Season 2, Episode 1, Part 2: "I'm David's Boss"

Enter Neil. Ah, this is going to be great. The camera follows David walking down the hallway - just like in "The Verdict" - and David turns around grinning: "Oo! It's all go!" He's obviously nervous and embarrassed to meet the man who took the job he so nearly got. Neil is standing there with his briefcase and a brown leather coat. He's younger, taller, thinner, more handsome and much more professional than David. Dawn introduces the guys. David takes his hand way too chipperly and says his name: "Neil Godwyn!" He turns to the camera so that he doesn't have to face Neil, and tells the viewers: "Neil is Jennifer's replacement, he's sort of overseeing..." "David's boss," interjects Neil with a smile that suggests he's trying to lighten up the situation. Sadly, he hit a nerve there. "Just a tiny, little bit above me," says David. "UK manager," says Neil, and David smiles at the camera in a forced way. Neil explains that he had the same job David has, but now his branch was closed and the employees are coming to Slough - David keeps making gestures while he talks, moving his arms back and forth, as if he's pulling the employees to him. "So I'm essentially David's boss," Neil says and adds a little joke: "Looking after him." He looks at David with a little smile, but it fades when David, who is still not facing Neil, says: "Looking after is the wrong term... to use, cos we're both very... good to meet you though." As if he's remembering his manners - if he ever had them - David turns to shake Neil's hand again. Dawn stares at him like she doesn't fully understand his behaviour.

Neil says they have met before, "Ipswich conference?" "Oh God," says David and covers his face. Then he turns to the camera for more comedy stylings: "I was liiiittle bit drunk!" I'm not sure who he's imitating, but I am sure it's not a good imitation. "Most of the week as well," says Neil. He smiles a bit and David sees that as a sign that his joke was brilliant, so he starts giggling more. "Doesn't sound like me, does it, Dawn?" he says and points at Dawn as if she was laughing. Dawn gives a cute little smirk, which turns into a mouth-twist and eyeroll when David looks away. He looks back just in time to see it though. "Come into my boudoir," he says to Neil. "Oh," he says in a 'gay' tone and makes a 'gay' hand gesture. "No..." Dawn looks after Neil with some pity as they walk away and David asks if Jennifer is there yet. Dawn is wearing a cute dragonfly necklace.

Neil says Jennifer is coming later, as they walk up to the coat rack. David stops him and points at a grey stuffed monkey wearing a shirt that says "SIDEKICK". He grins and stares at the camera, still pointing at the toy. Neil looks at the camera and back at David all, "Eh?" It's cute how he clearly doesn't get the 'joke' and isn't sure what David is expecting of him. "MONKEY!!" says David in a really inane tone. Yeah, that clears it all up! Neil doesn't even pretend to laugh, giving David another reason to hate him. "Just an example of the laughs we have here," says David. Yeah, a good example at that, because it was not funny and you were the only one who laughed. David leads Neil into his office.

We cut to a David interview, where he tells us these are "potentially traumatic times, but they are exciting times." Tim already described it as exciting, but 'traumatic'? I think the trauma already happened to those who got fired. He's looking pretty bad - I don't know what they do with Gervais' skin to make it look so saggy and his eyes so tired, but it really works. He looks like he's got the flu, but I suspect it was just a few drinks at Chasers the night before to get him ready for these traumatic times. David mentions it's only two weeks ago that he told everyone he "decided to stay after all", which had absolutely nothing to do with his bad results in the medical; "and you saw how relieved they all were at that". Yeah, because they got to keep their jobs, not because they got to keep you. David admits, however, that there has been "a personnel change of 25 per cent." So one fourth of the employees got the boot? That's harsh. "People coming and going," David adds, and I guess he means the Swindon lot, because he wouldn't be hiring any new secretaries in this situation, right?

"Redundancies. Some voluntary, some involuntary, which is always hard." Were any of them really voluntary? The only ones that wanted to leave were Dawn and Tim, and they're both still there. "I had to let my PA go. Last in, first out, which, you know, was really sad. That was upsetting." He's talking in a sad voice, probably thinking of all the sex he lost with her. And you know, if you hire someone to do an unnecessary job when you're supposed to be firing existing employees, you shouldn't be too upset about having to let her go once you finally get the balls to tell your boss about it. I wonder how Jennifer took it. "Um... I'm coping. I rolled with the punch! And it turns out that Dawn can do a lot of it anyway, so..." Right, but not everything, because she's engaged. I'm glad he's so good at coping with this tragedy, which is his and not Karen's, who was fired only a few weeks after getting the job. I hope she got really good references, at least.

David's office. Neil and David sit down. David now has a laptop on his desk, as well as his regular computer. The laptop is open, probably Tetris or Solitaire running there. I really can't imagine David doing anything work-related, other than showing up or giving meetings to "entertain" the employees. Neil takes some papers out of his briefcase. The Inside Paper magazine is still lying on the table. "Oh, is that in your way?" asks David in a very obvious attempt to direct the attention to it. Then he takes the paper and puts on the same show as before: "Ah, God, look at that. Stupid. Get UK Manager of the Month, Inside Paper, and pull a daft face. Typical." Neil remarks that David looks younger in the picture. "Photogenic, sort of natural," says David. "It's 18 months old," Neil says after a more careful inspection. So David was trying to impress him with the fact that he was UK Manager of the Month in this trade magazine one and a half years ago? And he's aged so much in that time that you can tell from a photo? Well, that kind of backfired.

David claims that he took it out just to throw it out. Even that doesn't cut it, because 18 months of keeping it in the office? At least take it home and put it in your scrapbook or something. "Definitely," he says to emphasize how much he wants to throw it out, and as usual, it makes the lie sound even less convincing. "Theere," he says and rolls over to the waste paper basket on his chair. He carefully places the magazine on top of the basket, so that it's easy to pick up again after Neil has left. He sits down and starts to look at the papers Neil brought, but he's still not thru with the idea of the magazine: "Inside Paper. Inside the paper bin now. Recycle that. It's... it's a shame cos..." Cos it's the only magazine that ever printed your picture? The camera moves to Neil, who is waiting for them to get down to business. David's voice trails off, and that's when we cut off. And that is awesome, because I doubt he continued that sentence.

Tim and Gareth. Gareth looks at Tim, then opens the policeman-shaped cookie jar and takes out a biscuit. The jar gives a stilted-sounding automatic message: "Stop! Move away from the cookie jar!" Gareth looks at Tim expecting for him to laugh, but Tim just stops and looks at him like "You've got to be kidding me." Will Gareth ever learn that Tim doesn't find him funny or interesting or anything? David walks in and Gareth offers him a biscuit to show off the talking jar. As the policeman repeats the tired line, Tim rubs his temples as if he has a headache. "Good," says David and chuckles. He glances at Tim. Whenever he laughs at someone else's joke, it seems like he's faking it. But it even seems that way when he's laughing at his own jokes, so maybe his basic laughter just sounds like a fake one.

David shows them some notes he's carrying and mentions they will have a little welcome party for the Swindon people at lunch time and he will give a speech, "so no heckling!" He's already talking about it like it's a standup comedy act. Well, at least if there is heckling, he can go to the hecklers' workplace and heckle them. David leans on the wall, which makes his gut sag more, and I notice he's put on some weight since last season. I wonder if it's a conscious choice, because he gained weight for the Christmas special again and then Gervais looked smaller as Andy Milman. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but it somehow seems fitting for Brent. He's wearing a purple shirt for a change - business-like, but more interesting than his usual white ones.

Gareth has a joke for David. "I don't usually do jokes, but go on," David says. Right, he doesn't do jokes. Just poor imitations and puns. Gareth's sad joke is as follows: "It's Christmas dinner, royal family having a Christmas dinner. Camilla Parker Bowles goes, 'OK we'll play 20 questions. I'll think of something, you have to ask me questions, guess what it is'. So what she's thinking of is a black man's cock." I'm sure you're not supposed to give away the punchline at this point, and that's only one of the problems with Gareth's joke telling technique. If you have a longish joke with an introduction, you need to know how to structure it to keep it interesting. He starts with the least important tidbit, "it's Christmas dinner". He talks a bit too slowly and the 20 questions explanation sounds a bit redundant. And now he gave away the punchline, and I'm not laughing. David, of course, is laughing. Hey, it's a dirty joke! Hilarious! No matter what the content is! David says: "Oo! Just Camilla! -Not racist, is it?" "No, it's not," says Gareth. "No," says David. Tim looks at the camera briefly. If you have to ask if it's racist, it usually is racist. Jennifer will explain later why exactly, so I won't bother.

"So Prince Philip goes, 'Is it bigger than the bread bin?' She goes, 'Yeah.' Prince Charles goes, 'Is it something I can put in my mouth?'" At this point, David gives a very juvenile little giggle. Hee, a reference to oral sex! Brilliant! "She goes, 'Yeah.' The Queen goes, 'Is it a black man's cock?' " I can't think of a more offensive joke offhand. David doesn't even get it right away, he looks at Gareth waiting for something more, and then he bursts out laughing and says, "She's guessed it from those clues!" "Straight away," says Gareth. Right. But it would have been funnier if you had saved the punchline till the end. Actually, it still wouldn't have been funny, it was lame and juvenile. Tim just looks really tired. Gareth probably told him the joke before, and then told it to Oggy over the phone, with pig impersonations. David, of course, acts like the joke is the most brilliant thing he's ever heard. "Oh god.. That's the sort of thing I write! Well, I mean, you didn't write it, you just told it, but you know, well done..." Yeah, a great rendition there. He should buy the rights. "So do it again," he says and points at the jar. Gareth lifts the lid of the jar and the tape speaks the same tired line. David laughs some more. "Ahh. Look forward to this," he says and shows his notes again. We sure do, David. He's still giggling as he goes. Is he really just so nervous about the speech and the Swindon people? I remember this girl in my study group who couldn't stop laughing when she was nervous. It was like, "Um, Mr Morton, could you, hee hee, tell me why you marked an error here, hee hee? I don't see the problem...haha!" It was really disturbing.

The new people come in. Men shaking other men's hands and women shaking other women's hands, already forming suitable social circles: the girls and the boys. David voice-overs: "Big day today. The Swindon mob are arriving." Wheelchair-bound Brenda comes in, and while the women seem to give her a warm welcome, Gareth looks really disturbed. His facial expression is confused, then embarrassed. He looks down. "I've laid down a little do for them, part of the job," David voice-overs. People are talking and greeting each other, and David seems to be trying to talk to someone but getting a bit left out on the side, while Neil gets more attention. "If you're asking me what type of vibe I'm gonna lay down, it's gonna be very much just a chill out - let's get to know each other - type of vibe". We see David talking briefly, and he twists his mouth at "type", as if he's going to say or do something funny, but you never know with David. Maybe that was a joke? Back in the meet and greet, Jennifer comes in and kisses Neil on both cheeks. "Oh, kiss everyone," says David. "Means less." As if he's jealous that Jennifer kissed Neil's cheeks too! What did he expect? David voice overs that Jennifer's "coming back just to oversee the transition... very much holding Neil's hand. Daunting for him, sure." They briefly show him again, and he's shaking his head as he says "holding Neil's hand". Yeah, he seems really intimidated by the momentous task of having a meet and greet. David is trying to show from the start that Neil isn't half the man he is and can't handle the job as well as he could have. I really can't imagine David in Neil's role. He'd probably come by only to entertain. And everyone would hate him because he sold them out.

