him still with the sadness in her eyes. In total silence. It's a very powerful scene, and a realistic one. Dawn rejects Tim out of loyalty for Lee, who totally doesn't deserve it. And this happens in real life too, and it's a good conclusion for their story, and in my opinion it was a cop-out to make the Christmas special and have them get together. Yes, it was what the viewers wanted to see, which is exactly why they shouldn't have done it. Keep it painful, keep it a non-conclusion, because that's how life is.

Tim, looking like he's about to cry, sits down at his desk. He turns the microphone back on, and we suddenly hear the mishmash of office sounds again, which seems downright disturbing after the silence. "She said no, by the way," says Tim straight into the microphone, and then just looks away from the camera almost tearily. This is when the viewer feels like an itnruder, like the cameras went where they weren't supposed to go, and filmed something very private between two people. And might this be a commentary of documentary crews and pushy TV shows about private things? Yes, it might. Brilliant scenes there.

Back to the main story, then, the fall and decline of David Brent. Jennifer and Neil sit down opposite to him in his office - still his for a fleeting moment. "You alright, David?" asks Neil politely, but not too cordially. "Yeah, fine. You?" says David in a downright positive tone. He's apparently decided to walk tall and keep his flag up high through all his ordeals. "Good. Small talk done," he says, which is kinda blunt and silly, but also shows that he wants to be in charge of the discussion. "Um, everyone really appreciates what you've done," says Neil in a faltering voice, as if he's sad to let David go. "Do you?" asks David, trying to belittle the compliment, which probably wasn't entirely honest anyway. He puts his arm on the desk and looks at Neil in a challenging way, just to show that he's still boss in this room, if only for today. Jennifer looks uncomfortable. Neil decides to get the point. He shows David a sheet of paper with the "redundancy offer" there. Well, as David established earlier, it's not a real offer, is it? Just call it a golden handshake like everybody else. David glances at it as if it's hard for him to see the written proof that he's really being let go. And it probably is. "More than I expected," he says. "We've been quite generous," says Neil. Well - what does that mean exactly? That they're giving him more than he deserves? That they're so noble even if he's been a terrible employee? I don't think that's what he's trying to say, but to an over-analytical recapper, it comes off this way. "Bada bing," says David in an inflated, sad tone. Awww. Neil suggests that David leave on "the 3rd, which is a Tuesday". Nice and vague, could be any month, any year. Yet it sounds like a real conversation about a real date. It's a small touch, but I like it. Neil asks if David wants to come back to the party on Friday. "Whatever," says David looking at his desk.

And now follows the saddest moment ever on The Office, at least for me. Dawn and Tim aren't as sad; they took a risk, and Dawn made a choice, and they can live with that even if it hurts. But David just doesn't get it. He doesn't see what he's done wrong. He doesn't understand his negligence and poor leadership skills, his utterly unprofessional attitude on everything. He just feels rejected, alone, and meaningless. It's obvious when Neil shakes his hand and he grabs it: "Don't make me redundant." He casts down his eyes as the camera zooms in on him, but he can't help but beg. "Please." Neil looks genuinely sad and compassionate. He's a good guy. "Look, David...," he starts, but David starts desperately babbling: "I've changed my mind, I don't want this, I don't want redundancy. I haven't signed anything." Yes, but they fired you. It's not really your place to say anything. The decision has been made. You practically begged for it earlier with the defiance of Neil. "Well, David, unfortunately this isn't really up to you. Sorry," says Neil sadly. As much as I despised him in the episode where he was being lewd and drinking it up with Finchy, I must say I admire him here. He's firm but kind, and he doesn't seem to take any pleasure in David's demise.

But David isn't done yet. "Alright then, well I'm asking. Please don't make me redundant." He's beginning to look like he's about to cry, now that he can see how final this is. "You can... you can talk to someone, Jenny." Jenny, kindly yet firmly: "The wheels are already in motion..." But David's desperate and he'll continue, even if it makes no sense: "No, stop them, cos..." Neil decides to put an end to it: "David, we will not discuss this now..." David: "No, put just say it's not definite now. Before you go. And we can... I will try twice as hard. I really will. I know I've been complacent and all. I'll turn this place around if you just say that it's not definite now, and then we can... You know, not go in until... Just starting from now. Starting from now." It's obvious that he's fighting back tears now. Jenny looks at him compassionately. Neil looks down, but then glances at Jenny and looks at David, as if he's gained his composure. He seems more affected by this speech than Jenny, maybe because it was his decision. Maybe, like all good people, he's going over everything in his mind and asking: Could I have stopped this? If I had acted different towards him, if I had given him a little more patience... Dead silence as Jenny and Neil look at David, and he's still hunched over his desk, begging them.

That was one powerful scene. And yes, David behaved in a ridiculous way, but I can't laugh. It felt like watching a tragedy unfold. Obviously the job means everything to David, and losing it means losing his whole life. He screwed it up, but he doesn't really understand how or why. Do I believe he deserved to be fired? Yes, absolutely. He's a terible boss and the employees deserve better. Tho writing that I'm not sure they do - most of them seem to be doing a bored, half-assed job anyway. And do I believe he'd turn it around? No, I absolutely don't. He'd get cocky and pretend he fought against Neil and won, and he'd treat Neil even more like dirt later on. Maybe he knows this. Maybe Neil knows this too. I feel a lot of compassion for David, but I also feel justice ws served, and that he should suck it up because he brought it upon himself. It's hard to be 100 % compassionate to someone who's caused all of his problems himself and never took the time to think before it was too late. Or maybe we should really be more compassionate of a person who's so totally lost?

The last of the David interviews. "Life is just a series of peaks and drops." We see the employees working as David talks. We see the boredom of the office. We see Dawn leaning on her desk, looking like she's lost the chance of a lifetime, saying no to Tim. David says you don't know if you're at the bottom "until you're climbing out, or on a peak until you're coming down." That's actually unusually clever of David. We see Tim looking ahead of him as if with blind eyes, unable to focus on work or anything, because his heart is broken. Awww, poor Tim. "And that's it, you know, you never know what's around the corner." Now we see David, red-faced and tired-looking, forever trying to justify everything he does. "But it's all good. You know. Um, 'If... you want the rainbow, you've gotta put up with the rain.'" Nod to the camera, the old look of complacency again, knowing he's said something truly wise. And as usual, it's not that wise. "Do you know which 'philosopher' said that? Dolly Parton." Glancing at the cameraman and interviewer to see their surprised looks. "And people think she's just a big pair of tits." He looks at the camera in disgust, as if those people are so bad, even if he's the one who just suggested that Dolly Parton is just tits, and a) mentioning it and b) saying it in that way isn't exactly a sign that he completely disagrees. I love him. Our own oblivious, self-aggrandizing, ignorant hero. One of the truest characters ever.

