Christmas Specials, Part 8: "Mumbo Jumbo's"

Red, lonely streetlights stare into the night as David drives in his car. Next we see him walking in the door of a pub. "Mumbo Jumbo's," he says. Great name that's got it all: cheap lame pun, sounds like a place 16-year-olds go to drink with a fake ID. "Oo, smell the sour beer." It's great that he keeps up the humor in all moments, as if he's a lame TV show host who can't stop joking even if he has nothing good to say. He spots a poster on the wall and points at it to show his name - only it doesn't have his name, it has "Surprise T.V Personality." David is visibly disappointed. He says it's a shame they haven't put his name on it, "now my fanbase won't know I'm on." He thinks he has a fanbase?! Who would that consist of? Fired executives who didn't know how to do their jobs and now hate their former bosses? People with a terible sense of humor? I dunno, I guess it's feasible someone would have liked him if it were a real documentary, but only if they were as clueless as David. Surely not young people who go to places like Mumbo Jumbo's. David's agent walks in, a character not unlike the incompetent agent in Extras. David tells him jokingly, "I'd like to complain about this poster, please."

Peter the Agent is not very good at presenting his agency; the interviewer asks him what they have and he just says "all sorts of stuff." David has to press him to tell the camera what they do, and it turns out they have "celebrities like David" - David chuckles smugly - tribute bands and "lookey-likeys". And which ones? "I've got Kirk Douglas," Peter says. "Michael Douglas," corrects David. Hee. Asked what he does, Peter says he goes to parties and "he'll just wander around looking like Michael Douglas". Sounds very exciting. I think a look-a-like is actually supposed to perform something to make it interesting, not just stand around at the party, but I could be wrong. Peter makes his agency look even sadder by adding that people aren't recognizing him, think he's just some old guy, so he's going to hire a Catherine Zeta-Jones look-a-like to show who he is.

David acts like the agency is just great and has awesomely talented people - like himself - listed. I love the phrase "celebrities like David". It's a good thing to mention that, because "celebrities" alone would be a bit, well, misleading. David jokes that Peter should have a look-a-like of him. "You're nowhere near famous enough," replies Peter who seems to have all the subtlety of a truck, but at least he's being honest. David giggles and claims he was only joking, but then gets offended: "You're meant to big me up... sort of..." Some of David's patented incompleted sentences. Both guys stare ahead awkwardly. I guess David's self esteem is, now that he lost his job, completely dependent on his "celebrity", and comments like that really hurt. Which makes me feel even sorrier for him than usual.

David interview. He talks slowly, like a man on a mission, which he thinks he is. "I..have..been given..an opportunity...that would literally be a sin to waste, so get on with it, yeah?" I love the use of literally, one of the most abused words of recent years. I'm not even sure how the word works here, because how can something be literally a sin? It's a religious concept and David isn't religious, so he's mixing phrases badly. He claims that, since TV showed him to people, they're now saying, "Yeah? What else you got?" Well, I agree, but I think they mean who else, not what else David's wide talents can offer them. "So..duty.. calls, you know. I seem to be able to give pleasure." I love how dirty that sounds, and how at odds it is with the following scene.

There's a young host, and if he's a British celebrity I don't recognize him. The crowd cheers at every sentence he says. They're all about 19 years old, and the chant of the night is "feeling hot, hot, hot!" We see David in the wings, trying to jam to the music and get into the mood. Is it the agent's fault or David's, I don't know, but this totally isn't his scene.

David is announced as a "special treat". As the announcer mentions he's from The Office, David walks towards him, so the crowd can see him, but no one makes a peep (yeah, they love him). The announcer looks at David as if to say "I've got more", and David goes back to the wings. Embarrassing introduction continues: "Some of you may even have bought his single recently, though probably not, cos he got to about number 400." Nice. And as he introduces David in an enthuasiastic tone, the applause is very vague, and the crowd looks bored. First things first: without saying hi, David takes the microphone and says, "Got to 113, so..." That's not so bad for a first single, actually. David chuckles awkwardly. The announcer asks what he's doing. "Just doing this at the moment," David says and chuckles even more awkwardly. Nothing saves the day like a bad joke. The host asks what else he's doing. David buys time by saying "more of these", then mentions his "walks for Mencap... which is important for me...", and he stops to look at the crowd, as if this should convince them that he is the king of charity. No one seems to really care.

"Got lots of stuff in the pipeline," he finishes, thinking this sounds nice and vague. Sadly, this piques the announcer's interest and he wants to hear what kind of stuff. "Oh.. even more of these...um... Opportunities really..." He can't think of more to say and just awkwardly cuts it off. You can hear people chattering in the crowd, obviously not listening. "Great," the announcer says in a quiet, unimpressed voice, then corrects, "Great, great!" Gotta keep up with the enthusiastic Mumbo Jumbo's spirit, even if the guest is giving you nothing. David could have at least lied that he's doing something. Writing a book about his experiences, educating other people who got fired, something. Who's gonna check?

For the coup de grace, the announcer asks, enthusiastically again, what David is going to perform tonight. David makes a surprised face, it's obvious that he didn't know he's supposed to do something. "They just said come out and say hello," he says. Someone coughs in the audience, and it's very audible. Never a good sign. "That's it, is it?" the host asks, his voice gone flat now that he realizes this surprise TV personality is not only a complete flop with the audience, but also not much of a personality. "David Brent!" the host shouts again, but no one really bothers to clap. "Feeling hot, hot, hot" is chanted again as David stands in the wings, looking at the camera with a look of utter humiliation and failure, but trying to look stern.

David's problem is obvious: he thinks he can ride on the success of the show, which ended a few years ago, but since he hasn't really gotten his life together to do something new, he has nothing to offer in these performances. Look David, it's nothing personal - documentaries just don't make celebrities.