Neil is talking to a small selection of David's employees and his own, and David is standing on the outskirts of that group. The group laughs just when Dawn pours wine into David's glass and he decides to get some attention with it: "Oh no, Dawn! You know I don't drink!" He gets no attention whatsoever, so he tells them the joke again. It's gone, David, let it go. The anonymous female employee, who knows her, chuckles politely, but one of the Swindon guys asks: "Do you not drink?" David bursts into laughter and taps the shoulder of the dark-haired male employee from before, who's talking to someone else. So rude! "He says do I not drink!" David says and laughs. "Yeah, he drinks," the guy says calmly and just turns back to his conversation. He seems to be used to David's interruptions and "jokes". David is still giggling, but Neil's group has already started talking about something else. A little tip for you, David: Try to talk about something other than yourself for a change. It might feel a bit more welcoming to the new people if you showed interest in them. "Just a little bit," David adds even if no one is listening. I feel sorry for him in this scene, even if he's acting like an idiot. He seems like one of those shy guys who mask their feeling of insecurity under idiotic jokes, and when no one laughs, they get even more self-conscious, tell more bad jokes, laugh more... It's just a vicious cycle. It's even more embarrassing for David because the cameras are there.

Meeting room. Brenda, Keith, Gareth, Sheila and some others are already sitting there, and people are starting to come in. Get ready for the humiliation scene of a lifetime. It's not the most humiliating scene on the show for David, but it's pretty bad. I feel bad for him in advance. The camera moves to the door of the meeting room, where David is patting the employees on the shoulder as they walk in. "Hi! Take a chair, not literally..." he says and chuckles. Not literally? How can you even do that literally? Steal a chair? Ehh. Rachel walks in and David says, "Ladies first!" and laughs. That's not even a pun, just a cliché. It shows he would laugh at anything he says at this point. It's just a reflex. Neil stays at the door to talk to David: "Put the chairs out yourself?" "Yes, it's worth the effort," he says. I have a feeling Dawn put them up, as usual. "You're gonna say a few words, right?" David says, and his voice is still full of laughter. David, now would be a good time to stop grinning and laughing, lest the new people start thinking you're a lunatic. Neil says he'll just speak briefly. "Don't be nervous, just keep it short, bring me on, enjoy the show," says David, still laughing. That's so condescending, as if Neil has terrible stage fright. I also think it shows he's nervous. Neil looks a bit taken aback, but then just smiles a bit amused and says, "OK." They walk into the room and David tries to walk funnily as he walks behind Neil. He is so nervous about the speech.

David interview. He talks weirdly, emphasizing words too much: "Some people ARE intimidated WHEN talking to large numbers of people IN an entertaining way. Not me. You know, I've had experience." Sure, not nervous at all. I wonder why he's over-emphasizing - to keep track of his own sentence? To remember everything he was going to say? It's just one of those overly formal David sentences. And this isn't exactly large numbers of people. There are like 20 employees in that meeting room. David starts telling a "you had to be there" kind of story about a Coventry conference where they "put on a little revue - I was the main thing and I did impressions of the conference coordinator, Eric Hitchmough." He was the main thing, and all he did was impressions? Wow, some revue. Why is he even telling us this story? It's bound to be unfunny to everyone who doesn't know Eric Hitchmough. And yeah, I get it, it's so we'll get his horrid speech, but the speech is really only a variation of the same thing - he doesn't know that some jokes basically only funny if you were there. Maybe it's just the only success he ever had at entertaining people, so he holds it up like a trophy whenever there's talk of public speaking.

Anyhoo, David tells us what Eric Hitchmough is like. "He talks like this... and he always says one thing: 'I don't agree with that in the workplace!' That's exactly... ask them." He almost bursts out laughing. Yeah, well, it's not a funny thing to say out of context, and his imitation voice is just the same one he always uses, a general "goofy voice". But it gets worse as he explains that he did Eric as different characters: "They'd say ladies and gentlemen, lieutenant Columbo, and I'd come out in a mac, and I'd say: 'One final thing, my wife loves you, but I don't agree with that in the workplace!'" Or he would do Basil Fawlty: "'I think I mentioned it once, but I got away with it, and I don't agree with that in a workplace!'" That is just bad, especially how his voice changes midway through the sentence from the "Basil Fawlty" voice to the "Eric Hitchmough" voice. And his Basil Fawlty voice sounds just like his David Brent voice, only more agitated.

I can see, however, how it would have been funny in the conference. There are two main reasons. 1: They were all drunk. 2: Eric Hitchmough was there, and everyone knew him, so the joke worked in that context and that context only. But even so, it's pretty repetitive. Probably wasn't funny the day after. Of course, there's always the possibility that David himself was so drunk that he thought everyone was laughing even if they weren't. I think David just took that experience to mean that he's universally funny every time he tells a similar joke, or even just a joke in general. He says everyone laughed, "and he loved it, because it was nothing vicious." He takes a moment so we can take that in. "Some 'comedians' would have picked on other stuff, you know, been more nasty." Sadly, I think he makes quotation marks to mock the other comedians, not to show that he knows he's not a real comedian. "Like he's got a little withered hand, like Jeremy Beadle? I didn't mention it. No need." David adjusts his tie smugly, obviously feeling like a great person for not mentioning the hand. I find it suspicious that he feels the need to mention that he didn't mention it, because that means he was thinking about it and wanted to joke about it, but controlled himself. To me, that doesn't speak of great tolerance and open-mindedness.

Season 2, Episode 1, Part 1

Ahh, season 2. I actually saw this season first and it was the first The Office DVD I owned, so I've seen these episodes even more than the first season ones. The dynamics of season 2 are quite different from season 1 because of the character changes. Gone are Malcolm, Donna, Ricky, and Joan. In come Neil, Rachel, Brenda, Oliver, and Gareth's mostly invisible friends. The arrival of Neil brings out new, more desperate and pathetic sides in David. Rachel and Tim's relationship brings a triangle drama into the Tim and Dawn plot, which I hate and will probably recap very bitterly. Stephen Merchant will make two cameos as the Oggmonster. And David really gets into a downward spiral that quickly culminates in him being fired. This is going to be awesome.

Disappointingly, each season 2 episode lacks a name for chapter one - it's only "episode one", and I don't want to repeat it in the title, because it might get confusing and boring.

We open where we left off: Tim is still here, at his old desk. In the establishing shot, we see him sitting all alone, as if there is no one else in the office (even if the voices of others can be heard), and it's the same effect as in the end of season 1: Tim is left in his purgatory, lonely and bored, in a job he hates. There are many Xerox boxes on the floor - oo, product placement? - and Gareth's policeman-shaped cookie jar is waiting to be introduced. Tim can't work peacefully for long, though, as Gareth walks in to add annoyance to the mix. "Morning, Gareth," Tim says politely yet tiredly. Gareth lifts a black suitcase on the desk. Somehow I find it hilarious that he would own a suitcase, as if he's a big businessman. He doesn't reply to Tim's greeting, and Tim furrows his brows but leaves it at that. Gareth opens his suitcase, but before taking a black book - his diary? - out, he starts humming the The Muppets theme song. Awesome. It sounds really dorky, because it's completely out of the blue and he sings ever so slightly off key. Plus he sings the "nananana" part really hoarsely, trying to sound cool. The older employee who isn't Malcolm is working in the background and he starts singing along in the exactly same way. They jam to the music, pointing and looking at each other with exaggerated expresisons, like people do when they're singing together. Tim just looks at them seriously.

When they've stopped, David suddenly emerges from his office and sings the bridge, sounding particularly dorky, because he's singing with a voice that says "aren't I funny and cool, yet self-ironic?" And then all three sing along with even more exaggerated expressions and gestures, and they break out laughing in the end. "Muppets," says David and adjusts his tie before returning to his room. It's one of those moments that are difficult to write about, because it's really all in the sounds and visuals. And I haven't seen The Muppets since I was a kid, so if there were some further references, I have missed them. But. This is the only episode where we get a segment before the theme song, and that segment is? The rendition of some other show's theme song. Awesome.

The theme song hasn't been changed, the sad grey buildings and lines of cars continue their sad existence, just like Tim. It's a good thing they didn't change it. Can you imagine a credit sequence with their names and everything? They don't do that on that many UK shows, actually.

Timterview. He says he hasn't given up the idea of studying further, but he's a senior sales rep now. It's weird how that title supposedly changes everything. What really made Tim stay? The thought of a more secure future if he's got a steady job? The fear of change? The people coming from Swindon are "a new, exciting venture" for him. That sounds a bit jargonish. "I'm 30. Time to grow up," he says, which sounds more like an excuse than anything, because last time he said that it's time for him to make something of himself because he's 30. He bites his lip as he looks at the camera, looking a bit insecure as if he's not sure if people are going to buy his explanation.

Back at Tim's desk, he talks on the phone with someone: "Listen, I suggest we'll put this down as a lesson. You have this over to me by 3 o'clock today, then we'll say no harm done." Tim's tone seems to have changed from tired with his life and everything in it to a more self-assertive, perhaps even arrogant behaviour. But at least he's, eh, moving up or something. Gareth's cell phone rings and he has this awesome phone conversation: "Gareth Keenan. Who's this? OGGYYY!!! Oggy Oggy Oggy! Oink oink oink! Oggy Oggy Oggy! Oink oink oink! Oggy!" He listens for a moment, lifting a finger, obviously hearing Oggy say "oink". "Oggy!" Same thing, but this time he almost bursts into laughter. "Oggy Oggy Oggy! Oink oink oink!" He laughs, then says: "Yeah, I'll see you later" and closes the phone. That scene says more about his friendship with Oggy than even his appearance on the show later on. That's a typical teenager moment: "Oo, don't we have a funny inside joke going." It never seems as cool to the people around you. It's about as impressive as a 9-year-old's secret club.

"Do you still keep in touch with Oggy?" says Tim. "Yeah, that was Oggy just then," says Gareth. Tim asks how Oggy is doing, trying to be polite before he has to say something negative. "He's fine, you don't even know him," says Gareth a bit annoyed, as if he doesn't think Oggy is any of Tim's business, even if Tim was just forced to hear about him. "I wish I did, he sounds great," says Tim, not entirely genuinely, I suspect. "He is, actually," says Gareth, staring at his paper, as if he hopes Tim would drop it. Maybe even Gareth can sense a negative comment coming. Tim launches into his criticism: "One thing, Gareth, when you're on the phone, could you keep the pig impersonations to a minimum?" Way to be specific there. Gareth drops his pen in frustration and says: "Yeah, here we go, I've told you before, you can't tell me what to do, I'm team leader." I see they've had this little talk before, and Gareth is annoyed that Tim was promoted and they're not equals anymore.

