Boring work montage, including BEN whose name I will never again have a chance to use. Then the Number Bods. Keith is leaning back in his chair, laid back at work. Then the camera zooms in on Tim staring at Dawn longingly. And in on Dawn copying something, the sound of the photocopier really loud when no one's saying anything. And Tim again, playing with his lower lip and trying to look nonchalant. And Dawn again, copying and looking unhappy. And I really don't have much to say about this anymore. Scene.
Tim gets up and walks with his back straight to the kitchen to Rachel. She looks happy to see him, and he asks to talk with her for a moment. Rachel looks like she's anticipating a quickie in the broom closet, and follows him excitedly. The mic is still on as the camera follows them and Tim tells Rachel, "I just wanted to tell you and uh... I don't know how. And, uh, this is so hard." Rachel looks like she realizes this isn't going anywhere fun or kinky, and her face falls. Cut straight to Rachel crying and Emma comforting her. An unusually jumpy cut for The Office. Rachel's makeup has spread over her eyes and I feel sorry for her. Emma rubs her shoulder a bit, and we don't have to hear her to know she's saying, "He's a jerk - he's not worth you - there are other fish in the sea." The camera moves to Gareth, who's staring at the scene. He tells Tim, "Well done. She's crying." Um, I don't think it's any of your business, Gareth. "I know. Just leave it," says Tim. "It's always up to me to clean up your mess," says Gareth. What? When has Gareth ever, in the course of history, had to clean up Tim's mess? I can't think of one case. More the opposite. "Gareth, I'm begging you, just stay out of it, mate," says Tim, quite politely considering that Gareth's being kind of a jerk. Well, why am I saying 'kind of'? He's a class-A jerk, now and always. "Uh, no, you dumped her, so it's nothing to do with you anymore. She needs something to cheer her up," says Gareth. Oh god, he's taking Dirty Bertie out of the box again. That's probably the worst possible way to cheer someone up, especially a woman who just got dumped by her boyfriend. It's like when he told Dawn that if nobody else does, Monkey Alan from the warehouse fancies her.
"Don't take Dirty Bertie," says Tim in a low voice, probably thinking more about Rachel than Gareth, "Don't go at all. I'm begging you..." And when he realizes Gareth is going to go, no matter what Tim says: "Don't take Bertie." "Overruled!" says Gareth. Nice court language there to show Tim he's supposedly on top now. He's not a good judge of anything, least of all women. "Gareth, if you have to go, don't take Bertie, please," Tim pleads again. Maybe he does care about Gareth and his feelings too. Gareth looks at him and then lays Bertie on the table, as if it's very noble of him to do so. One more angry look at Tim, and he's off to see Rachel. "Hi," he says in a voice resembling compassion, but Rachel isn't having it. "Fuck off!" she says, and he turns back on his heels and walks to his desk with the same confident strides he was taking earlier. Poor Gareth. On the other hand, what an idiot. Did he really think Rachel would jump right into his arms the first thing when Tim leaves him? "Potty mouth," he says with his back already turned to Rachel. Tim looks at him tiredly as he resumes working. Smooth. And would Gareth ever tell him I'm sorry or You were right, I was a jerk to go over there? No, never. Tim's way too nice to him. I wonder if he's thinking about the job he gave away to Gareth.
David walks up to Emma, who's having a coffee break, and gives her his card. "Stay in touch," he says and does the "phone" gesture. Cool and hip! And modern! "Yeah, cheers," says Emma. David ruffles her hair as if she's ten. As he walks away, the camera stays on Emma. She looks after him with some surprise, and is obviously wondering what she's gonna do with that business card after he ceases to be her boss who never really cared about her in the first place.
David interview. "People can't believe I'm this happy to be leaving. And it's.. you know, it's not cos there's something wrong with it, you know that thing I did in the community center? As I was giving that motivational speech, I could literally see them all getting... all motivated...from it." Hee! How can you literally see that? If you can, it's through their work. And David hasn't seen those people work. He has seen them look at him incredulously and clap very vaguely. Well, actually he didn't see the "applause" part, since he ran out into the corridor as Tina was blasting. It's all bad. "And that's, you know, it's like being born again." Well, not exactly, unless your religion is... worshipping yourself? Or is he saying the others were born again just from hearing him speak? Hee! I love his megalomaniac notions, and how he doesn't even realize what he's saying half the time. I'll miss these interviews. "And it showed ME...how much...I HAD... to OFFER...other PEOPLE." He does say it like that. It's so emphatic, it's ridiculous. It's like he's still dictating to someone who's writing this down. Maybe his problem is that he's rehearsed all these little interviews and calculated what impact certain words will have on the viewers. It all sounds like a stage play sometimes.
