Season 1, Episode 6, Part 2: "I Am Leaving"

Karen sits down in David's office. David is sitting on the sofa and tells her to make notes, which, like many other actions David takes, seems rather unnecessary, but whatever. Tim sits down next to David. He's wearing a blue shirt today, which seems unusual. David asks him if it's OK if Karen sits in "just to learn the ropes". Hee, ropes-Roper. But really, what ropes? How to leave the company? I suppose David thinks he's going to teach her something profound about keeping employees motivated, but he's going to fail miserably, of course. "What are we doing?" says Tim, confused. David says he wants to talk about Tim's plans to leave, and like in the interview in last episode, Tim corrects that he really IS leaving. "Sure, sure," says David, not believing him. "I don't want you to stitch anyone up, but it's nothing I've said or done, is it?" Tim says no, and David says: "Put that down, no way..." I can already see how much Karen is going to learn from this. I wonder how David would have reacted if it really were something he has said or done, because he thinks he's perfect. The camera shows Karen's pen and notebook, and she's actually writing something. I wouldn't be surprised if it were something along the lines of "Note to self: browse the Internet for secretary jobs. There's got to be something better out there."

"I don't wanna put words in your mouth, but what kind of boss would you say I am?" asks David. That's one of those phrases people never mean. It's like "I don't mean to intrude but..." or "It's none of my business but..." or "Don't take this personally, but..." It's almost always an apology in advance for doing just what you say you're not trying to do. David helps Tim a bit more: "I'm a..." "Good boss," Tim fills in dutifully. David tells Karen to make note of it. "I mean, you're a great boss," Tim adds. I'm not sure how sincere he's being here. Obviously he likes David on some level, more than some employees seem to; he's not a brownnoser like Gareth, but I think he has some genuine sympathy for David. It's just the job he hates. He tries to start talking about it, but David cuts in with another question: "It's not because you asked Dawn out in front of everyone and she said no, is it?" Tim starts self-defending again that he meant as a friend - "put down friend", he tells Karen. Dude, all you need to say is that you quit BEFORE you asked Dawn out. He came back in to say it, so obviously that's not why he quit, and it doesn't make any sense to assume that. David should remember because he was there, but you know, he's David.

"So... why the move?" says David, sighs deeply, and closes his eyes. He seems to be listening intently, but when Tim starts talking, he cuts him off with, "Go on, go on" and "sure, sure". He really won't let him talk. But when Tim says he doesn't like the work, "it feels a bit like I'm wasting my time", David starts paying attention. "Life is too short," offers Karen. "Yes, thank you," says Tim. "I want to retire with stories to tell." "Not just about paper," Karen agrees. David gets defensive and says he could tell her stories about the paper industry "that will crack you up, so..." Yeah, I don't think that was really Tim's point. "That's true," admits Tim, "they are hilarious." "Hilarious, put down hilarious," says David happily. Because the worst insult he could possibly get is that the work he does isn't funny. And it is, albeit unintentionally so. "Do you want me to go on?"Tim asks, but David says: "What have you got?" as if he's heard enough already.

Timterview. He tells us: "It's like an alarm clock's gone off and I've just gotta get away. I think it was John Lennon who said: 'Life is what happens when you're making other plans'. And that's hwo I feel." He thinks for a moment and adds: "Although he also said 'I'm the walrus, I'm the egg man, so I don't know what to believe.' " I liked this a lot, because it shows the difference between Tim and David when using quotations. The quote Tim chose actually described his situation. He credited the right person for it. And in the end, he shows he can still take good quotes with some criticism, even if it's not an entirely serious comment. David thinks using quotations makes him seem smarter and deeper, while Tim knows quotations are best used with consideration and don't serve to prove a point, but only to emphasize it. Nice touch.

Back in David's office, Tim is telling David to listen to him, but David interrupts him, "No, no, you listen to me, 'Tim'!" He does the quotation marks with his fingers. Seriously, David, "Tim" is a really common nickname and I don't see any reason to mock it. He gets so much more juvenile when he's angry, and here it's especially obvious because he has no reason to be. "When you came in you didn't know anything about... the... paper industry... I showed you the ropes, I nurtured you, I gave you a good job..." He's acting like a father who's just heard his son has dropped out of school and he's just disappointed. Karen interjects that Tim didn't want the job. "Didn't ask you," says David. You did ask her to sit in and take notes, though. "Well, you did ask me," says Tim in an infinitely more mature way. "You asked me how I felt and I'm telling you." "I don't wanna know now," says David. "This has been a waste of time." Wow, mature. Tim is flabbergasted and says, "What do you mean?" a couple of times, but David decides the conversation is over. Karen tries to say something, but David says, "Why don't you both go and do some work instead of WHINGING?" You asked him, David. You wanted to talk about it. It's so silly to get mad when you hear the answer.

"I don't want you to say out there what you've said here, apart from the part of being a good boss if you want to," he continues as Karen and Tim, both looking suitably offended, get up to leave. Yeah, I'm sure Tim will be telling everyone what a good boss you are David - sorry, not just good, GREAT. "I don't want you spreading your bad vibes around my office! Do that at the party, that'll be fun!" Wow, he's really hurt. He tells the camera, "You try and do a good deed..." Yeah, well, I'm sure Tim is happy about the job experience at this firm, but does it mean he has to be there his whole life?

The bad side of David's "we're all a big happy family" mentality is that he's so offended when anyone criticizes the work or the office in any way. Of course, the good side is that you can come in late and he won't care; you can get a job without credentials; and you can basically just sit around doing nothing as long as you laugh at his jokes. Not so good for the company, of course, which will be touched upon more in the next season. I think the point here is that to be a good boss, you should be able to take it if someone doesn't like the job, or indeed you, and David has problems doing that. He has yet to exhibit any truly good leadership qualities, perhaps apart from the fact that he shows up for work every day and tries to be nice to people. Not that he always succeeds.

Cue awkward Tim and Dawn scene. Dawn asks Tim if he's coming to the "paartee". He says he is, she says she is too. They both look at each other awkwardly and Dawn touches his shoulder and says "See you later". Tim looks after her when she walks away and might or might not be looking at her butt. I think Dawn is trying to kind of apologize for brushing him off, but she doesn't quite know how to say "I do have feelings for you but I'm too chicken to leave my fiancé, because that would be messy and I don't know how things are going to work out with you. So how about we still flirt like old times instead?" Tim remembers the camera and directs his gaze at the computer. He stares at it looking tired and depressed.

Dawnterview. Is this the first one ever? We could use more of them. She says she hopes she get fired, "because then I might actually get off my arse and do something. I don't think it's many little girls' dream to be a receptionist." She has no clear plans - I think they hadn't thought of the "children's illustrator" thing at this point - but it should be "a career move and not just another arbitrary job. Tim's advice is that it's better to be at the bottom of a ladder you wanna climb than halfway up one that you don't." That's a nice piece of advice, but in hindsight, he didn't follow thru with it, and nor did Dawn. She says she doesn't want to be "treading water" and then realize five years later: "Shit, done it again!" It's cute how she says that, with a little "oops" grin. I think her real problem, however, is that she has to think of Lee, which could be used as an argument against getting engaged too young, but maybe I shouldn't get quite that political. If Lee had more modern views on what his wife should be, she could find her own way in life, but he doesn't, and she needs to be the one to break away from this relationship. As soon as she realizes that, she will be fine.

Tim and Gareth's desk of endless irritation. Gareth is shredding papers with a very loud shredder, which is one of the most unpleasant noises in the office. In a hilarious move I hadn't noticed before, he carefully tucks his tie inside his shirt. Hee, he's worried about it getting caught. Tim, who looks even less motivated after his little talk with David, politely asks Gareth to stop. Gareth asks if he should just hand over the papers to their competitors, but of course fails to see the point that he could do this somewhere ELSE. Donna walks up to his desk and asks him to keep it down, because it's so noisy. Gareth immediately obliges and starts shredding long strips of paper off himself. He looks after Donna as if this is finally going to redeem him in her eyes. Newsflash, Gareth: she still won't sleep with you, no matter how many papers you rip.

Season 1, Episode 6, Part 1: "Redundancies"

I can't believe I've written so many recaps already, and we're at the end of season 1! I've had so much fun doing this, and I can't wait for season 2. After that, I still have the Christmas special, Microsoft clips, and documentaries, so I should be doing this for a while. Hope you hang around and continue to enjoy it. So let's get to work on this episode then!

The series began in David's office with him saying: "I don't give shitty jobs." Now we're back there with the same guy he hired in the beginning. I'm gonna save my own time by calling him Alex, which we won't know until David talks to Malcolm later in this same chapter, but whatever. David says, "This is the worst part of my job. I do NOT wanna lose a good man" - and he does the same finger-pointing thing he did in the first episode. "But.. you know.. it's out of my hands... and even if it were in my hands, my hands are tied so..." Hee, that made no sense at all. It's very David though, mixing metaphors. He's talking in a little voice and you can tell he hates doing this. Alex doesn't want to hear it and asks why he's being fired. David says he isn't, it's redundancy. What's the difference? Don't you lose your job either way? "You are one of the unlucky ones.. or one of the lucky ones, in my opinion," David says looking at the camera and chuckles a bit. Hee, don't try to lighten up the mood when you're firing someone, especially with jokes THAT bad. A guy in a green shirt is fixing David's computer under his desk and he surfaces for a moment to get a tool. Alex just stares angrily at David, who plays with his tie awkwardly. He seems so guilty. Yeah, you might have thought of this when you gave him the forklift driver's job without any experience. And claimed there would be no redundancies at your branch.