They now engage in a verbal pissing contest. Tim repeats his title, which he seems to really love. "Team leader beats senior sales clerk," says Gareth as if it's rock-paper-scissors. Try about assistant regional manager, Gareth. It sounds much more impressive than team leader. "My title actually means something," says Tim. "I got a pay rise, I'm on a new scale... Team leader doesn't mean anything." That's kind of rubbing it in, but true. "Excuse me, it means I'm the leader of a team," says Gareth. Who's in the team? If you don't have team members, there can be no leader. Tim, who sees thru bullshit terms like team leader, tries to educate Gareth: "It's a title someone's given you to get you to do something they don't want to do for free. Right? It's like making the div kid at school 'milk monitor'. No one respects it." Hee, milk monitor. That's the ultimate title, because what is there to monitor? It sounds so formal, as if you get to supervise the pasteurizing process. Gareth thinks people do respect milk monitors, "because if people were rude to me, I used to give them their milk last, so that it was warm." Gareth looks at Tim with an expression that says: "I know what I'm talking about and you don't." Tim stares at him as if he can't believe the message didn't go through even if he was so blunt about it. Keep on trying, Tim. Maybe someday he'll get it. Well, if he still thinks inside jokes are cool to everyone else in the room, maybe he simply stopped growing after puberty.

The office. People are working and looking bored. The cacophony of many simultaneous phone conversations rings through the room, even if the employees we know don't seem to be on the phone. Sheila is looking at something on her computer, looking ever so tired; Keith is chewing gum slowly with his mouth open, which makes me think of a cow, especially since his eyes stare so vacantly at the computer screen.

Outside David's office, a dark-haired male employee who I don't recall seeing in season 1 is working some machine - a fax machine, perhaps? David appears at his door, turns around on his heels, and after seeing the camera, goes back into his room. The guy takes a paper out and starts leaving, as David stops him by saying, "Aaaw, no." He's holding a magazine. David's giggling mock-modestly as he shows it to the guy: "Going thru some old stuff. Found that: Inside Paper," and he shows it to the camera, and we see there's a picture of him on the cover. He explains: "It's the trade magazine for the paper industry. My ugly mug on the front, oh no! Embarrassing" He giggles even more at this and stares at his own picture with an inane grin. Some people have a bad poker face, but David has a bad modest face. The guy just stares at him, not knowing how he's supposed to react: should he say David's face is not ugly, or laugh, or just compliment him on being on the cover? David looks at the guy for reaction, but there is none. David waves him away with the magazine. Then he just stands and stares at his own picture with an inane grin fixed on his face. Then he remembers the camera and mutters: "He's put me off, where was I...?" He pretends to be thinking for a moment, then turns on his heels and says: "Oh yeah...gonna make... phonecalls..." and walks into his office with uncertain movements, obviously with nothing to do and only his own face in his mind. You can tell that he starts walking a bit faster as soon as he gets out of the camera's direct view.

A rare moment of tenderness between Dawn and Lee. He's visiting her desk, she's sitting on his lap and they're playing with a rubberband. Lee's face actually looks tender and loving. Tim walks in to leave some mail, and then tells Lee to not stick around behind Dawn's desk, because the new people are coming today. He's polite enough about it, but Dawn's eyes get bigger for a moment, as if she thinks it's kind of rude to ask that. Lee kisses Dawn goodbye and leaves. Dawn wipes her lips a bit, as if she was thinking of Tim instead of Lee. Tim comes back to apologize, but it's not a real apology because he's just justifying what he just did: he has to supervise that it all goes OK. It seems like he's developing a slight Gareth Syndrome about his newfound status. As Tim is leaving, Dawn stops him: "You haven't visited for ages." "Huh?" Tim says, caught off guard. "Oh. Yeah, well, I'm busier now, I'm sorta a bit snowed under. So..." Dawn asks if he's alright and he says he's fine and asks how she's doing. The temperature between them has gone from awkwardly warm to almost zero. Dawn tries to say something funny: "Didn't you just laugh..." but just then the phone rings and Tim tells her to answer it and walks away. Dawn, who just leaned on the desk flirtatiously, now tries to pass it off as a strecth movement. She looks after Tim piningly and then finally goes to answer the phone. Listen, Dawn, you rejected him. You picked Lee. Now live with your choice.

A dull working segment, and I can't find much to say about it. The desks on the window side seem to be set up so that two employees always have to face each other. That's got to be awkward if you don't like each other. At least they're not side by side like Tim and Gareth.

Season 1 Deleted Scenes

Before we get to season 2, I'd like to recap the deleted scenes from season 1. There are six of them, and probably there have been more made, but they only included the best ones. It just seems impossible they'd only have these, because they're all pretty good. None of these is completely redundant or completely unfunny. Or maybe it's because of the GENIUS OF GERVAIS/MERCHANT and they can do nothing wrong... Oo, kawaii. Sorry, I easily go into fangirl mode just thinking of how good their stuff is. Never seen something by them I didn't like. OK, let's get to work. Btw, I intend to recap the documentaries too, but not until I've done the whole series.

Episode 1: "Brent the Peacemaker"

We start off by David talking to someone on his sofa. He says people have heard them arguing and came to him - the camera reveals Tim and Gareth sitting on the sofa next to the sad potted plant, which has apparently dropped a leaf, fittingly. David claims "it's a high-pressure job". Is it really? I think the biggest pressure on the employees comes from having to laugh at David's jokes. And fending off boredom. David continues: "Let's agree today... to disagree." Hee, that phrase really doesn't work when you say it like that. Maybe it's because if you use "today" so emphatically, it makes it sound like you're going to say something concrete and not fall back on clichés like "let's agree to disagree". He wants them to "sign something and go on, because life's too short". Cliché count: two.

David wants to hear more about the problem and he asks Tim first: "What annoys you about Gareth?" Before Tim can say anything, Gareth says: "The fact that I respect workplaces, firstly." That is so obnoxious, you don't answer when someone else is asked a question. He could respect Tim's work space by shutting up every now and then. Tim gets really annoyed: "He asked me, ok? he asked me. That's one thing..." Then he goes on to a big list of annoyances about Gareth, all pretty valid: "He's a nuisance, he's smug, he thinks he's a soldier, he's obsessed with the idea of surviving in a post-holocaust world..." Gareth interrupts that he's not obsessed with it, "just because I know how to survive in a situation like that. Where will you be? I'll be laughing, it'll be me and the cockroaches." This is like David's idea of living forever and ever. What is the point of surviving in a world where there's nothing but cockroaches? And he thinks this wins him the argument!

Tim seems to agree with me: "You and the cockroach... Fine, you are a cockroach, so you'll enjoy that." He goes on to say something, but Gareth, offended, interrupts again: "I'm not a cockroach", as if he has to say that. Hee! Think a counter-offense or be quiet, Gareth. Nobody meant you are literally a cockroach. "This is a waste of time," says Tim, frustrated. The camera pans to David again. "No no no no no, no waste of time, keep it going," he says in a smug tone, with the smug expression where he bites his lower lip and his eyelids go down a bit. He points at Tim with his pen. A regular King Solomon. "He thinks the sun shines out of..." starts Tim, but the scene cuts off to later. Too bad, that sentence sounded interesting.

David is holding two agreements. "Now you're gonna sign these, are you on your honor?" he asks. "I do," says Gareth lifting up his left hand, as if he's about to hit the witness stand. "Tim first," says David and reads: "I, the undersigned, agree to stop:
1. Putting Gareth's personal possessions into jelly or any gelatin-based pudding product."
Hee! That's so formal. And he could get around that by using a non-gelatin-based one. Well, I don't know if they make any that jiggle, so it wouldn't be as funny.

"2. Ask before I borrow something from or move something onto or away from his desk."
The wordings are so David. So formal for such a silly purpose, and he's written it by hand. Is this legally binding? Gareth gives Tim a superior look, like "See? The principal says you have to stop bullying me."

Gareth's agreement is as follows:
"I, the undersigned, agree to:
1. Be reasonable when someone ASKS to borrow something.
2. Stop telling Tim how I'd catch and skin a rabbit if I was blinded.
3. To stop discussing how to get into the mindset of a wolf."

Hee! But not a word about the post-holocaust world, so I guess he can still freely discuss that. Gareth is an awesome character, because you can do so much with him. A lot of the deleted scenes seem to involve him, so I wonder if the writers were worried about overusing him and making him less funny. They need not have worried. Gareth looks at David with his big sad eyes while the agreement is read, but his eyes start to wander off and it looks like he's thinking about the mindset of the wolf. It's these little physical things, even above the writing, that make Gareth so funny. David has to wake him up from the thought and he asks to borrow the pen from Tim. "No," says Tim rudely. "David!" says Gareth, again like a telltale to a principal. "Kidding, I'm joking," says Tim tiredly and gives Gareth the pen. "Joking again, innit?" says David and grins at the camera like he found it hilarious. Tim sighs deep and rubs his forehead. And.. scene. I think this would have worked great in the actual episode, but I can't think of a scene they could have cut to make it fit, so maybe I should shut up.

Episode 3: "Gareth Reprimands Brent and Finch"

This scene is actually listed third after the one from episode 4, but let's go in the logical order. In between quiz rounds, Gareth has gathered - hee, "gather" is an anagram of Gareth! - The Dead Parrots into a safe place - outside the men's room, incidentally the same place where David and Gareth are talking in the next one. Gareth comes from the bathroom and tells the guys they have a chance to confess now. "To what?" says David with a voice full of laughter, like this is all a prank. "You've been cheating," says Gareth very seriously and looks both of them in the eye. "No," they both say. "Did you or did you not make a phonecall to get help with a question?" asks Gareth, pointing his pen at David. He is so enjoying the power of being quiz master. "No, they called me, it was the doctor of my Dad's nursing home, thank you," says David. He sounds fairly convincing, tho perhaps a little too fast to defend it. He's also holding his tie the whole time. It's not a lie, per se, because they did call him, but he did also ask them about a question, so Gareth isn't completely wrong. I just wonder who told on them.

"The one with the Japanese sniper..." David adds to remind Gareth of their talk earlier. But he makes it sound like there actually was a Japanese sniper. Imagine a nursing home advertising with that: "Golden Acres - we're the one with the Japanese sniper!" Gareth asks if the sniper is back. David has to tell him again that his Dad is delusional: "He thinks one of the nurses is a Russian spy now, but anyway..." And with that, all suspicions are cleared as Gareth starts thinking of war-related stuff. He talks about Russians like it's still World War II: "Russians are crafty. They'll often pose as someone you trust, like a nurse or a doctor or a farmer." Often, as in... this actually happened in his own life? Or often, as in: he's seen it in James Bond movies? Hey, someone you trust - maybe David Brent is actually a Russian spy. He's just masking as the boss from hell; he's really there just to test Gareth's emotional and physical strength. Finchy, who can never resist making a dirty joke, says something about not trusting a nurse if he wants to get a screw, or not trusting a nurse UNLESS he wants to get a screw, or something. David, of course, thinks this is ingenius and wants to high-five Finchy, but Finchy thinks he's about to rub fists and holds out his fist. So David hits his hand on Finchy's fist and it hurts a bit. That's actually a nice subtle way of showing they try to be so young and hip and fail every time.