In the last scene after the credits, we see Dawn staring ahead as the phone rings. She doesn't even seem to notice at first, then she picks it up and says tiredly, "Hello, Wernham Hogg." Life goes on, even if your heart is broken. Even if Dawn leaves, someone will continue to answer the phones at Wernham Hogg. The company moves on, even if the employees are replaced.

Wow. This was a great finish to the show. And yes, I will recap the Christmas specials, I just don't think it's the same anymore. To me, this is the true ending of the series, this bittersweet sadness that rewards the viewers with realism instead of happy endings. I loved it.

I think I'm going to do the deleted scenes still today and go on with the Christmas specials in a few days. After the Christmas specials, I'll do the brilliant Microsoft videos. I will miss recapping the show itself though. I feel like writing THE END here, but it isn't. So it's see you soon from me.

Season 2, Episode 6, Part 4: "Cleaning up His Mess"

Boring work montage, including BEN whose name I will never again have a chance to use. Then the Number Bods. Keith is leaning back in his chair, laid back at work. Then the camera zooms in on Tim staring at Dawn longingly. And in on Dawn copying something, the sound of the photocopier really loud when no one's saying anything. And Tim again, playing with his lower lip and trying to look nonchalant. And Dawn again, copying and looking unhappy. And I really don't have much to say about this anymore. Scene.

Tim gets up and walks with his back straight to the kitchen to Rachel. She looks happy to see him, and he asks to talk with her for a moment. Rachel looks like she's anticipating a quickie in the broom closet, and follows him excitedly. The mic is still on as the camera follows them and Tim tells Rachel, "I just wanted to tell you and uh... I don't know how. And, uh, this is so hard." Rachel looks like she realizes this isn't going anywhere fun or kinky, and her face falls. Cut straight to Rachel crying and Emma comforting her. An unusually jumpy cut for The Office. Rachel's makeup has spread over her eyes and I feel sorry for her. Emma rubs her shoulder a bit, and we don't have to hear her to know she's saying, "He's a jerk - he's not worth you - there are other fish in the sea." The camera moves to Gareth, who's staring at the scene. He tells Tim, "Well done. She's crying." Um, I don't think it's any of your business, Gareth. "I know. Just leave it," says Tim. "It's always up to me to clean up your mess," says Gareth. What? When has Gareth ever, in the course of history, had to clean up Tim's mess? I can't think of one case. More the opposite. "Gareth, I'm begging you, just stay out of it, mate," says Tim, quite politely considering that Gareth's being kind of a jerk. Well, why am I saying 'kind of'? He's a class-A jerk, now and always. "Uh, no, you dumped her, so it's nothing to do with you anymore. She needs something to cheer her up," says Gareth. Oh god, he's taking Dirty Bertie out of the box again. That's probably the worst possible way to cheer someone up, especially a woman who just got dumped by her boyfriend. It's like when he told Dawn that if nobody else does, Monkey Alan from the warehouse fancies her.

"Don't take Dirty Bertie," says Tim in a low voice, probably thinking more about Rachel than Gareth, "Don't go at all. I'm begging you..." And when he realizes Gareth is going to go, no matter what Tim says: "Don't take Bertie." "Overruled!" says Gareth. Nice court language there to show Tim he's supposedly on top now. He's not a good judge of anything, least of all women. "Gareth, if you have to go, don't take Bertie, please," Tim pleads again. Maybe he does care about Gareth and his feelings too. Gareth looks at him and then lays Bertie on the table, as if it's very noble of him to do so. One more angry look at Tim, and he's off to see Rachel. "Hi," he says in a voice resembling compassion, but Rachel isn't having it. "Fuck off!" she says, and he turns back on his heels and walks to his desk with the same confident strides he was taking earlier. Poor Gareth. On the other hand, what an idiot. Did he really think Rachel would jump right into his arms the first thing when Tim leaves him? "Potty mouth," he says with his back already turned to Rachel. Tim looks at him tiredly as he resumes working. Smooth. And would Gareth ever tell him I'm sorry or You were right, I was a jerk to go over there? No, never. Tim's way too nice to him. I wonder if he's thinking about the job he gave away to Gareth.

David walks up to Emma, who's having a coffee break, and gives her his card. "Stay in touch," he says and does the "phone" gesture. Cool and hip! And modern! "Yeah, cheers," says Emma. David ruffles her hair as if she's ten. As he walks away, the camera stays on Emma. She looks after him with some surprise, and is obviously wondering what she's gonna do with that business card after he ceases to be her boss who never really cared about her in the first place.

David interview. "People can't believe I'm this happy to be leaving. And it's.. you know, it's not cos there's something wrong with it, you know that thing I did in the community center? As I was giving that motivational speech, I could literally see them all getting... all motivated...from it." Hee! How can you literally see that? If you can, it's through their work. And David hasn't seen those people work. He has seen them look at him incredulously and clap very vaguely. Well, actually he didn't see the "applause" part, since he ran out into the corridor as Tina was blasting. It's all bad. "And that's, you know, it's like being born again." Well, not exactly, unless your religion is... worshipping yourself? Or is he saying the others were born again just from hearing him speak? Hee! I love his megalomaniac notions, and how he doesn't even realize what he's saying half the time. I'll miss these interviews. "And it showed ME...how much...I HAD... to OFFER...other PEOPLE." He does say it like that. It's so emphatic, it's ridiculous. It's like he's still dictating to someone who's writing this down. Maybe his problem is that he's rehearsed all these little interviews and calculated what impact certain words will have on the viewers. It all sounds like a stage play sometimes.