Ray and Jude come for a visit. David introduces Helena to "the guys from Cooper & Webb, the management training consultants." He surprises me by remembering their names. He tells them Helena is writing "quite a big article" on him. It's probably been expanding throughout the day, at least in his head. "I mentioned our... thing, so... You don't mind if she sits in on this gig, do you?" Obviously David just wants Helena to get more soundbites of what a brilliant management trainer he is. Ray says they don't mind if he doesn't. Maybe he should have said it's kind of private, and negative, and he might be humiliated in front of Helena, but how can he say that without blurting out right away that he's fired from their gigs? So they just sit down, David beaming in his own brilliance, saying, "I'm Coolio. Okay." I'm sure Coolio really appreciates being compared to someone like David.
Dawn's desk. There's a picture of an orangutan, which is kind of cute, like a look into Dawn's life behind the desk. The phone rings and she picks up just as Stephen Merchant's Dad walks into the office in a blue overall. He's holding a bag of toilet paper rolls or whatever, and like before, he just stares at the camera. Brilliant. I like how both Stephen (as the voice of Oggy) and his father make a cameo in this episode. Neil and Gareth come out of the meeting room. Neil tells Gareth to give him a call if there are any problems, but he casts glances at Stephen Merchant's Dad and the camera. It's cute how a little thing like that is not a cause for, say, asking the guy what he's doing there or if they can help; he's just a bit of a disturbance to their daily routines. Business as usual at Wernham Hogg. Neil leaves, without forgetting to say bye to Dawn, and Gareth walks up to Tim saying, "Alright mate? Probably wondering who they're going to offer David's job. Me." Tim looks genuinely happy for Gareth and congratulates him with some perhaps unexpected warmth. However, Gareth starts with his ridiculous OCD regime right away and tells Tim he needs to start "bucking your ideas up, starting with... your appearance." He touches Tim's shirt and ruffles his hair with obvious despise. Tim stares at this monster he's created. "It's gonna be a well-oiled, tight ship in these here parts," says Gareth, and it sounds as ridiculous as it looks on the page. He exhales deeply in a way that he surely believes to be manly and filled with good leadership.
Back in David's office, Helena, who's obviously observant and interested in things going on around her as a journalist should be, asks Ray and Jude what sort of management training it is. Ray starts to answer, but David rudely cuts him off. "They use celebrity speakers, expert speakers, and my personal.. tip is my rise to the top, which gives it a whole new edge, so..." He makes an "arrow up" type gesture with both hands for rise and a swooping gesture for edge. I wouldn't exactly say "celebrity" speakers. Hey, who hasn't heard of Mark Frown of Sound Investments fame? And how is David's rise to the "top" a new edge? Seriously, they probably all have the same story. Started out as lower level employees, ended up as lower level managers. What gave his speech a whole new edge was his, eh, personal and unique style. David tells them, "Where are we? Shoot", as he would. I'd love it if they just took guns out of their suitcases and matter-of-factly shot him. But then this would be a Quentin Tarantino film. It's just so annoying when he says that. And he shows two pistols with his fingers, instead of one.