Back at the quiz, Dawn and Tim have their little pencil spiel, which I recapped in the actual episode. I'll only mention that you can tell this is an outtake, because it somehow looks more staged than in the actual episode. The lights look more studio-esque and Tim's voice sounds a bit like he's talking in a big spacious room with high walls, not in a small crowded pub. These must be things they fix afterwards.

We go back for a moment to Gareth, David, and Finchy. Gareth is serious again as he says he doesn't mind "asking the boss difficult questions" if it means the quiz is fair; "and that's why I was made security officer. I don't want any leak of security in a quiz situation." He's pretty much lecturing to David, who looks kind of annoyed and perhaps a bit guilty, but as he's about to say something, they cut back to the quiz room, where Tim is reading Gareth's questions. "Round 4 is called the Great Apes, so get these answers down: Orangutan, gibbon, doctor's ass, chimpanzee, Charlton Heston, bananas, 'It was Earth all along'." He cracks up a bit at "doctor's ass" and "bananas". Dawn looks at him with an amused and admiring smile, while Lee looks serious. I think it's a cool scene, a very Tim thing to do. And if you haven't seen the Simpsons scene with the musical "Stop the Planet of the Apes, I Want to Get Off!", watch it now.

As he sees Gareth coming back, he quickly rearranges the cards and goes over to another table to talk to another team, as it were. Gareth returns with the Dead Parrots and tells Tim, "Do you wanna, eh..." "Sorry, see you later," says Tim to the others. Nice cover-up. And Gareth is pointing his pen at Tim again! He acts like it's one of those sticks teachers have in class. "Sorry about that everyone, official quiz business, I'm afraid," says Gareth in the microphone. There's nothing official about this quiz, Gareth, so you can drop the formality a couple of notches. "OK, round 4 is Great Apes. It's all about apes." Dawn giggles as she writes the right answers down with Lee. Question one starts with: "In the film Every Which Way But Loose..."and it cuts off there. But we all know the answer is Orangutan. Can I add that I think it's funny there are two guys named after monkeys on the show, even if both are peripheral characters: Monkey Alan, of course, and Pete Gibbons. I wonder if that's a conscious choice.

Episode 4: "Thoughts on Music"

David interviews: "You've seen the music and yeah, it's good." Wow, he can openly admit his own stuff is good. A skill that so rarely coincides with actual talent. "And now people are going: 'What are you doing here? You're better than most stuff in the charts'." Yeah, I'm sure they're all saying that. It's cute how he's always telling us what we, the viewers, are thinking. Of course, this is before the documentary supposedly aired, so he's not only a mind reader, but also sees to the future. Impressive. "And if there's a record company watching and going, 'Yeah, let's sign him up' - Whoa." He lifts a finger. Just one company? You'd think they all want their hands on him after hearing Free Love Freeway. "If having a hit record was just about talent, discipline, yeah, then you'd have a nr 1 in your hands with me, but it ain't." Discipline?! I've never seen him show discipline with himself or anyone else. Not that he has any talent either. "Which is why I decided to stick to selling paper and not records. No bullshit, yeah? I don't play head games with anyone." As if selling paper and selling records are the same branch, you just pick which one you prefer. He closes with the idea that he can be flexible if they insist: "Let's ship some bloody units, if that's what you want, just get off my back."Poor David. The record companies are just begging for him to join their ranks. Much like the board of directors.

During the break from training, Gareth and David are walking down the corridor discussing what they would take with them on a deserted island. Gareth says: "You have to take Shakespeare and the Bible, that's a waste of time, but that's the law, so..." You know, Gareth, you might wanna try those books, they might give you a little more perspective... Or at least common knowledge. David recaps that you can bring one book, seven albums, and "one luxury item." Gareth laughs at the people who pick a year's supply of chocolate - sounds good to me - or a piano for their luxury item. "I think they're missing the point," he says. David says, "Yeah" and laughs, and I wonder what his luxury item would be. A video camera he can talk to, so his wisdom will live on to those who find it? His guitar and recorder so he can still write songs? Gareth says he'd bring a Swiss army knife: "I wouldn't need to because I have one on me anyway", and he shows a little pocket knife he keeps in his pocket. I'm sure he has a lot of use for it in the office. And I didn't know you get to keep everything you have in your pockets as well.David doesn't seem interested in the knife. He asks what albums Gareth would pick. Gareth is about to open the bathroom door, but then asks David: "Are you coming in?" "No," says David and casts a quick, annoyed-looking glance at the camera, as if he feels grossed out by the idea that the camera would follow them in there. Gareth takes his hand off the door handle.

Gareth says he would like some with animal noises for identification, birdsong and "one with just predators, like to frighten away wolfs". "Jackals?" asks David. "Yeah, depending on where I am." Wouldn't you be attracting some predators by playing the noises they make? Wouldn't they think they need to join you or fight you? But maybe I should trust Gareth. He's the survival expert. "One spoken word one just talking about health stuff, you know, what plants to eat..." Not a bad idea, though I think it would be better to have a book for identifying the plants, so you'd have the pictures. Also, Gareth has obviously given this a lot of thought. David interjects: "What lumps are growing where...", gesturing his crotch, it seems. Eww. And I think that if you have lumps growing and you're on a deserted island somewhere, the chances are you will die, because there is no doctor. Unless the album comes with a self-help kit for performing surgery. David adds something about sucking something out, which I'd rather not discuss further. "Making..." he starts, but doesn't continue, and I don't think he even knows where that sentence was going.

Gareth thinks for a moment, then picks Jagged Little Pill by Alanis Morrissette, without any real explanation. Oh no! I like Alanis Morrissette. Does that mean I'm like Gareth? I'm not sure what the joke is - that Alanis was seen as a feminist singer while Gareth is so macho and sexist, maybe? Actually, I'm not sure if she was seen as a feminist singer. I was 15 when that album came out and knew very little about feminism. "It's a bloody good album, yeah," says David too. I'm really worried about my music taste now. "Something by The Tights," Gareth adds. "How many is that?" "Five," says David. Gareth gives a little "thinking" sound: t-t-t-t-t... But he can't think of more, and the scene is cut off rather abruptly.

I can actually see why this scene was cut. It's not as funny as the other stuff in that episode, and it's a bit long. David's interview bit would have worked well though, and I'm wondering if the writers just thought it was overkill - it's fairly obvious why he brings the guitar and sings his songs. He obviously wants the record companies to be interested. So maybe the writers thought that they can trust us to pick that up ourselves. Still fun to see it in the deleted scenes though.

Episode 5: Gareth on the Pull

In the only silent deleted scene (the club music playing on the background), we're at Chasers again. Gareth watches as a man puts salt on a woman's neck, licks it off, then drinks a tequila and bites a lemon wedge she has balanced between her head and neck. Gareth stares at them like a little boy who just found out what happens between men and women who love each other very much. He walks up to a tall blonde, shows her the shot glass, the salt and the lemon wedge. She looks interested, until Gareth stupidly SQUEEZES the lemon while showing it to her, and it squirts in her eye, which seems to hurt a lot. Gareth looks around him, embarrassed. Hee! It's a cute little scene, but I can understand why they cut it; it doesn't really add anything to the Gareth character, and it's a bit too similar to the Rasta Girl scene where he hits her by mistake. I still liked it, though - it shows how he always ultimately fails to be The Man.

Episode 5: "Slough by John Betjeman"

This is an alternate scene, not a completely deleted one. It seems to be cut for length, but they taped a completely new version for the show; David doesn't say the things in the same order and some of the comments are slightly different. I like this longer version better, because he reads almost the whole poem. I'll only recap the new or different bits.

David starts this version by saying, "This is something that has always wound me up." You mean something that really grinds your gears? He says the same thing about bombs that he did on the episode, but this time he continues to the next line: "There isn't grass to graze a cow - Good. We've got one of the biggest dairies in the South East down the road, so we don't need a cow." And the dairy uses completely non-cow products? It's nice how his defense is based on exactly what Betjeman seems to be criticizing - mass production and the loss of a connection with nature. "Come bombs and blow to smithereens, those air-conditioned bright canteens - Good. I like to see what I'm eating." Yeah, how dumb to complain about the lights in a canteen.
"Uh.. Tinned fruit, tinned meat, tinned milk, tinned meat, tinned minds, tinned bre..." It's interesting that he stops short, obviously without thinking of what "tinned minds" and "tinned breath" means. He got past the part he wants to comment on: the obvious physical things, tinned food. "Oh, he's having a go at tinned fruit now, which I think... You know, if we're being bombed, we'd in the air raid shelter, love me some tinned fruit... So laughing at him." Yes, surely he's talking about the life after the bombings he mentioned in the beginning, because it's a few lines above this line, so it must come chronologically first. I love how his whole reading is based on the idea that Betjeman somehow meant the bombs to help Slough and the people there. David, he's gunning you down too.

"It's not their fault they do not know the birdsong from the radio, it's not their fault they often go to Maidenhead. There's nothing wrong with Maidenhead!" He says Maidenhead is "a lovely town", while some other town I don't hear properly is "a shithole". Note that he didn't comment on the birdsong. I'm too clueless about British history to really know what the Maidenhead thing was meant to refer to, but I'm quite sure it isn't meant to simply bash the town. Just like Slough was probably meant to refer to a broader societal issue. Unaware that poetry can actually mean something deeper than the concrete things it seems to be discussing, David continues: "And looking at the index, oh, he's a having a go at Croydon, Westgate-on-Sea...I've never been there..." He seems to be thinking out loud a bit, trying to find cities he has been to. "Lemington, now I've been to a conference in Lemington, and it's a lovely spa town, especially compared to Coventry down the road, which proves my point: you don't sort a town out with extensive bombing. So..." Yes, that radical Betjeman who thinks you can improve a city by bombing it. David should have done more poetry readings. He's such a natural.

Episode 6: "Gareth's Anxiety"

Gareth interview. This scene must be meant to come before David walks in, but Tainted Love plays. So they've changed the place of the song. Coming to think of it, Lucky Like This was playing in the Gareth lemon squirt scene, so they changed the place of that one too. Gareth talks about the possibility of losing his job. He says it's the first time he feels this way: "I feel discarded. I mean, I understand that you have to throw away the dead wood, or the rotten apple to save the barrel. It's like if you find a lump on your testicle, then you've got to lose it for the greater good and live on without it. It's just that I've always thought of myself... as a healthy testicle!" And he gives a puppy-eyes look at the camera. Aww, poor Gareth. There are, as usual, several things wrong with what he's saying. Firstly, cutbacks are not the same as firing bad employees. Most of the employees being fired are going to be people who worked there for many years and did their job well, and that's what makes it so unfair. Secondly and more obviously.... a healthy testicle? Hee! I bet his friends will never let him hear the end of that once they see the documentary. It's a classic example of David or Gareth getting mixed up in their own simile so that it goes totally wrong, even if the original point was clear. Maybe Gareth should stick to the safe clichés. They may be boring, but they don't give people disgusting mental images.