Alex asks if Anton, the little person, is being kept on because he's disabled. David doesn't think Anton is disabled. "He's a midget, David," says Alex angrily. "Yeah, but you're not disabled if you're a midget, are you? That's not a disability, that's just small. Ronny Corbett doesn't get special treatment, does he?" Hee, Ronny Corbett. I just saw him on Extras, and it was hilarious. Alex points out that Anton is much smaller than Ronny Corbett, only 3'4''. That is indeed small. David makes a very bad point: "So are some children. Children don't get special treatment..." Yes, they do, plus they grow out of that. And he's kind of saying that disabled people SHOULD get special treatment. So bad point there. "I guess children are disabled," mocks David. Yeah, that's exactly what Alex said, brilliant observation. David says it doesn't matter whether Anton's a midget or a dwarf, but Alex says he's not a dwarf. David wants to know the difference. "A dwarf is someone who has disproportionately small arms and legs." David makes a "tiny arms" gesture, looking like he thinks it's funny, and I'm sure he doesn't realize how offensive that is. He even does a "big head" gesture, which... hee. He's openly mocking dwarfs without realizing it. "It's caused by a hormone deficiency," the guy says. "Bloody hormones," says David, as if they're to blame for everything.

The camera pans to Gareth, who asks, "So... what's an elf?" Leave it to Gareth to always think of the least relevant question. Also, what is he doing there? Wouldn't it be awkward enough to fire someone without both Gareth and the computer fixing guy? Gareth is just leaning on the window sill, as if he's supervising the proceedings. "Do you wanna answer that?" says David to Alex, as if it's a valid question. Alex looks suspiciously around him as if he's suspecting candid camera. Not unthinkable, considering the first episode with the "fired" prank. Gareth stares at him seriously and looks like a little boy. "An elf is a supernatural being. Sometimes they're invisible, they're like fairies," Alex says. David nods earnestly and looks at Gareth. "But they don't actually exist, do they? In real life," says David and looks at Gareth, who's nodding and looking like he's thinking hard. I love how David asks that as if he's not quite sure. David looks to his left, and the computer-fixing guy is staring at Alex.

The office. People working hard and looking bored. Behind Tim, Stephen Merchant's Dad opens a door and comes out in a blue overall. He's carrying something - looks like big rolls of tissues or something similar - and he just stands there and stares at the camera. It's hilarious. He looks quite a bit like Stephen. I feel like I already recapped this scene, but if so, it's because there are several identical scenes with him just staring, and I love it. It's like Stephen wanted his Dad to make a cameo on the show, but the Dad didn't want to do any acting. Tim turns around and looks at STMD, who just stands and stares.

Back in David's office, it's getting heated. "What do you want me to do.. Do you think I enjoy doing this? This has been imposed upon me," David self-defends. "This has been imposed upon me," mimicks Alex. Twice. It's getting kind of childish, but it's understandable in this situation. What isn't understandable or acceptable, however, is David's totally defensive behaviour: "What do you want me to say? Ooh, I'm sorry I gave you a job..." He's being really childish here. "Yeah, I want you to apologize and stop passing the buck!" He pronounces it like "book". David insists that it's not his decision. It is, though. He had to fire someone and for some reason, he picked Alex. And he wouldn't tell him WHY it was him, and he wouldn't admit it was his decision. He's such a terrible boss. Alex's behaviour could, of course, be seen as healthist: he thinks that if someone should be fired, it should without a doubt be Anton, because he's shorter. He blames David for positive discrimination, while his own attitude could be seen as the negative variant.

David asks mockingly if Alex gonna go above his head. "Yes, I will go above your head," he says. "Good luck. It's your prerogative." "Yeah, it is. It's my prerogative, yeah." Then they just stare at each other. And the computer-fixing guy stares at Alex too, as if he's somehow in David's position. Awesome. Alex looks away, looking like he's gonna cry soon. Gareth: "So is a pixie the same as an elf?" Even David realizes that this is not the time for that question. He just says, "Gareth", quietly. "What? I just wanna know how come he knows so much about midgets," says Gareth. I love how he can't let go of a thought. Once it's entered his head, he just has to work it through. David and Computer-Fixing Guy look at Alex expectantly. He gets up and leaves, saying, "It's called an education." David looks at him leave, then glances at Gareth. "So what's a goblin?" asks the Computer-Fixing Guy. "How long you gonna be, mate?" says David. Look, David, you could have fired the guy without two other people in the room. That might have had more dignity. I also wonder if this chapter is called "Redundancies" not only because of Alex losing his job, but because they're being totally redundant about the midgets, elves, etc.

People working. The camera seems to be on the floor. Cut to David and Karen walking in the office. Karen is wearing a pretty flower shirt. David says he probably looks like an imposing figure "with my..." and he snaps his fingers. Hee, I doubt she sees you that way, David. She's seen you red-faced and drunk, babbling about how she'll love you soon. "But when you get to know me, you'll see I'm mad." I think if you replace the m for an s, it's a bit closer to the truth. David chuckles and points at a Flat Eric toy over the coat rack. It has its foot in its mouth - clever, because David always puts his foot in his mouth. "I bought that in, so... " David says proudly. Karen forces a chuckle. I love those little stuffed toys. They are so not funny, and yet David seems so proud of them, like they're what makes the office a fun place to work in. I also love his trademark "So..." that never goes anywhere.

David spots Malcolm and walks up to him. "Oh here we go... MalCOLM!" he says in a squeaky, annoying voice. David introduces Karen, "my new secretary... Though you can all...use her... oh, as an actor said to a bishop..." He always says that when he realizes something he said sounds a bit dirty. "Use" is a poor choice of words. Malcolm politely shakes hands with Karen, but then turns to David and asks him quite sharply why he's hiring new staff when he has to fire "people like Alex this morning". It would have been nice to know Alex's name from the get go, though. David doesn't know what to say, and he closes his eyes, then looks away from Malcolm and talks really slowly: "Different people different jobs, right? To wit the answer... to the QUESTION... is it... people or task... is well... you know... people." Except that that wasn't the question, was it? Obviously the decision to hire a secretary was really bad and he can't even think of any lie to cover for it.

He plays off the embarrassment in his usual style: With inappropriate humor. "Like this person. Kojak!" He says and pretends to shine Malcolm's bald spot, complete with idiotic sound effects and "Who loves you baby?" It's really annoying. I think I'd punch him if I were Malcolm. And what is it about David and bald guys? Malcolm looks pained, but contains himself and asks David very matter-of-factly when they will know who's fired. Finally David calms down - though he lays his hand on the bald spot for a moment - and says, "Good question." Yeah, it is. You could have attended to it earlier. "Jennifer is coming in midday today, Greenwich Mean Time, she'll have the verdicts then, OK? I'm just trying to.. keep the troops happy." You mean you're trying to amuse yourself by making fun of others? "They'd be a lot happier if they knew they've got jobs," says Malcolm somewhat sarcastically.

David awkwardly plays with this tie and then looks at Malcolm, the camera, and Karen in turn with a weird stilted grin. Then he says he's trying to think of other famous bald characters. David! Focus on the job! I can just imagine him at school trying to "entertain" others while the teacher was talking. And I'm pretty sure they thought he was a dork even back then. Karen, sadly, helps him out by suggesting some bald guy on the Benny Hill Show. David excitedly taps Malcolm's bald spot. Now Malcolm loses his cool and pushes his hand away. David and Malcolm look in different directions awkwardly. Karen bites her pen and looks like she's sorry she said anything. David, you're an idiot, and this is the worst possible way of lightening the mood on a time like this. Well, at any time, if your way of "keeping the troops happy" is making fun of them.

Karen and David walk up to Tim's desk. David says Tim is thinking of leaving and "he's feeling bad right now" - actually, you'd think he feels good, because he knows he can get out of this boring job - "I'll have a little chat, make him feel good about himself, turn it around." Right. You can really tell he's trying to impress Karen with his leadership skills, despite - or maybe because of? - the fact that she's already seen him
a) act like a horny teenager at her job interview;
b) babble drunkenly and treat another woman like an object;
c) make fun of a bald employee when it was time to talk about redundancies.
I doubt she thinks he's Boss of the Year. And if Tim hates his job, what is David gonna do? Shouldn't he, in fact, support Tim's decision and let him go if that's what he wants?

He does the same voice thing he did with Malcolm: "TimoTHYY!" It sounds incredibly dorky. Tim is kneeling by someone else's desk for some reason. David asks him to come and "have a quick word - walk this way", and then, you guessed it: he starts walking funnily and making funny noises. Karen, walking behind him, looks at him with an expression that shows clearly what she thinks of his humor, and it isn't anything good. David is, of course, oblivious about this, and he looks at the camera like he did something brilliant there. He looks back at Karen, and Karen forces a friendly smile. "Always start with a joke," David tells Karen as if she's her protegé now. Yeah, great way to do it. I think he should let his actions speak for him, because he really shows what bad humor can do for a leader. Tim walks behind them, looking a bit confused, as he often is. He has that confused "Hmm?" face, even if he's the most intelligent character. He just permanently looks like just got out of bed, which is endearing.

Season 1, Episode 5, Part 5: "Chasers"

A disco ball near the ceiling throws lights in various colors across the room. The music blares. The camera shows people dancing, drinks being poured into glasses, a big-chested girl dancing and smiling at the camera, a guy making faces at the camera while dancing. "Chasers", say the letters above the bar. With a little bottle symbol next to the name. Classy. The pub is very full.