Ray and Jude come for a visit. David introduces Helena to "the guys from Cooper & Webb, the management training consultants." He surprises me by remembering their names. He tells them Helena is writing "quite a big article" on him. It's probably been expanding throughout the day, at least in his head. "I mentioned our... thing, so... You don't mind if she sits in on this gig, do you?" Obviously David just wants Helena to get more soundbites of what a brilliant management trainer he is. Ray says they don't mind if he doesn't. Maybe he should have said it's kind of private, and negative, and he might be humiliated in front of Helena, but how can he say that without blurting out right away that he's fired from their gigs? So they just sit down, David beaming in his own brilliance, saying, "I'm Coolio. Okay." I'm sure Coolio really appreciates being compared to someone like David.

Dawn's desk. There's a picture of an orangutan, which is kind of cute, like a look into Dawn's life behind the desk. The phone rings and she picks up just as Stephen Merchant's Dad walks into the office in a blue overall. He's holding a bag of toilet paper rolls or whatever, and like before, he just stares at the camera. Brilliant. I like how both Stephen (as the voice of Oggy) and his father make a cameo in this episode. Neil and Gareth come out of the meeting room. Neil tells Gareth to give him a call if there are any problems, but he casts glances at Stephen Merchant's Dad and the camera. It's cute how a little thing like that is not a cause for, say, asking the guy what he's doing there or if they can help; he's just a bit of a disturbance to their daily routines. Business as usual at Wernham Hogg. Neil leaves, without forgetting to say bye to Dawn, and Gareth walks up to Tim saying, "Alright mate? Probably wondering who they're going to offer David's job. Me." Tim looks genuinely happy for Gareth and congratulates him with some perhaps unexpected warmth. However, Gareth starts with his ridiculous OCD regime right away and tells Tim he needs to start "bucking your ideas up, starting with... your appearance." He touches Tim's shirt and ruffles his hair with obvious despise. Tim stares at this monster he's created. "It's gonna be a well-oiled, tight ship in these here parts," says Gareth, and it sounds as ridiculous as it looks on the page. He exhales deeply in a way that he surely believes to be manly and filled with good leadership.

Back in David's office, Helena, who's obviously observant and interested in things going on around her as a journalist should be, asks Ray and Jude what sort of management training it is. Ray starts to answer, but David rudely cuts him off. "They use celebrity speakers, expert speakers, and my personal.. tip is my rise to the top, which gives it a whole new edge, so..." He makes an "arrow up" type gesture with both hands for rise and a swooping gesture for edge. I wouldn't exactly say "celebrity" speakers. Hey, who hasn't heard of Mark Frown of Sound Investments fame? And how is David's rise to the "top" a new edge? Seriously, they probably all have the same story. Started out as lower level employees, ended up as lower level managers. What gave his speech a whole new edge was his, eh, personal and unique style. David tells them, "Where are we? Shoot", as he would. I'd love it if they just took guns out of their suitcases and matter-of-factly shot him. But then this would be a Quentin Tarantino film. It's just so annoying when he says that. And he shows two pistols with his fingers, instead of one.

Jude looks uncomfortable and adjusts herself in the chair as Ray starts talking, "Um, we'd like to thank you very much for the time you've given us." David, looking flattered as if Ray had just said he was the best speaker they ever had, says, "No sweat, it's what I do." So... giving people time is what he does? I guess that works, except that he uses that time to make dumb jokes, so it's really all David Brent Coffee Time. "But we won't be using you again, I'm afraid," Ray continues. "You WON'T be?" says David, very surprised, and his smile instantly dies. The camera zooms a bit, and David's face goes thru a look of hurt and rejection. "Why not?" he asks in a hurt voice. "It's just... not exactly what we were looking for," says Ray in a rather sad, low voice. David goes into Desperate Babble Mode: "No, I know, but... I'll do it how you... I did it like that because that was the vibe of the day, wasn't it, and I just.. you know...but...I'll do it differently...how do you want me to do it?" Well, on that day you acted like it was a good thing that you do it the way you want to, and that they have to hold you back on stage. You kinda told them this is what you'd do every time, or even worse. It's too late to claim now that you'll do exactly what they say. And it's probably not even what they're looking for anyway. Ray says, "We have a very specific idea of what it is that we're looking for and..." Yeah, I guess that would be something like "Same old in a stylish package" and "Not humiliating Cooper & Webb with an incoherent babble type speech". And also "no Tina Turner".

Seeing that they really want to reject him, David becomes childish. It's sad, because it shows how much he really needed this gig for his self esteem, especially now that he lost his job. He was desperate a moment ago; now he's turned that into anger and "screw you all" attitude. "Oh, fucking hell!" he shouts. There's an awkward silence. Helena and Ray look down. Jude, interestingly, looks down at first but then turns to look at Ray. I wonder what their relationship is. Married? Dating? Or just friends? Is Jude looking at Ray for support, or to see what he's going to do next, or to ask with her eyes if he wants her to deal with this? It might be the latter, as she says shyly, "[ahem], we would like to say thank you..."

David who is, for once, picking up the fakeness of sentiment in the jargon, decides to make it obvious that he knows she doesn't mean it: "Ya ya ya ya," he says and makes 'yakking' motions with both hands. "Yada yada yada." He straightens his tie. A tie-straightening of disappointment? "Go on and get... Time wasters." I love how he sometimes doesn't finish even the simplest sentences. He just points to the door. "Again," he adds. No, David, you wasted their time. Your speech was terrible. You obviously hadn't prepared much. You made no sense. You tried to shine and be the star, but you couldn't deliver anything of value. So you know, they should be mad at you for giving the wrong idea of yourself. Though frankly, maybe they should have noticed during that first meeting that he wasn't what they wanted. Serves them right for listening to references from someone whose nickname is The Big Cock.

Jude tries to say something more, but David tells them to get out. "Wasting my...," he says again, and Ray and Jude look at him as if they should stay now in case he says something mature, but he just adds, "..time...," and they get up to leave in perfect silence and professionalism. They looked completely baffled and embarrassed at David's reaction, and I can imagine them talking about it vividly in the car. I bet they're glad to be rid of him. After they leave, David is still staring at a frightened Helena. She says, "You mean me as well?" "Yeah," says David quickly. Wow. He asked her to come in. He was a total ass about the interview. He's been getting on her nerves all day, and now he tells her to get out because she's wasting his time? I'd just walk out and say the story's off then, but Helena shyly asks if she can take a photo.