And that's all of season 1! Season 2 recaps here starting tomorrow.

Season 1, Episode 6, Part 5: "High Spirits"

David interviews: "I don't see it as letting people down." OK, but usually the ones being let down are the judges of what is deception and what isn't. Besides, his agitated voice and red face imply that he's not being entirely honest here. Methinks the David doth protest too much. "If this is a family, maybe it's time to cut the apron strings, let them stand on their own two feet." Well, you showed them it's NOT a family, and even if it were, you'd be outside of the pie, so shut up. "Because you can be sure if they were in my position they would take the job and go: yeah, thanks. We're off. You know, thanks for the opportunity - and the GREAT jokes - but, you know, this. Is. A business. Alright?" Hee, the great jokes. Never forgets to mention his humor. Also note that in this fictional example, the staff is in David's position, so they're the leader, yet they're thanking him for "the opportunity" and the jokes. What opportunity has he, as their employee, given them? I'd also like to point out that this speech is pretty much the opposite of what he said at the end of episode 1, where he talke about the staff being more important than the business etc. Nice touch.

"I'm not doing this for an Esther Rantzen heart of gold or..." No, you don't want to be popular at all. Even if all the employees hated you, you wouldn't care, because you're all about business. "You know, if Esther's handing out awards, then... do it for my charity work!" As if Esther was just pushing that award in his hands there. "Five fund runs in two years," says David. "You know. Why don't you ask Philippa Norris or Simon Coleman at Mencap what they think of David Brent!" They'd probably reply that they don't know him, he's just one of the many contributors. And if you give to charity, yet betray the people at work... Doesn't speak all that highly of you as a person. In a rare action sequence, David suddenly jumps off his chair and comes back up again with a huge charity cheque for Mencap. Hee, he keeps that in his office? I think he's probably had it there before, only waiting for a chance to show it to the camera. It says, "Three Hundred & Four Pounds ONLY". Hee! Why does it say ONLY? I don't know much about charity cheques, so maybe the sentence continues offscreen, but that looks more like "That's all you're giving?" Also, I thought charity runs meant that you run, while someone else pays? Not to belittle anyone who did that, but if David wants to be known for his "charity work", I think he might wanna take a more active role. I think he's just one of these "I DID CHARITY!!!" people who will never let you forget they gave 20 bucks once to a collection box. David looks at the camera from behind the cheque so that his nose is hanging over it. He looks like a cute little troll that way.

The office party, back at the same bar they had the quiz. "Spirit in the Sky" plays and the DJ is none other than Keith! "It's the end of the financial year and spirits are in the sky," he says with his brilliant mono-tone. He's just standing there looking at the record. I can't think of a person less fitting for DJ'ing. The party is looking pretty dull. No one's dancing, everyone looks completely down, and the upbeat music seems to mock their sadness. But really, this song is about the afterlife, so maybe Keith picked it thinking of life after work. Nah, that's a bit too profound for him.

At a table, Gareth is drinking and telling Tim bitterly that it's easy for him because he was leaving anyway, but he should think of how badly Gareth has it: "The shit could be on the other foot." Eww! Tim says Gareth's going to be fine. Gareth says: "Well, yeah, I work hard, I earn my keep. Unfortunately, the history books are full of just people who... toil and... fight for worthy causes and the freedom of others and..." He's pretty drunk, and I don't think he knows what he's saying or where he's going with it. Because - what has he ever done for the freedom of others? He only fights for his stapler's right to not be put in jell-o. "That's the most profound thing you ever said," says Tim. Gareth ruins his own point by adding: "And with all that, it's only for foreigners or women or disableds to take advantage of." Tim says: "Can I withdraw my last comment?" Hee!

Gareth spots a cute girl with rasta braids, but Tim and Ricky both think she's out of his league. Gareth takes this opportunity to get drunkenly mad at Ricky: "No, smug! You're so.. just cos you got a bit of Donna, cos I played by the rules cos she was out of bounds!" Right, you asked David if she's legal and if he'd fire the person who did her. You respected Donna. That's why you didn't do her. To show how much he really respected her, he uses two misogynistic and gross phrases: "that'd be like shitting on your own doorstep" and "I don't do sloppy seconds." He's every girl's dream, how could Donna not see that? Tim butts in with one of his smart, women-respecting comments: "You see, it's phrases like sloppy seconds which make her out of your league!" That is probably the most woman-friendly way of defining "out of your league" I've ever heard. Way to go, Tim. Also note that Tim never gets so drunk he's totally out of control, like Gareth or David.

Lame, cheap-looking disco lights change shapes and colors as Keith plays another poorly chosen track: "Walking on Sunshine". In walks David Brent, grinning widely, mock-punching a few balloons. The balloons just emphasize how silly the whole party seems when everyone's sad. David waves hi to Angela, who doesn't smile at him, and Joan, who just looks at him sadly. Gareth's puppy eyes follow him as he walks up on stage and whispers something to Keith, who turns off the music. David grabs a microphone and starts talking in his best desperate-to-entertain tone. He welcomes everyone and says the raffle "is gonna start... later", as he checks his watch. Hee! "You can win a printer! Something I'd bloody love." The microphone makes a whining sound and people watch with quiet sadness as David babbles: "Although if I win it I'd probably just give the ticket back or give it to charity... but that's.. .No pressure, that's..." Why play at all if you're not planning on keeping the prize? I bet he thought people assumed he would rig the results so he gets the printer, or something. Way to undo your original point there.

"Good luck to Ricky who's pursuing his new career, starting Monday. Got a collection or a gift or something?" David says and looks around. You might have thought to ask that BEFORE you got up on stage and asked in front of everyone. "You haven't been in long. You should have seen what they got Pete Gibbons! Ooo! They can tell ya! They all... remember that...so..." It's so bad. Ricky probably wasn't expecting anything, but now that you mentioned it, you made it awkward for everyone. Also, nice of you to talk about a guy Ricky doesn't know and mentioning that he got a gift when Ricky didn't. It really makes him feel included, I'm sure. But then who cares? Cut the apron strings, I say! Two women we haven't seen before look at David, dead serious. There's a chilling silence. Even David's smile is beginning to fade a little, so he decides to get to the point.

"Just come from a meeting at head office, where I was officially offered the job as UK manager, and as you know, taking that job would mean a lot of you would lose your jobs." He gets very serious talking about it, as if he finally cares about the employees. "That's why I told them to shove the job up their arses!" he shouts. Dennis and Joan still stare blankly, but Malcolm, apparently the spokesperson for the employees, shouts out, "So you're staying here?" David shouts back: "Yes! We all are! We'll incorporate Swindon! So... you know... hip hip hooray for David Brent! Hip hip..." His voice sounds expectant, so some people dutifully clap and shout hooray, even if it's not particularly emphatic. "No, stop it, seriously..." David starts mock-modestly. Yeah, he really doesn't care. "Let's move on. Let's rock!" he laughs gleefully and tells Keith to spin the record to the rhythm of his hand movements, as if that's the coolest thing ever. Keith fails to get it right and David gets annoyed and says, "Clumsy." That's kinda mean, David. At least don't speak into the microphone when you say stuff like that. Also: If he had put the record down as soon as you made that hand movement, they still wouldn't think you're Fatboy Slim. Well, maybe if you took out "slim", they would.

"Sex Bomb" plays and everyone starts dancing. The anonymous young female employee looks like she's laughing out of joy. Dawn is chewing on a cherry from a drink and leaning on Lee. She has a sexy black dress on and her hair is curled a bit for the occasion. Gareth, probably after a few more drinks, walks up to the girl with rasta braids. He starts by touching her hair, a slightly too intimate greeting for my liking, but Rasta Girl seems to find it OK. At the bar, Lee walks up to Tim and drunkenly demands if Tim asked his girlfriend out, "what sort of bloke would I be if I let that go? Do we have a problem here?" He puts his arm around Tim's neck in a threatening gesture. Tim, panicked, says: "Lee, please, can I get a word in? When I asked her out it was as a friend, it wasn't as a girlfriend, it was a shoulder to cry on." "A soldier? What do you want a soldier to cry on for? Are you bent or something?" Lee asks. Tim suddenly realizes it's a wind-up. He gives a deep sigh of relief: "Don't do that, man!" Lee gives a rather sexist compliment to Dawn: "Wouldn't blame you tho, she's a good-looking girl." "Yeah, she is," Tim admits. Well, it's a nice thing to say, except that I think he said it just to show that he can get a good-looking girl, which is macho and annoying, like pretty much everything Lee does. He walks away with his hand around Dawn - clearly showing that he OWNS this lady, so hands off, blokes - but not before she gives him the stinkeye. Yeah, I wouldn't be too excited either if my fiancé did that. Tim looks around, embarrassed but trying to smile, as others snicker at his expense. Yeah, great fun. I wonder what they would have done if Dawn had gone out with him.

"Tragedy" by Steps starts playing, fittingly to Tim's situation. And everyone's on this show. The camera pans in the dancing crowd, where Stephen Merchant's Dad stands staring blankly at the camera. He's wearing a white shirt, but it's just that same motionless staring as it was in the office, and it's even funnier now because he doesn't look as out of place as he did in the office. On the other hand, he looks more out of place here, when everyone else is moving and not looking at the camera. Gareth shows Rasta Girl some moves, and I don't mean dance moves. At least I think it's not dance moves - he looks more like he's mimicking hitting someone, or blocking someone from hitting him, because he keeps motioning to his back. Rasta Girl flinches every time his arm comes near her, but he always stops it just in time. Gareth's facial expression says: "I'm the man. And I'm very, very drunk."

David is drunkenly talking something into Tim's ear, putting his hand on Tim's shoulder. Joan and anonymous male employee are dancing with their arms in the air, kind of hips against hips. It looks cool, and not something you'd expect Joan to do. Her blue sweater, however, is exactly what you'd expect her to wear. Gareth mimicks hitting Rasta Girl's face, and he seems to use more force than is necessary, because his hand stops just short of her face. Then he shows her something that involves pushing her forward, and he uses a little too much force and she falls on her back. Which was kinda predictable, but still made me laugh. Gareth is so good with women. He looks around nervously and puts his hand on his mouth. He might help her more if he tried lifting her up, or asking if she's OK, or something. It looks more like he's just worried about the camera catching all this and/or people wondering what's going on. Silly Gareth, you didn't have to play soldier to her right away. If anything, that would make me get away from him, but of course he showcases it as the best side of his personality.