Finchy walks up to a blonde at the counter and opens with: "Who wants a bit of Finch?" When the girl pretty much has to ask what he meant, he introduces himself and "my very good friend, Sir David of Brent!" "Hiya," says David. They both look kind of sweatty. "The only knighthood he's got is a condom," says Finchy unnecessarily. "Knight..hood," says David. "Condom, see?" says Finchy. "I'm saying, the joke works," David says. The blonde looks as annoyed as I would be if someone came to chat me up and used those lines. Especially if they were 40 and acted like 15 and drunk. Gareth, of course, makes it worse by awkwardly butting in: "Condoms come in all different flavors nowadays. Like strawberry and curry.. do you like curry?" he asks a brunette. It's very Gareth, kind of cute in a pathetic way, yet sexist and annoying. The brunette and her blonde friend - not the same blonde though - both look grossed out. Tim pushes his way to the bar and looks really tired and out of place. Wouldn't he have any girls chatting him up? He's not that bad looking. Finchy asks the girls their names. Blonde 1 is Lorna, Blonde 2 is Lindsay and Brunette is Heather. "Nice to meet you, nice to meet you.." says Finchy to the others, and seedily adds: "And VERY nice to meet you" to Lorna, kissing her hand. Lorna actually looks flattered. "Nice to meet all of you, anyone's fine," says David quickly, as if to say that he's not picky. It's sad yet funny, but if I were any of the girls, I'd just walk away from these seedy old men with their very obvious intentions.

Kylie's "Lucky Like This" plays as Finchy is sandwiched between Lorna and Lindsay on the dancefloor. And seriously - why? He's 40, not all that goodlooking, and obviously only after one thing. Sure, he doesn't look as old as David, but Lorna and Lindsay look around 20. David stands in the crowd and seems to shout something at the camera or mouth the words of the song, which doesn't look anywhere near as cool as it did in his head. His hair is messy and he's looking drunker than before. Tim is dancing with his bottle, still alone, it seems. David shows Gareth the camera and smiles, but Gareth just looks awkwardly at the floor. This is clearly not his scene. He looks like he's getting pretty drunk himself.

Some more dancing people later, Finchy and David stand at the counter drinking more beer. David compliments Finchy's shirt and he says, "Cheers. Ciro Citterio." He makes Italian words sound very British. He sounds like he's really getting drunk. A girl needs to pick up something from the floor near him, and he does his, "While you're down there love" joke, which I hate. "Well, you know what they say, one up the bum no harm done," he says to David, who laughs a bit too much. "Have you not heard that before?" "Yeah," says David. He'll laugh at any of Finchy's jokes because he wants to show how cool he is. And because he's really drunk. Finchy spots Donna sitting by the bar and shouts at her, "If you're looking for a seat, love, you can sit on my face!" Eww. Has that line ever worked? It sounds like the grossest possible opening, even worse than "who wants a bit of finch?" David laughs loud again but when he sees it's Donna, he tells Finchy it's fine to do it to other girls, but not her. So it's not about respecting women, it's about not getting involved with this particular one. Finchy continues with the appalling "If that chair is too soft for you, I've got something harder you can sit on". It's funny because he actually thinks it works, but still gross. Donna stares ahead steely-eyed and pretends not to hear him. Finchy finally stops as David begs him to leave her alone.

Gareth is trying to dance, looking around him very awkwardly. He's wearing his "gunholster" straps, which certainly doesn't make him look more hip. A pretty woman walks up to him and whispers something, and she dances energetically and sexily, wiggling her boobs at him as he moves his feet clumsily and looks around him again, smiling this time. I wonder if it's the camera or if Gareth really feels this awkward at the pub. He interviews that they go there every Wednesday night. "And it's a fun place, but it's full of loose women. My only problem with that is venerial disease, which is disabilitating, especially for a soldier." And he points at himself. So that's his ONLY problem, in other words he wouldn't mind sleeping with a bunch of loose women, as long as they don't carry VDs. Not that hard to believe, but I think he meant it to sound more responsible than that. He also acts like the women are just lining up to sleep with him. He continues with a particularly bad army metaphor: "You're in the jungle, there's a soldier down, he's wounded, gangrene's setting in... Who's used all the penicillin? Oh, Mark Paxton sir, he's got knobrot off some tart." I find that really hilarious for a variety of reasons. For one thing, he's got a name ready; for another, the situation is so unrealistic even as a made-up story. Wouldn't they have spare penicillin or something? And I thought the VD itself was disabilitating, not the gangrene of some other soldier. Thirdly - knobrot? Heee. Well, I hope Gareth has his condoms with him as he faces all the loose, dangerous women. Back at the pub, we see the woman making her moves on Gareth very fast, dancing closer and then leaning in for a long, passionate kiss. Gareth, clearly new to the situation, doesn't know what to do, so he looks away and takes a drink of beer. The song playing is Shamen's "Ebeneezer Goode", which contains a great deal of "muahahaha", and I'm not sure if that's supposed to be aimed at Gareth.

David, more and more drunk as the night advances, comes through the crowd shouting: "Coming thru!" He goes up to Karen and screams, "Ha-haa!" Karen flinches, as would I, because it's a pretty creepy way of saying hi. Karen's eye is black and blue. "Don't worry, I haven't got any balls," says David. Hee, word. "Vodka and Coke, right?" says David. Karen laughs in a forced way. "What am I drinking?" David asks. "Lager?" suggests Karen. "Pint thereof," says David and shows his mug. Yeah, usually it's a pint, not a shot glass. Karen looks away in disgust as David guzzles more beer. It's funny that David apparently drinks quite a bit, yet he gets so drunk from a few beers. And does he think this is a good image in front of his new employee? Oh wait, of course he does - he's "fun", "cool", and "laid back". He goes to the pub just like you and me! And of course he expects his employees to socialize with him outside of work, because he wants to be their best friend. Boss from hell. His hair is looking really sweatty and unkempt at this point.

Under a blue light, Gareth is sitting on a sofa with the woman from earlier, and she's kissing his neck. Gareth looks awkwardly at a heavyset man sitting next to the woman - kind of fat, but also strong-looking, someone who might easily beat Gareth in a fight. The man nods at Gareth, looking like he approves of what's going on. Gareth nods back like he doesnt' know what to think. And he doesn't look all that excited about the kissing. It seems like he's trying to get into the mood, but he keeps turning his head away a bit, which suggests he finds the woman's behaviour a bit pushy. As would I.

David is drunkenly leaning on Karen's shoulder and babbling about himself as a boss. Karen stares ahead looking very uncomfortable. David talks about redundancies and how "they'd bend over backwards for me - and not because they're scared of me - but becasue they love me and I love them, you know? You're going to love me as well, because of what I am, not in a sexual..." He's so drunk that his eyes keep blinking and almost closing, and he seems to have trouble speaking. David, I wouldn't tell other people how they're going to love you. It's not very charming behaviour. Karen looks like she already regrets getting the job.

Finchy's talking to Donna and she actually seems to like him. What the... He's gross! Don't any of these women see it? Ricky walks up to them and kisses Donna immediately, which I think is the romantic equivalent of peeing on a tree to mark your territory. Donna doesn't seem to mind. Finchy looks away like "bloody hell, when did he do that?" His expression reveals that he feels old, tired, and like he's losing the game. But all I can think is "Serves him right". Usually it's harder to get 20-year-olds when you're 40. That's why most people try to settle down before that age. Gareth sees Ricky and Donna and goes, "David David David David!" like a little school boy. "Yeah, yeah, yeah," says David in a tired tone. Ricky and Donna kiss some more, and Gareth drinks his beer as the woman ruffles his hair. David tries to chat her up: "What bike have you got?" "A Matchless 500," she replies. "What's that, a Harley Davidson? I'll level that," says David and does a motion that looks like turning up the gas on a motorbike. And I don't know anything about this topic, but I think Matchless and Harley Davidson are separate brand names. I think David just doesn't know any others and tries to appear like he does. Gareth gets possessive and tells him to leave her alone. I don't think he has anything to worry about though. Gareth looks skinny and sad, yet younger and more fit than David, who's looking particularly puffy and red-faced at the moment. I don't want to sound shallow, but I doubt he's going to get anyone home with him tonight.

Timterview on Slough's night life. There are two night clubs: Chasers and New York, New York: "They call it 'the nightclub that never sleeps'. That closes at one," Tim says with a cute little grin. There used to be a theme club called Henry VIII. "This was incredible. They had the Anne Boleyn alley." Hee! He says there was a sign that said "Don't mind your head," and someone had written under it: "Don't get your Hampton Court." I'm not sure I get that. Maybe I should do a few more history courses. "It's not there anymore, but there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about it," Tim continues. Perfectly straight face. I love Timterviews. The dry sarcasm is awesome.

"Oops, I Did It Again" plays as Gareth asks who the guy is. "Oh, have you not met me husband Paul?" says the woman as if this was the most natural thing in the world. The woman asks him if they can take Gareth home with them, without asking Gareth first. Gareth, however, is appalled. "Husband? No way, I don't... no, not interested, no. I'm not having another feller involved, another girl maybe, not another bloke. I wouldn't even want him watching." Exactly, because Gareth is sooo not gay, and he would never want another guy in the same room or even within the premises, because IT might move while looking at a guy, and that would be a disaster. He gets up and walks away from what is probably a rare chance to get laid. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to admire his principles or laugh at his homophobia. I suspect it's the latter option.

"Tainted Love" plays as Tim looks tired at the bar counter and Finchy and Lorna are getting to know each other better. Can't have Donna, so he goes to Lorna. The heavier Lindsay is left with David and looks utterly bored, as David is too drunk or just too stupid to make conversation. Gareth seems to be looking at Lindsay as well, but her steady gaze ahead implies that she's not interested in either one of them. Finchy and Lorna lean in for a kiss. Eww. I somehow wish women just slapped him in the face, but obviously some people actually find him attractive.