One of the most brilliant awkward moments on the show ensues as Helena first prepares the camera to take the photo, and then has to let the flashlight warm up for another photo, so she has a backup if the first one didn't work, and David's just sitting there brooding. Helena speaks in a little voice and nervously explains she has to wait for the flashlight. "Right," says David, who's really not mad at her, but could be more polite about all this. He doesn't even apologize for swearing or yelling or anything. So unprofessional. Helena seems to fear that he's going to yell at her any minute, and who could blame her? David, however, keeps cool and contains himself, probably because he's about to cry and he doesn't want to do that in front of Helena, let alone on camera. I feel sorry for them both. So awkward. David's pose, by the way? Arms crossed and one finger on his chin. Heee. I bet he thinks that makes him look like Confucius. Helena packs her stuff and leaves, still looking scared, and David, aware of the camera, just sits there sternly. The camera pans behind him and we see him sitting alone in the office that soon won't be his anymore - the greys and blacks look forbidding and effective, merciless. Great scene.

The Dawn and Tim Saga continues. Tim sits down next to Dawn in the break room and says, in a tone that sounds miserable but tries to sound cheerful, that he hears she's leaving. She's all, "Blimey... Word gets around fast." I'll say. How long ago did she leave her notice? Half an hour? One hour? I wonder who the big gossips of the office are, since it seems that even Keith knows everything that's going on. "Were you gonna tell me or..?" says Tim. Why should he be the first one to know? Dawn's with Lee, Tim. "God yeah," says Dawn, sounding like she didn't realize it meant so much to Tim. Or was just stalling telling him because she knew how awkward it would be. They try to act cheerful about it, but really Tim acts hurt that he didn't know, and Dawn acts guilty. Surely she'll miss Tim too, but she can't wait around for him forever, and frankly Tim's acting a bit entitled in this scene, like his pining for her gives him the right to know everything first.

Dawn's going to Florida with Lee for six months. Tim is shocked. It's a long time to spend in a foreign country, especially with someone like Lee, and I have to wonder if Dawn is really on board with this whole idea. "Is there a word for this?" asks Tim, trying to hide his sadness. "I don't know, starting again?" says Dawn. Not really, I mean, they're only going away for six months, not moving to the US. And quitting your job for this, when you don't know what you're going to do when you get back home, isn't really starting again, it's... I don't even know. Spending six months without work can be really boring. Maybe the first month or so you'll just be excited that you're in a new country and everything feels special, but after that it starts to wear off.

Lee walks in and Tim seems relieved. Dawn, however, looks like she's been caught in the act. Tim, who seems to feel safer knowing how to talk to Lee - sometimes distance can be easier than too much closeness with someone - and he asks about their plans. Lee seems really excited about the US. As usual, his plans include lots of hard work for Dawn. He thinks they can buy a winebago and drive around the beaches until they run out of money (bwah!). He seems interested in staying there too: "Accommodation is well cheap. If Dawn gets a job at reception, she'll be twice as well off." Yeah, so he gets away from his boring job, and Dawn gets a similar job elsewhere in an equally boring office. Fair! Dawn looks at him like, "Hey, that's not what we agreed on!" but says nothing, as usual. Tim leaves to brood in his angst elsewhere, and Lee sits next to Dawn, asking if she's browsing her magazine for bikinis. I love how Dawn's gained weight, but Lee still acts like she's a knockout. The role of Dawn could be played by a slimmer woman, and that's a great thing. But Lee's still an ass either way.

Dawnterview. There have been way too few in this season, or indeed on the whole show. Dawn's talking about a good relationship, but what she really means is, "I love Lee, I really do, even if we have no chemistry and he treats me like crap, and I don't love Tim, honestly!" She starts by saying that a real relationship "is not like a fairytale." True. However, there should be some chemistry, some magic, for it to really be a happy one. Her justifying is kind of pitiful: "What about reliability, someone paying mortgage or someone's never been out of work? Those are the more important practical... things.. in reality..." But her eyes stray and it really doesn't seem like she believes herself. I love the fact that most of these interviews are just self-justifying little things. It's almost like inner dialogue: "My choice was OK, because..." Also, Lee is not that reliable. He just asked her to quit her job, and he quit his own, to go to Florida to his sister's house for six months and just be lazy and let her work. That's not reliable. That's lazy and entitled. Dawn's a martyr, and many women are. She'd probably make a great mother, which is probably what Lee sees in her. She's obedient, calm and kind, and she lets others walk all over her. And she's miserable, of course. I love how the writers, two men, realize this is not a good way for a woman to live. It says something about their attitude on women. Obviously Gervais and Merchant believe Dawn has a right to be happy and follow her own dreams, not just Lee's.

Ben and a younger guy working. A static on the background, like a low hum, which probably comes from many computers running and many low voices talking. The number bods' table, where Sheila looks at Oliver piningly and then resumes working. It's an interesting little detail. Sheila's somehow similar to Dawn: kind, quiet, martyrish. She lacks Dawn's spunk, but her way of dealing with her crush on Oliver is similar in some way. Oliver is obviously not interested at all, as he refuses to make eye contact and acts like nothing happened.

David is doing something at the computer, hitting the keys pretty hard. He gets up, but a bit too quickly, and rolls the chair over his toes or something. He jumps up and down angrily and then goes back and kicks the chair several times with what seems like real rage. I bet that chair is Neil, Jennifer, Ray and Jude, and all the people who ever belittled him. I really feel sorry for him in this episode. I must admit that I sometimes kick furniture when it hit me, too.

Season 2, Episode 6, Part 3: "Notice"

Boring work at the boring office. Dawn sits at her desk looking around at the employees, as if she's making a decision. Zoom on Tim again. These are short bits, but they seem long because nobody says anything. Dawn runs her hand through her hair, a gesture of insecurity. She looks at Tim longingly.