"The Only Way is Up" plays as David drunkenly babbles to Gareth and Dennis, his warehouse mate who doesn't look too interested: "That's the thing about leadership. Sometimes you gotta sacrifice yourSELF for the ..." He is interrupted by Donna and Ricky, who come to say that he did a good thing. Which is really fair of them, considering how rude David has been about their relationship. David, of course, has to ruin it by talking some more about things that are none of his business. He says he'd prefer their individual respect. Donna says he has that. "I'd believe that a bit more if he hadn't jumped on top of you when my back was turned," says David and adjusts his tie. Confronted with such gross personal details, Donna uses the only tactic she knows: giving David a taste of his own medicine. "Actually I was on top," she says, but leaves it at that and says one more time they wanted to thank him. David doesn't even say he appreciates it, he just grins smugly and holds his tie. Maybe he's thinking of Donna jumping over Ricky. The warehouse guy fixes his gaze on Donna as she walks away - she's off camera though, so for all I know, he's staring at Ricky's ass. No, I can't say that, because all the guys on this show are DEFINITELY NOT GAY. "And they probably did oral," says Gareth unnecessarily, perhaps imagining Donna perform something similar on him. I'm sure that's just what David wants to hear. David's smile fades, while the warehouse guy nods and drinks some more beer, as does Gareth.

Some time later, David comes out of the men's room as Malcolm walks up to him. "Enjoying the party, Malcolm?" says David, points at him and laughs. Just a friendly laughter or laughing at his bald spot? Probably the latter. David is very drunk and acting juvenile. Malcolm is still in control of himself and wants to talk business. "Yeah, well, I've been with this nutty lot too long" - David touches a guy in a party hat who's walking by and doesn't register at all - "to sell them out for couple of extra quid a year, so... not interested." Malcolm says he talked to Alan's assistant Paula, who told him David failed his medical and was denied the job because of high blood pressure. David tries to keep his face calm, but he still manages to look busted. The familiar grin appears: "Well.. you gotta ask yourself, why did I get high blood pressure on the day of the medical?" Because you're middle-aged, overweight, and drink too much? He does his chin-rubbing movement again, like he always does when mock-thinking. He's got a huge ring on for the party, the kind of ring people wear to appear more rich and powerful than they really are. "Are you saying that you cheated science and faked high blood pressure so that you could remain in the job?" asks Malcolm. My problem with that is that you can cheat. Measuring blood pressure is not an exact science. You could, for instance, run up and down stairs a bit just before the medical. Your blood pressure would get higher that way. Do I think David did that though? No way.

David evasively says, "You gotta ask yourself that" and makes a "my lips are sealed" gesture. Yeah, well, he just got on stage and claimed he refused the job, so why would he have to fake a medical? Didn't he tell them shove it up their asses? Malcolm seems suspicious, so David blathers: "What's worse? Cheating medical science or cheating friends, yeah? The board of directors came up to me and they went, 'Oo, oo David you're the best man for the job, you've got to take the job, we won't take no for an answer.-Oh, you failed the medical? Alright, stay'.. You know." Yeah, sounds like an exact quote. I'm just wondering if that was ALL board members speaking, including the two who voted for Neil? Drunk David is a bad liar, so he continues: "They may or may not have said that to me." If you add something like that, it's like "believe it or not", it sounds like you're lying. "Did they?" says Malcolm. "They may or may not have," David repeats. Very convincing there. "So you faked high blood pressure in order to fail a medical test?" says Malcolm sarcastically. "Oh no," says David and winks, pretending to be lying. "See you later!" And then he just leaves, just like that, and starts dancing as he gets back into the party. Malcolm looks at the camera quickly and follows him. David is such a natural born leader. This is the second time in this episode when he just walks away from a difficult conversation.

The evening moves on and couples start dancing slow songs. Karen is dancing closely with some guy, leaning on his shoulder. They don't show David's reaction, but I'm sure he doesn't like this! Donna kisses Ricky. Their relationship seems natural to me - they like each other, so they got together, and it's as simple as that. That's what they should have done with Dawn and Tim. But alas, Tim is sitting there alone, looking sadly at the couples dancing. Anonymous Female Employee is dancing with Anonymous Older Male Employee, but it looks more like they're just friends. Their expressions look warm, but not romantically so. Dawn and Tim dance close to each other, and for once we see them interact lovingly: Dawn is saying something, clearly some lovey-dovey joke, and Lee smiles tenderly and replies something. That actually makes their relationship seem more real than most scenes. The camera zooms at Tim, who looks at them sadly, almost crying. Then his eyes move and he looks incredulous. The camera pans to reveal Gareth dancing with Rasta Girl, playing with her braids while holding her. You'd think they get tangled up that way, athough... are rasta braids supposed to be tangled up? Gareth looks almost tender, but it might just be because he's drunk and feeling generally soft. Behind him, Keith is bobbing his head and moving his legs to the rhythm, wonderfully expressionless.

The music is talking about Tim again: "Ooo, you wait a long time for me... Oo, you wait a long time... I'm not alone...So don't forget...It's just a silly phase I'm going through..." At that part, Dawn sits down next to Tim. She just sits there for a while, not even looking at him. She seems to be thinking of what to say. With her bare arms and shoulders, the engagement ring shows much better. And she looks really good - dolled up, but natural, not at all like Lucy Davis looks nowadays, all skinny and Hollywoodized. Finally Dawn leans closer to Tim: "So when are you leaving me?" It's one of those 'har har, like we're a couple' jokes that people make when they totally want you. Tim says he's going to stay for a while yet. Dawn asks if he's leaving in the fall, and I'm reminded that Brits call it "autumn". "Probably not," says Tim. There has been a change of plans. "Oh, right," says Dawn in a very delighted tone that is straining to sound nonchalant. "David's made me a senior sales clerk," says Tim. "Wow!" says Dawn, pretending to be happy for him, but her smile suggests she's just really relieved he isn't leaving. Dawn has to ask if he doesn't want to be a psychologist, but Tim says he can earn at least 500 pounds more per year, "and if I do a bit of networking, there's every chance I could be in David's chair in three years, so..." "And all that talk about getting on.. moving on in the world?" asks Dawn. It's funny how this scene mirrors the scenes between David and Jennifer, where Jennifer remembers his earlier words and tries to ask him why he seems to have changed his mind. Tim mimicks David in a scary way, as he says: "No, I said moving up. Moving up can mean... within.. an internal ladder... framework or... sdieways to external linear. You gotta look at the whole pie... vis-a-vis my current life situation, you know." I'm hoping he's just repeating David's words, but maybe the writers are trying to show how he's accepting his work at Wernham Hogg and the bullshit jargon that comes with it. "Vis-a... Pie!" says Dawn and chuckles a bit, trying to make some sense of his management talk. Tim looks Dawn in the eye as he says that his old job is available, "so have a word..." Dawn smiles at him openly, flirtatiously. Who knows what could happen if David didn't walk in just at that moment, belching out: "TimoTHYY!" with that same rising intonation he used earlier. He's wearing a silly party hat, which makes him look even drunker than he already is, and some guys dance in a ring, which looks kinda childish, but hey, it's a party. Dawn is left sitting at the table, staring sadly ahead. Which is actually a nice touch - we saw Tim pining for Dawn, now we see her pining for him.

And to end the first season, the very last David interview before season 2. I feel a bit sad realizing I just recapped the whole first season and only have one more to go. I want to savor it. David sighs as he says: "You grow up, you work.. half a century, you get a golden handshake, you rest a couple of years... and you're dead." He looks at the camera bulging his eyes a bit to mark that this is a profound thought, even if it's more "duh" and quite depressing at that. I guess that's what it is if you only think work-wise, though. "And the only thing that makes this crazy ride worthwhile is... Did I enjoy it? What did I learn, what was the point? That's where I come in." Ah, I see, so he wasn't talking about himself; he was talking about the employees who want to find some meaning to their dull lives, and they find it in him, David Brent. "You've seen me react to people, make them feel good..." Oh, OK. You betrayed your employees, head-butted and pretty much sexually harrassed your secretary, lied to your boss more than once, evaded all responsibility and made a complete fool of yourself. Well, I guess the employees had a good laugh though - at his expense. "Make them think that ANYTHING's possible," he continues and poitns at himself. So they could even become like him? A truly inspirational thought. He rubs his chin again as he says: "If I make them laugh along the way, sue me!" I love how he always says things like that, as if people find it so outrageous that he should make work fun for his employees. Which he, of course, doesn't do.

And his final thought: "And I don't do it so they turn around and go: 'Oh thank you David for the opportunity, thank you for the wisdom, thank you for the laughs...' I do it so one day someone will go: 'There goes David Brent. I must remember to thank him.' " So he doesn't want people to thank him - he wants them to want to thank him. It's like "don't think of me as your superior, but know that I am". And whatever David says about how committed he is to his employees, he can only talk about himself, and the only things he says about other people have to do with how those people think he's so great. Which is what makes his interviews so great. Another reason is that he never ever lives up to his words. Gotta love our fickle, back-stabbing, yet somehow clumsily well-meaning David.

The final image of the season: Tim sitting at his computer, still at work, still at the same desk. Nothing happens in this scene, absolutely nothing. It's awesome. It's like saying: "... and they all lived unhappily ever after in their dull, uninspired lives." I wish for Tim that he had gone off to study psychology, but I think the writers knew at this point that if they want a second season, Tim has to be there. So they left him in his purgatory, forever mousing through boring computer tasks and calling boring calls about the price of mat-coated paper. Don't worry, Tim. You're our hero.

Season 1, Episode 6, Part 4: "What About Us?"

Gareth walks into David's office. David adjusts his pants again - buy some pants that feel comfortable, David - and sits down. "So you're definitely leaving then?" says Gareth, trying to sound casual. "It would appear so," says David uber-formally. "What about us?" Gareth asks. "Nothing going on between us," says David quickly and glances at the camera. "No, not like that," they both say quickly, because THEY ARE SO NOT GAY! Not one bit. So don't go getting any ideas. "You know, but we're a team," says Gareth. They repeat the assistant (to the) regional manager bit, which imo isn't funny anymore, even if it serves to highlight Gareth's pathetic need for any power he can get. Gareth asks if he can still be David's assistant. Hee, does he really think the assistant part will stay on when David leaves the office? Is it even something official? David doesn't seem to think so as he says he will get "a proper assistant.. a PA." "A lady?" suggests Gareth. "Hopefully, yeah," David says. "Not for that," he adds as he remembers the camera is there. Well, for what, then? Because women are naturally better at being assitants and secretaries? Better than having a female partner in the firm, at least!

Gareth asks, stammeringly because he's about to cry, if he can be Neil's assistant. That strikes me as particularly desperate, and I suddenly feel sorry for Gareth. David had the second season scene where he begs to keep his job. This is similar. This is Gareth's Very Sad Moment. David tries to cheer Gareth up by telling him Neil's assistant, "Terry something", used to be in the army. However, it backfires when Gareth finds out it was the army army, not territorial army. His eyes are red and his voice falters as he asks for the guy's rank. "Sergeant, I think," says David softly and uneasily. "What are you?" "Lieutenant, sir," says Gareth. He's crying now. David casts a side glance at the camera and looks down. "Anyway..." he says. He really can't handle a grown man crying next to him, and he's not particularly good at comforting people, as we saw from the "Dawn, you're fired" scene. Of course, he was causing the crying that time, but he doesn't seem any less embarrassed here.