Tim sits next to Karen, who's drinking not Vodka and Coke, but orange juice. Donna and Ricky walk up to them and Tim seems happy to meet them. They certainly make better company than the extremely drunk David and Gareth who watch on from the sofa. Gareth looks like he can barely hold his head up at this point. Donna tells David, "So now you know." She wipes her nose a bit, which might suggest she's been sniffing something, but maybe I'm reading too much into it. Donna asks David if he has a problem with Ricky, and she seems kind of confrontational this time around. "No, sleep with everyone in the office," says David. "He's not even a permanent member of staff! I'd prefer you sleep with Gareth." That's terrible. For one thing, none of his business, and for another - who cares who's a temp and who's David's best man? It's so silly. "Wouldn't happen," says Donna. "Why, because he hasn't gone to university?" says David mockingly. Aww, so threatened by educated people. "No, because he's a little weasel-faced arse!" says Donna, and I should find it hilarious, but somehow I just find her mean here. Maybe because she's making fun of his appearance, and also because I somehow feel sorry for Gareth who is so sad. "You could do worse than Gareth. He hasn't missed one day of work because of ill health," says David. Why should that matter? It's not like Donna has to pick her partners based on their work performance. And not being off sick doesn't even make you a good employee, it's just good luck. "And don't call my second-in-command an arse-faced weasel!" he continues. Hee, second-in-command? And he got it backwards. Donna corrects him, but he just says, "Same thing." "No, it's not," says Donna and asks Gareth: "Would you rather have a face like an arse or like a weasel?" Gareth, whose eyes seem to be going in two different directions, says, "Weasel probably," as if that were a sincere question. "Anyway, fuck this, don't tell me who I can and cannot see!" says Donna, and here I like her standing up to herself, and yet feel she's a bit out of line. Maybe it's because she's stooping to David and Gareth's level and it makes me think less of her.

She sarcastically tells him she hopes he won't sleep with anyone tonight "because you obviously find sex so disgusting." Finchy, who never misses an opportunity to laugh at his 'friend', says, "He couldn't pull it at a brothel!" "I could and I have," says David, as if he has to defend his chances of getting sex in a brothel, and outing himself as someone who buys sex. "And yes I will take her home with me tonight if I want to," pointing at Lindsay without even looking at her. Wow, way to get her interested, treating her like a thing you can take home with you from the store if YOU want to. "I don't wanna go home with you," says Lindsay immediately. "She doesn't wanna come home with me. I don't want you to come home with me," David continues to babble. "That's a waste of an hour," he adds and adjust his tie because he's embarrassed. "So the only reason you've been talking to me is because you want to shag me?" says Lindsay angrily. "Yeah, and from behind, because your breath stinks of onions, but I didn't tell you that, did I?" says David like he had been such a gentleman for not saying that out loud. It's just the kind of thing you say while drunk, but it's still pretty arrogant from someone who's not such a catch himself. Lindsay slaps him in the face and looks away, looking indignant. "Oo, one in the bum, no harm done," Finchy laughs. "No, not up the arse," says David unnecessarily and closes his eyes. He nods his head to the music and seems to be musing to himself with his arms crossed. He's almost drunk enough to pass out. And the slap was nice, but I still wish someone had slapped Finchy. Either he's just good-looking enough to be forgiven, or he just doesn't get as drunk as David and say such dumb things. Tim has his hand on his mouth and Karen looks appalled at David. He really gave a great first impression.

And now, David will offer us a poetry reading with commentary: "Slough" by Sir John Betjeman. "Probably never been here in his life," he adds. I think I'll write his comments first and add mine then.
"Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough
It isn't fit for humans now.
Right, I don't think you solve town planning problems by dropping bombs all over the place, so he's embarrassed himself there. Next:
In labor-saving homes with care
Their wives frizz out peroxide hair
And dry it in synthetic air
And paint their nails.
They wanna look nice. What's he got.. Don't he like girls?
And talk of sports and make of cars
In various bogus-Tudor bars
And daren't look up and see the stars
But belch instead.
What's he on about? What, has he never burped?"
OK, firstly, that's hilarious. David's utter lack of deep reading shows he's never had a literature course in his life, and doesn't realize that poems might have more than the obvious shallow meaning. Yeah, it's really just a gay anti-belching poem about town planning. Got it. But the real genius of this scene comes out when you read the whole poem. I think I'll actually copy it all here:

Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough!
It isn't fit for humans now,
There isn't grass to graze a cow.
Swarm over, Death!

Come, bombs and blow to smithereens
Those air -conditioned, bright canteens,
Tinned fruit, tinned meat, tinned milk, tinned beans,
Tinned minds, tinned breath.

Mess up the mess they call a town-
A house for ninety-seven down
And once a week a half a crown
For twenty years.

And get that man with double chin
Who'll always cheat and always win,
Who washes his repulsive skin
In women's tears:

And smash his desk of polished oak
And smash his hands so used to stroke
And stop his boring dirty joke
And make him yell.

But spare the bald young clerks who add
The profits of the stinking cad;
It's not their fault that they are mad,
They've tasted Hell.

It's not their fault they do not know
The birdsong from the radio,
It's not their fault they often go
To Maidenhead

And talk of sport and makes of cars
In various bogus-Tudor bars
And daren't look up and see the stars
But belch instead.

In labour-saving homes, with care
Their wives frizz out peroxide hair
And dry it in synthetic air
And paint their nails.

Come, friendly bombs and fall on Slough
To get it ready for the plough.
The cabbages are coming now;
The earth exhales.

First of all - what David fails to see, perhaps because he'd rather not see it, is that his life is just as sad as this poem says. He lives in a really small circle, work -Chasers, work-Chasers. He doesn't know anyone outside the office. His life is as lifeless as tinned beans and tinned milk. He belches instead of seeing the stars, because seeing them would make him realize there's more to life than paper merchants and beer. But when you read the poem more closely, you see the idea of "the cad", and here I think the writers are referring to Finchy, even if there's talk of double chin, because David never wins really. Finchy's the true sexist who really makes people sick, even if he's not as bad as the guy in the poem. "Stop his boring dirty joke and make him yell". Isn't that what the viewers want to do? "Bogus-Tudor bars", like Henry VIII mentioned earlier. Men like Tim who have tasted Hell - not made of persecution or war, but the Hell of a life that goes nowhere and has no meaning. Women dolled up to be picked up by guys like Finchy. The lack of education. It's all there in this episode. The whole show could be read as a criticism of today's work environment and people's lives in general - the identical cars and sad grey walls in the opening theme, the photocopiers spewing out papers, everything. The poem really sums up that message.

During the reading of the poem, we see the guys leave the bar. We see the lady who seduced Gareth get up on her motorcycle, driven by the husband. As they drive away, we see Gareth looking embarrassed in the side-cart - so after the humiliation from Donna, he had second thoughts? Hee. Finchy is leaving with Lorna. Lorna, I'm really disappointed in you, you seemed to rightly despise him at first. Lindsay leaves alone. You're better off without guys like Finchy and David, Lindsay, so don't worry. David is leaving with Tim. "Where are we going?" asks David. "Well, I'm going home," says Tim. "One more drink, one more drink," says David. Tim says he's going home. David starts singing Des'ree's Life. "Life! Ooh life!" he sings drunkenly and lifts his arms in the air. "Shut up, shut up," mutters Tim. I really feel for him. But then he tagged along, so maybe he's partially to blame too. "This is my favorite," David says. He just doesn't want the party to end - maybe because he doesn't want to go to his boring home all alone.

To wrap up the episode, David comments on the poem some more:
"Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough
to get it ready for the plough.
The cabbages are coming now,
the Earth exhales.
He's the only cabbage around here." Hee!! After the credits, we see David dismissing the book: "And they made him a knight of the realm. Overrated." It's pretty hilarious how superior David has to act to keep away a feeling that Betjeman has a point about the lives of the people in Slough. Maybe that's also why he drinks so much.

Great episode, again. And only one more of season 1 to go!

Season 1, Episode 5, Part 4: "Genius At Work"

I apologize for the delay with this episode, but I've been working on my thesis, which will soon be ready. My goal is to put up all the recaps for one episode per week, but I'll have more free time soon, so it might pick up from there. Anyway, without further ado, part 4 of episode 5.

People working, and one person in particular yawning widely. Everyone always seems so bored at the office. Gareth is working at his computer, staring at the screen intensely. Ricky walks in and asks him about some invoices, but Gareth lifts up his finger and continues typing for a little too long to be polite. He won't even look at Ricky. There's a note on his desk that says "SILENCE! GENIUS AT WORK", and his computer screen has a note on it too - the printout of some comic with big-nosed people (fitting). He finally finishes typing, leans back and asks Ricky what the problem is. Ricky asks where he should file the invoices. "Don't know," says Gareth and turns back to his porn site or army forum or whatever he was typing at. Ricky thanks him and looks at the camera like he's really tired of Gareth's antics. I thought at first Gareth was doing this because Ricky was with Donna, but he doesn't know it yet, does he? Probably he just wants to show his power to the new guy, which is still an ass thing to do, especially since Ricky is on the same level as Gareth, albeit a temp.

Donna is talking to a co-worker. He's dangling a link of chains and makes a "whip" movement with it with sound effects. Donna laughs a bit. On the other side of the room, Gareth stares at them with his big sad eyes. He's sitting in a fixed position just staring. Gareth, try to make your one-sided office romance a little less obvious. You're making a fool of yourself... oh wait, too late for that warning.

In David's office, David is working (?) at the computer, while Gareth is leaning over his desk, playing with his pens. David takes the pens away from him as they talk about Donna. Gareth says she isn't his daughter, but David says it has to do with respect. "Showing a bit of respect," says Gareth and sighs deeply. David's side glances at him suggest that he doesn't like Gareth leaning on his desk and playing with his calendar or whatever he's doing. He opens his mouth and you expect him to tell Gareth to knock off, but instead he says: "And while she's under my roof, she will obey my laws." Hee, she just showed today she doesn't. Besides, what laws? No sleeping with boys? "Showing respect by obeying the laaw," says Gareth in a ridiculous voice that seems to aim at sounding cool, but fails, as usual. In his subtle way, he continues: "She's legal though. When cherries are red they're ready for plucking, when girls are sixteen they're ready for..." "Gareth," says David in a warning tone. "You've heard that one before," says Gareth. Everyone has, and it's one of those gross sexist things you sometimes hear, tho funny in this context. I can imagine Gareth worrying about the age of consent, as his own mental capacity is so young that he's probably more likely to attract teenagers than grown women. The dynamics between David and Gareth make David appear like his Dad in some way, and suddenly you find that David is being the more grown up one. It's hard to believe, but there's someone who can make even David look smart and mature.