Jude looks uncomfortable and adjusts herself in the chair as Ray starts talking, "Um, we'd like to thank you very much for the time you've given us." David, looking flattered as if Ray had just said he was the best speaker they ever had, says, "No sweat, it's what I do." So... giving people time is what he does? I guess that works, except that he uses that time to make dumb jokes, so it's really all David Brent Coffee Time. "But we won't be using you again, I'm afraid," Ray continues. "You WON'T be?" says David, very surprised, and his smile instantly dies. The camera zooms a bit, and David's face goes thru a look of hurt and rejection. "Why not?" he asks in a hurt voice. "It's just... not exactly what we were looking for," says Ray in a rather sad, low voice. David goes into Desperate Babble Mode: "No, I know, but... I'll do it how you... I did it like that because that was the vibe of the day, wasn't it, and I just.. you know...but...I'll do it differently...how do you want me to do it?" Well, on that day you acted like it was a good thing that you do it the way you want to, and that they have to hold you back on stage. You kinda told them this is what you'd do every time, or even worse. It's too late to claim now that you'll do exactly what they say. And it's probably not even what they're looking for anyway. Ray says, "We have a very specific idea of what it is that we're looking for and..." Yeah, I guess that would be something like "Same old in a stylish package" and "Not humiliating Cooper & Webb with an incoherent babble type speech". And also "no Tina Turner".
Seeing that they really want to reject him, David becomes childish. It's sad, because it shows how much he really needed this gig for his self esteem, especially now that he lost his job. He was desperate a moment ago; now he's turned that into anger and "screw you all" attitude. "Oh, fucking hell!" he shouts. There's an awkward silence. Helena and Ray look down. Jude, interestingly, looks down at first but then turns to look at Ray. I wonder what their relationship is. Married? Dating? Or just friends? Is Jude looking at Ray for support, or to see what he's going to do next, or to ask with her eyes if he wants her to deal with this? It might be the latter, as she says shyly, "[ahem], we would like to say thank you..."
David who is, for once, picking up the fakeness of sentiment in the jargon, decides to make it obvious that he knows she doesn't mean it: "Ya ya ya ya," he says and makes 'yakking' motions with both hands. "Yada yada yada." He straightens his tie. A tie-straightening of disappointment? "Go on and get... Time wasters." I love how he sometimes doesn't finish even the simplest sentences. He just points to the door. "Again," he adds. No, David, you wasted their time. Your speech was terrible. You obviously hadn't prepared much. You made no sense. You tried to shine and be the star, but you couldn't deliver anything of value. So you know, they should be mad at you for giving the wrong idea of yourself. Though frankly, maybe they should have noticed during that first meeting that he wasn't what they wanted. Serves them right for listening to references from someone whose nickname is The Big Cock.
Jude tries to say something more, but David tells them to get out. "Wasting my...," he says again, and Ray and Jude look at him as if they should stay now in case he says something mature, but he just adds, "..time...," and they get up to leave in perfect silence and professionalism. They looked completely baffled and embarrassed at David's reaction, and I can imagine them talking about it vividly in the car. I bet they're glad to be rid of him. After they leave, David is still staring at a frightened Helena. She says, "You mean me as well?" "Yeah," says David quickly. Wow. He asked her to come in. He was a total ass about the interview. He's been getting on her nerves all day, and now he tells her to get out because she's wasting his time? I'd just walk out and say the story's off then, but Helena shyly asks if she can take a photo.
One of the most brilliant awkward moments on the show ensues as Helena first prepares the camera to take the photo, and then has to let the flashlight warm up for another photo, so she has a backup if the first one didn't work, and David's just sitting there brooding. Helena speaks in a little voice and nervously explains she has to wait for the flashlight. "Right," says David, who's really not mad at her, but could be more polite about all this. He doesn't even apologize for swearing or yelling or anything. So unprofessional. Helena seems to fear that he's going to yell at her any minute, and who could blame her? David, however, keeps cool and contains himself, probably because he's about to cry and he doesn't want to do that in front of Helena, let alone on camera. I feel sorry for them both. So awkward. David's pose, by the way? Arms crossed and one finger on his chin. Heee. I bet he thinks that makes him look like Confucius. Helena packs her stuff and leaves, still looking scared, and David, aware of the camera, just sits there sternly. The camera pans behind him and we see him sitting alone in the office that soon won't be his anymore - the greys and blacks look forbidding and effective, merciless. Great scene.