"That's it, then, is it? The old team on the scrap heap. It's all gone," Gareth says, crying. Aww, poor Gareth. Assistant to the regional manager was all he had. He's looking down and his face looks utterly miserable. I feel it's almost cruel the camera team is still there filming it, which bodes well for the realism in this situation. "Gareth, come on," says David, looking at the camera a bit. He seems annoyed more than anything that a man is crying on camera in his office. "You're a soldier. Yeah? Eh? Stiff upper lip and all that!" Yeah, that really sums up Gareth. "The Dam Busters! Squadron never dies, does it?" Gareth says he has the movie on video. David acts like that should take all his worries away, which... It really doesn't have anything to do with their situation, because the movie is about the British army attacking the Nazis. However, it seems to be a fairly good way of getting Gareth to stop crying - not particularly comforting, but soothing nonetheless. I'm surprised David thought of it.

"And before he goes into battle, he's playing with his dog and everything," says David excitedly and mimicks petting a dog. I love Ricky Gervais' body language. "Nigger," says Gareth, smiling through his tears. David quickly explains that it was the dog's name, and "it was the 40's, so it was before racism was bad." The reason that racism is bad, of course, is that it's a social faux pas, not because it's discrimination or anything. David's comment just makes things worse, as if he approves of racism in the old days. Gareth adds, "The dog's name was Nigger" like a little kid who's still trying to comfort himself. "Don't keep saying it," says David, concerned that the viewers at home will see them as racist. I wouldn't worry about it at this point; we already saw a whole season of their attitudes on minorities and women, and it ain't pretty.

As soon as this topic is dealt with, Gareth starts weeping again. There's always something little boy-like about him, but crying makes him even more childlike and vulnerable, and it makes my heart melt for him, even if I know he's a sexist, racist, homophobic, clueless asshole. I can't bring myself to hate him when I've seen him cry like this. David looks like he doesn't know what to do, then he tells Gareth to take something from his office: "A memento from me to you. Take something, anything you want." His smile at the camera reveals that he thinks he's making a very generous offer. But when Gareth wants the guitar, David tells him to pick "stationary or something I can reorder". Wow, heartwarming. Nothing says "I'll miss you too" more like stationary.

Gareth picks the hole puncher, "that's always handy." It is, even if you'd think he already has one. David picks up the puncher and presents it to Gareth ceremoniously. He glances at the camera again, just to show that he, David Brent, made this great gesture. Seriously, he looks like he's presenting an award. "Bloody good one, that," he says and makes a few hole punching motions with his hand. Hee! Gareth, still weeping a bit, opens the puncher from the corner for no apparent reason. Some of the paper bits drop on the floor. David actually used that thing? Probably just to file his game show ideas into one big binder. "Oh! like confetti," says Gareth and starts picking it up. David looks a bit annoyed that he's spreading paper bits in his office. "Could be used as confetti, yeah. Check with a priest first, always," says David. Hee! I'd like to think he's just humoring Gareth, but more probably he actually considered using it as confetti. "Don't get it on the carpet, Gareth," he says in an annoyed tone. Gareth picks up the paper bits.

This whole scene has a funny dynamic, like David is the older teacher leaving the school and Gareth is the sad student that nobody likes but the teacher, and who will be lonely when he leaves. Sadly, it kinda is like that, because Gareth sees David of all people as a mentor and probably the only person in the office who truly likes him. I suddenly feel very sad.

Season 1, Episode 6, Part 3: "The Verdict"

David walks out of his room, lifting his pants a bit, and sighs deeply, mugging for the camera. This is the moment they've all been waiting for, the verdict from Jennifer. David meets her in the lobby. "Are you ready?" she asks. "Yeah," says David, trying to sound a bit tougher than usual. "Who's she?" asks Jennifer, pointing at Karen who stands by Dawn's desk. Doesn't she even get her own chair? The office is really cramped when you think about it. They don't even have cubicles. "I don't know," says David weakly. So - not only has he hired her without Jennifer knowing, he's not even going to tell her about it now? Hee, that's even worse than his usual stunts. When was he planning on letting her know? Coming to think of it, you can't say "secretary" without saying "secret", so it makes sense. Everybody in the office looks after Jennifer and David like their jobs depended on the meeting. And they do. Well, fear not, David's going to look out for you, troops. The employees' anxious faces tell us just how much they trust David. Even Donna looks worried. Isn't she just temporarily working there?

David looks serious as Jennifer starts telling him the news: "Firstly, I'm moving on." "You've been fired?" asks David. Yeah, because that's what it usually means. Why should she be fired? Jennifer laughs a bit as she tells him that it's the opposite: "I've been made into a partner." The camera zooms on David's face as it assumes a rather incredulous look. You can tell he's thinking: "A partner? And a WOMAN? This would not have happened in my Dad's day." He tries to play off the awkwardness by talking about names: "So that'll be Wernham Hogg Taylor Clarke? That's mental. We'll have to change the stationary." Yeah, that's his only concern with having a FEMALE partner in the firm. Jennifer says they can get a discount on stationary because they're in the industry. "40 per cent sometimes," adds David, because it's such an important piece of information, one that will surely interest the viewers.

Jennifer continues that as she's leaving a post open, the board wants either David or Neil to take it, and they voted 5-2 in favor of David. Which.. what? Why would 5 board members vote for this loser? He doesn't even work! He comes in to tell jokes and entertain! I had to think of this a bit, but I think it makes sense in the end. He's older than Neil and has probably been in the firm longer. If they haven't seen him in action, they have no way of knowing how bad he is, and probably some of the board members work even less than he does. Generally older employees are promoted after a while, unless they made some terrible mistakes, which David hasn't made... yet. Jennifer seems happy for David as she talks about it, but then I guess she hasn't been there enough to see his "work" "methods". David is, of course, gleeful about the result. "They voted for me 5-2? There's only seven in the board, so it's five out of seven." Yes, most of us can add up 5 + 2, David. Jennifer starts to say something, but David has to continue: "That's a landslide." He acts like it's a presidential election or something. "David," Jennifer has to interject again. I love how she always has to use her authority to keep him thinking of the matter at hand, instead of getting lost in his own thoughts.

David takes a facial expression that fakes attention, just like before with Tim. Jennifer starts with how David is "100 % committed to his branch". Umm... yeah, I guess so, if by "committed" you mean... hee, I can't even think of anything to fill that gap that would really mean something in David's case. Jennifer points out that if David takes the job, his branch will be downsized. "Yeah," says David and nods happily. Mr 100 % Committed only cares about his own promotion. He doesn't even try to pretend he cares about the employees, which I think I would do, because it really makes him look bad ON CAMERA. "I know you're very loyal to your family here," says Jennifer. David says "I'll be loyal to the whole family, it's one big family." Yeah. Because the definition of family is "whoever works under David Brent". I know I compared him to Joey on Full House, but he's not even on that level, because Joey at least cared about the family. Maybe I should find some annoying neighbor who constantly drops in and eats all the food.

Jennifer, however, still has some faith in his words, and she tries again with "I'm just sensitive to the fact that you have strong, let's say emotional ties to your team." David starts his bullshit generator, talking slowly enough to show he's making it all up on the spot: "Well, yeah, but theere iis thee emotion-as-good-in-business syndrome, sure, notwithstanding the cruel-to-be-kind scenario..." Hee, whenever he uses words like "notwithstanding" or "whilst", or anything in Latin, you know he's just lying through his teeth. If it even makes any sense, and in this case it doesn't. Jennifer feels the same way as she says: "I'm sorry, David, but you've lost me." David tries a very weird metaphor: "You're not looking at the whole pie, Jenny." Have we heard him call her Jenny before? It sounds a bit too colloquial to me, but maybe it's customary over there. "Wernham Hogg is one big pie, if they let me in charge of that pie I'll be in charge of the pie... and the people are the fruit..." He wanders off, obviously not knowing himself what he's saying. It sounds weird, because... is he planning on eating the company? And if people are the fruit, aren't they the filling? What is there in a company besides people? Maybe the dough is made of stocks and money and buildings. Also, in this metaphor, David is somehow outside of the pie. No matter what way you think of it, it doesn't work. Jennifer awesomely says: "I don't have time for the pie thing, David." Jennifer rocks. "Yeah, OK, I'll take the job," David says. Yeah, best keep it simple, because you always stumble on your own metaphors. "Good!" says Jennifer, as if she's relieved he doesn't want to stay loyal to his branch. She tells him to meet with the board, but David is busy calculating what 5 out of 7 is in percentage. "70 per cent," says Jennifer. "71.4," David says. "So..." So what? What does it prove? David obviously feels this validates him as a person. Jennifer tells him to call Susan and find out the details. "Congratulations and good luck!" David is busy staring at the calculator as if it's a picture of his girlfriend in a lame pop video that flopped. But I'm getting ahead of myself. "You don't need luck when you've got 71.4 % of the population behind you," he says. This is one of my favorites. "Board" becomes "population", because it somehow proves that so many people love him. Talk about fake statistics! Very David.

As Jennifer walks out, David walks behind her looking gleeful. "She's still here," Jennifer whispers to David, pointing at Karen. David just shrugs. He's so lame. The employees start leaving their desks. One of the guys walks with his hands in his pockets and strots along as if he's just going to get some coffee. That's nice acting. People are asking David how it went. "Fine," he says evasively. "What's the damage?" says Malcolm. "It's complicated," says David. No it isn't. You'll get a promotion and they'll lose their jobs. "Are you going to tell us?" asks Malcolm. "Yeah," says David and walks into his office, closing the door on them. Wow, that's an ass way of shutting them out. David Brent - when leadership is needed, don't come a-knockin'. Malcolm calls after him but he doesn't care. Malcolm has to actually go and KNOCK ON HIS DOOR and tell him they want to know now.

David, who obviously wasn't planning on telling everyone just yet, reluctantly comes out and tells them the news. "There's good news and bad news," he says. Great, start off with a lie, that's always good. "The bad news is Neil will be taking over both branches and some of you are going to lose your jobs." People gasp and put their hands on their faces. Keith leans his neck far back and just stares at the ceiling. Aww, no matter what he does, it's just cute and endearing. David tells the employees that those who want to stay will have to move to Swindon. "I know, gutting. You should have seen me..." Yeah, you put up quite a fight there, Braveheart.

David makes a pretty sad attempt to raise the mood by telling them: "On a more positive note, the good news is, I've been promoted. So..." He grins inanely and looks around him. Malcolm looks appalled. Angela is dead serious. Keith furrows his brows as if he's trying to figure out what the good news was. Hee! One of the male employees - whose name might be Jamie - stares angrily with his mouth open. Tim looks like he should be happy for David, but he's not sure why. "Every cloud...." David says, still grinning, but nobody congratulates him. "You're still thinking about the bad news, aren't you?" he says. Yeah, I think I would be too if you had just told me I might or might not lose my job in the near future. "There's no good news, David. There's only bad news and irrelevant news," says Malcolm bitingly. "That's not a phrase though, is it?" says David. "I couldn't come out and go: Oh, I've got some bad news and some irrelevant news." Hee! You didn't need a phrase, you just needed a little sympathy for your employees.