Gareth continues by asking if David is going to fire the person "she shagg...with.. slept with?" Hee. David says he can't do anything about that. It would be one weird reason to fire a guy for, and I doubt David wants to hear about it from either Jennifer or Donna. Gareth seems to think that if the person won't be fired, he could have a shot: "So you wouldn't fire him as such?" He's so obvious. Does he think David is going to give them his blessing? And after Donna gave him the cold shoulder earlier. Of course, he could be thinking that if David fires the guy who sleep with Donna, she'd have less choice, so he could have a chance. Which is funny and sad at the same time. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't sleep with her if they were alone on a deserted island. "I wouldn't look upon him favorably, let's put it this way," says David. What does that mean exactly? He has no right to treat the employees differently whether or not they slept with his... protegé? I guess protegé suggests that she would actually look up to him, which.. not likely at this point.

"Or her, could be a woman," offers Gareth. Donna did say it was a man, but I must give Gareth a tiny point there for thinking she's not necessarily heterosexual. David, like all good homophobes, finds it unthinkable that someone he knows could be gay. "I think I knew if someone living under my roof liked to roll around with other women," he says. Roll around?! There were many appropriate phrases to pick from, and he went with that? It's funny how David thinks he could actually recognize a lesbian. Many heterosexuals think they'd know a homosexual coming a mile away, yet when you come out to them, they act like "OMG, really?!" They always seem to beat themselves for not noticing. Either way, Gareth stares dreamily into space as he's imagining Donna rolling around with other women, which is a bit obvious, but I still love it. "Don't you, Gareth?" says David, and Gareth nods reluctantly. I think he'd love to watch if Donna were to like such things. I wonder if she has a sister?

Enter Chris Finch. I must admit I hate him, even if I can't say that bout any of the other characters on the show. He's well written, well acted and well thought out, but he's just despicable to me. Sexist, homophobic, lookist... you name it. He seems to treat everyone like shit and he only cares about himself. Yet he somehow works really well on the show, because he brings out an even more juvenile side in David. In this scene, we see Finchy tell a terribly unbelievable macho story, while Gareth and David giggle and sometimes glance at Tim, who looks like he doesn't buy the story or find it impressive, and amen to that. The story is as follows: Finchy went to Chasers at 8 pm. There was a girl there who was 19, and Finchy compares her to a Ferrari or something and adds, "fantastic set of shelves and legs up to her arse". Ferrari? "Shelves"? He kinda lost me there. I think I have to update my "Dictionary of Sexism". Or just spend more time in seedy pubs. The girl came on to Finchy, as did a friend of hers, and "muchos tequilas later" - hee - they were in a cab where both girls "got the action on the old single-barrel pumping gear". Ewww. "His nob," interjects David. Yes, we get it, thank you very much. After that Finchy got back home, got two hours of sleep, and met one of the girl's husband at work. "He said, you look knackered. I thought, Oh yeah? Well you look like you had pot noodle and a wank, mate." David keeps making ridiculous faces while Finchy talks, ranging from open juvenile admiration of his luck with girls to an "oo, trouble" face when he met his girl's husband. Gareth and David have been chuckling inanely the whole time, and David says, "Unbelievable" when it ends. No kidding. "I shit you not, I shit you not," says Finchy. If someone says that, they're almost always lying. It's like "believe it or not". David asks if Finchy wants to come down to Chasers tonight with them. "Defi-NATE-ly," says Finchy. "You coming, jobless?" he asks Tim. "Yeah, yeah, if only for the conversation," says Tim without a hint of sarcasm in his voice. I hope Finchy got what he meant. David and Gareth are still thinking of the story. "Pot noodle and a wank!" laughs David. Yeah, brilliant.

Tim voice-overs that Finchy is a sophisticated guy, and the camera zooms on Finchy's face, which suddenly looks kind of sad and tired. I think he lives for these moments with David and Gareth, because he needs the admiration. Maybe he's just... Oh what am I saying? I don't feel sorry for Finchy. I don't want to. He sucks, so it is and forever shall be, amen. Moving on. Tim is being completely straight-faced still as he calls Gareth a "culture vulture" - heee! - and ponders on whether they're going to the opera, the ballet or what. Royal Shakespeare Company is in town, too. On the other hand, at the Chasers, it's "wonderbra get in free night". Hee! That just says so much about the quality of the pub. And this is, what? The third time within 5 episodes that they go down to the same pub with the same people there, in the same tiny place. You'd think Finchy has already slept with all the girls and wants to move on.

Season 1, Episode 5, Part 3: "Health and Safety"

This part is only 3 minutes long, while the previous chapter was 8 minutes. I actually think the next two chapters could have been one, but that would mess up my delicate system, so this will just be a shorter post.

Gareth stands next to a bulletin board where he's written "Health + Safety Training with Gareth Keenan". Brilliant. Especially since Donna is the only participant. Gareth, rather redundantly, introduces himself. He actually reads out every word on the board and points at them with his marker. "That's me," he says and chuckles a bit when he comes to "Gareth Keenan". Donna looks at him with her arms crossed, her eyes full of contempt. Gareth tells Donna that "there are many hidden dangers in the workplace, and we're going to find out what those dangers are together." Right, because Donna probably has no idea whatsoever about those dangers. I didn't see Gareth give Ricky this same training when he started working at Wernham Hogg.

Gareth shows an empty mug and tells her to imagine it's full of hot coffee - "It's not, OK? Because that would be dangerous even in a training situation." Donna looks at him with an expression that shows not only contempt, but pity, because he's obviously so inane. It cracks me up. The facial expressions on this show speak volumes. He says they will play a fun game he devised, because he wants to have fun "while teaching people" - surely he does that a LOT - and he also likes to "have a laugh - in and out of work. The fact is, a few of us are going out tonight..." Donna senses a long boring story coming up and says, "Shall we crack on?" Gareth shuts up, looking a bit embarrassed, but tries to play it off, of course: "Good. Keen. Excellent." He has that David-esque one-word-sentence style sometimes. I shouldn't be surprised, though, since he's meant to be like a younger version of David.

Gareth's little game is as follows: he will put the mug in a place "where someone might put a mug" and Donna has to yell out "safe" or "dangerous". Wow, that's a barrel of laughs. I bet they'll be reminiscing this ten years from now and talking about how fun they had - on the day they fell in love. Or at least that's what Gareth is expecting to happen. "Think you can manage that?" says Gareth and chuckles again, as if he's talking to a 5-year-old. Man, that is so not the way to hit on a girl. Donna looks at him again with the same mix of pity and contempt as before, and it's still funny. She gives the camera a side glance. Gareth places the mug on the computer monitor, which is really realistic. I know so many people who keep their mugs there. In fact, I have a mug of steaming hot coffee on my uneven monitor top right now. I'm so glad Gareth taught me this is dangerous. Donna immediately says, "Dangerous."

Gareth stays fixed in his position and clearly has to think a bit. Did he expect it to take longer for Donna to come up with the right answer? He hasn't put very much thought into this "fun game" of his. Donna stares at him as he tries to think. Then he slides the mug onto the other edge of the monitor. Wow, so different. Gareth looks at Donna and lifts his eyebrows as if this is a completely new issue. "Dangerous," says Donna again. "So what have we learned now?" asks Gareth. If you're gonna have a fun game, think a bit ahead instead of making it up on the spot? Learn to read a woman's body language when she clearly hates you? No? "Don't pour coffee over the computer?" says Donna in a voice that sounds pretty fed up with the whole "health and safety training". "Any fluids," says Gareth, as if Donna thought it was specifically coffee.

Tim drops a letter on Dawn's desk. "It's first class," he says. "You doing alright?" asks Dawn and he stops to talk to her a bit, but they're still awkward around each other. "Having a good morning or a bad morning?" says Dawn. How is it morning? I thought Gareth's "seminar" was at 2 pm. "Bit of... hah! Oh god... bit of a mad morning," says Tim, stretching while he talks, because he feels uncomfortable. He tries the old jovial tone, but it doesn't seem really natural. They both inhale deeply, trying to think of something to say, but then Tim just says: "See you later." Dawn looks after Tim piningly. Dawn, walk up to him and kiss him and get it overwith. You know you want to.

Gareth tells Donna how to lift stuff. How does this even relate to Donna's work? She sits at a desk. The fluid thing at least had SOMETHING to do with what she does. Plus everyone knows this stuff. Somehow I suspect that this is the first health and safety seminar ever, and also the last one. It's fairly obvious what he's doing here, and Donna's not falling for it, yet she has to stand there and listen because it's at least somehow work-related. Gareth tells her the two things she should remember: "keep your back straight and..." "And bend your knees," interjects Donna. Gareth pretends he didn't hear that: "Keep your back straight and BEND YOUR KNEES." Yeah, I think she got it, Gareth. He shows the correct and incorrect way to lift with a huge, empty box. Then he asks if Donna wants to try it. "I'm fine," says Donna. Gareth tells her he has to check the box, so he needs to see her try it. Donna's box is, of course, tiny. Because women are so fragile and weak, and the size of a man's box is in direct correlation with his physical attributes. They do it together a few times. I mean the box lifting, not the thing Gareth is planning to do with her later. Gareth, boring a girl to tears while treating her like a child is NOT the way to get her interested.