The Dawn and Tim Saga continues. Tim sits down next to Dawn in the break room and says, in a tone that sounds miserable but tries to sound cheerful, that he hears she's leaving. She's all, "Blimey... Word gets around fast." I'll say. How long ago did she leave her notice? Half an hour? One hour? I wonder who the big gossips of the office are, since it seems that even Keith knows everything that's going on. "Were you gonna tell me or..?" says Tim. Why should he be the first one to know? Dawn's with Lee, Tim. "God yeah," says Dawn, sounding like she didn't realize it meant so much to Tim. Or was just stalling telling him because she knew how awkward it would be. They try to act cheerful about it, but really Tim acts hurt that he didn't know, and Dawn acts guilty. Surely she'll miss Tim too, but she can't wait around for him forever, and frankly Tim's acting a bit entitled in this scene, like his pining for her gives him the right to know everything first.
Dawn's going to Florida with Lee for six months. Tim is shocked. It's a long time to spend in a foreign country, especially with someone like Lee, and I have to wonder if Dawn is really on board with this whole idea. "Is there a word for this?" asks Tim, trying to hide his sadness. "I don't know, starting again?" says Dawn. Not really, I mean, they're only going away for six months, not moving to the US. And quitting your job for this, when you don't know what you're going to do when you get back home, isn't really starting again, it's... I don't even know. Spending six months without work can be really boring. Maybe the first month or so you'll just be excited that you're in a new country and everything feels special, but after that it starts to wear off.
Lee walks in and Tim seems relieved. Dawn, however, looks like she's been caught in the act. Tim, who seems to feel safer knowing how to talk to Lee - sometimes distance can be easier than too much closeness with someone - and he asks about their plans. Lee seems really excited about the US. As usual, his plans include lots of hard work for Dawn. He thinks they can buy a winebago and drive around the beaches until they run out of money (bwah!). He seems interested in staying there too: "Accommodation is well cheap. If Dawn gets a job at reception, she'll be twice as well off." Yeah, so he gets away from his boring job, and Dawn gets a similar job elsewhere in an equally boring office. Fair! Dawn looks at him like, "Hey, that's not what we agreed on!" but says nothing, as usual. Tim leaves to brood in his angst elsewhere, and Lee sits next to Dawn, asking if she's browsing her magazine for bikinis. I love how Dawn's gained weight, but Lee still acts like she's a knockout. The role of Dawn could be played by a slimmer woman, and that's a great thing. But Lee's still an ass either way.
Dawnterview. There have been way too few in this season, or indeed on the whole show. Dawn's talking about a good relationship, but what she really means is, "I love Lee, I really do, even if we have no chemistry and he treats me like crap, and I don't love Tim, honestly!" She starts by saying that a real relationship "is not like a fairytale." True. However, there should be some chemistry, some magic, for it to really be a happy one. Her justifying is kind of pitiful: "What about reliability, someone paying mortgage or someone's never been out of work? Those are the more important practical... things.. in reality..." But her eyes stray and it really doesn't seem like she believes herself. I love the fact that most of these interviews are just self-justifying little things. It's almost like inner dialogue: "My choice was OK, because..." Also, Lee is not that reliable. He just asked her to quit her job, and he quit his own, to go to Florida to his sister's house for six months and just be lazy and let her work. That's not reliable. That's lazy and entitled. Dawn's a martyr, and many women are. She'd probably make a great mother, which is probably what Lee sees in her. She's obedient, calm and kind, and she lets others walk all over her. And she's miserable, of course. I love how the writers, two men, realize this is not a good way for a woman to live. It says something about their attitude on women. Obviously Gervais and Merchant believe Dawn has a right to be happy and follow her own dreams, not just Lee's.
Ben and a younger guy working. A static on the background, like a low hum, which probably comes from many computers running and many low voices talking. The number bods' table, where Sheila looks at Oliver piningly and then resumes working. It's an interesting little detail. Sheila's somehow similar to Dawn: kind, quiet, martyrish. She lacks Dawn's spunk, but her way of dealing with her crush on Oliver is similar in some way. Oliver is obviously not interested at all, as he refuses to make eye contact and acts like nothing happened.
David is doing something at the computer, hitting the keys pretty hard. He gets up, but a bit too quickly, and rolls the chair over his toes or something. He jumps up and down angrily and then goes back and kicks the chair several times with what seems like real rage. I bet that chair is Neil, Jennifer, Ray and Jude, and all the people who ever belittled him. I really feel sorry for him in this episode. I must admit that I sometimes kick furniture when it hit me, too.
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