"You should have just told us about Neil, kept your promotion to yourself," says Malcolm. A choir of "Yeah"s is heard off camera. David still doesn't get it: "I should have told you the good news first..." Wow, I think that would have been even worse. "I've been promoted! And by the way, you're all losing your jobs." "There IS no good news, David!" Malcolm says angrily. "Hmmm, I think a promotion is generally considered good news," David says sarcastically. He plays with his chin and stares up to indicate mock-thinking. Hee! The employees are mad at this point and they start talking over each other. One man's voice is heard clearly: "We're gonna lose our jobs!" David acts offended that everyone's so focused on their own job instead of his exciting promotion news. "You're not all gonna lose your jobs! God..." he says and starts pointing at employees: "YOU're not gonna lose your job, YOU're not gonna lose your job... You know..." When he comes to Malcolm, he skips him and goes to the next person. Ouch. Maloclm hangs his head sadly. "Let's get it in perspective, yeah? Come on," David continues. Yeah, they're not looking at the whole pie!

David makes one more incredibly dumb attempt to change the topic back to himself: "You know there's only 7 members on the board, yeah?" His mouth opens to form a word, but it doesn't come out; he realizes he's dropped in the eyes of his employees, and he turns on his heels and walks back into his room, closing the door behind him. The employees are confused and angry. "When are the rest of us gonna find out?" they call out after him, but he doesn't answer. Wow. That was one scene where I realize I didn't feel sorry for David at all. Did he expect the employees to be happy for him? Or congratulate him? Forget about their worries just because HE got a lucky break - that incidentally took away their jobs in the process? He's so selfish.

In a rare segment, we get to hear how three employees feel about this. It's nice to see talking heads from someone who isn't David, Gareth, Tim, or Dawn. It's not a very long bit, but I liked it. It makes it seem a bit more like a documentary that doesn't only focus on two or three people. A younger female employee (who I first assumed might be Karen from the credits, until I realized that must mean David's secretary Karen) says: "I can't believe it. After all the things he said, it's just... I'm in shock." She looks like she's on the verge of tears. The older male employee who isn't Malcolm - I'd check his name but they won't show him all that much later on - says, "He sold us out." Behind him is a very cute picture of a baby girl laughing, which contrasts oddly with his mood. Angela only has one word to say, an ice cold "Wanker". After seeing her meek and smiling earlier, it has quite a strong effect.

Cut to Gareth, oblivious as always, saying: "What? David Brent's leaving?" Hee! Yeah, coming to think of it, he wasn't there when the verdict was told. But it makes me wonder where he was. In the meeting room, shredding smaller and smaller pieces of paper silently? I wouldn't be surprised. Gareth smiles a bit and then looks around him nervously, as if he's trying to pretend the news doesn't affect him, when he's really devastated. People often try to keep an indifferent expression when they feel especially disappointed, sad, or upset. Even Gareth knows a little about keeping a face on camera. The bags under his eyes are so black and so deep, like the pit of despair he's in when David Brent is leaving. Hee, I can't talk about Gareth seriously, no matter how sad he gets.

Season 1, Episode 6, Part 2: "I Am Leaving"

Karen sits down in David's office. David is sitting on the sofa and tells her to make notes, which, like many other actions David takes, seems rather unnecessary, but whatever. Tim sits down next to David. He's wearing a blue shirt today, which seems unusual. David asks him if it's OK if Karen sits in "just to learn the ropes". Hee, ropes-Roper. But really, what ropes? How to leave the company? I suppose David thinks he's going to teach her something profound about keeping employees motivated, but he's going to fail miserably, of course. "What are we doing?" says Tim, confused. David says he wants to talk about Tim's plans to leave, and like in the interview in last episode, Tim corrects that he really IS leaving. "Sure, sure," says David, not believing him. "I don't want you to stitch anyone up, but it's nothing I've said or done, is it?" Tim says no, and David says: "Put that down, no way..." I can already see how much Karen is going to learn from this. I wonder how David would have reacted if it really were something he has said or done, because he thinks he's perfect. The camera shows Karen's pen and notebook, and she's actually writing something. I wouldn't be surprised if it were something along the lines of "Note to self: browse the Internet for secretary jobs. There's got to be something better out there."

"I don't wanna put words in your mouth, but what kind of boss would you say I am?" asks David. That's one of those phrases people never mean. It's like "I don't mean to intrude but..." or "It's none of my business but..." or "Don't take this personally, but..." It's almost always an apology in advance for doing just what you say you're not trying to do. David helps Tim a bit more: "I'm a..." "Good boss," Tim fills in dutifully. David tells Karen to make note of it. "I mean, you're a great boss," Tim adds. I'm not sure how sincere he's being here. Obviously he likes David on some level, more than some employees seem to; he's not a brownnoser like Gareth, but I think he has some genuine sympathy for David. It's just the job he hates. He tries to start talking about it, but David cuts in with another question: "It's not because you asked Dawn out in front of everyone and she said no, is it?" Tim starts self-defending again that he meant as a friend - "put down friend", he tells Karen. Dude, all you need to say is that you quit BEFORE you asked Dawn out. He came back in to say it, so obviously that's not why he quit, and it doesn't make any sense to assume that. David should remember because he was there, but you know, he's David.

"So... why the move?" says David, sighs deeply, and closes his eyes. He seems to be listening intently, but when Tim starts talking, he cuts him off with, "Go on, go on" and "sure, sure". He really won't let him talk. But when Tim says he doesn't like the work, "it feels a bit like I'm wasting my time", David starts paying attention. "Life is too short," offers Karen. "Yes, thank you," says Tim. "I want to retire with stories to tell." "Not just about paper," Karen agrees. David gets defensive and says he could tell her stories about the paper industry "that will crack you up, so..." Yeah, I don't think that was really Tim's point. "That's true," admits Tim, "they are hilarious." "Hilarious, put down hilarious," says David happily. Because the worst insult he could possibly get is that the work he does isn't funny. And it is, albeit unintentionally so. "Do you want me to go on?"Tim asks, but David says: "What have you got?" as if he's heard enough already.

Timterview. He tells us: "It's like an alarm clock's gone off and I've just gotta get away. I think it was John Lennon who said: 'Life is what happens when you're making other plans'. And that's hwo I feel." He thinks for a moment and adds: "Although he also said 'I'm the walrus, I'm the egg man, so I don't know what to believe.' " I liked this a lot, because it shows the difference between Tim and David when using quotations. The quote Tim chose actually described his situation. He credited the right person for it. And in the end, he shows he can still take good quotes with some criticism, even if it's not an entirely serious comment. David thinks using quotations makes him seem smarter and deeper, while Tim knows quotations are best used with consideration and don't serve to prove a point, but only to emphasize it. Nice touch.

Back in David's office, Tim is telling David to listen to him, but David interrupts him, "No, no, you listen to me, 'Tim'!" He does the quotation marks with his fingers. Seriously, David, "Tim" is a really common nickname and I don't see any reason to mock it. He gets so much more juvenile when he's angry, and here it's especially obvious because he has no reason to be. "When you came in you didn't know anything about... the... paper industry... I showed you the ropes, I nurtured you, I gave you a good job..." He's acting like a father who's just heard his son has dropped out of school and he's just disappointed. Karen interjects that Tim didn't want the job. "Didn't ask you," says David. You did ask her to sit in and take notes, though. "Well, you did ask me," says Tim in an infinitely more mature way. "You asked me how I felt and I'm telling you." "I don't wanna know now," says David. "This has been a waste of time." Wow, mature. Tim is flabbergasted and says, "What do you mean?" a couple of times, but David decides the conversation is over. Karen tries to say something, but David says, "Why don't you both go and do some work instead of WHINGING?" You asked him, David. You wanted to talk about it. It's so silly to get mad when you hear the answer.

"I don't want you to say out there what you've said here, apart from the part of being a good boss if you want to," he continues as Karen and Tim, both looking suitably offended, get up to leave. Yeah, I'm sure Tim will be telling everyone what a good boss you are David - sorry, not just good, GREAT. "I don't want you spreading your bad vibes around my office! Do that at the party, that'll be fun!" Wow, he's really hurt. He tells the camera, "You try and do a good deed..." Yeah, well, I'm sure Tim is happy about the job experience at this firm, but does it mean he has to be there his whole life?

The bad side of David's "we're all a big happy family" mentality is that he's so offended when anyone criticizes the work or the office in any way. Of course, the good side is that you can come in late and he won't care; you can get a job without credentials; and you can basically just sit around doing nothing as long as you laugh at his jokes. Not so good for the company, of course, which will be touched upon more in the next season. I think the point here is that to be a good boss, you should be able to take it if someone doesn't like the job, or indeed you, and David has problems doing that. He has yet to exhibit any truly good leadership qualities, perhaps apart from the fact that he shows up for work every day and tries to be nice to people. Not that he always succeeds.

Cue awkward Tim and Dawn scene. Dawn asks Tim if he's coming to the "paartee". He says he is, she says she is too. They both look at each other awkwardly and Dawn touches his shoulder and says "See you later". Tim looks after her when she walks away and might or might not be looking at her butt. I think Dawn is trying to kind of apologize for brushing him off, but she doesn't quite know how to say "I do have feelings for you but I'm too chicken to leave my fiancé, because that would be messy and I don't know how things are going to work out with you. So how about we still flirt like old times instead?" Tim remembers the camera and directs his gaze at the computer. He stares at it looking tired and depressed.

Dawnterview. Is this the first one ever? We could use more of them. She says she hopes she get fired, "because then I might actually get off my arse and do something. I don't think it's many little girls' dream to be a receptionist." She has no clear plans - I think they hadn't thought of the "children's illustrator" thing at this point - but it should be "a career move and not just another arbitrary job. Tim's advice is that it's better to be at the bottom of a ladder you wanna climb than halfway up one that you don't." That's a nice piece of advice, but in hindsight, he didn't follow thru with it, and nor did Dawn. She says she doesn't want to be "treading water" and then realize five years later: "Shit, done it again!" It's cute how she says that, with a little "oops" grin. I think her real problem, however, is that she has to think of Lee, which could be used as an argument against getting engaged too young, but maybe I shouldn't get quite that political. If Lee had more modern views on what his wife should be, she could find her own way in life, but he doesn't, and she needs to be the one to break away from this relationship. As soon as she realizes that, she will be fine.

Tim and Gareth's desk of endless irritation. Gareth is shredding papers with a very loud shredder, which is one of the most unpleasant noises in the office. In a hilarious move I hadn't noticed before, he carefully tucks his tie inside his shirt. Hee, he's worried about it getting caught. Tim, who looks even less motivated after his little talk with David, politely asks Gareth to stop. Gareth asks if he should just hand over the papers to their competitors, but of course fails to see the point that he could do this somewhere ELSE. Donna walks up to his desk and asks him to keep it down, because it's so noisy. Gareth immediately obliges and starts shredding long strips of paper off himself. He looks after Donna as if this is finally going to redeem him in her eyes. Newsflash, Gareth: she still won't sleep with you, no matter how many papers you rip.