Tim is in the tiny office kitchen getting some tea. He looks in Dawn's direction. Dawn is scribbling something with a marker and looking kind of pained. Tim looks sad. Yeah, here we have a couple that actually care about each other but can't act on it, while Gareth is just being oblivious and wasting Donna's time. It still doesn't justify the "pining for each other = romantic" formula that has been used in nearly all sitcoms I know. Rachel and Ross come to mind. That's not a good thing.

Back in the meeting room, Gareth is getting a little too excited about his own exercise, because he's having her do it again and again. "One more time - nice straight back, nice straight back, that's it!" You're not her coach! I wonder if he's doing it just to get a sneak peek inside her shirt when she bends over. Donna looks at the camera like she thinks it's really childish. It's a brilliant little look of amusement that mocks Gareth. It's like winking at the viewers: "We all know what he's doing, don't we?" Gareth asks if she knows how to do it now. "I can practice it at home," says Donna. Her body language speaks of discomfort as she has her arms crossed, looks at the floor, and flinches when Gareth swings his arm her way.

Gareth says if she wants to "talk about anything at all, just come in..." Suddenly he starts talking in a quieter voice: "I know you've um... I know you slept with a gentleman..." Gentleman? Hee. Gareth wouldn't know a gentleman if one hit him in the face. Actually, I can really imagine that happening sometime. Donna quickly makes her escape: "Are we done then?" and starts to walk away. "You made a mistake, that's fine," says Gareth. That is just so wrong on so many levels. For one thing, butt out, she's not your girlfriend. Secondly, how noble of you to forgive her for sleeping with someone else when you're not even together, and calling it a "mistake". "I haven't made a mistake," says Donna. Gareth makes it even worse, if possible: "I was just wondering, are you gonna be sleeping with him again or ... spreading it.. around..." Spreading what around? This is one of the grossest Gareth moments ever, and yet I can't really hate him. He's just so sad and pathetic.

As Donna leaves, Gareth remembers the camera and tries to pretend it was really all about health and safety. But he can barely face the camera and his voice falters. I feel sorry for him all of a sudden, even if he acted just as gross as David did with Karen. Gareth babbles: "Good... Yeah. Excellent pupil, fast learner. She won't be... spilling any fluids... or lifting things incorrect. A, I will give her... A." He shows a form where he writes a big A. I bet he made it himself and printed it out to make it look more professional. I wonder if David knows about this seminar - actually, I'm pretty sure he doesn't. Would he have allowed it? Gareth and David have the same subtle way of approaching a lady, too, which explains why neither of them has a girlfriend. And end of a very short chapter.

Season 1, Episode 5, Part 2: "The Way Forward"

David interview. He says the "bosses" are panicking - and he makes quotation marks with his fingers, as if they're not really his bosses. They are your bosses, David. Try not to forget that. They'll be watching the documentary. He looks at the camera with a smile that says he's being funny, but he's not really. He's just misusing quotation marks. He continues that the bosses are going, "Cut back, lose staff, that will save us money. Will it, yeah?" he says and apparently tries to look like he's making the viewers think, but it looks more like he's pretending to be an owl, because his eyes bulge out weirdly when he does it. "Who's to say that hiring staff won't save money in the long run?" Well, if you already have enough employees and you need to cut back, it's pretty impossible to save money by paying wages to more people. "Does a struggling salesman start turning up on a bicycle? No, he turns up in a newer car. Perception." What does that have to do with anything? I doubt the salesman's firm affords him a more expensive car for "perception" purposes. The Wernham Hogg finances are none of my business, but if I were Jennifer, I'd tell David to buy pussy with his own money. From an actual hooker who will actually put out.

David says that the employees have to trust him. He shows he's been spending too much time with Gareth: "I'm taking them into battle, and I'm doing me own stapling. A sergeant major spends all his time training his men to be killers, he doesnt' polish his own boots." That's a really bad example. For one thing, David's pretending to be soo busy, yet we never see him doing any actual work. For another, he can't save the employees from downsizing, and if he still thinks he can, he's cheating himself. I love how he basically just admitted that he is lazy. How long does it take to staple a few papers together? Would the employees really trust him less if he did his own job? The third very obvious problem with his example is so obvious he even gets it himself: "He probably does polish his own boots... but... you know... it doesn't mean.. It doesn't mean I have to do my own filing!" He says that last part louder, as if he's just getting fed up with having to justify his decision to hire a secretary. But really, in the army, the leaders put their own life on the line as well, plus they take care of their own equipment. And when you think about it, a corporate boss is the opposite of that.

Dawn walks into David's office and opens the door as he's moving a chair closer to his desk. Obviously he's preparing for the interview of a lifetime. Dawn asks him if he's ready to see Karen Roper. David says he is, and the camera follows Dawn as she walks to Karen, and then turns back to David who, oblivious of the camera behind the Venetian blinds, opens a GQ magazine and rubs his wrists and neck on a perfume sample therein. That's got to be one of my favourite silent moments of the show. It's so vain and desperate. David? You're not 25. You're not handsome or witty or charming. You are middle-aged, fat and sexist, and your jokes suck. Karen will not fall madly in love with you just because you use perfume samples from a magazine. It's just so sad. David puts the magazine back on his desk and assumes a serious, pondering pose with his head resting on his right arm. He's quite the philosopher. Like Des'ree. Then he suddenly sprungs up from his chair, looks out the window with his arms behind his back, and looks at the empty chair, nodding approvingly if condescendingly. Hee, he's actually practicing cool poses. As Karen and Dawn walk up to his room, the camera pans behind them. They walk into the room and find David - sitting on his desk with one foot on the floor and the other dangling "carelessly" on the desk. He's got one arm near his crotch, the other bent far back on the desk, and his coat looks like a button might come off at any minute. And he has that gross grin on his face that he had on earlier when he stared at Karen. Run for your life, Karen. It's not too late.

"Hi," says David, whose grin would make anyone uneasy. "Let's get you sat down," he continues. "OK," says Karen and turns to the seats far away from him. "No," he says quickly, "I've got one over here...ready." He almost panicked when he thought she was going to sit on the sofa. He has to sit in his Big Chair and be the big man, so he can impress her. But they have to sit close. He's got this all figured out. Karen sits down, and David sits on his Big Chair - and rolls it a bit closer to Karen. Ehh. "The interview," he says and makes a square or something with his hands. He leans over to get a paper. "Karen Roper - Curriculum Vitae," he reads out loud, and as usual, his voice suggests there's something funny about either the words or the delivery, which... not really. He leans back, spreading his legs, perhaps imagining Karen on top of him already. Give her a few hours to settle in, David. The suit looks really small on him, and we debated with my girlfriend whether it's just really old and got small, or if David is too vain to buy his real size. The latter option seems more likely. Either way, it exposes a bit too much of his physique to an increasingly uneasy Karen. She tries to look away and sits in a very rigid position as David lays back and peruses her CV, as if he cares.

He asks Karen to tell him about herself. She starts with education, but David cuts her off: "Too boring. Tell me about yourSELF." He draws something in the air again, and it looks like a female body to me. Maybe he meant to draw... actually, I don't know. The gestures are probably just meant to keep him from jumping straight at her. David leans forward, which looks odd, but maybe he's doing it to hide his boner. Karen says she's into music and films, which is pretty generic. "Des'ree?" suggests David and points at the printout, probably ready to break into song at any moment. But Karen tells him she doesn't know Des'ree's stuff. David, still leaning forward with his head almost touching his knees, puts Karen's CV on the floor, which doesn't seem entirely logical. Then he springs back up and leans back, as Karen tells him she took a year off last year and "exploring..." "Exploring yourself?" offers David, who has now assumed his "philosopher" position. Karen seems a bit thrown aback, but continues: "..and Asia." Again, pretty generic. David asks if she went with her boyfriend, trying to make it sound casual. "No, I was alone," says Karen and looks down. "Good, by yourself," says David in a relieved tone. "Good. Getting what you can while you're young," he continues. Karen looks very uneasy now and even gets up and adjusts herself a bit. Her body language says: get me away from this seedy old man! She says in a shaky voice: "I ... don't know.. whether..." but David's busy making some kind of obscure hand gesture again. It's like a bird...or a plane... flying towards her. Oh, I see now: must be Superman. "You've charmed me," he says. Eww. "Got the job." He claims to have thought of his decision, yeah right. He adjusts his coat, which can't follow his constant position changes and has slid up his gut a bit. He keeps making nervous movements still, as he tries to be professional about the hiring, telling her they'll work out her notice and that she has a month's probation, "but it's just to see if we..." He does a little dance with his arms pointing at her. That is so inappropriate, once again. And really, if they don't hit it off, sex wise, he can always fire her. Gotta love that probation.

He asks her if she's going out tonight to celebrate. "Do you know the Chasers?" she asks. "Ah, I can't believe it," David says, undoes his coat buttons and plays with his tie. His body language completely relaxes at this point, and you can tell from his grin that he's thinking: "Score!" Dude, she just goes to the same bar, it's not a commitment to sleep with you. "If you see three debauched drunkards in the corner, keep away from us," he jokes. "No, come over, come over. The drinks will be on me... IN me," he continues and pats his gut. He plays with his tie again, and I pay attention to its horrid ornaments... what are those? Big flowers or something? Tacky. "What time you gonna cruise down there?" David asks as if they just made a date. Karen tries to backpedal: "It's not definite that we're coming down there..." He tells her to come down there as if she's just shy, "Definitely." David, YOU don't get to decide if it's definite! She has a right to steer clear from you outside of office hours.