In David's office, he's still going on about his brilliance. "That's why my professionalism is probably as important as my... um, humanism." He used those two words in the Microsoft clips too. Brilliant. We can see Helena and her notebook, and instead of writing down the words David is saying, she's circling something on the page and blotting over a word. Hee. I wonder what the text says? There's a knock on the door, and Dawn walks in holding an envelope. "Hi," she says shyly, "I was wondering if you'd have time for a little chat?" David, of course, uses this as an opportunity to shine: "I've always got time for my staff, Dawn, you know that. 'He's always got time for staff'," he adds to Helena, and Dawn starts to say something, but David, who always has time for staff, is too busy describing himself to Helena: "Even though... a lot happening... and his mind should be on his staff..." Where was that going? David doesn't know himself, apparently, as he turns to Dawn instead and says, "Shoot." Dawn says, "If you leave, I wanted to hand in my notice." David hears: "Since you're leaving, I can't take it here. This place would be way too empty without you. In fact, they should keep you on or we'll all quit soon." He takes the envelope biting his lip smugly and says, "Ooh no. Thought this would happen. Who else is thinking of leaving here, Dawn?" Dawn, puzzled, says, "I don't think anyone is." David, handing her back the envelope but looking at the camera instead of her, so we know it's just an act: "Don't throw your career away just because I'm leaving, yeah? I know it won't be the same, but you'll probably meet someone else, and..." What? Does he think Dawn is in love with him or something? I wonder how he thinks Dawn sees him. As a mentor? As her idol? I mean, he did basically force her to write him down as a strong influence.

Dawn says she's not leaving because of that. "I'm just reading between the lines," says David. "So..." "Well, you haven't read it," says Dawn and gives the letter back to David. David gives him the envelope back. I love the back-and-forth with the envelope, it's a great example of David not listening to an employee and just assuming things. "Very flattering, but is it just a coincidence that you're handing in your notice when I'm leaving?" he asks. "Yes, it is," says Dawn and gives the letter back to David. "Is it?" says David, obviously only now realizing that she's not leaving as a protest to losing him. Helena, who's actually interested in other people, asks Dawn why she's quitting. "I'm going away with my fiancé," says Dawn. "Where to?" "The States," says Dawn. David now takes the envelope, shoos Dawn away with it, and says to Helena, "What are you writing? Cos I thought we were..." to Dawn: "Cheers, cool..." to Helena, who's gaping with her mouth open again, unused to David's jerkitude: "...go back to..." Heee. He really made a fool of himself there. Don't say those things out loud every time, David. Also, he acted like Dawn leaving is a small detail, as long as it doesn't involve him, and he's ready to go on with this article which doesn't directly have to do with his job. It gives a great picture of him as a boss. Luckily he has a whole article about himself memorized: "Strings to Brent's bow: A. Pihlantrophist..." Yes, and this scene really proved him to be one. Helena rolls her eyes to the camera and continues writing.

Tim is sitting on the sofa with a lime green coffee mug, staring ahead, apparently thinking. He looks like he did on Training Day. The camera zooms on him as he takes a sip of coffee - or tea, since it's the UK - as if he only now remembered he's holding the mug. He rubs his face a bit. Neil walks in and sits next to him. "Hiya," he says. "Have you got a minute?" Tim snaps out of it a bit, always matter-of-fact with the bosses. "Yeah, sure," he says. Neil tells him, in business terms, that they're going to hire someone from the outside to do David's job, and "we wondered if you could do us a favor and be care-taking manager for a while." This is the kind of offer you always say yes to. I know Tim is thinking of leaving some day and whatever, but it's not like he's leaving now. Why doesn't he think about the money he could save for college? Why doesn't he think about getting his own place, maybe taking some time off work to think of his options? In a manager's job, he could actually do that, instead of being stuck on the same old day after day. But he declines. "It's a bit more work for a lot more money," says Neil, who really wants Tim on the job. And how nice of him really, considering he's not asking one of his "own" employees like David surely would have in his shoes. He knows Tim's the man for the job.

Now Tim does something that shows he doesn't truly hate Gareth or wish him anything bad. He tells Neil they should hire Gareth for the job. He knows it's what Gareth wants the very most, and he's willing to let him have it. Granted, he doesn't really want it himself, but he could have suggested someone far more capable, like Oliver, or Jamie, or Ben, or Rachel, or Trudy, or Brenda... well, just about anybody. Neil looks on rather incredulously as Tim lists Gareth's good sides: "He takes things seriously, he's conscientious, he works hard, and he's responsible and knows the place inside out." In the background, we hear Dirty Bertie start up again. Neil looks at Tim like, "You've gotta be kidding me." The scene ends with D.B. going, "Oh, oh, oh, ooh... noo!" There goes Tim's career down the drain, as well. He'll be beating himself up for this later. But hey! He could have rolled a one. Except that he kind of did. Isn't sitting in his old desk for the next five years, with no chance of a promotion, more a one than a three?

Break room. Tim reads from a paper what women look for in a man: "Eyes, smile, flat stomach, good buttocks..." Gareth, who's eating his usual mini-sized bag of cheese noodles - at least you can't say he's compensating - keeps nodding and starts saying, "Yeah..." at the last ones. "You got good buttocks, Gareth?" asks Tim. "Yes," says Gareth, tho he might as well be saying, "Duh." "Can we see them?" asks Tim, seemingly seriously. "No! Gay!" says Gareth. Tim asks Sheila what she wants in a guy. Sheila, who's sitting next to Oliver, is quiet for a while, and Tim looks up. Everyone looks at her, and she finally answers, "I like blacks." Awkward. Oliver looks a bit shocked, and Sheila looks down. Awww, poor Sheila. Is Oliver really that put off by her? She seems like a nice, if mousy woman. I'd be flattered if she found me attractive. Tim asks Trudy what she likes. "I kinda like shy blokes, actually," says Trudy. That would explain why she let Finchy do her from behind. "I can understand that," says Dawn. Tim asks her if that's what she wants too, but she says no. "Rugged good looks," she says. "You always told me it was a sense of humor," says Lee rather tenderly, for a change. "You've got that, you've got a sense of humor," says Dawn. Maybe she changed her answer because of Tim's sense of humor? "Yeah, I know, I know," says Lee. He seems like he might be put off but can't let on with all these people there, or maybe he feels satisfied with that answer, like Dawn was just teasing him. He takes a sip of his coffee (or tea). The camera zooms in on Dawn who looks sad all of a sudden. Wonder why? Tim looks at her with the same look. And in the closeup, you can see he has this horrid growth under his sideburns. It's like Sideburns II: The Son of the Sideburns. Just a little area of hair there, in the middle of his cheek, not a beard but also not a sideburn. It looks scary. The chapter ends rather abruptly.

Season 2, Episode 6, Part 2: "Inside Paper"

Dawn works boredly at his desk as David walks in with a young woman carrying a briefcase. "Here we are," he says. "The madhouse." She chuckles politely. David's "we're MAD" show with every visitor is the equivalent of Gareth's mad mates and their wacky adventures, broadcast to you on speakerphone. David says hi to Dawn, meaning "Look who I've got here, and guess why." The woman gives her a friendly, natural "Hi." Nice contrast. As they walk past Tim's desk, David says, "Alright Tim?" Tim, who's been deep in his thoughts, stirs and says an awkward hi. "Oh her?" says David, even if Tim didn't ask him anything. "She's writing an article on me in Inside Paper." He shows an issue that's peeking out of the suitcase. The woman looks uncomfortable as David calls out to Ben, who's on the other side of the room and not looking at him - that's the name of the anonymous employee? Wow. I had totally forgotten that. Maybe I'll go back and correct his name as Ben in all recaps. Maybe not. Speaking of which, since it's mentioned later on in the episode that the journalist is called Helena, I will refer to her as Helena right away, otherwise it gets awkward. "Well, I'll tell you all," he says quite loud. "If you're wondering who this stranger is" - and he points his finger at the head of an increasingly awkward-looking Helena, saying, "she's writing an article on me in Inside Paper." The older Swinnie employee walks in, and David, says, "Where have you been?" "Where else," mutters the employee without slowing down or looking back. I guess he means in the restroom? Love how he doesn't take David's bullshit. David tells him the same thing he told the others a moment earlier, but as he clearly isn't listening, he stops at "Ins..." "Subject matter," he says instead and points at himself, grinning. I loved that, such a David thing to say. He acts like Helena flew in from Paris just to interview him, and I bet in reality he called Inside Paper and persuaded them to do an article on him as he's leaving Wernham Hogg.

The interview. "Right, what do you wanna know?" says David as they sit down. Reminiscent of what he said in the second episode, showing his room to Donna. "Do you mind if I talk to some of your staff later?" Helena asks him. "Why?" David says suspiciously. Hee! She says that her train won't leave until the afternoon, so she has a little time. "Well, I wanna see what they say... before...," David says. This cracks me up, because he seems to realize it might not all be flattering. "I'm not gonna put anything nasty in it," says Helena. "They won't say anything nasty," David hastens to answer. Right, that's why you look so worried. They start the interview, and the first question is: "Would you like to tell me about your individual outlook on management?" Sounds a lot like business jargon to me. David, leaning back in his chair and lifting his feet on the desk, tells her, "Sure. Put, 'David Brent is refreshingly laid back for a man with such responsibility.'" Hee! He's written the whole article in his head, and she only needs to write it down. Ungratefully, she tells him to answer in his own words so she can work it out later. "Right. 'Brent mused and then replied...'" David starts, but Helena cuts him off again. She's kind all through, but she's no push-over. She promises to "get it down" when he just speaks freely. "Well, are you getting it down?" asks David. "Cos you're not doing shorthand, and I'm going to be pretty..." He shows a "babble" move with his hand and snaps his fingers quickly. Helena stares at him like he's the biggest douche she's ever met. "Just...," she says, unable to finish the sentence. "Well, your question, I suppose, was, 'Is it difficult to remain authoritative and yet so popular'?" "No," says Helena. Hee! "Shall I answer that one first?" asks David. Why should he answer a question she never asked? "Sorry, can we just stick to my questions?" says Helena, her smile faded. "Well, maybe you should be clear what the question is, cos I'm getting a little bit... you know." David says. Duh! "individual outlook on management" totally means "authoritative yet popular". It's, like, synonymous. How could he know what she meant? David is the kind of guy who abuses people's politeness to further his own means. If you're not very persistent and confident in the way you deal him, he will lead the conversation totally astray. Helena, knowing she can't be professional and punch him in the face, just says, "OK," looking down, clearly angry.

Dawn is standing by Tim's desk, laughing out loud at something Tim is saying. "That's what he said!" Tim says, happy that his story is going over so well. "But that's... just... offensive!" laughs Dawn. Are they talking about David? Rachel walks in and says, "What's so funny?" She's smiling, but what she means is, "Get your hands off my man, bitch." She starts to talk about some completely irrelevant issue, pretending not to remember the name of the pub they went to last Friday. Gareth gets a call and it's on speaker phone. And what do you know, it's Anne, who's obviously his girlfriend. Gareth has a girlfriend?! Actually, there were some brilliant deleted scenes about Gareth having two girlfriends at the same time, and I'll be recapping them later. Gareth sounds stilted while talking to her, knowing three people are listening in. He says he's going out with the lads. Anne asks him to come by before that. Gareth says, "Yeah, OK," sounding like he totally doesn't care about her, but of course it's just his embarrassment. Why use speakerphone? It makes no sense unless the person on the phone is talking to everyone in the room. And they rarely are. "Are you going to bring the toys again?" says Anne, and at this point Gareth grabs the phone and stiltedly tells her he'll be there. "Yeah, look forward too," he says. Tim's face looks attentive and pondersome. This is his revenge to Oggy Oggy Oggy, oink oink oink!

As soon as he's off the phone, Tim says, "Toys?" "Shut up," says Gareth tightly and resumes working. "What are the toys? Is it Buckaroo? Not Boggle, is it? If it's KerPlunk, I'm coming too!" Dawn is leaning on the desk, giggling at Tim's jokes. Her position kind of makes her seem like his girlfriend, which is probably what she wants to do with it, at least subconsciously. Tim's quite a good teaser - works for annoying Gareth and wooing the ladies. "That was actually a private phone call," says Gareth. "So don't put it on speakerphone, Gareth," says Tim. Good point. He turns to Rachel to say what the name of the pub was, but then turns back to Gareth: "Is it Hungry Hippos?" Rachel and Dawn are laughing out loud now. And if I knew more about those games, I'd know if there's a sexual reference to the choice of the names. They sound funny though.