"What's your tipple?" he asks. "Umm.. vodka and Coke?" says Karen with a little laughter in her voice, because seriously, why are they still talking about this? But David now thinks he needs to tell her not only his own favorite drink, but those of Finchy and Gareth as well: "Me lager... uhhh Finchy...lager... Gareth lager... sometimes cider, so... different drinks for different... needs." She doesn't even know who Gareth and Finchy are! And yeah, totally different. It's the same drink for all of them. And the same need: to get laid. And I love how long it takes for him to think of "lager". Seriously. Every guy I know drinks it. It's not that special. Karen gives a forced little laugh and looks at the floor, because David's still really spread out on his chair. He tells her, "Well done" and they shake hands, finally giving her the opportunity to leave. He tries to hold onto her hand a little too long, but she just leaves. I'd love if she just walked out of Wernham Hogg and never came back, but I guess she's desperate for the job. David looks after her with his lewd grin, putting his thumb against his teeth. He looks like a 16-year-old who thinks he's getting laid for the very first time. He tells the camera, "New secretary. Good. Efficient", as if he's incapable of full sentences when he's this turned on. He makes a hand gesture again and it seems to be a tree... or a straight line... I don't know. I probably wouldn't recognize his idea of "efficient" if I saw it expressed graphically, anyway. He does a little stretch forward on his chair and lets out a deep sigh. I don't want to think of why he feels like stretching forward, again. I suddenly feel dirty just looking at him.

Keith and Tim are sitting in the break room. Tim is leafing through a magazine, while Keith is just ... staring ahead. Brilliant. He doesn't look at Tim as he says: "So you resigned then?" Tim absent-mindedly says yes, he just needs to make it official. "Embarrassed yourself and all, asking Dawn out," says Keith as if that's a completely normal thing to say in a conversation. His tone is the exact same one as always, so it's hard to tell if he's trying to humiliate Tim or just making observations. He's awesome. Tim gets defensive and says he did it as a friend, but he ends up saying the word "friend" three times, which makes it sound like he doth protest too much. Keith says "Right, right," not because he's embarrassed for saying something so rude, but because he wants to avoid open confrontation. Silence falls between them. Keith breathes heavily and opens his mouth to say something, but then closes his mouth again. He probably lost his train of thought. If he ever had one.

Donna's desk. Gareth walks in and asks her how she's doing and if she's settling in alright. She doesn't respond. Gareth sits down on her desk and then jumps up, removing a stapler from where he was going to sit. "Who left that there," he says and laughs awkwardly. Um, probably someone who doesn't use desks for sitting on? it's only seedy little men trying to impress younger and more attractive women who sit on desks, it would seem. He tells Donna that there will be a "health and safety seminar" later on. He goes on to say that it's compulsory yet fun, and gives one of my favorite Gareth lines ever: "I like to inject my own sense of fun into the proceedings." That's so dry and humorless, it's hilarious. We already know his sense of humor, or lack thereof. Dude, if you have to tell people you're funny, you're not funny. Gareth says the seminar is two o'clock in the meeting room. Donna, who has been watching him in disgust, now turns to look at her co-worker's computer rather than looking at Gareth. Her hair is messy enough to suggest she had sex last night and didn't go home.

Keith and Tim again. Keith inhales deeply and exhales again. "Just looking at the brochure at the moment?" he says to Tim. It's a brochure? Ah, maybe he's looking at university brochures. "What did you watch on telly last night?" he continues almost instantly. "I didn't watch the telly, I watched a video," says Tim, and I love how they both seem to assume you have to watch something. "I watched that Peak Practice," says Keith. "Bloody repeat." He's staring into the distance and looking vacant as usual. "Annoying, innit?" says Tim politely. "Not for me, I hadn't seen it," replies Keith. Hee! Tim lifts his head from his brochure and looks into the distance for a moment, then resumes. Keith sighs deeply again. "Boring, isn't it? Just staying in and watching Peak Practice with your life." His voice assumes a hint of a tone, a little laughter. If I listened to Keith long enough, I could probably find a whole range of nuances. The many shades of dull. "Yeah," Tim says. "Not for me, I like it," says Keith undoing his own point again. Hee. "Yeah, I just stayed in and had a biiiig wank," says Tim as if that's completely normal. Awesome. He got tired of his work and all of his colleagues, including the clueless yet well-intentioned (?) Keith. He's giving him a taste of his own medicine. Keith bites on a Scotch egg, but suddenly stops chewing and stares at Tim. Even in his vacant head, that was a faux pas. Brilliant scene. And it's a really long scene, even if it lasts only for a minute or two. It's got many long silences. I love that about the Office. They're not afraid of putting a silence here and there. It doesn't have to be joke-joke-joke.

Karen is filling out a form at Dawn's desk and asks if more information is needed. Dawn says no, "He won't read it." Karen chuckles a bit. I can see them bonding over how horrible David is. And speak of the David, there he is, grinning again in the background. He stands there for a moment, and then - starts kicking a soccer ball. Seriously. Does he keep one in the office or has he brought it to work only because of Karen? Either way: lame. When Karen sees what he's doing, she ducks a bit. Yeah, it's not exactly safe, and David should realize it's the dumbest possible thing he could do to impress her. He mutters something about Brent passing the ball to Roper. "I bloody love football," he says as he kicks the ball to Dawn's desk. He rings the bell on the desk. "Lager - vodka and Coke," he says pointing at Karen. "Ah, the dreaded form," he continues. "Married or single? -That doesn't matter." David, you are stupid. You could just READ THE FORM. And maybe look in the mirror. Just because she doesn't have a husband or boyfriend, doesn't mean she'll sleep with you. "Bring your boyfriend tonight if you want to," he offers in a last desperate attempt to know if she has a boyfriend. Karen admits she doesn't. "Whatever," says David. Yeah, he totally doesn't care. Suddenly he accidentally head butts Karen. Dawn looks shocked and runs over to help Karen as David starts making sexist comments to take away the embarrassment: "Sorry. That is a man's game... Accidental. That's why they shouldn't get involved." Yeah, don't go to work, women, because there will be men playing soccer and you might get hurt. Karen says she can't see anything. She's crying from the pain. I know David didn't mean to do it, but man. Who told you to kick a ball around the office to impress a girl? you're not ten.

The photocopier is spewing out papers. A package of paper next to it says "Canon GENUINE". It might be product placement for Canon, and it might also be a clever way of inserting a little comment. If David were genuine and didn't try to impress others, he'd be much more likeable.

Tim's still in the break room - no use working when you know you will quit, right? - leafing through the brochure as Dawn walks in with a salad and a bottle of water. A very girly lunch. Tim and Dawn are completely awkward around each other now and they do a little nervous dance before Dawn sits down. She uncorks the water bottle, still feeling awkward, and then tells Tim they should go for the drink some night. "You, me and Lee, all three of us," says Tim. "I can probably get someone to come along." "In the next few weeks?" says Dawn. "Definitely," says Tim, rubbing his neck uneasily. "I'll just check..with Lee..." says Dawn, and silence falls again. They both look down, and the camera zooms out a bit so we can see the distance between them. They're sitting on opposite sides of the room, not looking at each other. It's a nice visual, but...

I'm gonna say again that I don't like this. I've never been a fan of unreleased sexual tension. Yes, Dawn and Tim are good together - so have them be together. Lee is a one-dimensional character who's only there to be Dawn's Neanderthal boyfriend, and he doesn't add anything to the show. Lose him, have Dawn and Tim be a couple and snog in the office and pick on Gareth together. Have them fight in the office and give separate interviews about how annoying the other one is. Have them get married. Because that's how it plays out in real life. If you want a realistic show, don't have people pining for each other for years on end. That's a cop-out. When I fell in love with my girlfriend, I told her, "I'm in love with you, do you feel the same?" She did, so we got together. It was that simple. And it was awesome. Of course, she wasn't seeing someone else, so maybe I'm being unfair.

Gareth walks into the room and for once, Tim is happy to see him. "Gareth!" he shouts out. "Garedio!" Hee, Garedio. "How are you, mate?" he says and holds out his arm for fist-pumping. Gareth looks at him suspiciously and checks if he has a buzzer under his arm or something. "Nothing," Tim shows him. "Good to see you, mate." Gareth looks confused. He looks at Tim, then at Dawn, as he sits down. He reminds me of my brother's cats. He has just that much intelligence. He can figure out that "Dawn+Tim=pranks", but he can't get much further than that. His lunch box contains an apple and another bag of cheese noodles. Does he eat anything else? It's cute, especially since he's so skinny. Suddenly Gareth realizes there may be unreleased sexual tension floating around in the room and says: "You weren't trying to get off with her, were you?" Hee. Cat brain. He's got the instinct, but he lacks the social intelligence to realize that
a) You do NOT say those things out loud - which makes him like Keith in the earlier scene. I never got that before, but that must be the allusion they're making.

b) If Tim were trying to get off with Dawn, he wouldn't do it in a room that anyone can walk into, with the Venetian blinds open, and SITTING ACROSS THE ROOM from her.

No one says anything anymore. Dawn looks exhausted, like she's thinking, "Will this day EVER end?" and Tim ruffles his hair uncomfortably. Gareth just looks at them both with his big eyes full of "Huh???"

Season 1, Episode 5, Part 1: "A Fresh Start"

Before I start, shout-out to Bismo. Glad to know someone's reading these recaps and enjoying them.

We cut straight from the credits to a Timterview, where he says he's not just thinking about leaving, he really is leaving. In retrospect, it's a bit sad to see these scenes, knowing he could have made something of himself and bailed out. I know it's realistic, but it's still a bit sad. The feeling of immobility in this show sometimes feels kinda suffocating to the viewer as well, which of course means that they got it right. Tim says he will "learn about something more than the price of Opti-Bright Laser Copy paper, you know." I love how they made these examples of paper brands. It sounds like a real type of paper, but how would I know? "298 a gram," Gareth shouts out. He's sitting on a sofa behind Tim eating a bag of cheese noodles. And he just has to interject with this unimportant piece of information that Tim just said he doesn't care about. "240 a gram, check the list," says Tim, and his smile to the camera tells us that he's only saying it to one-up Gareth. "Yeah, I thought you said something different," Gareth claims. Nice save. "What are you gonna study?" he asks, as if he cares. He's probably only saying it so Tim will forget about his blunder.