Back to the interview with Inside Paper. "Private life, then, just to flesh out David Brent a little," says Helena. David makes an "Ooh noo" face grin. "Is there a better half?" asks Helena. "David quipped, 'Why buy a book when you can join the library?'" says David. Ugh, one of those trademark sexist jokes. As if you buy women when you marry them. Helena smiles, quite graciously considering earlier. "So you play the field?" she says. David adjusts his tie and says, "Well, I'm not like using chicks and shit, but I'm just chilling while I'm young, I suppose. So..." Note the lingo - "chick", "chill", because he's young and hip! Helena asks if he has a chick now. "Ooh, I don't kiss and tell," says David, points at her and winks as if this was very clever. "I'm just trying to find out if you're in a relationship at the moment," says Helena, who's still polite but seems irritated at David's inability to give straight answers. "Brent says no comment," David says with his mouth twisted and in a funny voice. He grins at the camera like he's so funny. "So you don't have a girlfriend?" says Helena. David tries to belittle the term 'girlfriend' by asking what it means. He does quotation marks with his hands when he says "girlfriend". "Someone you'd have sex with," suggests Helena. Um, that's not how I'd define it. I'd say someone you love and feel a connection with. "Oy, don't get coarse in a magazine for the public," David says. I'm not sure if he's really such a prude, or if he just feels embarrassed about how long he's gone without sex. "I don't think you win a Pulitzer with filth." He looks around like he's said something very wise. It's something in his eyebrows that he lifts as if to say "Are you getting this? I'm imparting my wisdom!" The word sex is, of course, filthy, and no civilized person should ever use it. Yet when Finchy talks about gross sexual details, that's OK for him. Helena looks down and writes something as David points at her and looks away from the camera. What an idiot.

The office. People are working, their shoulders hunched in the work - or is it because of the misery of David Brent leaving?! We'll never know. Gareth shows the camera a stupid present he's gotten for Gobbler. It's a "Dirty Bertie" toy - a gross horndog-type man who, when you clap your hands, says, "Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Come on come on baby! Come on come on baby!" "Watch," says Gareth, excited, and the camera zooms on the little man's pants, where a stick comes up and shakes to the sound of a classical tune I can't seem to place, playing in cheap-sounding synth music. Gareth is chuckling at this display of poor taste. "Oh...oh... oh..o-oh No-ooo..." the man shouts, and the "penis" is flattened. May I add that the man speaking the voice sounds like he's about to burst into laughter. Worst. Present. Ever. Gareth now shows it to Tim, as if he didn't hear it before. Tim lets out a longg sigh. Gareth points at the penis again, "Watch!" and Tim lazily turns his eyes to the man's penis. "He comes in his pants," Gareth narrates, in case no one got that. Tim's eyes widen with either disgust or amazement at how stupid Gareth can be. Gareth promptly claps his hands again to see the show one more time, and Tim throws his pencil away so that it flies high, and walks away. That was a very effective scene done mostly with Martin Freeman's facial expressions. Good job, Martin.

Timterview. He says he's not stressing himself, "Thirty is young nowadays. I'm not somebody who'll have specific goals, you know, having done this or that by my age." I don't think that's a helpful way to think anyway. However, I think Tim is just justifying his need to take the safe route instead of risking everything to do something he really likes, and his next comment proves it. "If you look at life like rolling a dice, then my situation is.. may only be a three." He continues that if he rolled the dice, "I could roll a six, no problem, I could easily roll a six. I could also roll a one. So, I think it's best to just leave the dice alone." It really shows how he thinks, the situation many 30-year-olds find themselves in: young enough to change their lives and get it in a new direction...but also scared. Start your own business - what if you go bankrupt? Go back to college - what if you fail and then you have no job to lean on. In Tim's case, however, it seems to have settled in a lot earlier since he's been living at his parents' house for how long now? I think his failure to complete his studies has left him in an apathetic situation where he, worried about future failures, decides to stop trying and just have the best life he can have at Wernham Hogg. Which isn't very good, but it's stable and the same year after year, which he hates, but perhaps also feels a secret satisfaction with. They say most people would take a dull life over an exciting but tragic one.

Season 2, Episode 6, Part 1: "My Work Here is Done"

This is it. The last episode. I feel sad and nostalgic already. But worry not, I will still recap the specials too. And why not the documentaries, while I'm at it.

We open on another boring, mundane office day. David gives the male Swinnie employee his card, and looks at the camera smiling. Everything's a show with him. The employee, who's on the phone, doesn't really pay a lot of attention to him, and David pats him in the back and leaves. It's kinda sad - I don't think he got a going-away party or a gift or a card or anything, just people ignoring him. He gives cards to everyone, and people look like they couldn't care less. The problem with David is that he believes workplace relationships should last forever, even if you quit the job or are fired; so your employees should still hang out with you even after you leave. which they won't, by any logic, because they don't even like him. David probably thinks he gave his all to this job, though, and that people are just turning their backs on him. When in reality they never liked him in the first place. I feel really sorry for him in this episode.

David interview. With his trademark slow style, he starts :"I ...don't.. .look upon this like it's 'the end'. I look upon this like it's moving on. It's almost like my work here is done, you know. I can't imagine... Jesus" - a little look at the camera guy and interviewer to let the heavy name sink in, because any mention of Jesus is by definition profound - going, "Oh, I've told a few people here in Bethlehem I'm the Son of God, can I just stay in with Mom and Dad now?" No. You gotta move on, you've gotta spread the word, you've gotta go to Nazareth, please. And that's... very much like... me..." Um, how exactly? He twists his mouth while saying that, making it seem like he totally doesn't know what he's saying, and he probably doesn't. And this whole idea of Jesus vs David? Bwah! Especially since Jesus was only born in Bethlehem and grew up in Nazareth, which I think the wirters assume everyone to know. Well, everyone except David Brent. What we learn from this: if you're going to compare yourself to Jesus, at least get the facts of his life right, because you're already making a fool of yourself.