"Psychology," says Tim and gets serious. Gareth chuckles at this and asks why Tim wants to be a psychiatrist - "They're all mad themselves, aren't they?" I love how Gareth has embraced every stereotype he's heard as true knowledge. That's like the lowest form of social intelligence: being able to agree with everybody else on things you know nothing about. Tim says he wants to be a psychologist, but they're all the same to Gareth, of course. He seems to be threatened by the idea that Tim's going to university, because his next question is: "Alright Einstein, if you're so clever, what am I thinking about now?" Right, that's what a psychologist does. He closes his eyes really tight, which makes him look like a child playing hide-and-seek. Tim guesses, "You're thinking: How can I kill a tiger armed only with a Biro?" Gareth says no, but as Tim guesses again, he makes a movement up and down his Adam's apple, and you can tell he's really thinking of the question now. "You're thinking: if I crash down in jungle, will I be able to eat my shoes?" "No, and you can't," says Gareth promptly. Tim asks him what he's thinking. "I was just thinking, will there ever be a boy born who can swim faster than a shark," replies Gareth. But he talks kind of slowly and rolls his eyes a bit, so it seems like he's making it up on the spot. Tim's guess was really close. Maybe he really can read minds. Gareth eats up his last cheese noodles as Tim stares off into space looking really tired.

Malcolm and another older employee at their desks, taking calls. Malcolm's talking on the phone. He says, "It's faith." I wonder what that is in reference to. Malcolm is an interesting character. Maybe he's talking about faith in keeping his job, or faith in the management. Either way, if that's what it is, he's wrong to believe in it.

Donna walks into the office with the typical embarrassed posture of someone who's late. Dawn and Tim give her side glances, but Gareth, of course, has to comment: "Midday! You just getting here?" As if it's any of his business. Donna tries sarcasm: "No, I should be here in about an hour." Gareth chuckles in a forced way: "About an hour... you're already here..." I think he's just trying to laugh along when Donna makes a joke, but it comes off sounding like he's an idiot who has to explain the joke because he doesn't quite get it. Sarcasm seems to confuse him, and maybe Donna is already realizing that and using it against him. If so, she earns my respect.

David walks in and asks if he is [some reference I totally don't catch]. "Evening all," he says and points at his watch. "Brilliant," says Dawn sarcastically, and David grins and points at her, obviously thinking she liked it. Donna humbly apologizes for being late, but David doesn't seem to care. Of course he doesn't; that's work-related. His concern is that she didn't come home the night before: "Your parents have entrusted me with their most valuable possession - you." He points at Donna, and may I just say that I find the idea of one's child as a possession terrible, even if I realize he means she's valuable. She's not a thing. "Ipso...facto... trust received... responsibility given.. and.. taken." OK, that meant absolutely nothing, but it's hilarious when David uses Latin to show his nonexistant cultural knowledge. The Wikipedia entry for "ipso facto" is very confusing, but I'm sure David is using it incorrectly. He points at his body while saying "taken". He's leaning on the wall, which isn't the best position in this case, as it seems to emphasize his hanging gut. I guess he's just trying to look laid back, even if he's anything but. He says it's fine for her to stay out the night, but her friend's parents - of course he says her parents - could have called. Donna says his parents weren't in. How young is Donna supposed to be? She looks 20 to me, but maybe we're supposed to assume she's 17 or 18? Perhaps the point is that David is just treating her like a child when she's not.

David is obviously uncomfortable to hear it was a man, and he tries to play it off: "His parents, he's a bloke, so what? Come on... Chill out, shall we?" as if anyone else cares. Gareth is looking very serious, and perhaps jealous that Donna has someone else and isn't saving herself until she realizes what a hunk he is. David says it's ok to have a "friend who happens to be a boy", and offers a pretty inappropriate example: he could stay overnight at Dawn's sometime. "No, you couldn't," says Dawn, disgusted. David babbles: "Well, I could if I got off with...at the wrong... got off AT the wrong bus stop... I'd be on the floor." Oo, has he actually imagined getting off with Dawn? Leave it to David to make an example of men and women being just friends and revealing his sexual feelings for an employee in the process. Dawn looks suitably grossed out at the idea of David on her floor.

Donna says they spent some time on the floor too. David looks uncomfortable, but he tries to play it off. "For good reason! More room... Go free, come on, Jesus..." David looks at the floor like he's really embarrassed to be talking about this. Behind him, Dawn smiles at Donna mischieviously. David tries to continue his terrible example of "boy/friend" and if he slept at Dawn's... "You couldn't," says Dawn firmly. I love Dawn. "You could stay at mine if you wanted to," interjects Gareth, who is either secretly gay or completely oblivious of the sexual connotations of this whole conversation. "I don't wanna stay at yours," David quickly refutes. Because he's NOT GAY. At all. And sleeping at someone's is still just a sign of being friends, even if a straight guy totally couldn't stay at another guy's house.

"The point is if I did stay at Dawn's..." and David looks at Dawn, who cringes... "there'd be no funny business, there was no funny business, fine..." Donna cuts off his babble: "Apart from all the sex, but we'll do it at your place next time, so you don't have to worry." David tries to smile, but he looks like a father who has to face the fact that his daughter is having sex. And he wouldn't be David if he didn't make things worse with a completely inappropriate question: "It wasn't... someone in the office, was it?" Donna gives David what he deserves: an honest answer. "It was, actually. I slept with somebody in the office, everybody!" she says in a loud voice and looks into the camera. Yeah, I wouldn't much enjoy David discussing my sex life in front of the camera either. David laughs and pretends it's all an act. Dawn seems amused by all this. "It's not even... she's not even..." David babbles and looks at his watch for no reason. Then he does his trademark embarrassed "Awww..." As he walks away, he tells Dawn seriously: "I'd let you stay at mine." Dawn looks like she finds David utterly pathetic. And she probably does.

The camera shows the office, looking unusually busy with people on the phone, through the Venetian blinds of David's office for a moment. David walks into the lobby saying, "I'm getting a secretary, because um... well, I need one." The pause after the word "because" suggests that he does not, and the real reason is something that dare not speak its name in a documentary. I'm actually pretty sure that he wants a pretty young thing in the office, so he can finally have a love life. He probably expected only women to apply for the job. Young, good-looking women. And the fact that this scene is right after the "I could stay at Dawn's" scene seems to suggest that Dawn doesn't fancy him, so someone else must take that job. Knowing David, he probably believes that secretaries are really mainly for sex.

"The lucky.. contestants," grins David as the camera zooms on two applicants chatting with Dawn on the sofa. Their names are Stewart Foote and Karen Roper. David shakes hands with both of them, but as Dawn introduces "Mr Brent," David says to Karen: "I don't know a Mr Brent! Call me David." Karen chuckles politely, and David points at her and says to Dawn: "She'd brighten up the place, wouldn't she?" like they were picking out a plant for the office. He realizes what he just said and starts to babble: "IF she gets the job.. They're both equal...No foregone conclusion. Based on interview and... and merit. I mean, it is up to me ultimately, but good luck." David-English translation: Don't let the door hit your ass on your way out, Stewart. Stewart seems to realize this, as he looks pretty disappointed already. I love how David says the name of his band there. Dawn plays with her hair nervously and looks really tired of David. "Nurse, the Polaroid," says David and chuckles inanely. He asks the applicants to sit down on the sofa and they do. Dawn prepares to take a photo of each of them, but David snatches the camera from her: "I'll do it!" He compliments Karen's smile, hair, and eyes, using the word "lovely" like five times. It's so wrong, but she takes it bravely. He keeps looking at Karen and smiling at her when he points the camera at Stewart: "Let's take one of you too." He pushes the button without even looking at him. Stewart is wiping his eyes as he takes the photo, obviously thinking it doesn't matter how he looks because David won't look at it anyway. He hangs his head in frustration.

David is still staring at Karen as Dawn reminds him: "We'll do Stewart first." David wakes up from his rapture and says: "Yeah, let's get him out of the way", and again, very impartial, David. They walk into his office and sit down. David says "Good". And after that - nothing. He just stares at Stewart grinning at him. Stewart looks confused, as I would be. The job interview from hell: sitting in front of a boss you know won't hire you. Especially if he doesn't even bother to talk. David is leaning back in his chair, trying to look laid back, but he ends up looking more like he should go up a coat size. It looks like the coat just barely fits him, and yet the look on his face says: "I look HOT." Every time he tries to look young and cool, he ends up looking fat and old. It's a nice touch.

"Stewart Foote," David says. He smiles as if he's thinking, "Hee, foot." Stewart looks uncomfortably at the wall, and he sees a printout that says:
"Money don't make my world go round
I'm reaching out to a higher ground."
It's just a white paper with those words on it. Obviously printed out by David, because he thinks it's so inspirational and philosophical. Stewart asks David what it is, and David reads the words out loud. He sounds like it's the most profound thought he ever heard, and it probably is. "Is that a philosopher?" asks Stewart. "Des'ree," says David, nodding. So Des'ree is a philosopher? Hee. Stewart recognizes that she is a singer, and David suddenly starts singing the song:
"Money don't make my world go round
I'm reaching out to a higher ground
To a warm and peaceful place
Ai-ai-ai- I can rest my weary face..."
He sings with his eyes closed. He bobs his head. And he taps the rhythm on the desk. It's really lame. Of course, he gives the camera side glances as if this will make him look cool on TV. Stewart starts so say, "I don't think that -" but David cuts him off by singing more:
"Cos we're living, we're living, in a crazy maze!" And then he launches right into a question: "Wh d'you wanna work here? Shoot." That is brilliant. Way to humiliate your job applicant right from the start and use his interview showcase your singing "skills" on camera.