And then comes a brilliant account of all the things he can do: "My world does not end within these four walls." He spreads his arms and shows the distance between his index fingers. "Slough is a big place, and you know, and when I'm finished with Slough, I've got Reading, Aldershot, Bracknell, you know, Didcot, Yately. My... Winnersh, Taplow. You know. Because I am my own boss. I can... Berefield. You know, I can wake up and go, 'Oh, I don't feel like working today, can I just stay in bed? Oh no, better ask your boss. David, can I stay in bed all day?' 'Yes you can, David.' -Both me, that's not me in bed with another bloke called David." That is just priceless, because
1. He doesn't even think that he could go beyond small English towns in the vicinity;
2. He keeps interrupting because he thought of another redundant example, like a child might do;
3. He didn't really have to explain he's both Davids, but if there's any slightest possibility that others might think he's gay, he has to step in and stop them from thinking that;
4. Note that he doesn't say what he's going to do exactly, because he totally doesn't know.
Gotta love David Brent. I'll really miss these interviews.

David now goes to Jamie, who's sitting at his desk. He squats down a bit, coming down to the employee's level. He asks him, talking as if to a child, if it's going to be weird when he's gone. "Different," says Jamie to say something. "Sadder," adds David. I don't think that's what Jamie meant, but it's really easy with David because you don't have to say anything, he'll tell you what you're thinking and meaning. David tells him dumbly that he doesn't have to think, "That's it, there's no point, I'm walking around with my shoulders hunched..." Hee! Like anyone would say something like that. Especially just because David left. The phone rings and Jamie asks to take it. David is left in a squatting position and he makes an awkward face at the camera. We all know the feeling of hanging around when someone else takes a call, and it makes you feel unimportant even if you're not. In this particular case, though, it's kind of true. There's good news on the phone and Jamie says it's a load off his mind. When he gets off the phone, he turns back to David who has trouble getting started again, seeing how litle Jamie really cares. Before he can say much, Jamie calls to Oliver off-camera that "they took the lot, mate". I love how he doesn't have to specify who took the lot exactly, and what the lot means in this case. Then he turns back to David, but can't contain himself and has to call Steve, whom he tells the exact same thing - "They took the lot, mate." David gets the hint, says Jamie is busy, and leaves his card. I thought this scene was a tad obvious as a joke, and I can't put my finger on why. Jamie simply nods as David holds the card up to his face. As David turns to go, his face looks very tired and very old. Awww, poor lonely David.

But he immediately finds another victim. He chuckles at the camera for no reason at all and says, "Oh - here he is! The big man!" Keith is copying or printing something and is standing by the printer. He's a head taller than David. Why does David always have to talk about his size? Does he feel intimidated by Keith's height or does he feel superior that Keith is fatter than him? Keith totally doesn't see David, who's coming from behind, and as David takes his card from his pocket, Keith leans back and bumps him with his butt, or steps on his toe, as David goes, "Ow!" and walks away saying, "Clumsy" with the same voice he said "Big man". Nice going, David. Try talking to him first the next time, to get his attention. Keith's a bit absent-minded. He obviously still can't see David as he attends to the copier or printer, oblivious of the world around him. As he would. David looks at his card like Keith isn't worthy of it. He walks up to someone else to give it.

Boring office working montage. Oliver has his pipes screensaver still on. Does he ever use his computer?

Dawn is leaning on her desk, looking dreadfully bored, but then the camera zooms on Tim and we know she's only pining for him. I'm reminded of the long Dawn/Tim scenes in this episode and the Christmas special. Tim is sitting at his computer pressing his lips together, seeming tense. Rachel walks in. This time her shirt isn't as short as usual, but it still looks a little tight. She sits on Tim's desk - chairs are for sitting on! - and tells him rather insecurely that his parents have this cottage in New Forest and they invited her and Tim to a party there. "I can't," Tim says immediately, making it obvious he doesn't want to. "When is it?" he adds, remembering that that's the polite way of blowing someone off. First ask when, then say you can't that particular day, but oh how you'd like to! Rachel says it's a few weeks ahead, on a weekend, but Tim says, "That's a problem." He comes off really rude, and Rachel is offended. "I kinda told them that we'd.. that we'd go," she says. "You told them? I wish you'd asked me," says Tim and gives a joyless little chuckle that's meant to signal, "I'm not mad," even if he is. They look at each other. Tim lifts his eyebrows. Awkward silence. And - scene. Nice.

Photocopier spewing identical-looking white papers. Tim and Gareth's desk. Gareth picks up his phone and it's "Oooooggy Oggy Oggy!!" Gareth glances at a tired-looking Tim but goes, "Oink oink oink!" like this is the high point of his day. And it probably is. "Alright, Oggy? Keeno here, on speaker phone!" Keeno?! Hee. That's like the lamest nickname ever. Well, ok, Count Fuckula on Extras was worse. At least there's some kind of quiet, well ok, loud dignity to the Oggmonster. Gareth, once again, glances around like he thinks he and his mates are the maddest, funniest guys around, and everyone should laugh just hearing it. It reminds me of this Fry&Laurie skit where a young guy tells the camera, "I have these mad mates... We're just mad! Like last week we went to the movies.. Mad!!" Oggy gets excited that he's on speaker phone, and his mind goes to a very juvenile place (if it ever left it in the first place): "Tits!!" Gareth pretends to be scandalized by this public reveal, but is actually really amused and giggles like a little boy, like he does every time. He calls Oggy a "mentalist" - hee, I love that British word - and asks what he wants. Oggy informs him that "Gobbler" - the same name they used on Extras for the fat guy in the sitcom! - is having a birthday party at Chaser's (where else?) and he asks if Gareth's coming. Gareth acts like he wouldn't miss it for the world. He asks who else is coming - Jimmy the Perv, Fish Fingers? Oggy tells him, "Fish Fingers can't come cause Susan caught him get off with What's-Her-Face..." One of the guys has a girlfriend? A bit surprising, that. Not that he'd cheat on her but that he'd have one. Gareth looks excited that one of his mad mates is proven to be a bad boy, because that makes them MAD! "That's mental," he says, happy that Tim's hearing all this. Oggy says something that sounds like "Donuts!" to me, and I guess he means Donuts, as in, nudge nudge wink wink, get it?! And Gareth laughs and calls him a mentalist, and hangs up. He seems refreshed from the phonecall. Tim looks like it had the opposite effect on him. "Did you hear that?" Gareth asks him. "That was the Oggmonster." Tim wipes his face with his hands, looking really tired. I think having crazy, mental friends calls on speaker phone ranks as one of the top 5 most annoying office behaviours.